CDR's Blog

Even though it's not an ultralisk, I'm just as cool as incontrol, right? My cake is Python!

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I may not have an attractive girlfriend to make the cake for me, but I have a cake, dammit. I don't have a spot on a television show either, but you know what, that's not important. Fine, so I don't have a star next to my name when I post either. Or an ultralisk icon. And I don't have the ability to bench 650 pounds. But you know what, I tried so hard to make this cake, and now I have cake. Really, I'm just like incontrol, right? I guess there's also the fact that he's better at starcraft than I ever will be. But in the end, it doesn't even matter--I have cake.

+ Show Spoiler [Bonus pic] +

Yeah, I know it's hot. Sorry about low the quality. Brands from top to bottom: Sanford, papermate, pilot.

Do you prefer a pen or a pencil? Any specific favorites?

His name was David Richardson, and he worked as a reviser for the Foreign Languages Publishing House. If you ever wondered how the works of the Great Leader and other North Korean propaganda at least end up in decent English (or French, German, et al), it's thanks to people like David. The job is sometimes called polishing. First, armies of locals toil to translate the Leader's obiter dicta into what they fondly imagine is English. But then they need a native speaker to check that it's right. So at any given time FLPH usually has half a dozen assorted foreigners doing this job for the major languages.

Armed with such sketchy information, when I eventually arrived in Pyongyang, I found myself immeasurably better informed that the average North Korean citizen, who has been conditioned to believe that the Japanese capitulation in World War Two was precipitated not by what happened at Hiroshima but by the unstoppable advance of the Korean People's Revolutionary Army under its brilliant, iron-willed, ever-victorious commander, General Kim Il Sung, sun of the nation and lodestar of liberation, and that in 1950 they were not driven headlong to the northern border by the UN forces. They were merely making a temporary strategic retreat as a result of which they quickly recovered the lost ground again, thanks to the outstanding military genius of the aforesaid commander. Certainly a number of Chinese volunteers did cross the border to lend comradely assistance, but this figure of one million must clearly be dismissed as US imperialist propaganda designed to cover up the ignominy of the mighty imperialist military machine being unequal to the confrontation with the valiant Korean people under the inspired leadership of Great General Comrade Kim Il Sung. As for South Korea today, everyone knows about the distressed living conditions of the working masses who long for the great leader's fatherly embrace, but are brutally suppressed by the US imperialists and the military fascist puppet dictatorship.

Mangyondae is situated a couple of miles outside Pyongyang on the banks of the Taedong River. It is said to be the place where the great leader was born into a humble peasant family and where he grew up until he left home at the age of thirteen to join up with the anti-Japanese guerrilla fighters in Manchuria. It should be noted that although his family were humble peasants, they were at the same time great patriots, thinkers and revolutionaries. Kim Il Sung's father, Kim Hyong Jik, is supposed to have been an influential leader of the national liberation movement against the Japanese occupation. It was none other than the great leaders great-grandfather, Kim Ung U, who led the successful assault on the predatory US battleship, the General Sherman, that infiltrated Korea up the Taedong River in 1866. We in the West do tend to forget just how far back US imperialist designs on the Korean peninsula actually go.

As any North Korean will tell you, you can't beat an outing to historic Mangyondae for a fun-packed day out for all the family. Set in several acres of lovely parkland, it offers first and foremost the original medieval thatched cottage where President Kim Il Sung spent his formative years. Why is it the only house left in the village? How did it escape the American bombing? Why does it look so much like a recently built model of an old-style Korean dwelling? It's a miracle. Miracles sit easily with some people.

The Korean public has no access to the popular music of the outside world. When Koreans purchase a radio, they have to take it to a special place to be adjusted so that the dial cannot be tuned to switch stations. It is not only forbidden to listen to anything other than state radio. It is rendered a practical impossibility. As for foreign records and tapes, like foreign books and magazines, they are not even available in the dollar shops.

At the beginning of each November, each household is issued with several kilos of cabbage to which the people then add spices to make their revolting national dish called kimchi, which supplements their grain ration. Refrigerators are a luxury. The households that do have one do not have large enough ones to store a whole winter's supply of kimchi. Everyone therefore stores it out of doors in earthenware jars, relying on the sub-zero temperatures to keep it fresh. When temperatures in December 1987 rose as high as eight degrees centigrade, this had a most deleterious effect on the quality of their diet.

The OSL is kind of confusing sometimes. I was trying to make sure I had a good sense of who could still advance, so I started writing this all out, and then I decided to make it into a blog, so other people can see what I think is going to happen (because everyone wants to know what I think, right?).

Group A:
(P)

Bisu 2-0

Stork 1-1

YellOw[ArnC] 1-1
(Z)

July 0-2
July vs Stork and Yarnc vs Bisu have yet to be played.

(Z)

July is on the edge of dropping out of the OSL. He has to beat Stork, and then Yarnc has to lose to Bisu. Fortunately for him, neither should be that bad. However, if it doesn't happen exactly like that, then he's out (I think seeded to the ro36 next OSL). Assuming everything goes his way, then he's in tiebreakers with Stork and Yarnc, which is still tough. In past OSL's, tiebreakers for a single place have been played round-robin style, with the first person to win 2 games advancing. It would be sweet to see July still in the OSL after this, but it's a long shot.

For (P)

Stork, he has a very good chance to make it into the OSL if he beats July. The biggest problem is likely to be beating July. If he beats July, then he's up 2-1, and july is out. From there, if yarnc loses to Bisu, then Stork is in the ro8 right there. However, if yarnc beats Bisu, then there will be tiebreakers between Bisu, Stork, and July, but for 2 places instead of three. I'm pretty sure that it's also a round-robin, but the first person to lose to both of the others drops out, and the remaining two advance. However, if he loses to July, then he and July are both at 1-2, both waiting on the results for Yarnc vs Bisu. If Stork loses to July, and yarnc beats Bisu, then Stork is out. However, if after losing to July, Bisu beats Yarnc as expected, then Stork will be in tiebreakers with July and Yarnc, with only one player advancing. If Stork can win his game against July, then he has a great chance to go to the ro8. But with July the favorite against Stork, Stork is almost certainly going to wind up in tiebreakers with one good ZvPer, and one bad ZvPer. Since he'll only have one matchup to practice, I'd give him a fair chance of advancing--unless Tears of the Moon is played in the tiebreaker rounds, in which case he's fucked.

(Z)

YellOw[ArnC]'s chances depend on the previous week's game between July and Stork. If Stork beats July, then Yarnc is put into a must-win situation against the Revolutionist, which will only get him into tiebreakers for 2 slots with Bisu and Stork. If things go as planned, and July beats Stork, then Yarnc has the chance to safely advance by beating Bisu. In all likelihood, July is going to beat stork, and then Yarnc is going to lose to Bisu though, sending Yarnc to tiebreakers with Stork and July. I'd give yarnc a decent chance of advancing. A good chance of advancing, if he can play Stork on TotM during tiebreakers.

(P)

Bisu has basically got it made. He's the huge favorite to beat Yarnc, which means he's sure to advance. Even if he loses to yarnc, he'll still advance without tiebreakers, unless Stork also beats July, in which case he's still the favorite against either Yarnc or Stork. Bisu is virtually a lock to make it out of his group.

For some reason, I wasn't connected to my normal wireless network. So, I went over to the little wireless icon on my screen, clicked on it, and went to join my wireless network. But alongside the usual networks in range, I see this:

All right, listen up you fuckers. I'm sick of putting up with this shit. I used to like the blogs section of teamliquid. Now you've gone and made it your personal shithole. I may be exaggerating a bit. The blog section isn't all bad. People still post poems, creative stories, interesting tidbits, but now there are a few things that we see all too goddamn often. But then somehow, somewhere, it became okay to post about homework problems. And now it's a fad to post about your failures with women.

You know what your blog says to me?

7 lings for the photon cannons, under Aiur's sky
5 lings for the scouting zealot, with +1 attack
9 lings for the runby, doomed to die
One ling for the scouting probe, trying to sneak in the back

In the land of Char, where the shadows lie
One ling to scout them all, one ling to find them
One ling to lure them all, and in the darkness flank them
In the land of Char, where the shadows lie.

So, there I am, instead of going to bed because I have class tomorrow, I'm browsing addictinggames.com again looking for a time-waster. After a couple 30-second tries of boring-looking games, I settle on this:

http://www.addictinggames.com/theheist.html

It seems to have an ok premise, and not too involved, just right for casually playing. The premise of the game is that you're a getaway car driver. So, I look at the controls and since I don't have any money for upgrades just yet, I start the first mission. I start off in a 4-lane expressway. Most of the other cars are civilian vehicles. I try to avoid them, because I assume it's a bad thing to do. I think there was an instruction that popped up and told me to avoid them. I know there was one at some point, but I can't recall how soon it occurred, or the exact message it contained.

Anyway, I start driving along. Soon enough, I see a cop car. A new tip pops up that says I can smash into cop cars for extra points, which is the same as cash for upgrades. Sounds good to me. Also, the cop car tries to get in front of me, which only makes it easier for me to ram him. I ram him a few times, and move on. I do my best to avoid hitting the civilians, but a few minor accidents later, I've finished the mission damaging a whole lot more civvies than cop cars. Whatever. I look at the upgrades now available to me, and go for the next mission.

More of the same, but a few more cop cars. I start to notice things. Cop cars will turn towards my lane. Even if there's a civilian in the way. I also notice that there's a difference between blowing cars up and just ramming them. Cool. It also occurs to me that the premise is kind of silly. I'm no criminal, but in all the movies I've seen, you don't hire people to drive getaway cars. Hollywood would never lie, so I know this is the truth. Ocean's 11 (and sequels), The Italian Job, and one other one never had anything like this. I ponder the realism of this for a bit.

I imagine that some old crusty conservative person would complain that this game is teaching American children the wrong things about getaway car drivers. Is it right to tell children that blowing up cop cars nets them more money? But at least they don't kill the civilians.

Soon, as I drive faster and more recklessly, I'm blowing up cars left and right. When one car goes, others nearby can blow up too. I feel like I'm murdering dozens of people. At the end of my getaway, my body count (for civilians alone) is higher than a serial killer. As for the cop kills add up, I realize that I'm also murdering people who are supposed to serve and protect. And I just want more points.

The cops chase after me. As the missions progress, they swarm in thicker bunches. They ignore civilians, and move towards me, nudging the other cars in my direction, so they can't always be avoided. The cops are forcing me to kill innocents. I feel like a monster for murdering them all with no thought to their lives. Did the programmer program families? I even kill ice cream trucks. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I like ice cream too.

At some point, it occurs to me that I was wrong about a few things earlier. Hired crime drivers have been in a hollywood movie: 2 Fast 2 Furious. Also, I realize I'm on the left side of the road. All my conjecturing about what a crazy old person would think this game teaches american youth doesn't apply. Maybe it'll be the same in britain, and wherever else they drive on the left side though.

The police cars are killing people. It's their fault. It was all along. They drive the helpless into the path of my van, where I crush them under my front bumper. I can avoid the civilians sometimes. Sometimes I don't kill them. Some missions, I try to avoid everything. I'm afraid of hitting cop cars, because i'll knock them into innocents, and then when the cop car blows up, I'll be responsible for even more murders. It has to be the cops fault. They're trying to make me lose points.

At some point, I wonder about the physical mechanisms behind the game. Is the theory that when you run into a civilian car, some money leaks out the cracks in your van? That almost makes sense. Maybe I get a bonus from the crime lords when I kill a cop. I feel bad about it though. I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to drive the getaway car.

The cop cars are coming in thicker and thicker. Maybe if I get better at avoiding them, I can save a few of the civilians. As the cops crowd in ever thicker, I can't help but ram some of them. When they bounce off of the civilian cars, I know I'm murdering innocents. But what about when it's the cop's fault? Is it still morally my responsibility? More importantly, will I lose points?

Either way, my rule stands. Sometimes, I don't kill the civilians.

I was pretty surprised when I logged into TL and saw that I had 28 bets to make. It took me a few minutes to figure out what it was. I know absolutely nothing about the skills of respective European football teams, but like any good liquibetter, that doesn't stop me from boldly making predictions. I challenge anyone to defeat me in this round of liquibet. My guessing skills are the stuff of legend, passed on through generations.

+ Show Spoiler [Predictions] +

I came across this interesting audio illusion recently, and I thought I'd share it with TL, although I'm sure some of you have already heard it. Anyway:

How to hear it
-Put on headphones. This won't work at all without stero, and it'll just sound dumb
-Close your eyes (not actually required, but it makes it more fun)
-Watch the youtube video

What are your thoughts?
+ Show Spoiler +