just a quick glance and their writers don't seem to know much about the scene/game
WorldCommunist8: ... Jaedong seems burnt out, Flash got egotistical, July came back for a quick 15 minutes of fame, and Stork finally got it together. Really, I don't understand all the credit to Leta. He did have help in getting OGN to the Proleague result it achieved in Luxury, and he hasn't been good enough in the Starleagues either.
KnightofNi: Note that the only Zerg winner in 2008 (July!!) played on a nice set of Zerg maps, including the only definitively ZvP favored map of the year, Hwarangdo.
MrBitter: Stork's OSL run was, in every sense of the word, amazing. He should not have gotten through any of his groups. When he did, he should have gotten destroyed in the final. But he held strong and brought home his first long awaited, and much deserved, OSL title.
Amy and I talked last night. We were both making each other feel horrible, and we were both emotional wrecks. I guess... yesterday she just felt really bad about everything, like part of her was dying, so she said she was sorry. I couldn't help but forgive her. It looks like things might work out after all, although we're going to take it easy until we get back from winter break.
Thanks to everybody who gave advice in the other thread. A lot of it was really useful, and helped me feel a lot better. I guess I didn't end up taking most of it, but it's still appreciated.
What a crazy day. I still can’t believe it happened.
Last night, I dreamt that I was still with Lisa. I don’t remember too many details about the dream, but I had broken up with Lisa about 3 days ago because I couldn’t handle the combined stress of school and lessons with the emotional stress of being in a long-distance relationship. I woke up at 3:50 (!!!) to use the bathroom, but I couldn’t fall back asleep. My mind was too busy trying to figure out what was going on with Amy. For the past day and a half I had been confused by what was going on between us; I openly told her about my feelings for her but she stayed relatively quiet. Two nights ago we were hanging out in my room and I hugged her a few times, and it degenerated into us lying next to each other hugging, probably because of how tired we were (not thinking straight). Anyway, we hadn’t established a relationship (she kept on saying she needed more time), so naturally I was pondering over every action that had happened and wondering about the implications.
A note: I didn’t break up with Lisa to be with Amy. Here’s how it happened. In college I was under more stress than I had ever been under before, so I would look to Lisa to help relieve some of the stress. Lisa isn’t great about being available to talk, so I had to look for people here at Oberlin to help. For whatever reason, I always felt comfortable talking to Amy about anything. So I talked to her about academic stuff. And eventually, emotional stuff. Amy and I became very good friends, and eventually I started developing romantic feelings for her, which I expressed. This led to greater emotional stress on my relationship, and since it was easier to resolve this by talking to Amy, my feelings from her became stronger and it went downhill from there.
So… yeah. This was on my mind, and around 4:30 I decided to get up. I played Spore on my computer for about an hour. I tried to go back to sleep again, but to no avail. At 6 I went to the gym to get some exercise. Normally running cheers me up when I’m down, but all I could think of was “I think she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me… but is it because she doesn’t have time? Or she doesn’t want to be distracted? Or maybe she just doesn’t like me?” I have no idea what I did from 7 (when I got back) to 8. I guess I was pretty depressed; I had trouble getting work done, and I was tired from waking up so early, and I couldn’t go to sleep, and my mind was filled with insecurity, thinking about Amy. Eventually, she got on AIM. I asked her if she had any time to chat or hang out later, she was reluctant but said maybe after 8(pm). It seemed like such a long time to have to live with all of the stuff on my mind, but I guess it was necessary. I left for chem, hoping that we would get our tests back and mine would have a good grade.
When I got to chem, I found my test. Conveniently, our teacher writes our test scores on the second page. I took a deep breath and opened it. 100/100! Holy cow! I don’t remember ever getting a perfect score on an exam in anything! I was so overcome by emotion. I left the classroom to get a drink and go to the bathroom, because I feared that I might break down and cry. The sudden jolt from being stressed and defeated and sleep deprived to the best possible outcome was overwhelming. I didn’t end up crying, but throughout class I was definitely more cheerful (though still contemplating this Amy issue).
My 10:00 class was the same. 11:00 I was better able to pay attention, just because the class is more interesting. Amy sat two seats from me in class today, but nothing significant happened.
Lunch. Nothing too special.
After lunch, I tried to get some sleep. I fell asleep, but it was restless. Somewhere in there, John called me, waking me up, and I tried answering but the connection dropped as soon as I tried connecting. When I woke up for good, it was about 3:30, and I remember being convinced that I had a horrible fever and was ill. My blanket was covered in sweat. It was weird, I don’t remember it too well. Anyway, I headed to the conservatory to practice before CCW (band). CCW. Thinking about Amy.
I practiced a little more afterward, then went to dinner at 7. I ate alone, because my friends eat at 6 (I usually do to, but my schedule on Mondays is funky). I went back to my room afterward and did homework. I talked to Amy online, she said she could be over in an hour or so. I did my best to get through more work.
She came over and sat on my bed. I was sitting in my chair, across from her. I didn’t want to be tempted to hug her and influence her clear thought. I asked her if she had a particular desire to talk. She said not really. I told her that I was making a lot of complicated guesswork about what she was thinking, and continued to describe it a little. I told her that I felt like she wouldn’t keep stuff from me unless she either couldn’t express it or she didn’t know what it was. She confirmed this. I talked about how I desperately wished that what had happened two days ago wasn’t only reality, but truth as well. She said she wouldn’t mind. I asked her if she could tell me what she needed more time with. She said something about how she wasn’t living dangerously, and perhaps she should, but it wasn’t something she did on a normal basis. Somewhere around this point I realize that my leg was falling asleep, and I made some sort of motion showing my uncomfortableness. She said that I should sit next to her on the bed, but I said I would be fine. She insisted, and I finally sat next to her. Then she said “I need to live dangerously more often”, and hugged me. After we released each other, I just kinda sat there, dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. Everything worked out just great, and I was completely unprepared for it. I guess I just kinda laughed about the situation and hugged her back. We talked a bit more, but most of it was just enjoying the moment I guess. Eventually I tried to kiss her, but missed the center of her lip. Our lips were close together shortly afterward, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Eventually I did kiss her, and that took about as much will as anything had before.
Later, I went to the bathroom, where I saw Paul. I was still dumbfounded, and had a stupid smile stuck on my face. He asked, “What are you smiling about”
“It’s been a crazy day,” I responded.
“Why, because McGuire used LotR in his History lecture today?”
“… Maybe I’ll tell you later.”
What a crazy day.
Amy broke up with me yesterday.
I still don’t really understand why. Everything was great on Monday, we had a great time. Tuesday, she tells me that there’s a part of her brain that’s screaming and telling her that she should be single, but she says that she wants it to shut up. She also tells me that she doesn’t know that she loves me anymore. Eventually she just kinda… left. Said “see you tomorrow”, didn’t really say why she left.
Wednesday, she comes and knocks at my door. When I open it she asks me if I have anything to say, if not she should just leave. I just started asking her questions about the day before, and basically the conclusion she came to is this: “I should break up with you but I really don’t want to”. Why? I guess I’m not sure. She had just been kinda emotionally unstable for the past day I guess, and didn’t want to drag me around with it.
Ugh, then it gets ugly. She tells me that it would be really easy if she was dating “any one of five or six other unnamed guys” because then she could break up with them at this point and it would be easier. Agh! I feel so violated, trusting her and loving her just to have her wish that she were with somebody else. But, she said, it wouldn’t be possible to sit next to me in history if she had done that. She looked like she felt really horrible after she said that. I don’t remember the next however many minutes, except that I was just in complete disbelief in the way I treat love and treat her. How could this happen? How could she do this to me?
Upon seeing my… state… she said “You’re amazing, I love you, and I’m sorry”, words that I had said to her when putting her through emotional stress about a month ago. She said she hated herself for what she was putting me through. What could I do? I forgave her. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t forgive her. I told her that everything would be ok. I didn’t know if I still loved her, but I knew that I still cared for her. I asked her if she wanted us to still be together, and she asked if I wanted us to be together. I asked if that was a yes and she nodded.
The next morning we walked over to the conservatory together. I felt like crap. I knew I loved her. Why? Because I should have been angry at her for violating me like she did and for practically destroying our relationship. But I couldn’t, I could only forgive her. Where else does irrationality like that come? She said I wasn’t worthless, especially not to her. I started crying (subtly) and could barely compose myself for my next class. Later that day, we were hanging out, and she just said, “I think we need to start over”. I asked if there was anything I could do to help, and she asked if I could help as a friend. Gah. Before she left I told her all the great things I think about her, and how I appreciated it very much.
I don’t know why, but I started feeling like crap much later that night. Maybe I just realized what had just happened. For weeks we were looking forward to the end of term because then we could actually spend time with each other, since we didn’t have time for each other during the year. Just a few days ago, everything had been great. What happened?
Today, she’s not even talking to me. I feel like crap, like I need to vomit out whatever’s left inside of me. Now I know why it’s called heartbreak; it feels like there’s a cavity where my chest used to be, as if my heart is being used in some Aztec sacrifice. We were going to have so much time to spend together, but now I just have time to wonder how the world turned upside down.
I'm visiting my girlfriend's college dorm, and I just played a 4v4 that was pretty epic. 54 mins, watch at 16x, and pause every time you hear "nuclear launch detected". I'm the terran player in yellow, and we're all D- ICCup n00bs, but fun game nonetheless.
I got screwed because apparently walling in that position doesn't work, so I floated to the center and started nuking people, assuming that the game was going to be over quickly. Unfortunately, I ended up being the only person left on my team and without base room to make anything. I tried the boxer observer snipe thingy a few times, but then he came with 20 obs and raped me :/ but I got about 15-20 nukes off! One of them managed to get 19 goons, pretty awesome imo
On October 01 2008 07:30 .risingdragoon wrote: lol nah, after ggplay fantasy is like the next guy on the impossible to win osl list, together with bisu.
On October 01 2008 08:09 .risingdragoon wrote: hehe i love that line of thinking
why don't you gimme another example? you got nothing. that's cus nobody saw mind winning gom3, yo think back then somebody said somewhere "mind's gonna win the msl!"? nobody did that. he was a completely wild card. they said "wtf why did he eliminate oov?!"
obviously new? I've been following BW much longer than you.
On October 01 2008 08:38 .risingdragoon wrote: You picked the first league win of every dominant player to have debuted since. How about I give you some counter examples too? Of which there are way more.
Bottomline is fantasy is no champ to me. You gonna argue that, get back to me after he wins this osl. If he can win the BO3 vs Mind, he's not gonna beat Flash BO5. I bet money on it.
Well I guess I'm going to college in a week, and I'm not going to know anybody there. (of course there are a few facebook correspondents I have, but nobody I knew before being accepted is going to Oberlin). It's a chance to start over, and create a new identity. That being said, I'm pretty happy with how I turned out over the four years of high school. Especially the last year and a half, when marching band was out of the picture. Let's look at some of the awesome things that happened!
Nobody wants to work with me. It was hard to get people to practice for it, but CMEA solo/ensemble 2007 was hilarious. 2 Superior/Command Performances and one.... good. For those of you that don't know the CMEA rating system, it goes Superior, Excellent, Good, Fair, Needs Improvement. Yeah. Good is.... well, you can figure that one out. Link to one of the pieces I played there:
Actually doing something in math. 4th place at SCCVMA in Leap Frog! Who would have thought, considering I am pretty much the biggest slacker in the Math Comps team (Thanks for all the help Robert)
On top o' the world Conducting Everest was the coolest thing of my life up until that point. I was shaking from the awesomeness of the moment, to say the least. The picc solo still rips my heart out. Link:
I LOVE CHAMBER MUSIC Or at least I was forced to repeat that phrase several times a day at UCLA summer 2007. I actually do like chamber music, especially when playing with people who know what they're doing. All of the help with individual playing was great, too. (Instrumental for college auditions. ohohohoho)
Asian girls with ponytails... ... is a pretty good description of CYS. That was a lot of fun, although my solo at the end of American in Paris was always really flat except the last time. Hopefully that's the one heard on the CD. Thanks Jennifer for getting me involved!
NOT DOING THIS Marching band was horrible for me; I'm not wasting my time and energy working with people who hate what they're doing. Get over it.
I uhhhh have an interview. Or something. Yes I did have an Oberlin interview the day of the county honor band concert. No that is not why I didn't audtion.
MIT needs better interviewers My god, she really hated me.
College Auditions Practicing scales and long tones for 45 minutes a day is really, really hard to keep up with. All necessary though, because I'm still not that good at saxophone compared to some other people I've met, at places like...
OMFG EASTMAN!?!?!? Yeah I got rejected, but auditioning there, in the snow, and meeting all sorts of cool people constitutes the best day of my life so far. Unfortunately, it was proceeded by...
OMFG CINCINNATI!?!?!? Screw Delta Airlines. I was stuck in an airport for 8 hours, knowing that somewhere, some people really needed my awesomeness. Fortunately, Koreans, Internet, Laptops, and Youtube exists, so I wasn't that bored. But winning Science Bowl Regionals by only 4 points was a close call. (ofc, if I was there, we would have won by 2x or 3x their score).
I am such a bad person... After being nurtured by UCLA's music camp for 3 straight years, how do I repay them? By not showing up to the audition they scheduled for me. *facepalm*
I hate practicing. ... and so I didn't practice for state honor band. Ehhh, I was probably better than the guy who was first chair... Anyway, being sandwiched by two people I already knew was rather... coincidental.
What happens when you have a musician, a really unmotivated person, a clarinet player, and a flute player? You get a perfect score at CMEA, with a command performance to boot! Seriously, this is like a cinderella story. The bari player had only been playing for a couple months, one guy never showed up to rehearsal, and the last person was uhh... well, pretty committed. Here's the command performance:
Do you like Strawberry? Well then how about RAWWWWBERRY! Ahaha, unleashing the pwnage and placing (t)5th at national science bowl was awesome! Complete with a free trip to DC, a free backpack, and a frisbee that changes colors.
One final hurrah... Only an awesome senior project could make a teacher miss a class he was supposed to teach. Unfortunately I don't have a video uploaded to youtube of the performance, but it was really great. If you were there, you'd agree.
JAPAN!!! Travelling abroad with very limited parental supervision is awesome. Oh, and playing sax quartet stuff everywhere was great, especially since I soloed on like everything ever.
Anyway... yeah. Getting ready for college. Yeeeeahhh. Fortunately I'm entering with a year's worth of credits to start with, but I'm pretty scared. I need to practice more...
Science Bowl. It's the same crowd. We're having a good time. I just finished reading a round, and now we screw around for a while between the rounds. Aaron breaks out a small bag of popcorn, and I ask to have a few.
I take two. As I bite into the second one, there is something strange with the consistency that makes me uneasy. I ask Aaron if there was anything other than popcorn in the bag. He says no. I calm down a little. At the first sign of allergy symptoms, I claim that I just remembered an emergency and must leave immediately.
I walk calmly out the room. A few steps outside, I start running to my bike. I know that I'm going to need to take the epipen; it's at home. As long as I could hold on for a few minutes, I should be fine. This isn't the first time I've had a serious allergic reaction. When I reach my bike I open up my backpack and take a spray of epinephrine. It usually calms stuff down for a while.
I race home on my bike. When I get back, I feel the same symptoms for any allergic reaction. My throat is swelling, but it's nothing major. I take another spray of epinephrine. My stomach is trying to regurgitate but it cannot because of the peculiarities of my digestive system. I take out the epipen from the medicine cabinet and start reading instructions on it.
I feel uncomfortable, but this is normal. After about half an hour of debating whether or not to use the "lethal weapon". I finally roll up my pants, step onto my bathtub and stab myself in the leg. I can barely feel it. As I hold the epipen to my leg, I feel the adrenaline going to work. I don't shake as much as the last time I had used it.
I go back to my computer and watch VODs of Tasteless commentating. I'm feeling better, but my stomach is still acting up.
About a half an hour later I start itching.
Dayv, you idiot, what do you think happens to things that get ingested? They get digested and spread throughout your bloodstream!
This is where things turn for the worse.
I can feel my ears swelling, and the pulse that pounds through them. I start sneezing uncontrollably, my eyes start watering. My entire face itches. My head inflates as the uncontrollable inflammatory response initiates. My eardrums throb, feeling ready to burst. I run downstairs and look at myself in the mirror.
Like some deformed monster, my eyes are swollen to some bizarre orientation. The water from my eyes is coming down my face. All of my skin is breaking out in a rash.
I call my dad. He says he'll come home. He tells me to take Benadryl. He says it sounds serious.
I wait. I sit on the couch and think. I think while I feel my body cease to function normally. My heart is still pounding. I'm sneezing uncontrollably, and more mucous is being produced than the worst of allergies and colds. What I can see out of my swollen eyes is blurred by the water running out of them. Everything itches. My eardrum feels even closer to bursting.
Could this be death? I hoped that it wasn't. It couldn't be. I have so many unfinished goals, unfinished projects, unfulfilled dreams that I could not accept myself to die. But there is a difference between what is reality and what I can accept of myself. I cried silently, "This can't happen! I have to go to Oberlin! I have to work and become a better musician! If my ears blow out, I'll never hear music again..."
"If I don't live past this. I'll never see Lisa again. It's been so long since we've seen each other! There are so many things we've planned in doing in our future that will never come true. Never even with a chance to say goodbye..."
To be honest, I wasn't convinced that I was going to die. I just wasn't convinced that I was going to live.
To calm myself down, I start walking laps around the inside of my house. I look in the mirror again. Everything looks the same as before, just worse. My dad finally arrives. He takes one look at me, and says we need to go to the hospital.
In the car, he calls Walgreens and tells them to prepare some sort of emergency prescription. After he gets off the phone, I ask him if my condition is life threatening. He says it is, but that I will be fine. What else can you say?
After picking up medicine at Walgreens, we head to the hospital. My dad tells me that the two things I need to alert him about are if I feel light-headed or if I have trouble breathing. Right now, my heart is pounding away, I can breathe normally, and I feel rather aware. As we get close to the hospital, I ask if I should call Lisa. He says that I might as well.
I get her voice mail. Go figure. "Hi Lisa, it's Dayv, I'm not doing too well. I'm having a really severe allergic reaction and I'm not sure what's going to happen. I really love you. I don't know when I'll be able to talk to you again."
Shortly after I get off the phone, my dad tells me to recline. As I begin to lay down, I feel a feeling in my gut. I vomit about 4 times, all over myself. I'm too out of it to really notice or care. After vomiting, I know that the agent of suffering has stopped being digested. We get to the entrance of the emergency room. My dad wheels me into the hospital, soaked in stomach acid.
When I get in there, they tell me to undress. Surprisingly, I'm able to do so on my own power. They give me a hospital gown and tell me to put it on. I lay down on the bed they provide me. They say a lot of words I can't really comprehend. They do a lot of weird stuff involving putting medicine into me. I remember them taking my blood pressure often. The Benadryl they inject into me via IV is making me more and more tired, and I finally succumb to sleep.
***
How lucky am I? So many things could have easily gone different during that sequence of events, and I would be a dead man. I ended up having 4 doses of epinephrine in as many hours, if I was in worse shape I could have had a heart attack. If I didn't have medicine on me initially, I wouldn't have had so much time to get to the hospital.
How much of my life would I have missed out on?
The experience really changed my outlook on life, to say the least.
-Dayv
P.S. There is nobody to blame for this incident. It was purely a freak accident, based only on the unfortunate circumstance in which it took place.
![[image loading]](http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/08/10/sports/olympics/11relay04_650.jpg)
