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[H] Parental abuse....
YPang, Oct 10 2008
Today i recieved my 6 week grading period progress report in the mail for my first semester as a junior in high school. The grades were the worst i've recieved throughout my entire high school courier. (keep in mind this is a progress report, and not the report card, the report card comes in 18 weeks, i just got my first 6 week progress report). This time in my honors gov class, i did bad on an essay which dragged my grade from an A to a C, and it happened to show as a C on the progress repot. I also got many B's because i haven't gotten time to study for those classes due to the hard amount of honors courses im taking.
Basically i got home my dad looked at this report, and in disgust took out his belt and started whipping me. Fortunatly i had my sweater on so it minimizes the pain. He also give attempts to slap my face, but all of his throws are blocked by my arm, and as a result my right and left arm becames red and swollen. He also threw "light punches/kicks" towards my stomach area, which was also blocked by my arms. I believe if it was an actual punch/kick i wouldn't of been able to block it.
My dad had a history of beating me even as a child. One of my most memorabl memories was when i was still in china and around the age of 5 I believe, i accidently spilled a cup of milk, and he furiously kicked me down and kicked/rolled my body with his foot. I've been beaten by him SEVERAL TIMES, and each time he does it, it makes me stronger. As a teen of 17 now, i've managed to develop a strong mentality to take those, but today was different....
He pushed me on the sofa, and used his belt to whip my arms and upper torso, i actually couldn't careless. What disgusted me was when he spat on me, and blew his nose on me as I was down on the sofa. He didn't even do it once, he did it NUMEROUS times. The first time he's ever done that was when i was in 7th grade, and i got a 73% on a math test. I sorta just sucked it up, but now i think i've had enough. He's reached my barrier to the point i can no longer stand.
I want to move out. I dont know how, or if my actions will only be selfish. My mom and sister are both loving and caring, and i dont want to ditch them for my own benefits. I've thought about walking to y city's city hall is about 3-4 miles away, i can walk there if i wanted to and ask for help. However something deep in my mind tells me to just stay.
I have never publicly revealed this, i've only told it to a few friends, but now i think i'm going to let it loose. Often times i've replaced this abuse with the word "scold", but what im experiencing isn't a disciplinary scold. Here is my other parental issue blog: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=78488
I've made a life goal to stop the child abuse to my generation of children.
PS: If my parents finds out i still play SC, and browse TL. the consequences would be even worth.
Do you guys remember that youtube video I posted of my doing the FBH dance? Well today in my study hall (the place i performed it), my 'ac-lab'(the name of my study hall) teacher gave the entire class a lecture about why my dance was inappropriate and how it was threatening to his job, and if the principles found out he may be fired from work. He even told me that i might be supended for doing that, alone with that other girl in the video, plus the guy recording it and posting it.
What really got him was the fact the description of the video said "yang pan dancing in ac-lab" it was a give away to anyone, and even the place i did it. If it was outside of school it wouldn't of mattered...
I don't know if i will be suspended, but i'd be so pissed if my teacher wasn't bluffing. Though i do think he over exaggerated a lot of it.
If you look back at some of my previous blogs, i've made topics about my homecoming... And i attended it last saturday, and some of my friends already posted the pics on facebook, so i'm going to share some of my photos...
Friday's pep rally, i'm the guy in the white, near the middle dunno if you can see...
This is like at 10pm that saturday, which they announced the courts, besides me is the "queen"
Another picture at 10pm waiting to be introduced...
Yet another photo, except this time they're actually introducing us, and i dunno if i closed my eyes here....
During the middle of the walk, i stopped and my partner moved a few steps backwards (i told her to do that), and i dashed out the FBH dance... It was quite random and unexpected, considering i was suppose to be very formal about it. I was afraid i might get suspended for doing that, but phew i was safe! PS: Look at the facial expressions on the people!! and the expression of the teacher standing infront of that silver poll.
I'll definatly post more pics when more of my friends put it up on facebook. They have some nice pics of me on the actual dance floor, instead of the introduction court lol... But yeah there was like chicks bumping my crouch area with their ass (not to brag or anything...). A few of them took pics of that too, and i'll post it when they are up on facebook.
But meh, imagine me doing that with my CJ Entus shirt, that'll be so much more pimp...
This may seem immature, but basically its my rant. I'm a high school student, currently enrolling my junior year, and i live at home with my parents. The thing that annoys me is that the only topic my parents are willing to talk to me about is about school, my grades, and education. Not that its a bad thing, but they are over doing it by A LOT. Everytime they open their mouth is like a question like "How did you do on your test? what did u get in that chem test, the math test, the english test?" EVERYDAY!
Considering this is my junior year, the year which i take ACT/SAT's, my parents don't even allow me to do any sports anymore. I used to do cross country, sophomore year, and i was so happy that im going to be in the middle of the pack as a junior and not the slowest kid anymore... until i have been told down that i can't do cross country, cuz they want me to use the time i run to study for the standardized tests. Since i live in the middle part of USA, i take the ACT's, and they want me to take at least 1 practice test EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.
Few weeks ago, during my 4 day weekened on labor day, a friend of mine asked me to go out to the movies, and I thought gladly yeah my folks will let me go cuz its a holiday... but nope they shot me down completely and even angry at me considering that... Basically this just became the conversation topic throughout the entire day.
My dad also likes to relate everyone of my minor 'mistakes' such as forgetting to turn on the headlights while driving, forgetting a folder at somewhere...etc. I know everyone makes those mistakes, but he uses it against me making up tons of reasons why i fail at tests, and how i can never do well because i made these errors... and i don't do that often. He relates it to as a test question and how i'd fail at math if it asked me to multiply and i forgot... And he goes on ranting about it for 15-30mins, and becomes part of his tool in his tool box in which he can use anytime he wants to criticize me.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not disrespectful to them in any way, i don't go screaming at them. I usually obey their orders actually i often obey their orders. They say i should go upstairs and study, i usually do until i just can't do it anymore, and then go on SC. They don't even know i play SC/bnet, but i dont think i can stand sitting in the office room studying all day during weekends with no social contact at all... I actually have quite alot of friends at school but i just can never hang out, and my relationships with them tend to drift further and further apart.
If you guys know me on BNET, this is actually the complete real reason why i can't play and my excuse is "i gtg soon", is because they don't allow me to play starcraft, and if i get caught they'd actually literally scream at me for like 5 hours straight, about how i can use that time to study for standardized tests, and how i don't have straight A's and H's(which is like a 97% on honors classes), and i shouldn't be on SC. They've actually broke my original starcraft CD, and i had to DL it again off a torrent... Because really i just can't imagine myself sitting there studying all day for days on during weekends... =================
I believe this is the result of my dad growing up from an extremely poor area, in which he lived in like a dirt house, with my grandpa as a shepard in inner mongolia china. He was often hungry as a child, and didn't have a lot to eat. He was the only son who was able to move out of his province to beijing. Later to canada, and now to USA.
I think he really believes that studying and making big bucks is the solution to everything, and happiness. Thus he's making me to follow his route.
Its totally understandable considering the pain and suffering he's been through to be where he's at today...
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I however believe that money is only a tool that drags your feelings of happiness to an upward stage, and you'll feel that happiness for only a while until you get used to having the wealth. Think of it this way, who would be in a more positive state of mind, bill gates or a poor man who won 1000 dollars in a lottery? obviously the poor man.
I think a person who has a pay of 50,000 a year would be feeling the same as a guy with 200,000 a year. If the guy who has the 50,000 pay had his income doubled, he may be very excited and content, for probably only half a year, until he got used to having that. People of extreme wealth are also upset by not getting the deal they usually get, and the average guy would look at the wealthy guy with disgust, and wonder wtf is wrong with him.
RIght now i'm actually worried if i'm going to be like this to my children when i grow older... I'm trying really hard to not
========== I have actually never told any of this to anyone, this is the first time i've let it out....
lol, when i won the CJ shirt contest, i'm actually asking a friend to buy it for me, and mailing it to his house and then giving it to me at school once he recieves it. He's a real nice guy....
I appreciate you reading all of this, i just want some sympathy...
From my PERSONAL experience and perspective, i have started realizing a lot of men acting more and more like women. They would talk so softly, and basically use body languages that many women would use(its hard to explain phsyical body language movements...).
Constantly looking at what others are doing, and basing their decisions based on what others think/do, some guys would literally ask everytime before they do something. Some guys would like tell their troubles to their female/male friends in public places in which i can hear! When i see these stuff, it frustrates me... Obviously TONS of guys are excluded from this, but just incase some of these values applies to you, catch yourself.
Edit: I understand if a guy is gay, and he acts like a women. I accept it and give him my 100% respect. What upsets me is when a guy's feminity takes over his mind, which is displayed through his body language.
Okay, if anyone remembers my last blog of me getting nominated, but today i just found out that i got elected... So, i'm a junior, i've never been in homecoming before, and don't have a date...So anyone have any tips?
BTW: There was a sign up sheet, that was required for king, and i didn't even sign it, but my friends forged my signature... ROFL.
Okay here's what happened, all my friends think im a hilarious guy, and they nominated me for homecoming court (like there'll be a king & queen thing), at that time i was like... "okay w/e idc wtf that is, i'll just try it, sure go ahead and nominate me...". Now i just realized i sorta regret doing it, because firstly i dont have a date, and 2ndly i have never been there before, and i'm already in my junior year. I know there's a chance that i might not get nominated, but i actually think that i do have a great chance of getting picked (long story behind this).
So if i happen to get choosen wtf should i do? I'm literally going to go there with jeans/t-shirt and sneakers... and maybe sunglasses.
Actually list some of the things that you've done that you now look in the past that was extremely needy/clingy/creepy. kk i'll start ^^;
-I've actually figured out my crush's schedule just by looking at the hall ways she took. -I've stared at a persons ass while daydreaming, and not realizing it until someone hit me. -I've jacked off to the same women everytime for ~3-4weeks i think.. -I've stalked people on facebook, and read almost every wall to wall comment. -I've searched up people's address's on yellowbook.com -I've looked at the price of people's houses at zillow.com.
I just needed to release this to the public, because i no longer want it as part of me. Now you do the same!
