I tried to think of the kind of moustache that would make sense as a disguise, but I couldn’t get past the image of Bruce Willis applying the fake moustache in Twelve Monkeys; it’s the kind of moustache you would only ever see as a disguise. So I wanted to get a picture of it, and found out that he’s had some amazing moustaches.
Number 5: The Dad
This is one of the strangest moustaches I’ve seen on Bruce Willis; it’s the kind of moustache that makes you think, “Hey, Bruce Willis is just a normal guy. He could be someone’s dad.” It’s clear from this moustache that he’s pretty much given up on how he looks…
Number 4: The Die Hard
The Die Hard isn’t really that great a moustache, but coupled with the rest of Bruce Willis it fast mutates into something interesting. On an ordinary man, the Die Hard is indistinguishable from the “couldn’t be bothered to shave since yesterday morning.”
Somehow, on the man himself it becomes the epitome of eighties badassery.
Number 3: The Iron Man
Admittedly, the more sharp-witted among you may have seen the above images and thought, “But SirJolt, that’s clearly a beard, not a moustache.” I’ll grant you, that’s what it looks like to the untrained eye, but I put it to you that this is, in face, a moustache that incorporates a beard.
The Iron Man is perfect for any acts of ruthless villainy. As seen when worn by Obadiah Stane (Jeff Bridges) in Iron Man, it bestows an impression of fatherly care over a man, even if he’s engaged in the act of stealing your magic armour so he can destroy you with it.
This is a powerful beard. Don’t underestimate it. It should not be confused with the somewhat similar but highly distinct homeless man.
Bonus-Beard: The Homeless Man
This is definitely a beard.
Number 2: The Gentleman
This is the kind of moustache that might be more commonly found accompanying a man taking chocolate on the veranda towards the end of the 19th century. It is an arrangement that connotes sophistication, elegance and a healthy respect for grooming.
It is majestic.
Number 1: The Musketeer
There are exceedingly few articles of facial hair that can quantifiably declare, “I am not looking up this doll’s skirt.”
Here, the moustache is employed in a manner befitting its stature.
Godspeed Bruce Willis.
If anyone can actually find a picture of Bruce Willis as he appears in Twelve Monkeys, could you post it for me? I couldn't find one in the end