OK so so start off...Academics. I'm a high school junior and will be a senior this fall. I failed AP English this year thanks to my stubborn teacher (who should retire BTW). I took the SAT and prepared my ass off for it, even though I only got a 1970 (I was distracted the whole time by a hot girl in the front row). In my freshman year I had hopes of going to an Ivy League, but now all my academic dreams have been crushed. I know I can still do good wherever I go and probably get a decent job at some point, but I'm not exactly optimistic.
Social Life. I'm basically a loner and have only a few select friends. One guy I thought was my friend turned out he was only using me so he could steal my TI84 calculator (he told me was going to "borrow" it for math class). Barely anyone knows me, no girls like me. I'm not exactly the prettiest, the funniest, the smartest, or the most athletic. Even though I can socialize when I'm with a pretty large group of friends that I'm comfortable with, one on one I'm a total sociophobe. I've never had a summer job or anything like that, in part because I'm painfully shy. I'm scared of living in dorms because I'm easily persuaded and will probably end up drinking every night until I flunk out of school. Either that or end up flunking out from playing too much Starcraft 2 (just kidding, because if I told my parents about this awesome new game they would probably kick me out he house cuz they're so pissed at me...on top of that I'm pretty much broke).
My Health. At 5'6'' and almost 200 pounds, I'm a little overweight (more like totally OBESE). My blood reports just came back from the doctor. Turns out I'm a borderline diabetic and my bad cholesterol is abnormally high. My dad says it's partly genetic but at the same time he wants me to get my fat ass off the couch, go play some basketball, ride my bike, and run on the treadmill everyday. Like that's gonna happen.
The Paradox of Life. It has occurred to me that none of my happiness, and also none of my misery, means anything to anyone. People might pretend to take an interest in you, but in the end they're all in it for their own benefit. I know that people, even those I believe to be my sincere friends, will sell me out for their own gains. Usually people tell me that I'm really quiet and that having me around them makes them depressed. I feel like this life is just a freaking circle, no matter how hard I run I always end up where I started eventually. At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life. At this point I guess I'm just looking for reasons not to pull the trigger.
So if you pull the trigger or go jump off a cliff you suddenly become a better person? Nope. Now you're an idiot too. You're 17. I'm 17. There's still a lot of life to live, and it would be a waste.
In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
depression in high school is not an uncommon thing. High school sucks. Realize that it gets better. However, as none of us are mental health specialists, i would recommend talking to someone who knows what you've been through. call the number, let them change your mind.
The main thing you should understand is that high school is shit. Be glad that you're almost done with it.
Most of your unhappiness just stems from your own choices. Stop making those choices and be happy. I understand that you probably feel somewhat trapped in your current identity because that's how high school is, but just hold out till college and you get a clean slate.
Don't kill yourself. I'm sure someone will come in to give a cliché speech about people who love you being sad, etc., but in my eyes, killing yourself is just fucking boring. You get an infinite amount of time to be dead, and only a few decades to live. Why wouldn't you want to squeeze all you can out of that time?
How is any of what you listed even remotely close to being a good reason to commit suicide? Frankly it just sounds like you're too lazy to improve yourself and your quality of life and are turning to ragequitting. Guess what you don't get to join the next game if you kill yourself.
go play some basketball, ride my bike, and run on the treadmill everyday. Like that's gonna happen.
I feel like this life is just a freaking circle, no matter how hard I run I always end up where I started eventually
False, you haven't really run at all. Please use your head and don't kill yourself over dumb stuff like this. And high school sucks for most people.
I'm coming off strongly here and I obviously don't know the whole story but honestly. Don't.
Dude, it's going to be OK. If you don't like something about your life, just change it even if it means a drastic change that scares you. Quite frankly, anything is better than suicide.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: Like that's gonna happen.
Why won't it happen? As we were walking back from the gym my friend mentioned that he has more respect for the fat guys sweating it up on the treadmill than bodybuilders benching 300 pounds. It's true, you might think you look ridiculous but most people will respect the effort. And you're not going to the gym to pick up girls (please don't do this ever, it is the epitome of douche). You don't really have to think about it, just set a plan and do it. After you start working out, your life will start to fall into place as your self-esteem goes up.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: OK so so start off...Academics. I'm a high school junior and will be a senior this fall. I failed AP English this year thanks to my stubborn teacher (who should retire BTW).
ur teacher is just jealous that he is stuck teaching while u will go onto better things. u can show him up by englishing the fuck out of the rest of ur life, dont commit suicide that is only playing into his hands.
I took the SAT and prepared my ass off for it, even though I only got a 1970 (I was distracted the whole time by a hot girl in the front row). In my freshman year I had hopes of going to an Ivy League, but now all my academic dreams have been crushed. I know I can still do good wherever I go and probably get a decent job at some point, but I'm not exactly optimistic.
wat is done is done man. SAT isnt that big a deal, 1970 is like B+ anyway. u should find that girl and then be like yo babbby wats up girl holla back!? and then bang her. thats he best way to get over bad SAT score.
Social Life. I'm basically a loner and have only a few select friends. One guy I thought was my friend turned out he was only using me so he could steal my TI84 calculator (he told me was going to "borrow" it for math class). Barely anyone knows me, no girls like me. I'm not exactly the prettiest, the funniest, the smartest, or the most athletic. Even though I can socialize when I'm with a pretty large group of friends that I'm comfortable with, one on one I'm a total sociophobe. I've never had a summer job or anything like that, in part because I'm painfully shy.
ok imagine urself banging that hot girl from above. now imagine madddd people watching. and ur talking to them. boom shyness cured ur welcome.
I'm scared of living in dorms because I'm easily persuaded and will probably end up drinking every night until I flunk out of school. Either that or end up flunking out from playing too much Starcraft 2 (just kidding, because if I told my parents about this awesome new game they would probably kick me out he house cuz they're so pissed at me...on top of that I'm pretty much broke).
ur scared ur going to get drunk with ur college friends every night? do u kno what college is? its easy as fuck. every1 does this and still gets As. u will be fine. unless u kill urself that is, then u'll never get to do this.
My Health. At 5'6'' and almost 200 pounds, I'm a little overweight (more like totally OBESE). My blood reports just came back from the doctor. Turns out I'm a borderline diabetic and my bad cholesterol is abnormally high. My dad says it's partly genetic but at the same time he wants me to get my fat ass off the couch, go play some basketball, ride my bike, and run on the treadmill everyday. Like that's gonna happen.
ur dad has no right to criticize bc he saddled u with all these genetic problems. however, he also loves u and cares 4 u and wants u to be better than the lardy fatass that u r. again, imagine that girl from above that u r banging. girls bang fat dudes all the time. look at that ron jeremy or that guy from knocked up. u can still get women. best plan is to find the wife of that stupid AP english teacher and bang her first before u move onto others.
The Paradox of Life. It has occurred to me that none of my happiness, and also none of my misery, means anything to anyone. People might pretend to take an interest in you, but in the end they're all in it for their own benefit. I know that people, even those I believe to be my sincere friends, will sell me out for their own gains. Usually people tell me that I'm really quiet and that having me around them makes them depressed. I feel like this life is just a freaking circle, no matter how hard I run I always end up where I started eventually. At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life. At this point I guess I'm just looking for reasons not to pull the trigger.
dont do it man. u have plenty 2 live for, ur so young b4 college. so many old dudes who banged so many women would trade places with u in a heartbeat. also u wont get to play sc3 or do all that cool avatar shit when that technology is invented.
you need to start eating healthy and exercising. not only will you feel better, you will look better too. and you will be happy that you look good. exercise also aids brain function. you really have no excuse. start lifting weights and running
it sorta snowballs..
also, you should talk to your parents about this(no matter what you think they will say), and strongly think about getting some medication for the short term(6months-1year).
1970's enough to get you into most decent schools, and you always have the chance to retake it and try to improve on your weak sections. It seems like you've got what it takes to do well academically so I don't think you need to sweat it in terms of that.
As for socializing.. I'm not much of an extrovert but one of the concepts that I found really interesting was looking at the ability to socialize with others as a skill that you work on. Sure, some people are naturally good at talking to others and are very comfortable with it, but for others it's something that can be practiced and learned. So don't just label yourself as extremely shy and give up on it. Keep working on it, eventually it becomes easier.
It's up to you to change your health issues, but the benefits do vastly outweight the costs. You'd live better and longer, be more physically able, and better overall self confidence. Think of life as a journey for self improvement. There are always things you can do to make yourself a better person and it gives you direction in life.
start skating or bodyboarding or something that is addictive and also healthy, if im ever feeling down i go hit the waves and it totally clears my mind and makes me feel relaxed and free... also smoke some weed, its good for relaxation and not bad for your health
Are you kidding me. I really do think you're worthless unless you change your outlook. Expect to get into Ivy League school? No one can realistically expect to get into an Ivy League school. Sure you can strive for it, but expect to get in? You might as well expect to become president of the US in that condition.
Bad social life? You are at fault. Ugly people can have a good social life. Fat people can have a good social life. Shy people can get over their shyness. I'm not attractive and I used to be shy, as well as having to get past everyone's racist tendencies and stereotypes because I'm like the only Asian at my school. But you're given these traits, so do something about them. I'm sick of people bitching about something minor when there are people out there who are so much worse off than they are, and they're looking at life through positive eyes. This isn't an excuse. The only thing to do when you're put into a situation where things suck is to deal with it, rise up, and become a better person.
Better off as a poor starving child in Somalia? You make me sick.
Your approach to life is completely messed up. Life is worth living for because your happiness is determined by your mind alone. Life doesn't have a purpose?? Life's purpose is whatever you make of it. It is whatever your goals are; be they to contribute to society via science, or to become a politician, or to start your own business and become successful, or to marry and have kids and be a big happy family, or to draw and paint whatever the hell you want because that's what you love doing. Do what you love. Your happiness and misery mean nothing to most other people, yeah you speak the truth there. But why is that something to be depressed over? I don't understand.
On August 04 2010 12:05 ieatkids5 wrote: Your happiness and misery mean nothing to most other people, yeah you speak the truth there. But why is that something to be depressed over? I don't understand.
yeah listen to this guy, i know you don't give a damn about my emotions but you don't see me wanting to kill myself. only you are responsible for your own happiness. no one else.
also go volunteer and help out the homeless for a while and see how they live, and then decide if you still want to be a starving kid in Somalia.
one day you're going to look back at this and laugh at how silly you were. You're only 17, you don't know shit about life yet so quit the twisted thinking and focus on the immediate problems, which you do have control over such as your health and social life.
Also, if you're so mad about a 1970 and you know you were distracted on that one day by a hot girl, you can always just take the test again. Many colleges still accept test scores until October for EA/ED, with some regular decision deadlines as late as January.
Not only that, but so many colleges these days use score choice, so they just look at your best scores, and taking the test once more won't hurt your chances. It can only help.
Maybe life sucks, and maybe life sucks enough that suicide would be +EV for you. The reason you shouldn't commit suicide despite that is that it's not just about you - suicide hurts everyone you are connected to, especially especially especially your parents who probably don't deserve that. There are other considerations, but if you're looking for reasons not to pull the trigger that ought to be enough.
On August 04 2010 12:15 Kennigit wrote: Go to college and fuck girls. Killing self at 17 - ya ok buddy.
You know this man didn't get 1970s on his SATs.
In all seriousness, grow up, shit happens, how you deal with it is how you deal with it. The fact you haven't killed yourself already means something, figure it out, if you can't, then think about it some more.
If you think Ivy League means instantly good jobs or whatever, let me tell you something, it doesn't. Effort and motivation creates success, it doesn't matter how smart or how well off you are, if you don't apply yourself you won't make it period.
Your problems are fixable. Like others have said, you don't live in China -your life isn't defined by a single test. Take the SATs again, and again, if necessary. As for the AP test, I didn't do so hot in AP English myself... but find something else that you can dominate in. (proof that my English isn't good -I ended a sentence with a preposition)
step: 1 go get your calculator and be a man. step: 2 you failed a class woopdy doo get over it. step: 3 get in shape step: 4 stop being a social outcast and talk to people.
You are the cause of your own despair not anyone else. It's not that people don't care about you its that you suck at making friends. You scare people away because your so negative and pessimistic about it all. Get your ass off the couch and get in shape, Do you want to be obese for the rest of your life and feel uncomfortable? Go get a job man, that will force you to socialize. You assume you will drink way to much in college, but sorry with your attitude you will be such a buzz-kill no-one would want to drink with you.
I'm sorry this post isn't a don't do it one, but you need the brutal honest truth that way you can rebuild yourself into the person you are capable of becoming.
You are foolish for even thinking about throwing away your life, when people have had it way worse with problems they cannot correct. YOU CAN fix your life.
Nothing should ever surpass the human will to survive. You seem to be aware of your problems but seem to do little to fix them.
You say you're obese? Start working out. Consult a trainer or something to make sure you're doing it properly and you should be seeing the effects of it after a few months.
Few friends? Actually I have this problem myself because I'm so shy and I agree it bites but just try to socialize and get over it. Suicide in high school is just stupid, you're gonna have so much more to experience in life.
You know the greatest part of all this is? You're in high school. 2 years and you're going to college / university, where you get a blank slate. Nothing in life is easy, just work hard to improve yourself and your image. Exercise, find stuff you like, get a hobby, etc etc.
I had a pretty shitty high school too but one of the things that kept me going was music (how cliched right?). I loved listening to bands like Led Zeppelin Deep Purple and Pink Floyd, and eventually got into piano and guitar as a result.
man start steadily improving on your problems right now. 17 is a hella young age and the sooner u start changing your life the easier and better it becomes later on.
just remember to ask for your families and friends for help. hell even another blog asking for help here will suffice ^^
Yea.. dont do it. There's so much potential things to do and see. You shouldnt close off those possibilities voluntarily >.> Specifically your situation, if you think about it logically, still gives you a lot of freedom to try things, and discover something that excites you. Atleast exhaust most/all your options first before even considering that...
In my sophomore year of high school, my classmates and I had some experience with suicide. The first guy to shoot himself was Josh, he was 15. One day after school, he went home, posted a message on his MySpace telling people to call the cops, and put a bullet in his brain. The next death was a teacher who taught us the previous year, although she died of bone marrow cancer. The third was a girl, named Sarah, who hanged herself. The fourth was a freshmen kid named Ryan.
You have no fucking idea what this will do the people around you and to your family. You think you don't have friends? You think people won't care? You bet your ass they will, they'll think of it every day that you aren't in class. For an entire month after Josh died you couldn't walk around school without seeing people just standing there, silently crying. I had known him for only about four years and even then we weren't exactly best friends, but that shit had me broken and shattered for at least a month. You add the deaths of two more of my classmates and a teacher and things start getting real dark.
High school is shit. It really is. It sucks for 90% of people in it and I think the other 10% still have serious regrets about the things they said and the decisions they made.
Oh noez, a 1970. I did only slightly better than that and still ended up at a top tier institution. Also, what college you go to doesn't fucking matter in the slightest. Grad school is VASTLY more important and there is no difference in education between Ivy League schools and universities a tier or two below them. It just doesn't matter. Right now you think it does, but the only thing that matters is how hard you apply yourself. That's it.
And lastly, if you think you're fat/ugly/socially awkward, easy solution. Run a few miles everyday, eat better, and knock out pushups and situps everyday + buy a few free weights and do some basic exercises, all in the safety and privacy of your room. A month later and you'll feel 100x better about your looks and physical condition, guaranteed.
I'm also angry. If you think your high school life is hard, try sitting through three jarring suicides in ONE fucking year of your life, people you've known for years, people you've worked with and laughed with. Yeah, you're an overweight nerd who hasn't gotten laid, but you're smart, you've got a great future, or the potential for one, and the ability and resources to melt off some pounds and pack on some muscle. Just fucking do it.
If you're not afraid to die, then you have nothing holding you back from any success. Because if death is the ultimate end, and you're ready for it, why not find ways to enjoy life outside of whats got you down.
Don't buy into the lie that theres one way to happiness or success or whatever you think is some sort of ultimate goal. You win some, you lose some.
get a job, honestly. or at least try some jobs. if you get a job your social skills most likely will improve, because you know in must jobs you need to talk to people.
Call a hotline, I'm serious. I've had a friend who tried to commit suicide and luckily I was able to stop her in time. It doesn't only affect you, it affects everyone around you. There's a lot of live for. I know things are fucked up and shitty at times but a lot of people have been through it, I've been through it myself, thinking dark thoughts. But it takes courage to not go through with it and give a big fuck you to the world and keep living and keep moving and proving the world wrong, that you ARE important and that your happiness is deserved. And I know you have it in you. Good luck with everything and I hope you reconsider.
I know exactly how you feel because I've been there. I was told by my own mother that I was ugly, I suffer from tourette syndrome which destroyed my social life, I also suffer from ADHD which has been very troublesome to my academics. Despite trying really hard in school, I only got into a mediocre university. I play video games all day long and I can't even win a PvZ. Even right now, I have it just as bad as you do, yet I'm as happy as ever. Not seeing any meaning in your life can really put you into depression, but how I got out of it myself was that I realized even though there is nothing I have to live for right now, there will come a day that I find something meaningful and something that will give my life purpose. If nothing else is worth living for, live for the day where you find that thing. Right now, just live your normal life enjoying everything you can and don't stress too much on any one thing. You don't need a great social life to be happy, you don't need good academics to be happy, you don't need to be in shape to be happy. Just keep your social life, academics, and personal health above water, and once you find something you really care about, go full force into it. Don't wear yourself out now doing something you might not even need in the future.
Dealing with suicidal thoughts is challenging. You should find other people that can help you. If you can't reach out to your friends and parents, try calling professionals that can help you such as your school guidance counselor or you can call 1-800-273-TALK the national suicide prevention hotline. I would avoid internet forums since most advice seems dismissive or short-sided.
On August 04 2010 12:54 Chairman Ray wrote: I know exactly how you feel because I've been there. I was told by my own mother that I was ugly, I suffer from tourette syndrome which destroyed my social life, I also suffer from ADHD which has been very troublesome to my academics. Despite trying really hard in school, I only got into a mediocre university. I play video games all day long and I can't even win a PvZ. Even right now, I have it just as bad as you do, yet I'm as happy as ever. Not seeing any meaning in your life can really put you into depression, but how I got out of it myself was that I realized even though there is nothing I have to live for right now, there will come a day that I find something meaningful and something that will give my life purpose. If nothing else is worth living for, live for the day where you find that thing. Right now, just live your normal life enjoying everything you can and don't stress too much on any one thing. You don't need a great social life to be happy, you don't need good academics to be happy, you don't need to be in shape to be happy. Just keep your social life, academics, and personal health above water, and once you find something you really care about, go full force into it. Don't wear yourself out now doing something you might not even need in the future.
great post. op, listen to this guy. hes had adhd ANd tourettes which is way worse than what you are suffering from.
just pick your lazy ass up and work for what you want.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote:At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life. At this point I guess I'm just looking for reasons not to pull the trigger.
On August 04 2010 12:47 fabiano wrote: I believe that suicide threads should be locked on the spot.
If you need this kind of help, the internet is the worst place to take advice.
Yes the internet is a bad place, but we here at TL swim against this stream and the advice and the support so far is a testament to the statement above.
Don't worry man, you got a lot of life to live a head of you, being only 17 gives you lots of time to fix things up and prepare for the long haul. I too would give you advice, but everything has been stretched out through the pages, but I do have one thing to say - listen to that baller guy - will cheer you up in no time, cause hes so baller.
Maybe if you spent more time fixing your life instead of posting blogs about your horrible life it would be better. Stfu and go do something about it. Your life isn't going to get better because you get sympathy from people on a SC2 forum.
I'll tell you this. I just graduated high school, and it was the biggest waste of time. So stupid, education really needs a reform in the U.S. because when I look back at High School I see a lot of really bad teachers, teaching kids what they don't want to learn, with a "work" mentality. Also breeding exclusive cliques and social rankings.
Don't worry about high school, and look forward to college.
I was a skinny little bastard at 17 but besides that difference I was in the same situation in highschool. Dark thoughts, wasn't very happy. Senior year things fell into place a little, but I really didn't come out of my shell till I was about 20. I wanted to make some cash and I started bartending. I was forced to talk to people.
I hated everyone. Stupid fucking whiny customers that were ignorant and more often then not drunk(at a bar SURPRISE!)/belligerent. Doesn't sound fun, does it? In fact it was a LOT of fun. So much people watching that I started learning all the things I never did about society in HS and even developed insight about myself. You can experiment with how to approach people with varying personalities and you start to figure out how to talk to people in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm still weird and certainly no smooth talker. However, I'm still kickin and I am 1000 x happier then I ever was in HS. It's a rough place, but there are far better things waiting for you if you tough it out and as many have suggested, exercise a bit.
*edit* every my life sucks post I take seriously and respond to turns into a fucking troll. I hope your lies catch up to you in real life and you get the shit kicked out of you.
yo, first of all, like many people have already said, this is the wrong place to talk about this kinda subject.
I'm not sure if you're joking, or how serious you are. I also don't know how sensitive you are to harsh critiques so I guess I'll leave that out.
But basically,
you are who you are because of the decisions you have made up to this point. Certain things you were born with, but most of the things you were complaning about is a direct result stemming from the choices you made. The good news? Who you are right now, is not the final you. Unless of course you decide to pull the trigger, and to be honest I doubt you would anyways.
Instead of looking at everything so negatively, think about the good parts of the situation you are in. Think of how many people around the world would kill, literally, to be in your position, to have the opportunities you have. Throwing that all that away because you can't cope with some early-life issues is extremely selfish (yeah it's your life but still) and naive.
And the biggest wow. You're only 17. Maybe if you were in your mid 30s, you would have some legitimate reasons to contemplate suicide. You have so much fucking time to change everything you're so depressed about right now.
Even from just reading your op, it sounds like you have no motivation to make the good happen, or to make the changes. Yeah you're young, but still not THAT young. Almost legally an adult, you should just accept that your choices have consequences, and if you wanna change to be a better, more fit, more sociable person, it ain't gonna just happen. Start exercising, stop watching tv or playing starcraft, go out with friends (yes, like OUT OUT, not go kick it with your 3 guy friends and lan all day, but go out to the public, with GIRLS)
And maybe dorming is a good idea for you. Maybe not academically, but for your social aspect of your life, it should def help
people like the "friends" you mentioned are unfortunately found everywhere across the planet. i know my fair share of them
but on the other hand, i guarantee you will find people who are quite the opposite... trust me, when you find yourself good friends worth keeping for a lifetime, youre going to be glad you didn't do it.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: I'm a high school junior and will be a senior this fall.
Yeah...dont worry about it lots of people at that age sometimes feel like taking the easy way out what about the people who're gonna be hurt by your cowardly way out? Your family? Ever stopped to think how badly it would scar them, how much it would alter their lives and ruin them? DO you think they'll EVER be able to have a normal life after you die? heres a song that expresses my feelings on what you should do
My dad says it's partly genetic but at the same time he wants me to get my fat ass off the couch, go play some basketball, ride my bike, and run on the treadmill everyday. Like that's gonna happen.
What? why the fuck shouldnt it? You only get as much out of life as you put in, hell while I was in the US i got fuckin lazy like a dumb bitch and ate a lot, you know how much i weighed at the end? 264 pounds. 6'1 height, and a whoppin 264 pounds weight but I came back here to bangladesh on my vacation, theres a month left of my vacation and guess what, i lost fuckin 45 pounds because I realized wait, If I exercise, and I play fuckin football twice a day, go jogging twice a day on top of that, well fuckin maybe i can stop bein a lardass eventually? Its working. Maybe you should try it instead of going 'yeah like thats going to happen' like a defeatist. And when you lose that fat ass, confidence will come along with it. Sad but true, in todays society noone wants to be friends with fatty, noone wants to hang out with him. When you start looking better, you get a better attitude, more confidence, people will start looking at you differently, and will WANT to hang out with you. Thats just the way the world works If thats too tough for you just get rich and get lypo
On August 04 2010 13:12 Alou wrote: Maybe if you spent more time fixing your life instead of posting blogs about your horrible life it would be better. Stfu and go do something about it. Your life isn't going to get better because you get sympathy from people on a SC2 forum.
BITCH YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING CALL TEAMLIQUID A FUCKING STARCRAFT 2 FORUM I'LL FUCK YOU UP
Be a man and try to overcome your problems. All I see is a kid bitching about performing poorly on a test, having no girl, and being a fatass. Why don't you do something about it? Excuses like "it's too hard" or "it doesn't matter" is just the mentality of a failure.
But in the end it's your choice. Killself if you want, I don't even know you son.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life.
First of all, fuck you; no one in the right mind chooses to starve. There's no twisted honor in living with a tight food budget. Don't think you're entitled to all the good things in life. Most people work very hard still won't achieve them , this includes a purpose to life. And don't expect people to provide for you, like the internet for a purpose to life, have some pride and self-reliance.
Seriously dude? I know what this is. This is a blog to gain sympathy from members of TL to your situation. That's what people do in hard situations. They want attention and they think turning to the "suicidal" phase will give them the attention. You need to get your head together and think about your life. Stop blaming everything around you and man up and take responsibility for your failures. Do you think everyone on TL has never had a suicidal moment in their life? Fuck, I've gone through depression with suicidal thoughts everyday and came out of it fine. I'm pretty sure you can do just as well.
On a site note, you posted a previous blog that stated you were in college. Why the fuck would you take the SAT if you were already approaching your fourth year in college? Something smells super fishy...
I agree with Fabiano that internet forums - even ones as cool as TL - are the absolute worst place to go for suicide advice; you should speak to someone Real.
Having said that, my thoughts: human beings actually live for a long time. A really long time. You may be around for another 5 6 7 even 8 decades. And you don't know what's going to happen in your life next week, let alone in thirty years.
There is a lot about your life you don't know yet. Hundreds of people you haven't met yet, hundreds of places you haven't been and things you haven't done.
You should hang in there and see what's yet to come.
Don't quit now man. You can master your destiny. You can become what you've always wanted to become. You just need to start making changes, one at a time.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life.
First of all, fuck you; no one in the right mind chooses to starve. There's no twisted honor in living with a tight food budget. Don't think you're entitled to all the good things in life. Most people work very hard still won't achieve them , this includes a purpose to life. And don't expect people to provide for you, like the internet for a purpose to life, have some pride and self-reliance.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life.
First of all, fuck you; no one in the right mind chooses to starve. There's no twisted honor in living with a tight food budget. Don't think you're entitled to all the good things in life. Most people work very hard still won't achieve them , this includes a purpose to life. And don't expect people to provide for you, like the internet for a purpose to life, have some pride and self-reliance.
I suspect this is a troll, but my best advice is to make good dietary choices, stay away from refined sugar, and empty carbohydrates(chips, ect), and eat more whole foods(grains,vegetables). I personally prefer eating for energy than eating as a pleasure or what not. It's like right now, I finished work, and I could go grab a candy bar while watching some VODs after this or I could eat nothing having not to digest while I sleep, instead I will drink water, and wake up tomorrow morning feeling better rested than otherwise and hungry for a good breakfast.
I have seen many comments about this being a troll, so if its true, i think a repeat of the DreaM)XeRO thing is imminent. I hope it isnt though.
qzmpwxno wrote:High school. Long story short...I wish I had spent more time studying in high school instead of goofing off. I barely got into the college of my choice, since my gpa was around 2.6, but my SAT score of 1940 was supposedly higher than average for the students at that college. I finally worked past a lot of my shyness (especially around girls) and became more of a funny guy and started to focus on small talk when hitting off with girls. I became just not caring about anything or anyone and walking my own road...the road I thought would make me happy. I didn't exactly date anyone but I was friends with a lot of girls. But still...still...there was an empty feeling inside.
--- Fast forward: May 2010. A few days before the end of my junior year of college I saw Katie again, and I couldn't believe it!! I hadn't seen in her over 10 years, but I immediately recognized her in the split second I saw of her. I didn't even know she was in the same college as me. Anyway, I thought about talking to her, but I figured it would just be too weird. There was no way I could project my longings and desire for her in a way that wouldn't come off as creepy, and on top of that she barely knew who I was anyway (lol).
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: I'm a high school junior and will be a senior this fall.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: It has occurred to me that none of my happiness, and also none of my misery, means anything to anyone. People might pretend to take an interest in you, but in the end they're all in it for their own benefit.
Your expectations are up shit-creek sir. If you expect people to be in it for your benefit rather than their own, you're the one being a dick. You make your life's achievements and happiness through your own virtues. Not those of others. Other people might find value in helping you out on occasion, and it's cool when that happens. But criticising others for living life 'for themselves' is pretty retarded dude. Personally I congratulate people who are in it for themselves. You're not born indebted to anybody else.
For the first and half of the second paragraph, it essentially describes my situation.
Look man, highschool is always full of this drama bull and you just gotta make it out of there in one piece so that you can have a fresh start in college. If you have sincere friends, then that's all you need, because i would rather have a few sincere friends instead of a crapload of insincere ones.
As for the health problems, what you need to do is tackle them head on. Go exercise, eat healthier, do what you need to do to overcome the problems, and things will start looking up. During this school year, i was hospitalized twice for a lung condition, and it was because my body type (tall/thin) plus lack of exercise caused it. Now what I'm doing is building my body up and exercising so that it can never happen again. What I'm trying to say here is put in the effort, and the rewards will be worth it. I really hope this helps, and I hope things start looking up for you.
edit: wait....i think we're getting tricked here? In this blog he says hes a rising senior in HS, but in his other blog he says college...<_<
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: At this point I feel like I'd be better off being some poor starving kid in Somalia or something, at least then there would be a purpose to life.
First of all, fuck you; no one in the right mind chooses to starve. There's no twisted honor in living with a tight food budget. Don't think you're entitled to all the good things in life. Most people work very hard still won't achieve them , this includes a purpose to life. And don't expect people to provide for you, like the internet for a purpose to life, have some pride and self-reliance.
you're an idiot. you're getting all mad when apparently you don't understand what he is saying at all.
OP: the problem is your mindset. you're taking a lot of shit for granted so work on your mindset. life is very simple it's not hard to find things to appreciate if you don't overcomplicate.
On August 04 2010 14:44 Rkie wrote: I have seen many comments about this being a troll, so if its true, i think a repeat of the DreaM)XeRO thing is imminent. I hope it isnt though.
qzmpwxno wrote:High school. Long story short...I wish I had spent more time studying in high school instead of goofing off. I barely got into the college of my choice, since my gpa was around 2.6, but my SAT score of 1940 was supposedly higher than average for the students at that college. I finally worked past a lot of my shyness (especially around girls) and became more of a funny guy and started to focus on small talk when hitting off with girls. I became just not caring about anything or anyone and walking my own road...the road I thought would make me happy. I didn't exactly date anyone but I was friends with a lot of girls. But still...still...there was an empty feeling inside.
--- Fast forward: May 2010. A few days before the end of my junior year of college I saw Katie again, and I couldn't believe it!! I hadn't seen in her over 10 years, but I immediately recognized her in the split second I saw of her. I didn't even know she was in the same college as me. Anyway, I thought about talking to her, but I figured it would just be too weird. There was no way I could project my longings and desire for her in a way that wouldn't come off as creepy, and on top of that she barely knew who I was anyway (lol).
Oh WOW, I just realized what made the opening poster a troll. I was rereading "junior" and "senior" over and over again, until I realized that he previously stated that he was a junior and college, and now he is *supposedly* a junior in high school.
I especially like the abrupt and stark disparity in tone between the posts. Perhaps he felt his happy-go-lucky tone didn't attract enough readers, and therefore decided to give a gloom-and-doom post in a desperate attempts to secure more blog/entry views...
ieatkids5, don't trivialize his blog just because you feel your life or other peoples lives were/are "harder".
Maybe he's fixating on things that would seem minuscule to you, but it still bothers him as much as your problems did for you. Not everyone's the same and hopefully he'll find a way around his issues.
Even if this is a trollpost, who cares? I'm sure there are kids reading this who are feeling exactly what he's going through...
Even if they are feeling like this, masamune, they always threaten to suicide because they starve for this kind of attention and sympathy. I don't think any of them will get better if I offer my compassion and thought on the matter, they will just come back for more. Usually these are the people that need professional treatment, not sympathy. Threads like this should not be allowed just because.
Or maybe they feel like they have no way out and venting anonymously on a public forum suits them better when they have no one to talk to about it?
Like I said before, I'm 100% certain that there are other kids out there feeling depressed and/or who have contemplated suicide, reading the advice from people here so it serves some kind of purpose. Besides, there are and will be worse blogs out there, so I don't see the problem with having the occasional "I may be an attentionwhore, but I still need help" blogs.
Sometimes even the most basic advice can help and I recall seeing someone post a hotline number, so who knows? Maybe they used that and found some relief?
On August 04 2010 15:15 Masamune wrote: ieatkids5, don't trivialize his blog just because you feel your life or other peoples lives were/are "harder".
Maybe he's fixating on things that would seem minuscule to you, but it still bothers him as much as your problems did for you. Not everyone's the same and hopefully he'll find a way around his issues.
Even if this is a trollpost, who cares? I'm sure there are kids reading this who are feeling exactly what he's going through...
Let's pretend that what the OP wrote was actually happening to him, just to make conversation.
Trivializing? You could call it that. Because the 'real life' problems he has are trivial. They're nothing compared to what other people go through. They are trivial and they are miniscule. The real problem here, and you even said it, is that he's fixated on these things. His perspective, his thoughts, his views on these little problems are the true problem here. He's making these problems bigger than they should be, and overreacting to them in a negative way instead of finding the best way to deal with it.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this. The OP just didn't seem like one.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this.
It can be munch more complicated then that. You said, seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. I agree. But for some people it's chemically impossible to think otherwise. OP is probably not diagnosed with bi-polaria or severe depression but you get the point.
On August 04 2010 15:40 ieatkids5 wrote: Let's pretend that what the OP wrote was actually happening to him, just to make conversation.
Trivializing? You could call it that. Because the 'real life' problems he has are trivial. They're nothing compared to what other people go through. They are trivial and they are miniscule. The real problem here, and you even said it, is that he's fixated on these things. His perspective, his thoughts, his views on these little problems are the true problem here. He's making these problems bigger than they should be, and overreacting to them in a negative way instead of finding the best way to deal with it.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this. The OP just didn't seem like one.
Well, on the off-chance that the OP was only lying in the previous blog entry was completely truthful in this one, I'd rescind my original post if it hasn't been quoted so much already. Constructive sympathy has a much smaller chance of pushing someone towards destructive behavior.
On August 04 2010 15:15 Masamune wrote: ieatkids5, don't trivialize his blog just because you feel your life or other peoples lives were/are "harder".
Maybe he's fixating on things that would seem minuscule to you, but it still bothers him as much as your problems did for you. Not everyone's the same and hopefully he'll find a way around his issues.
Even if this is a trollpost, who cares? I'm sure there are kids reading this who are feeling exactly what he's going through...
Let's pretend that what the OP wrote was actually happening to him, just to make conversation.
Trivializing? You could call it that. Because the 'real life' problems he has are trivial. They're nothing compared to what other people go through. They are trivial and they are miniscule. The real problem here, and you even said it, is that he's fixated on these things. His perspective, his thoughts, his views on these little problems are the true problem here. He's making these problems bigger than they should be, and overreacting to them in a negative way instead of finding the best way to deal with it.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this. The OP just didn't seem like one.
There are always going to be people who have it worse. You can trivialize anything. Hey, that kid living in the ghettos of NYC, he may not have gotten any presents for Christmas, but at least he's not living in poverty-stricken Africa. And that kid in Africa? Hey at least he's not living in Africa with AIDS! And that kid in Africa with AIDS??? At least he still has family and is not living alone in Zaire with the Ebola virus!!
You can always make a situation sound better than it is, but I think it's more appropriate to look at things in perspective and relatively. I remember reading some guys blog here on TL who visited his family in South America. The rich mom's side were constantly working and depressed, and the poorer dad's side was happier, despite having a worse quality of life, financially. Things really need to be looked at from a proper angle because happiness is not the same for everyone.
With this guy, sure his problems may not be that big of a deal in comparison to other people but he's hurting just as much emotionally. We all have a different chemical make-up and some people are more prone to things like depression because of chemical imbalances in their brains etc. so I think we have treat everyone seriously, not matter what their issues are. I'm also sure many people who are depressed know that they have it better than other people but still fall into these "holes". A lot of the times it's genetic and they just can't help feeling like this. If it was as simple as just being put back into reality, many people wouldn't feel like this in the first place.
Maybe being harsher toned worked for you and possibly other people reading this blog, but there are those who it won't work for and only a different approach will help.
dude you got all the advice you need in this thread and should clearly see what a stupid, rushed idea this is. just give it some time, first try to develop for the better, it will come to you, i'm sure. hell, i just recently understood what it means to sit down on my arse for once and study seriously, and i'm 24, so please don't end your life. it's all a matter of emtional state, so bear with this one and there'll be a brighter one in the future.
Meh, college is a mixed bag. Sure, I go to parties and shit and hook up with girls, but worrying for exams and studying gets old and stressful.
This guy is fucking bullshitting.
hey!! I haven't made a blog in more than a month, just because I haven't had too much to talk about. But finally I seem to have started digging myself out of my self-inflicted holes, and so here I am today.
This post is going to be about a topic which gets a lot of attention on TL: girls and love.
So, to start off, I finished my junior (3rd year of college) and am getting ready for my senior year and the real world. But the past 3 years have been hectic. I got bad grades throughout my college years, and at one point was close to being dismissed because of my poor gpa. I took a summer course to remediate myself this summer, and am about to get an A in the class, which would bring up my average to over a 2.0 (I know, absolutely terrible). But all seems to be alright again. I finally seem to have developed good study habits and concentration but, most importantly, I seem to have conjured up a state of peace of mind and self-worth. And it all started with a girl.
-What ever the fuck his name is.
I dont know which is bullshit and which is not, but both is pretty fucking pathetic.
Okay here you go kid: Go to the gym after school mon, wed, fri for 2 hours, do some cardio and some wrist curls, get home, get some water, sit down in front of your computer and go at SC2 for 3 hours, on Tues/Thurs spend 4 hours on SC2 after school. Then after SC2 get your school work done, get some more water, and spend an hour watching replays of SC2, then go to bed. Gets you in shape, gets your parents off of you for that, you get to spend alot of time on SC2, and you still work toward getting to college. you'll spend 35-40 hours on school, 6 hours at the gym, 21 hours on SC2. and that also gives you about 10 and a half hour a week day to sleep. and weekends off.
You have no fucking idea what this will do the people around you and to your family. You think you don't have friends? You think people won't care? You bet your ass they will, they'll think of it every day that you aren't in class.
Caring about someone and wanting someone to not kill himself are 2 entirely different things. Of course people will feel bad when someone commits suicide - but to actually care enough about someone to make his life better is another thing altogether. If people actually cared about someone, they would be there for him even if they didn't think he was suicidal. If they cared about him, they would have been thinking of him every day he WAS in class. Legitimately caring about someone else is selfless - something not many people can do. Caring when someone dies is selfish - at that point they're sad about their own loss, not his.
And to the OP: Yes, the vast majority of people are very disingenuous, but not everyone. It's obviously going to be much worse when you're younger. If everyone was the same person for their whole life that they were at 17, the world would be a horrible, horrible place. And quite frankly, you don't want to go to an Ivy League school if you want to be more social - the social structure at slightly lower, top-tier schools will be better and more representative of the actual population. Living in a dorm will force you into an environment with every type of person, and pretty much ensure you'll meet a couple people you're compatible with.
Start lifting weights and eating right. There was pretty young diabetic at my old gym - maybe 20 years old. After a couple years, not only was he very thin, but among the strongest people there. He could bench almost twice his weight - better than me, and certainly better than 99% the population. Being diabetic doesn't mean you have to be overweight - just be careful about what you eat and avoid supplements other than protein. If you start now, you'll easily be 150 in a couple years, and you'll feel a ton better all along the way.
On August 04 2010 15:15 Masamune wrote: ieatkids5, don't trivialize his blog just because you feel your life or other peoples lives were/are "harder".
Maybe he's fixating on things that would seem minuscule to you, but it still bothers him as much as your problems did for you. Not everyone's the same and hopefully he'll find a way around his issues.
Even if this is a trollpost, who cares? I'm sure there are kids reading this who are feeling exactly what he's going through...
Let's pretend that what the OP wrote was actually happening to him, just to make conversation.
Trivializing? You could call it that. Because the 'real life' problems he has are trivial. They're nothing compared to what other people go through. They are trivial and they are miniscule. The real problem here, and you even said it, is that he's fixated on these things. His perspective, his thoughts, his views on these little problems are the true problem here. He's making these problems bigger than they should be, and overreacting to them in a negative way instead of finding the best way to deal with it.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this. The OP just didn't seem like one.
There are always going to be people who have it worse. You can trivialize anything. Hey, that kid living in the ghettos of NYC, he may not have gotten any presents for Christmas, but at least he's not living in poverty-stricken Africa. And that kid in Africa? Hey at least he's not living in Africa with AIDS! And that kid in Africa with AIDS??? At least he still has family and is not living alone in Zaire with the Ebola virus!!
You can always make a situation sound better than it is, but I think it's more appropriate to look at things in perspective and relatively. I remember reading some guys blog here on TL who visited his family in South America. The rich mom's side were constantly working and depressed, and the poorer dad's side was happier, despite having a worse quality of life, financially. Things really need to be looked at from a proper angle because happiness is not the same for everyone.
With this guy, sure his problems may not be that big of a deal in comparison to other people but he's hurting just as much emotionally. We all have a different chemical make-up and some people are more prone to things like depression because of chemical imbalances in their brains etc. so I think we have treat everyone seriously, not matter what their issues are. I'm also sure many people who are depressed know that they have it better than other people but still fall into these "holes". A lot of the times it's genetic and they just can't help feeling like this. If it was as simple as just being put back into reality, many people wouldn't feel like this in the first place.
Maybe being harsher toned worked for you and possibly other people reading this blog, but there are those who it won't work for and only a different approach will help.
Yes. Emotions are relative, not absolute. They are highly based on expectations and have little to do with actual wealth or measurable achievement. People who honestly believe that living in a wealthier country has much to do with being happier have no idea what they are talking about.
I think the most important thing that you are lacking is pride in yourself. While you should work on improving your flaws, you should always be proud of who you are despite what anyone may think.
Perfectionism is a chore. I got an 1830 on the SAT and I know I could have done better if I studied. Stop looking at what you could have done, should have done, or whatever and start looking on how you can make your immediate life better. Focus on what you appreciate and how to make that more apparent.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you went to Princeton or ITT Tech. It's the relationships you have and the positivity YOU make out of life that will leave you satisfied.
When I was a cocky freshman in highschool I was certain I'd end up at a high level university. I was an arrogant slacker, I never studied math and it hurt me a lot on the SAT. I barely passed all of my math classes, I slept through all of them. I got mediocre grades and now I'm going to Jr. College working on a transfer to become a nurse. I'll probably make six figures if I make it through and become an NP or CRNA. And you think you can't get a decent job if you don't go to a place like Harvard? Are you fucking kidding?
As far as sociophobia I can understand. I even left TL because my addiction to the internet and starcraft was ruining my life. For the better part of my teenage life I walled myself off from people and then blamed them for ignoring me. I left TL, got off my ass, and repaired the relationships I have lost. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started searching for a reason to exist. I thought about killing myself and now the idea isn't even a blip on my radar. The only thing I worry about is reverting back into the pathetic sack of shit I used to be.
I just got a call from a doctor that said I'm having liver problems because I'm overweight. 6'2" and 242 lb. I'm on a good diet, exercising regularly, and now working hard to make something of my life. You can do it too. Don't give in and really look at all the problems in your life. People treating you like shit? Is that really because all people are jerks or is it something you're doing? I found out in a hurry that all the people I thought were assholes were really just responding naturally to the way I carried myself.
If you sit around whining waiting for life's meaning to smack you in the ass you aren't going anywhere. That's the truth.
Bro what happens in high school stays in high school.
College is a totally new place for you to change yourself. You're fat? Lose pounds. I was ~170 in high school, decided to lose weight and now I am around 135. I am also 5'7/8 ish.
Meh, I was suicidal a few months ago, but I just ended up drinking a lot, and now I've met a girl. Life feels great again, I'm trying to stop drinking every day, and I don't smoke as much as I used too..I'm just scared of how empty it'll feel when/if I lose her.
Moral of the story: even if you suck ass, hang in there...good things come for those who wait.
Can we get it checked out if he's lying or not about what he said?
Previous blog:
On June 28 2010 02:55 qzmpwxno wrote: So, to start off, I finished my junior (3rd year of college) and am getting ready for my senior year and the real world. But the past 3 years have been hectic. I got bad grades throughout my college years, and at one point was close to being dismissed because of my poor gpa. I took a summer course to remediate myself this summer, and am about to get an A in the class, which would bring up my average to over a 2.0 (I know, absolutely terrible).
On this post:
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: OK so so start off...Academics. I'm a high school junior and will be a senior this fall. I failed AP English this year thanks to my stubborn teacher (who should retire BTW). I took the SAT and prepared my ass off for it, even though I only got a 1970 (I was distracted the whole time by a hot girl in the front row). In my freshman year I had hopes of going to an Ivy League, but now all my academic dreams have been crushed.
If he's lying, that's pretty fucked up man, suicide ain't nothing to joke about/lie about. I didn't really care in Dream)Xero's case cause fuck if, that's pretty pathetic that he's lying about getting a girl when he didn't but lying about suicide's way lower cause there's tons of people out there with suicidal tendencies as real problems.
On August 04 2010 21:36 chaoser wrote: if he's lying please, that's just messed up
Hes quite obviously lying since theres no consistency between his blogs, hes like a different person in his other blog Im not sure why this guy isnt banned yet, theres been a precedent set for this with xearo's ban
On August 04 2010 15:15 Masamune wrote: ieatkids5, don't trivialize his blog just because you feel your life or other peoples lives were/are "harder".
Maybe he's fixating on things that would seem minuscule to you, but it still bothers him as much as your problems did for you. Not everyone's the same and hopefully he'll find a way around his issues.
Even if this is a trollpost, who cares? I'm sure there are kids reading this who are feeling exactly what he's going through...
Let's pretend that what the OP wrote was actually happening to him, just to make conversation.
Trivializing? You could call it that. Because the 'real life' problems he has are trivial. They're nothing compared to what other people go through. They are trivial and they are miniscule. The real problem here, and you even said it, is that he's fixated on these things. His perspective, his thoughts, his views on these little problems are the true problem here. He's making these problems bigger than they should be, and overreacting to them in a negative way instead of finding the best way to deal with it.
And all the kids "who are feeling exactly what he's going through" reading this blog and my posts? Good. Now they can see how they're wrong, how seeing everything in a negative light is useless and only detrimental to yourself and those who you're close with. Yeah, I know my tone is harsh in these posts. All for the better. Sometimes a good kick back into reality is needed. Some people need to be told this way for the message to get through. And of course, there are people who aren't like this. The OP just didn't seem like one.
There are always going to be people who have it worse. You can trivialize anything. Hey, that kid living in the ghettos of NYC, he may not have gotten any presents for Christmas, but at least he's not living in poverty-stricken Africa. And that kid in Africa? Hey at least he's not living in Africa with AIDS! And that kid in Africa with AIDS??? At least he still has family and is not living alone in Zaire with the Ebola virus!!
You can always make a situation sound better than it is, but I think it's more appropriate to look at things in perspective and relatively. I remember reading some guys blog here on TL who visited his family in South America. The rich mom's side were constantly working and depressed, and the poorer dad's side was happier, despite having a worse quality of life, financially. Things really need to be looked at from a proper angle because happiness is not the same for everyone.
With this guy, sure his problems may not be that big of a deal in comparison to other people but he's hurting just as much emotionally. We all have a different chemical make-up and some people are more prone to things like depression because of chemical imbalances in their brains etc. so I think we have treat everyone seriously, not matter what their issues are. I'm also sure many people who are depressed know that they have it better than other people but still fall into these "holes". A lot of the times it's genetic and they just can't help feeling like this. If it was as simple as just being put back into reality, many people wouldn't feel like this in the first place.
Maybe being harsher toned worked for you and possibly other people reading this blog, but there are those who it won't work for and only a different approach will help.
I've come to understand that we have different viewpoints and they can't be reconciled.
I believe that there are stupid/trivial problems. Especially what the OP is going through. Then there are problems that are serious, like that stuff you said. The poor kid in the ghetto, people in third world countries. Their problems are serious. And yes, the kid in Africa should be looking at his situation with logic. He should be happy that he doesn't have it worse. Everyone should think like that. Everyone should see their situation through a positive lens and approach their problems with reason. That doesn't mean be satisfied with the current situation. But don't fucking despair and become a useless member of society. Work your way out of that situation, or make the best of it if you can't.
If I'm diagnosed with a terminal disease and I have one month left to live, it'd be perfectly reasonable for me to become depressed. Maybe it'd be common or reasonable for me to never get over it either, and die an unhappy death. But why do that when there is a better alternative? Understand that I have one month to live. Understand that there is nothing I can do about that fact. Understand that despairing will only make those precious few moments I have left to live worse. Therefore, I should do what I can to be happy in those last few moments. There is no reason to not view your situation with a positive outlook.
The OP has it much better than the hypothetical situation above. His problem can be fixed if he doesn't sit there and vegetate. OP needs to understand that: here is a situation; he is unhappy in this situation; work to get out of it; see things in a positive light during that entire process (and after).
Oh, and that family you mentioned with one side being rich/unhappy, other side being poor/happy. Yes, everyone's happiness is unique. The poor/happy side seems fine. Rich/unhappy side needs to do some thinking. Is working so hard to get more money really going to make you happy? Would you be happier if you worked less and had less money? Clearly they're not enjoying their work. Something needs to change here. Either reassess what they truly should be doing to enjoy life, or learn to like their work (pretty damn difficult).
Anyways, yes, I agree that for some people, advice from someone like me won't work. And for others, showing sympathy becomes like a drug and they come back for more without ever doing anything to fix their way of thinking. You can't cure someone's depression without truly understanding them - so it's really difficult to do it in a post. In the end, if my ideas about how someone approaches life manages to make their life a bit better, then I'll be satisfied.
If it makes you feel better I lost my fiancé my parents and family and I live at a friends house currently broke and trying to detox off of Oxicontin and I am not contemplating suicide so please spare me, you are young and have a life ahead of you, at least you aren't on the streets bro. Shit can always be worse and you'r situation sucks so bad because you are too young to realize that life sucks and you'r not that bad anyway. Trust me, be positive and things will change. Go workout for shits sake, it makes you happier because it releases endorphins (sp?) which is practically a drug.
Lying through your teeth again Suicidal imbecile Think about it, put it on the fautline What'll it take to get it through to you precious Go with this, why do you wanna throw it away like this Such a mess, I don't wanna watch you...
Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerence Narcissistic, drama queen, craving fame and all its decadence
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere, Do it somewhere far away from here
Cut off some part, but yeah, most of the song is there.
You know, women don't only care about looks. Love is blind and the person whom one falls in love with will be the most beautiful in that person's eyes.
Also, don't give up on life. It's got so much more to offer.
Dude, high school is shit, everyone hates it. In high school, I think just about everyone contemplates suicide at one time or another. It's normal, and u will get over it. Just smile and be happy and everyone will like u no matter what u look like. I know a friend that got busted for drugs in 7th grade and now we're in high school, and he just seems happy all the time, but when I really talked to him like one on one, he was really depressed. But he had a lot of friends because he was just so happy all the time. Don't let depression get u from making bad impressions on people. And when u do make a good friend, talk to him about and he will understand.
As someone who has lost not one, but two special someones- One of which is dead, and the other of which was suicidal herself the last time I spoke to her, unable to track her, leading me to imagine only the worst- I saw this thread and, unfortunately for me, started typing.
I'm an obese ~280 lb 6 foot tall gaming nerd. Years ago I was on Paxil for quite a long time, until declared "mentally stable," or that my depression had gone away. Recently, it came back, and I was on an extremely high dosage of Prozac for a few months before I eventually ceased medication in my own stupidity. For my high school life, I dropped out of high school as a freshmen, sat on my ass for 4 years playing video games, and acquired my GED with absolutely no study and got maybe a 1600 on my SAT. I've lived in 18 houses in 2 countries and a few states, rarely getting to know people long enough to be friends for life (especially before the internet became big). I attend a dead-end for-profit college, accumulating loans out the ass, getting the best grades I can in attempt to get out and socialize more, but usually end up sitting in the corner every class alone for 3 hours. In my prime, before the depression came back and I went on prozac, I was ~65 pounds lighter, had an acceptable social life and was happy with myself.
Now my brain is so fucked up that I've chugged pills just for 72-hour bouts of insomnia, something which has happened more than once in the last year. Right now I'm running on only 4 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours (two of which were class days), so forgive me if you aren't a fan of my reality check. Given all that I've just written, all the sudden memories that I've just been reminded of after only briefly mentioning them (to which will only add on to the hours I'll be awake), and my mental fucked up state that I try to hide so that I can participate in the briefest weekly social moments of my life.
I've considered deleting this entire text box for about 15 minutes now, but maybe it will benefit somebody. I've made so many revisions- so many areas deleted and rewritten, so many details I'm too scared to remember, let alone describe. Reading any posts about depression reminds me of my own mental prison I've lived in for years, and now that that cage is open, I fear that typing it out is the only way I'll be able to get it out of my head.
Being antisocial is the least threatening thing in life. Imagine being social and losing everyone you've ever truly cared for, trying again after 3 years of therapy and medication, and it happening all over again. To those who say "Its better to have loved and lost," I invite you in to my world. A world where even if your dad suggests you go ride a bike and work out, you don't ignore his advice out of laziness, but out of sheer mental inability to get up out of bed. A day goes by where your mind is too busy to tell your legs to carry you to the bathroom- a week goes by that, despite living with your parents, nobody notices you haven't left the basement.
I envy the day when I thought being antisocial in high school was hard. What the fuck are you really even doing here? This is a website forum. Aside from the allegations that you're lying (although its possible your previous blog was a lie and this one is the truth,) what exactly do you expect to gain here?
Just go ahead and pull the trigger if you have too much pride to help yourself or to ask for help. It's only your life, after all. Better yet, I'll trade you- then you can do it.
Start lifting weights. It's a cliche but it helps. Squat, deadlift, bench. Confidence is everything and that is what lifting builds. You can still go up; you know what's wrong in your life and you can do something about it. It's worth a try because life can be great.
When you start contemplating suicide and can't find a flaw in your life. That is when it just might be the solution.
Eh, wow. He is clearly lying about his age and thus probably everything else. How did most people miss this? I feel a little stupid now for giving a legitimate reply...
On August 05 2010 05:55 Nokarot wrote: As someone who has lost not one, but two special someones- One of which is dead, and the other of which was suicidal herself the last time I spoke to her, unable to track her, leading me to imagine only the worst- I saw this thread and, unfortunately for me, started typing.
I'm an obese ~280 lb 6 foot tall gaming nerd. Years ago I was on Paxil for quite a long time, until declared "mentally stable," or that my depression had gone away. Recently, it came back, and I was on an extremely high dosage of Prozac for a few months before I eventually ceased medication in my own stupidity. For my high school life, I dropped out of high school as a freshmen, sat on my ass for 4 years playing video games, and acquired my GED with absolutely no study and got maybe a 1600 on my SAT. I've lived in 18 houses in 2 countries and a few states, rarely getting to know people long enough to be friends for life (especially before the internet became big). I attend a dead-end for-profit college, accumulating loans out the ass, getting the best grades I can in attempt to get out and socialize more, but usually end up sitting in the corner every class alone for 3 hours. In my prime, before the depression came back and I went on prozac, I was ~65 pounds lighter, had an acceptable social life and was happy with myself.
Now my brain is so fucked up that I've chugged pills just for 72-hour bouts of insomnia, something which has happened more than once in the last year. Right now I'm running on only 4 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours (two of which were class days), so forgive me if you aren't a fan of my reality check. Given all that I've just written, all the sudden memories that I've just been reminded of after only briefly mentioning them (to which will only add on to the hours I'll be awake), and my mental fucked up state that I try to hide so that I can participate in the briefest weekly social moments of my life.
I've considered deleting this entire text box for about 15 minutes now, but maybe it will benefit somebody. I've made so many revisions- so many areas deleted and rewritten, so many details I'm too scared to remember, let alone describe. Reading any posts about depression reminds me of my own mental prison I've lived in for years, and now that that cage is open, I fear that typing it out is the only way I'll be able to get it out of my head.
Being antisocial is the least threatening thing in life. Imagine being social and losing everyone you've ever truly cared for, trying again after 3 years of therapy and medication, and it happening all over again. To those who say "Its better to have loved and lost," I invite you in to my world. A world where even if your dad suggests you go ride a bike and work out, you don't ignore his advice out of laziness, but out of sheer mental inability to get up out of bed. A day goes by where your mind is too busy to tell your legs to carry you to the bathroom- a week goes by that, despite living with your parents, nobody notices you haven't left the basement.
I envy the day when I thought being antisocial in high school was hard. What the fuck are you really even doing here? This is a website forum. Aside from the allegations that you're lying (although its possible your previous blog was a lie and this one is the truth,) what exactly do you expect to gain here?
Just go ahead and pull the trigger if you have too much pride to help yourself or to ask for help. It's only your life, after all. Better yet, I'll trade you- then you can do it.
Wooooooowwwwwwwww
This real? Man it takes some balls to type this. Hope you have enough strength to climb out of this shit, make yourself do things at least no matter how hard it seems.
On August 05 2010 05:55 Nokarot wrote: As someone who has lost not one, but two special someones- One of which is dead, and the other of which was suicidal herself the last time I spoke to her, unable to track her, leading me to imagine only the worst- I saw this thread and, unfortunately for me, started typing.
I'm an obese ~280 lb 6 foot tall gaming nerd. Years ago I was on Paxil for quite a long time, until declared "mentally stable," or that my depression had gone away. Recently, it came back, and I was on an extremely high dosage of Prozac for a few months before I eventually ceased medication in my own stupidity. For my high school life, I dropped out of high school as a freshmen, sat on my ass for 4 years playing video games, and acquired my GED with absolutely no study and got maybe a 1600 on my SAT. I've lived in 18 houses in 2 countries and a few states, rarely getting to know people long enough to be friends for life (especially before the internet became big). I attend a dead-end for-profit college, accumulating loans out the ass, getting the best grades I can in attempt to get out and socialize more, but usually end up sitting in the corner every class alone for 3 hours. In my prime, before the depression came back and I went on prozac, I was ~65 pounds lighter, had an acceptable social life and was happy with myself.
Now my brain is so fucked up that I've chugged pills just for 72-hour bouts of insomnia, something which has happened more than once in the last year. Right now I'm running on only 4 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours (two of which were class days), so forgive me if you aren't a fan of my reality check. Given all that I've just written, all the sudden memories that I've just been reminded of after only briefly mentioning them (to which will only add on to the hours I'll be awake), and my mental fucked up state that I try to hide so that I can participate in the briefest weekly social moments of my life.
I've considered deleting this entire text box for about 15 minutes now, but maybe it will benefit somebody. I've made so many revisions- so many areas deleted and rewritten, so many details I'm too scared to remember, let alone describe. Reading any posts about depression reminds me of my own mental prison I've lived in for years, and now that that cage is open, I fear that typing it out is the only way I'll be able to get it out of my head.
Being antisocial is the least threatening thing in life. Imagine being social and losing everyone you've ever truly cared for, trying again after 3 years of therapy and medication, and it happening all over again. To those who say "Its better to have loved and lost," I invite you in to my world. A world where even if your dad suggests you go ride a bike and work out, you don't ignore his advice out of laziness, but out of sheer mental inability to get up out of bed. A day goes by where your mind is too busy to tell your legs to carry you to the bathroom- a week goes by that, despite living with your parents, nobody notices you haven't left the basement.
I envy the day when I thought being antisocial in high school was hard. What the fuck are you really even doing here? This is a website forum. Aside from the allegations that you're lying (although its possible your previous blog was a lie and this one is the truth,) what exactly do you expect to gain here?
Just go ahead and pull the trigger if you have too much pride to help yourself or to ask for help. It's only your life, after all. Better yet, I'll trade you- then you can do it.
If somebody's anti-social, has little to no friends, and has little self esteem, they want two things. They want approval/acceptance etc. from others, because a human's confidence and self-worth comes from what others think of them, and two because they're lonely and have no one else. It's easier to type/talk with others online than it is to go out and talk to others.
So, to start off, I finished my junior (3rd year of college) and am getting ready for my senior year and the real world. But the past 3 years have been hectic. I got bad grades throughout my college years, and at one point was close to being dismissed because of my poor gpa. I took a summer course to remediate myself this summer, and am about to get an A in the class, which would bring up my average to over a 2.0 (I know, absolutely terrible
On August 04 2010 12:54 Chairman Ray wrote: I know exactly how you feel because I've been there. I was told by my own mother that I was ugly, I suffer from tourette syndrome which destroyed my social life, I also suffer from ADHD which has been very troublesome to my academics. Despite trying really hard in school, I only got into a mediocre university. I play video games all day long and I can't even win a PvZ. Even right now, I have it just as bad as you do, yet I'm as happy as ever. Not seeing any meaning in your life can really put you into depression, but how I got out of it myself was that I realized even though there is nothing I have to live for right now, there will come a day that I find something meaningful and something that will give my life purpose. If nothing else is worth living for, live for the day where you find that thing. Right now, just live your normal life enjoying everything you can and don't stress too much on any one thing. You don't need a great social life to be happy, you don't need good academics to be happy, you don't need to be in shape to be happy. Just keep your social life, academics, and personal health above water, and once you find something you really care about, go full force into it. Don't wear yourself out now doing something you might not even need in the future.
Fucking win. I have a friend who moved to my city last year, she was 10 years old, met two older girls from down the street who bought a guy along too and then the guy started 'punishing' her. This guy was 15. He would take her to the back of the house where no-one could see and ask her to pull down her panties and let him fuck her. Then he would make her drink his urine and lick his anus. She's fucking 10 years old. The first time she did it she was so grossed out she almost threw up, this made him beat her chest with a stick. That was her punishment - whenever he felt like it he would just beat her chest with a stick.
He told her she was fat and ugly and no guy would ever want to have sex with her while sexually and violently abusing her.
She's 15 now and has attempted suicide several times by wrist slitting and drinking methylated spirits. She even has a massive scar across her chest because she used a kitchen knife to try and carve away the pain from the stick beatings she received.
She's getting better now with counseling and religious support. She believes in God although I think it's a load of crap it's helping her.
She wants to forgive this guy but fuuuuck she's struggling to.
I told her fuck that why should you forgive him she says otherwise God won't forgive her.
Unless your situation is this shit you don't deserve to be depressed enough to commit suicide.
Do something productive with your life - like make it your goal to beat up guys who take advantage of 10 year old girls.
This is a troll post. I hope the rest of TL sees that . Sounds like that scorpio guy...(Can't remember his current TL name, but his profile pic is of a scrawny latino guy in a wifebeater, taking a pic with his cellphone in the bathroom mirror.
On August 04 2010 11:53 RAUS wrote: In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
depression in high school is not an uncommon thing. High school sucks. Realize that it gets better. However, as none of us are mental health specialists, i would recommend talking to someone who knows what you've been through. call the number, let them change your mind.
Quite possibly the biggest lie told to young adults.
On August 04 2010 11:43 qzmpwxno wrote: Like that's gonna happen.
Why won't it happen? As we were walking back from the gym my friend mentioned that he has more respect for the fat guys sweating it up on the treadmill than bodybuilders benching 300 pounds. It's true, you might think you look ridiculous but most people will respect the effort. And you're not going to the gym to pick up girls (please don't do this ever, it is the epitome of douche). You don't really have to think about it, just set a plan and do it. After you start working out, your life will start to fall into place as your self-esteem goes up.
this is fantastic advice.
People really respect anyone who is trying to make an improvement in their life, especially a difficult one. Important thing is don't do it for other people, do it to improve YOUR life
You know, the OP is most likely trollin, but I'll give advice anyway cuz Im just that nice of a guy :D.
As someone whos gone through depression (Spent my Senior Summer in bed for 3 month), and tried a host of different meds treatin it, all which I just ended up abusing...
The key is to stop taking yourself so seriously. Realize that the world doesn't revolve around you, or your problems. Learn to live your life partly for others, and the part you live for yourself becomes a whole lot better. It can't say I'm any happier in all honesty. tbh I still contemplate suicide frequently. But its a lot more bearable and fulfilling.
Wasn't really so much for the retarded OP. Actually it probably was. Anyone whos going to make an account just to make up imaginary identities with imaginary problems is probably just terribly insecure of his real identity and makes up fake ones :/.
On August 04 2010 11:53 RAUS wrote: In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
depression in high school is not an uncommon thing. High school sucks. Realize that it gets better. However, as none of us are mental health specialists, i would recommend talking to someone who knows what you've been through. call the number, let them change your mind.
What the hell no it doesn't. Learn to love the suffering <3. Make it meaningful, make it fulfilling. Thats the trick.
Unless your situation is this shit you don't deserve to be depressed enough to commit suicide.
Nobody deserves to commit suicide. :/. That isn't a moral argument. Its just fact. Its just something you do or you don't.
Seriously dude, you can take AP english again, you don't fail at life cause you failed a class. Get used to not having perfect grades. You expect to go to an ivy? You think that's a walk in the park?
For the vast majority of people, it wont matter what school you go to. I shit you not. It doesn't even matter what SAT scores you get. Once you get into uni, nobody cares about your SAT, only your GPA. Once you graduate uni, nobody after your first job cares what school you went to, only your exp. (and sometimes the first job doesn't care too much about what school you went to anyways).
Does going to brown mean you are smarter then if you went to UC-Berkley? There are good non-ivy's too. What's in a name other then something you could brag about (that really nobody cares about?). When do you stop needing more then other people? Does it matter how much money you make compared to ______? Or drive a nicer car? Find a meaning in life other then school or work. Those are necessary for life, but they should not BE your life. Don't sweat it. As long as you don't get caught cheating or breaking the law in a job or something, it's not going to make a significantly big difference in your life, as long as you put in the work to get through it.
Re: socially. Bro go out and make friends. Hang out with people in groups. Be less self-conscious. I think part of your whole problem with your life is that you are too damn worried about how other people think about you, how other people look at you. Fuck that. It's about what makes you happy and what you want to do. Who you are. I'm not saying that cause you dont care what other people think you can go out and start stealing shit, but really, just be comfortable with yourself.
You don't need to worry about whoever you are with. Just worry about having fun. The more you think "what will they say if xxxxx" or "what would they think if i xxxx" then the more you just do nothing and lock up. Let it come, just do whatever you do when you are with a bigger group of people. Even in group interactions you arn't really interacting with EVERYBODY at once, but having a bunch of 1v1 interactions at the same time. You can definitely do it. Just lighten up a little.
Re: health. Man, nothing comes easy. I used to think I was invincible cause I played a crapton of sports and could stay in tiptop shape without working out. After I stopped playing I'm fat (not really but....yea) and I realized that you have to work out and be active for good health. Not gonna lie, working out isnt easy; its hard. But you need to motivate. Otherwise nothing will change. Do you like being fat? Do you dislike it enough to do something about it? If you don't dislike it enough, then be comfortable with it.
Lastly, life sucks. Most people are only looking out for themselves, no lie. But there are some people (people like me) who derive happiness from other people. It's nearly impossible for me to be happy cause something cool happened to me, it only works when people around me are happy. It only works when I am helping other people be happy. There ARE people out there that care, they are just hard to find. And they tend to network to help each other if they get too sucked in to other people's problems. Find one, find a bunch.
Its true though that your happiness or misery generally mean nothing to other people. So stop caring what other people think, and find what makes you happy. Who cares if they think you are crazy, would you rather be miserable instead?
On August 05 2010 03:13 Roffles wrote: Suicide threats aren't something to be joking about. I hope this is legit, but I fear the chances are slim.
I hope this ISN'T legit (if by your statement you meant that you hope the OP is telling the truth) for obvious reasons... I'd rather have just another lying troll than someone who is seriously contemplating suicide. The responses to this have been generally quite positive, but in all seriousness, I hope he was lying, because that's one less sad and depressed person.