But there is something I would like: something that people seem so unwilling, or even unable, to give. That is simply sitting down in a room and having a nice chat. It sounds cheesy, I know, but I’m being honest here: the one thing I value most in this world is friendship and relationships. Maybe this is a result of me being a socially awkward introvert my entire life, but is it really such a bad thing to value relationships with other people so much? I love listening to people; I love hearing about people’s lives, and I love building up relationships through serious conversations. But I admit: I’m a bad talker. I try, really I do, but I’m really bad at talking, and maybe that’s why people don’t like to have long chats with me. Maybe that’s also why I’m like a different person on the internet – because I can take the necessary time needed to say what I want to say.
On that note, today’s conversational values make me sad. I remember when texting first started and it was a rare feature for the rich (you know, when texting plans didn’t exist). Now everybody who’s anybody texts. I guess I’m a nobody because I don’t text. I agree that texting is incredibly useful and I text when needed, but I don’t have any sort of plan nor do I expect to get one anytime soon. Texting has become the most dominant form of “communication,” and I really don’t like that. I miss the days when you would talk on the phone for hours, being able to hear someone’s voice and knowing that any laugh was a genuine laugh or that any tears were genuine tears. Lol. It seems to me that people just don’t value real conversations anymore. If you want to talk to me, call me, I say. “But you just said you don’t text.” No, I don’t, but I do have a phone. You know, for calling people. Even so, I can appreciate the power of today’s technology. Most of my conversations with people are now online, whether I know them in real life or not, and it's really helpful to keep in touch with people who live far away. But online talking is still so limited. People don't give you their full attention; you just become another one of their tasks to complete while their computer is on. I don't like that, I want your full attention and I'll give you my full attention but I'll take what I can get from people. In the end, there is nothing that makes me happier than having an awesome conversation with a friend as we sit in a room looking like losers who have nothing to do on a Saturday night.
So I tell people: just come hang out with me for my birthday, and they ask is there drinking? No. Music? Nana Mizuki, who you hate. Girls? I don’t know any real ones, so no. Disappointment. I’m sorry I disappoint you, and maybe another reason I can’t seem to have the conversations and relationships I yearn for is people can’t believe an obsessive anime and Nana lover can actually be serious and insightful (I would like to think I have my moments). Maybe I just haven’t found the right people who think the same way I do. Or maybe if people actually understood just how much I value their friendship, they would see me completely differently. At (almost) 21, I understand I have experienced nothing, but I understand enough to know that friendships come and go all the time. Real friends, real lifelong friends are hard and rare to come by and I think I’ve met 1, maybe 2 at the most. It wouldn’t surprise me if that dropped to 0. I understand the harshness of reality. Even so, I don’t like living expecting 99.9% of my relationships to disappear. I want to invest as much time as possible into everyone and I want them to do the same for me. When I say someone’s my friend, I mean it. That friendship might end abruptly on any given day or slowly disappear into the sands of time, but until that happens, you can be sure I’m not going to give you shit and will always do everything I can to help you to the best of my abilities, although right now that seems limited to making Nana playlists. I guess that’s the only thing I’m good at since people don’t seem to ever rely on me for anything. But I’m beginning to digress and I’ve stated everything on my mind at the moment.
Twenty-one is just an age and my birthday is just a day. There’s no reason to get me anything or make it a special occasion. If you’re really my friend then I would know that without you doing or saying anything, and that is truly enough for me. Then again, things like this are always welcome. Thank you, Nagisama for showing me this. As I said in ADT, it made my day. Something stupidly simple that only a tsundere lover like myself could enjoy. Shout out to ADT, which is actually my home address; I really didn’t expect all the birthday wishes especially since I always forget TL is on Korean time. I feel so loved…n-not that I care or anything. It-it should be expected that you wish me happy birthday, baka! URUSAI! Thanks Blasterion (x3), Nagisama (x2), Emnjay808, Ferrose, ZNF, NationInArms, Outlaw, Rebs, and Moonbear. I’m only going to say something this cheesy once: online or real life, I don’t care. If you invest time into me, I will do the same. If you ever want to chat, just PM me, stalk me yandere style or anything in between and I’ll gladly respond. Thanks for reading.