Painting & Unrelated Poem

The Nonsense Expedition

Two figures sat in silence, legs dangling from their seat high up on a weathered brick wall. They were about a meter apart, one a young woman, the other a young man.
Towering poplar trees shaded the large park, path twisting in and out of maintained, green grass. Behind the wall where the two perched, stood a small playground filled with sand. The swings swung pathetically in the cool breeze, for it was getting dark out, and all but the two people remained in the park.
Swinging her legs in the air, for lack of anything better to do, the woman shuffled over with her arms, sat back down on the wall. “Ed?” The young man seemed to suddenly snap out of a trance, he looked over. “Pretty sure you’re going to stick out like a sore thumb wearing that jacket,” the woman said, gesturing at him.
“No,” Ed mumbled to no one in particular. “You just have to learn to appreciate my great sense of fashion,” he said, zipping up his yellow fleece.
The woman regarded him with a crooked smile. “If you say so,” she leaned over, elbowing him clean off the wall.
With a surprisingly light thud, Ed landed on his back into a pile of pillows. Dazed, he slowly sat up.
“Steph…” he spoke, slight annoyance creeping into his voice.
Failing to conceal her laughter, Steph grinned. “Where did those pillows come from? How lucky…” she trailed off, leap off down the wall. After examining the abundance of mismatched pillows, she looked down at Ed, offering her hand to her fallen friend. Steph yelled “Psych!” withdrawing her hand, but eventually helped him to his feet.
In the distance, the faint hoot of calling owls could be heard. One by one the street lamps switched on, their soft orange glow lighting up the nearby roads.
Refusing to take off his yellow jacket, Ed stalked up ahead. Although, he admitted to Steph, that it wasn’t very James Bond like. James Bond didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, he was just the opposite.
The two rounded the corner, managing to find the correct street name. Old, crumbling buildings lined the near abandoned street. Weather beaten, the aging foundations seemed as though they’d collapse into a heap. Other buildings were blocked off with chain link fences which were in equally poor conditions. Garbage tumbled about tangling itself in the mesh.
They stayed in the shadows avoiding the street lamps - Ed in his yellow jacket, Steph dressed mostly in black.
A rustling noise caused Ed to spin around. The noise increased in volume, a continuous hiss. Searching for its source, Ed suddenly stepped back, feeling the wind kicking up. Facing one of the old buildings, the two watched as it rapidly crumbled to dust. The wind sending clouds of it spiralling into the air. Shrugging it off, they crept on into the night.
“I’m pretty sure this is the place,” Ed spoke glancing around suspiciously. “I mean, there should be a couple of them here and - ”
“SHH!” Steph broke in, “I see one!” she half whispered, elbowing Ed blindly. Her eyes were on a scantily dressed woman. Walking in unusually high heels, the woman stopped under the orange glow of the street light. Like a spotlight, she was willingly exposed.
Her hair was bleach blonde, and the amount of leg that was exposed would’ve raised eyebrows. It was a hooker! At long last.
There was no possible way to sneak up on the woman, she was out in the open, perhaps a distraction would be at best odds. The two devised a quick and simple plan, nodded once, then set off.
Lurking in the shadows, back against a decrepit building, Steph picked her way through the littered sidewalks, cautious not to tread on anything. She gingerly pulled a gun out of her dark side bag, directly it towards the ground, her eyes trained on the woman a few yards away.
Meanwhile, Ed peered at his watch, counting the seconds until Steph was in place. The wind was beginning to pick up, and the dust from the fallen building was still flying around. Blinking, Ed took a final glance at this wrist then stepped out into the open.
The hooker immediately noticed as a man suddenly appeared, walking somewhat casually down the street. The man caught her eyes and grinned a perfect set of teeth. However odd this might’ve seemed to the hooker, her face did not reveal a thing. She turned towards the approaching person, flipping her blonde hair.
By this time, Steph had crept up to the prostitute, gun at the ready. The woman’s back was facing towards her, she raised her gun, taking aim.
At that very moment, the hooker swung her hips, taking a side step to the right. She flipped her long hair back, gazing over her bare shoulder.
Ed stopped in his tracks, still facing the hooker. He held his breath.
The prostitute returned her attention back to the man in a yellow jacket.
Picking herself off the ground, Steph stood up and fired.
A crack sounded as a large net sprang into the air, engulfing the unsuspecting hooker. She fell to the ground in her clumsy heels, managing to become even more tangled as she collapsed in a heap.
Laughing hysterically, the woman dressed in black came out of the shadows, she swung her arms casually, the net gun in her grasp.
Ed chuckled to himself, sticking his hands into his pockets. The two inspected their catch, as if it were prized game.
Recovering from the blow, the hooker awkwardly sat up, still tangled in the netting. She spoke hesitantly, “Who are you people?”
Not expecting to have to converse, Ed and Steph stared dumbly at the woman sitting in a heap before them.
“Uhh…” Steph started, then stopped herself.
Ed cut in, ignoring the hooker, “Weren’t we supposed to…you know?”
“Oh, right,” chipped Steph, looking at the ground.
The prostitute stared at them in disdain.
“Well, uh, I guess we didn’t exactly work that into the plan did we?”
“Nope.”
As the two began to pace around in thought, the hooker began to poke at the net, attempting to find a way out. She hastily grabbed at it in places, suddenly desperate to escape these two lunatics.
“Oh!” Steph rushed off towards the disintegrating buildings. She returned with a two by four in her hands. She shrugged, tossing it to Ed.
Catching it, he looked at it, confused.
“Why do I have to do it?”
“Well, I thought it was only fair, you know, with me firing the gun and all.”
He gave her an amused look, regarding her oddly.
By now, the hooker was desperately trying to free herself, but had instead only managed to make her situation worse. She looked up at the man towering above her, she appeared to be frightened.
“Sorry…” Ed mumbled, as the two-by-four connected with her skull.
The woman slumped limp. Dead or unconscious, the two conspirators weren’t sure, as they dragged the pile of net and woman out from the middle of the street.
Sombre faced, they dumped the limp body amongst the abandoned alleyways, hidden between the broken and saddened buildings.
The two booted garbage out of their path as they emerged moments later from the shadowed alley. Ed stuck out his hand for a high five, stopping. Steph applauded his efforts, by ignoring him. His arm extended well over the reach of hers. Instead, they hugged briefly on a job well done, then ambled on into the park from which they originally came.
Steph and Ed slowed their pace as they leisurely hopped the fence and walked the twisting paths. The two jumped out of skins as the ear splitting squawk of a police siren began to wail.
The blaring siren cut out as footsteps dropped out of the vehicle, and the loud clunk of the police car door punctuated the officer’s arrival. The cruiser’s flashing lights spun wildly blue and red, illuminating a male officer. Dressed in his uniform, he walked with a purpose, as he strode through the bushes cocking his head every which way.
“Hey!” the officer yelled as two figures crouched very conspicuously, immediately broke into a sprint. Not wasting any time, the policeman bolted after them, simultaneously grabbing for his handgun nestled in his belt full of other gadgets.
Screaming threats echoed from behind them as the two ran flat out through the airy park. The trees were zipping past them in a fury as they leap over dangerous tree roots and avoided park benches.
The man behind them was yelling for them to stop, but the two paid him no heed and didn’t slow their pace as they endured the race, slowly gaining the upper hand as the middle-aged cop began to tire.
Although the policeman might’ve been old and tired, he still held a gun. Shots rang out in the blackness, how many, Ed and Steph weren’t sure. What they were sure of, was that they were wasted bullets, and they were getting away.
Ed, running up ahead, began to slow and finally came to a stop, hunching over. They’d long ago left the park, and by the looks of things, the two had entered the forest adjoining the park area.
Panting with exhaustion, Ed peered around as best he could in the dimly lit grey. Wisps of what appeared to be smoke, danced and twisted in the air. The trees were still towering, but had now thickened, more evergreens than the city planted poplars.
It was fog, Ed realized, then suddenly spun around in puzzlement. It was too quiet…where was Steph? Ed stumbled backwards in confusion, nearly tripping over a gnarled tree root. It was almost as if the branches were closing in, and Ed swiped them off, keeping them at bay with raised arms.
With what little he could see, Ed stopped flailing his arms about and stopped doing whatever he was doing altogether. In the newly reached silence, tendrils of mist hung heavy in the air, glazing the blackness into a dull grey.
A rustling in the bushes caused him to slowly turn around.
“…Steph? Hello?” he called.
No one answered as Ed crept cautiously towards the noise. He wished he would have had the net gun with him, or any gun for that matter.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to see, and Ed had to grope near blinded in front of himself. He crouched down, fear sinking in at the back of his mind. Silence.
A moment passed, and the quiet rustling persisted. From out of the fog bounded two little rabbits. They watched him warily, wide eyed, then bolted off in alarm, their cotton ball tails disappearing into the white haze.
Oh, Jesus, Ed thought, flopping onto the hard, damp ground. What if the cop actually caught Steph? No, that’s impossible, she was running with me the whole time…Where did she go? His thoughts raced madly at ridiculous, then palpable scenarios, finally retiring to leaning on his left knee.
Time ceased to exist as seconds progressed to minutes as they tickled by, or maybe it was hours, Ed was not sure. He called out several times, but received no real answer, save for the distant hoots of rousting owls.
Eyes peered through overhanging branches, narrowing as they settled on a figure. He was hunched over, sitting cross legged, leaning over his left knee. His back faced the peering eyes.
A sudden crashing of underbrush and tree branches jolted Ed back into reality.
“Ed!” a dishevelled Steph stumbled out of the thick brush - net gun still in hand. “Where were you?”
Squinting through the blackness, he noticed she was scraped up. “I thought - ”
“You were running so damn fast, I guess those tree roots had to get one of us,” she brushed absently at the dirt on her clothes. Grinning almost apologetically, Steph stuck a hand into her side bag, fishing around for something, as if nothing was remotely wrong.
Ed stood up, a bit dazed, but nevertheless relieved to see Steph.
A light flicked on, and suddenly the world was much clearer.







Clouds were gathering as the two wearily hiked the final couple kilometres back to the house. Except, when they arrived, there was no house to be seen. Instead, a broad clearing greeted them, log pole pines teetering in the winds. And above, through the clouds, stars sparkled weakly.
Frowning, the both of them wandered confused about the area. Key dangled in Steph’s hand, jingling. But where was the door?
Still aimlessly wandering up and down the clearing, Ed’s next step fell unrepentantly lower than his last one had. He called out to Steph, just as flakes of soft crumb-like matter began to fall from the sky.
Seconds ticked by and the crumbs began to fall more steadily. A large round things dropped from the clouds, bouncing once as it settled to the ground.
On closer inspection, the two whopped with their luckiness, for muffins were soon raining down upon them.
“I didn’t think this was in the forecast,” Ed spoke, following the newly discovered stairs that spiralled downward. Steph followed behind him, keys in hand.
Once underground, they found themselves in a peculiar home. It was modern, yet homely. China was displayed in the buffet, and an old whistling kettle sat on the stove, these simple elements gave it an almost lived-in sort of feel.
There were no windows, so instead, lavish paintings were hung up against the earth coloured wall. Books and magazines were splayed across the coffee table, and a couple used dishes sat diligently by the sink, awaiting to be washed. It was almost as if someone actually did live here.
Opening the cupboards, Steph pulled out a box reading: ‘Add water muffins,’ she tossed it in the garbage, continuing to poke around. But as Ed and Steph prodded around, opened closets, peered into the refrigerator - and basically poked around the entirety of the home - their efforts were not rewarded.
The house was empty.
“Say, where did you ever get those keys from anyways?” Ed said, prodding one of the pillows absently.
“I don’t know. I found them in my bag, along with the address.”
“What? You mean to say we just walked into someone’s house, to which we have no idea whose? For all we know,” Ed continued, “this could be a trap.” He glanced over his shoulder, as if expecting a giant monster to appear, gargantuan bared teeth.
“Unlikely,” Steph busied herself with boiling some water. She placed the old kettle onto the stove. “It doesn’t matter now. We’re pretty safe being underground and all,” she shrugged, hopping up onto the counter.
“Safe…” Ed scoffed, but decided to calm his nerves nevertheless. He sat down.
Their conversation lapsed to silence, the quiet drone of the boiling water filling the gap.
The two sat in silence with their thoughts, idly tapping their feet, or unconsciously staring out into nothing. The rising shriek of the kettle snapped both of them out of their stupor.
A cup of stifling tea was placed in front of Ed. He accepted it, and the two exchanged brief apologies for being so terse. They flopped onto the couch, switching on the television.
Whilst flipping channels, Steph stopped on one of the news stations. They watched without interest, sipping their tea.
Without warning, something leap into Steph’s lap. Gasping with surprise, a stripy cat made itself comfortable, its green eyes flashing mischievously. So there was a resident in the house. They chuckled to themselves, returning their wandering attention back to the TV.
Ed’s mouth dropped as he leaned forward facing the TV. Steph’s gaze followed his, and her eyes widened in turn, tea almost spilling.
Playing on the screen was a vivid picture of a familiar woman tangled up in a net. Except this time she was dead, the camera zooming on the body. Yellow police tape flipped in the wind, cops and officials stalked around the bordered off zone. Flies buzzed around the body restlessly.
Steph absently stroked the cat in her lap as she stared at the box with the sound and visuals. Ed had somehow found a blanket and had draped it over his shoulders - it resembled a cape.
“Oh, this can’t be good,” Steph spoke before Ed could.
The TV flicked off and the two sat staring at each other. A mixture of surprise, dread and a smidge of humour were in their eyes.
They laughed despite the circumstances.


The patter of actual rain could be heard on the ‘roof.’ A monotonous, dull, but pleasant drone.
The silence was absolute, the light pattering of rain became their white noise. Huddled up on the couch was Steph, with the cat in her arms, and Ed slept on the adjacent couch, cape blanket put to good use.
A shadowed figure crept stealthily through the long hallway, peering through all the guest bedrooms. The figure was lucky that none of the doors creaked. Hunched over, it made its way into the kitchen, shuffling quietly into the connecting living room. A young man and woman slept soundlessly on the beige couches.
The figure gazed at the two people for a moment, then went back into the kitchen. As quietly as humanly possible, the figure rummaged around in the darkened rooms.
It paused momentarily, a creaky, accented voice whispered, “El-Elizabeth…my dear?”
In the morning darkness, the figure hobbled away down the hall, then disappeared.



Awakening luxuriously amongst several tangled blankets and one spoiled cat, Steph found her arms, and gazed at the clock upon the wall.
Funny, she thought, attempting to escape the pile of blankets, where did these come from? The cat murmured its annoyance, sliding off the couch with a couple blankets.
Ed too somehow had more blankets as well as pillows, than he had had before. He blinked, staring oddly into space.
“Huh…” he muttered, flopping back into his makeshift bed.
In the kitchen, a large pot of tea had been made - recently - it was still hot to the touch. Two cups were placed beside the red tea pot, and a small jug of milk and bowl of sugar sat next to them. Frowning, Steph turned around to find a platter stacked high with muffins.
“Hallelujah…” she muttered to herself, then turned around, as if expecting someone to be there smiling warming at her. Instead, the kitchen remained dim and quiet.



Many hours - and muffins - later, Ed and Steph found themselves amongst the bustle of the airport. Every which way people were briskly walking, small carry ons in tow. They passed by rows of little airport shops, news stands, cafes and bookstores.
A woman’s voice boomed over the intercom, someone named Lisa Cockburn had forgotten her wallet at the Starbucks in Gate D.
Through the large windows, the two glimpsed massive planes land and take off. And little people in orange waved bright sticks around. People endlessly talked on their cell phones and uncontrollable children bounded around - much to their parents dismay.
Soon, aboard a large 747, and minutes later, the craft lifted off into the air with a roar.
Dozing, and half ignoring the stewardesses, the both of them stared expectantly through their little window, spotting wispy white clouds. It wasn’t until hours later, that through the receding clouds, they glimpsed the endless, rolling green hills of Ireland.

PS: Yes, I have almost no experience on Linux based OPs, apart from possibly my iPod, and the last disaster of a laptop I returned within a week of finding out I hate Linux. Maybe if I were some crazy hacker I would find Linux remotely useful.

Since my last blog was crap, I thought I'd write something perhaps almost interesting.