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Aw, that is sad I love the work that you do, please keep it up, you are awesome! =]
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You might have avoidant personality disorder: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder I have a bit of it.
Everyone in their life has this one somewhat embarrassing moment that nobody remembers... a simple thing like that could tear someone apart. Just remember that it doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter to anyone else.
If you want to feel better, try going to the gym and getting really fit. Being healthy always helps increase self esteem and happiness.
Just remember... never GG. Never give up.
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I cant say I have huge experience with talking to hundreds of people but I've talked to small groups of people. Sometimes you get nervous saying stuff and assume other people are uninterested or have a negative response when they probably are just acting as they normally do. Unless they were shaking their heads while frowning I woudln't worry about it too much.
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On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote:
I don't normally post personal blogs (well not negative ones like this.) but I figured since quite a lot of people on TL are in the same section of the community as myself (aka. people with special interests) some people might be able to offer advice.
Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
It's not difficult to find people online who are interested in the same hobbies as I am, but when it comes to real life relationships there's a part of me which feels undeserving of these potentially great friends. I'm not pretty, and I always seem to be making bad decisions so I'm not sure what I have to offer people. However, recently I get the urge to talk to people upon the rare occasions english-speakers turn up at events like Comic World. I just don't have the confidence to risk them telling me to eff-off.
At this point in my life (aged 27) I already feel as if the chance to date/have friends has passed. That's kind of weird, right?
I'm not really sure what to do to work on feeling better about myself/to start making friends again.
P.S. I'll post photos again one day. I just need to find some inspiration/motivation to take them.
1) You have it backwards.
2) Definitely not.
+ Show Spoiler +Spoilered cause this is the first time I've mentioned my depression over the internet. Feels weird.
I haven't told my old group of high school friends about my depression, and they've kinda just drifted apart from me. But I finally found one person who I can open up entirely to, and things finally feel 1000x better. It's all about giving things time to settle into place.
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Although I am quite a bit younger than you and can't relate quite as well as I would like with this particular problem I will say that I've been a lurker on TL for a very long time and as such you are one of the prominent figures who stand out in my mind for what you have done for us and share with us. At 27 though that is extremely strange! Don't become so jaded =p
I've never been all that great at expressing myself but keep doing what you enjoy and try your best to find happiness in it Sorry if that's really vague.
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On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote:
I don't normally post personal blogs (well not negative ones like this.) but I figured since quite a lot of people on TL are in the same section of the community as myself (aka. people with special interests) some people might be able to offer advice.
Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
It's not difficult to find people online who are interested in the same hobbies as I am, but when it comes to real life relationships there's a part of me which feels undeserving of these potentially great friends. I'm not pretty, and I always seem to be making bad decisions so I'm not sure what I have to offer people. However, recently I get the urge to talk to people upon the rare occasions english-speakers turn up at events like Comic World. I just don't have the confidence to risk them telling me to eff-off.
At this point in my life (aged 27) I already feel as if the chance to date/have friends has passed. That's kind of weird, right?
I'm not really sure what to do to work on feeling better about myself/to start making friends again.
P.S. I'll post photos again one day. I just need to find some inspiration/motivation to take them.
I don't think it's weird to feel that way at times in your life. I've felt lonely too after losing contact with old friends. You just have to realise that it's not true that you've missed your chance.
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27? You're still young, barely even half way there. You can still date and meet people up until the day you die. There is nothing stopping you from doing it except yourself. Barring major health problems.
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whenever one of my friends has a hobby or a strong like for something that is either looked down upon by society or outside of a certain circle and feel sad when they get less than positive reactions in something that they enjoy, i tell them that their perception of happiness is something that is intrinsic to them, that what makes them happy will do so regardless of what other people think. and that caring how much about what others think is what can erode their perception of happiness to varying degrees. of course, very few people can stand total isolation, and nobody likes to be put down by a group of people. but why do you have to be with people who cannot accept what make you happy? if being socially accepted is high on your agenda, you simply don't have to share that which is new to certain social spheres, and share it in private with those who appreciate it as you do.
this might have been a bit confusing, but i just recently talked with one of my friends who has slept around quite a bit since entering college. society views her as a slut, and she herself feels the stigma and is unhappy about it. however, she genuinely enjoys sex, and isn't crushing relationships in doing what she does; she has principle. rather than associate herself with people who would put her down for having sex and enjoying it, i asked her to keep her closest friends those who would not judge her negatively for being a human being and having human urges, and to not feel down for feeling bad about being cast into a role in the groups that she associated with.
i hope that you don't cast yourself negatively in your own mind. doing so will only hinder any efforts you might have to be more outgoing, if that's what you really want. it's never too late to do most of the things that life has to offer, and dating and having friends certainly is not an exception. you are a great human being with a sense of kindness and devotion to a community, and with good artistic sense to boot there are a crowd of people that would love to get to know you better and be your friend, and i'm sure many on TL feel the same.
화이팅!
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+ Show Spoiler +
I personally can identify with that feeling a lot (being some kind of hermit/feeling undeserving of others/like you won't find people irl who share you interests and appreciate you). I moved 14 times between 0-17 years old. I was a really smart kid and often did my own thing outside of the classwork. My family was poor and I wore funny clothes and never had the same kind of food in my box lunch as everyone else. Other kids ignored me. Even now at university I feel a large disconnect from many people here who come from a very different life than my own. I have difficulty identifying with them in any way. Don't feel like you are strange for having this problem-- there are many people in your position.
On to the more important issue though-- your perception of yourself. Judging yourself as valuable based on your appearance is doomed to failure; you will get old. Instead you need to judge yourself based on the things under your control, like your decision making. If part of the reason you have difficulty making good friends is because you make poor choices, then of course that is something you need to work on! However if the reason you are having difficulty finding friends is only because you are different then that is ok! Someone worth being friends with may not always share you interests, but they will always value them because of YOU. These people who reacted with disgust are not worth your time. Those that react with confusion though, consider trying to let them get to know you more. If you have a lot of niche interests it make take time for someone to understand you.
Finally consider that everything worthwhile requires risk to attain. Imo it is better to risk failure by trying than to not bother and accept an 100% chance of failing. Be courageous! Your 'chance' has not passed. Every time of our life is equally valuable and holds opportunities. Pursue the relationships you desire, and pursue qualities that you feel confident offering to others.
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I doubt you have an avoidant personality disorder. You have fear of rejection, like every single human in the world. The difference is how we deal with it, how much we let it affect us.
When you are contemplating whether or not to talk to someone, you have a subconscious voice telling you 'Well what if they tell me to fuck off, what if i'm beeing annoying, what if they think im an asshole'. This is fear of rejection, or rather, the subsconscious message it sends.
Every psychologial theory accepts that every human is built up of many selves. This is one of those, it's like a small personality, inside your personality.
How to supress it: Now, suppressing it takes practice, anyone can do it. Think of it like a muscle, if you are very afraid of others reactions, it's probaby quite weak, and you have to build it up, which may take time, but you will be able to have a big bicep if you stick with it.
You cannot make it go away, the only way you can counter-act it is by raising the volume of what is said in your subconscious. Recognize when the voice is talking to you, and instead tell it 'No, this will be fine'. Your subconscious does not look at evidence and make a logic decision, it simply fallows a message. If you give it the 'No, this will be fine' message instead of the 'Oh shit i might get told off' message, you will be able to make yourself talk to people.
Now, this takes practice, like i said with my muscle analogy. Try practicing it by doing simple things. Ask people for directions, where you would have normally tried to figure it out by yourself. Ask someone in the shop where something is, instead of trying desperately to find it yourself, all of these help you practice, and make you more comfortable and more able to deal with fear of rejection.
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I know the feeling very well GG, not to the extreme though that I think you have.
I moved a few years ago from my home state, where I was someone with a community, friends, events, and knowledge. I was a big fish in a small pond and when I moved I moved to an even smaller pond in the middle of nowhere. I had these dreams and aspirations of starting my own business here eventually, helping start a music scene, get to know the people around, but none of it has happened.
I moved to Northern Nevada and the thing I did not realize about this are was how isolated everyone is and how they do not want to know you at all. They are not bad people at all, just isolated and if you try to make friends, everyone is either very flaky or treat you like "Who the fuck is this guy talking to me?"
I used to be able to sit outside of cafes back home, play guitar or read or whatever and things would happen. I would either run into people I knew or meet someone new. When I would try that at the local StarBucks here, everyone is so come and go, no stopping to chat at all, no hanging out there unless they were trying to use their computers and you were always bothering them at that point.
When I would tell people about my musical background and playing shows and everything, they all were just like "Okay, cool...whatever." They, for the most part, are rather non-passionate people I think. They don't seem to understand deeply-held personal passions like music or ESPORTS or whatever. Hell, I live outside of Reno a way no one around here is even into ESPORTS. I invite the people I know over for every MLG Sunday offering to buy pizza or chicken or whatever, and everyone just looks at me funny or blows me off, no care of effort to learn about something new or just spend time with good company.
At first I thought it was me. I thought I must be doing something wrong, but in the end it made no sense to me how I was the same person I was back home, so why was it easy there an not here? It couldn't be me I thought. It has gotten to a point where my wife and I are considering just leaving, giving up our house and whatnot just to go someplace where we feel welcome. We are almost at a breaking point, ready to give up on this area.
The issue then is that it feels like giving up. I have always been adaptable and a great problem solver, so why is this eluding me? I still don't know.
I am sorry for writing about this on your blog, but your post just hit me hard because it is exactly how I feel. I am now 30 and feel as you do, that finding new friends is past me. I remember being told at various points growing up that a good number of your friends now will remain friends your whole life...I still have them but so very far away, all over the country, none of them to just sit and talk SC2 or bands or whatever with anymore while kicking back with a pizza and a 6-pack of Anchor Steam.
Overall though, I am just trying my hardest to not give up. My mother is kind of my inspiration in that she is always still meeting new people and making new friends, so I know I cannot be too old or past my time or whatever. It just seems to get harder and harder. As we get older our lives become more and more structured. We run into more and more people that do not want that structure messed with at all.
This is why I dove so into the TL community, my show and cast and all that. At least here there were people that were smart, fun, into all sorts of things, that we could learn from, and that would listen. The lack of trolls and amount of intelligence is the reason I am here and just so you know, we at TL will be here for you as well. I know full well it is not the same, but it is something and it is more than a lot of people have, so I will take it.
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On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote:
I don't normally post personal blogs (well not negative ones like this.) but I figured since quite a lot of people on TL are in the same section of the community as myself (aka. people with special interests) some people might be able to offer advice.
Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
It's not difficult to find people online who are interested in the same hobbies as I am, but when it comes to real life relationships there's a part of me which feels undeserving of these potentially great friends. I'm not pretty, and I always seem to be making bad decisions so I'm not sure what I have to offer people. However, recently I get the urge to talk to people upon the rare occasions english-speakers turn up at events like Comic World. I just don't have the confidence to risk them telling me to eff-off.
At this point in my life (aged 27) I already feel as if the chance to date/have friends has passed. That's kind of weird, right?
I'm not really sure what to do to work on feeling better about myself/to start making friends again.
P.S. I'll post photos again one day. I just need to find some inspiration/motivation to take them.
Hot damn you must feel terrible if you're thinking this way. I don't have any advice for you right now other than you really NEED to work on and stop feeling/thinking this way about yourself; it's just not healthy obviously. I hope there a few here that can offer you some advice!! Hang in there and don't give up! <3
I've been having some issues lately, but luckily now that I think of it they'd all listen their hearts out for me but I just choose not to talk with them since my friends are older. I don't want to burden them with my problems just yet but really makes you appreciate how good it is to have close friends. I hope you make some new friends and also.. I doubt English-speakers will tell you to back off if you approach them if anything they'd be even more welcoming since you're in a foreign country.
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It might be AvPD. Although this doesn't sound as severe. Maybe social phobia? It's not that much of a difference - if I get it right. And the results are often similar. Either way I would love to tell you it gets better but it's not that easy. Personally (I have AvPD), my only hope is finding someone so close you feel like with your family when you're with one another. I did once (She found me and wouldn't let go). Then I confided to her and she ridiculed me, accused me of making things up and left me. Basically, she didn't even want to discuss it because she wanted to get rid of me as she felt my dependence on her and I understand and respect that.
Before, I kept telling myself - I just need to work out a bit, work on my muscles, study hard at school, get money, everything will be just fine then. With each step accomplished, nothing changed. The only thing that ever worked was someone loving me. And it wasn't real. Either way having someone you feel so close to makes it a lot easier to face potential other friends and groups. I rarely went out just by myself - without my brother or my former friend. You can force yourself into going but it doesn't work because you're not enjoying yourself there anyway, you're just paranoic and you can't even talk to anyone and enjoy yourself. Your brain is telling you to not go (or to not talk with anyone) and really, you should listen to it. It's a son a of a bitch and it will make you pay for your riot, you can count on that. Uhm. This was probably both grim and of no help. Sorry. There is hope though, don't forget that.
You might want to read a few of these to relate to someone: http://avoidantpersonality.com/stories/personalstories.htm I always go there when I'm at the bottom and it makes me feel a little better.
I do have two useful advices: Keep in mind - reading through the AvPD or social phobia or whatever personality disorder symptomes and relating is perfectly normal. With a personality disorder you often experience "perfectly normal feelings" but multiplied to a point where it makes you alter your behaviour and life routine, isolate yourself from the society etc.
Also you might consider seeking out professional help. Know that not much AvPDs were ever treated since the patients won't even trust the shrink and since they believe the shrink wouldn't help them anyway. It's good to have that in mind and maybe try and overcome this fear. The shrink should be understanding and should earn your trust. He shouldn't make fun of you or test your limits. If he does, stop seeing him. Maybe try looking for a better one. The AvPDs will often try e.g. not showing up for a session to test whether the shrink will get angry or will forgive them. Again, he should be aware of this and understanding.
P.S. If you understood any of what I wrote above and would like to talk some more please do PM me (or anyone else), I would like to listen to you and share, since I don't even have any online friends to talk to about this and I don't want to search for them on the AvPD sites as we would probably have nothing else in common. Btw. You said you weren't pretty - obssesing over your looks is another symptom often associated with AvPD. Once knowing that, it might be easier to deal with. It's good to identify these fears and know where they're coming from. They will stay but they will get a little easier to manage. Otherwise good luck and keep fighting!
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I can relate to you i was like that still am a little but it's never too late to date/make friends! Hell i started at 30 years old and i'm fine!
Never give up on talking/opening up to other people eventually it'll pay off.
You're a great person believe it all these people probably never did half the things you did!
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9931 Posts
look at it this way - you're never gonna think to yourself: "boy am i glad i just kept to myself all day and felt lonely". because 1. if people don't like you, they can go fuck themselves and 2. it sounds like you don't have much going for you right now, so unless they scam you or kill you or something you can only benefit from talking to people.
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I relate to you 100%. My in-the-flesh friend count: 0. Would be cool to go to a barcraft but I'm never going there by myself. I could have kept friends with people from school, but I feel awkward and uncomfortable in trying, even there's some good people I've known.
Another possibility, perhaps I like being alone. Maybe I just think lowly of myself as a likeable guy because of a social stigma against anti-social (as in, not social, not the asshole way) people. The stigma sounds plain and simple and logical the way I formulated it and it might not disappear ever. In this context, I could just be projecting that stigma on myself for no reason while I should have the mindset that I'm different but not a worse person than others.
Anyway, fellow 'struggler' here
I'm slightly older than you and I'll tell you that friendships only get more meaningful for people as they age as they get to know themselves better. Before you can like or love someone else, you must first like and love yourself (or it helps heaps at least).
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On November 27 2011 20:43 intrigue wrote: look at it this way - you're never gonna think to yourself: "boy am i glad i just kept to myself all day and felt lonely"
lol you'd be surprised.
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What Garlicface said. It's not you who are missing out on a possible great friendship, its them missing out!
Fuck the crowd, I am probably insane in real life and I have a weird personality. Yet I've been in relationships and I have great friends! Never stop trying! FIGHT! If they can't accept you for who you really are, f*ck 'em. I'd rather live isolated in a cave than have false idiots like that around.
Yep, I am aggressive sometimes.
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Aw Navi's reply so sweet
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Aw NeverGG. If I had ever spoken to you before I'd say stop feeling down and remember all the people you've met on TL. I guess I'll say that anyway.
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I don't have much to say, being rather inexperienced in social relations, but I think its never too late to break new ground, and while trying to make new friends is terrifying, you should recognise the same qualities which make you interesting online will make you interesting in real life. You are as worthwhile to your friends as they are to you.
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Come to the GSL finals barcraft and say hi, we met once before and I need foreigner friends here too
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Fuck man, 27 is when life is at its height. I know! I'm at the same age! I'm making more friends than I ever have before! Everyone is having fun. Too bad we don't live in the same city. I'd have to take you out a few nights. We could hit the dance floor or something. Everyone pretends they're too shy and serious for that shit, but with a few drinks, rolling around with friends, and the when the music starts everyone has a good time.
Forget all this bullshit advice in here about "man up", or worse, people giving you some kind of psychological help. Start small, work your way up, let your circle of friends grow. I got no fucking idea how shit works in Korea, but I'm sure it's pretty universal that if you start going out to dinner with people, grabbing lunch, spontaneous opportunities snowball.
Everyone loves genuine friends. And being one is fucking easy. Help other people out, give them complements, watch their back when they're getting poleaxed. 90% of people love making new friends. Shit, you can even just start off with smiling. Everyone loves having random people smile at them.
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If you're every feeling like the odd one out I think that there's something to remember. That's that everyone gets to feel like that at some point. Sometimes people don't like to be reminded of that which might be the disinterest in your audience but I've watched enough about stand up comics, and actors to be reminded that even the best, people like George Carlin, Robin Williams, Bill Hick and Steve Martin, would have times where they'd talk to like 10 people in a small room no one would laugh and they'd have to shake off how bad that felt, That's why they talk about "killing" or "getting killed' in a comedian's performance cause when you do well you've conquered a beast but when you do poorly you want to die.
The hardest part is getting back up when things take a turn for the worse but I think you'll be able to do it with a little bit of time. Time heals all wound is a bad cliche but the worst things in my life that make me feel like a bastard for months go away a little bit at a time so that they're now only faded scars that only I remember. Sometimes you just have to give it some time, and maybe some alcohal. Preferably something that doesn't burn on the way down.
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I'll buy you a drink and cheer you up once i'm in Seoul ^^ One mussn't feel like that
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"At this point in my life (aged 27) I already feel as if the chance to date/have friends has passed. That's kind of weird, right? " thats not true. I`m 32 and still meet new people who I like to spend my time with. Don`t stop being open and the rest will come naturally.
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I've had this happen to a friend and for her it worked itself out once she got a job working with some people she could respect/trust etc.
For you, the answer seems quite apparent if i'm honest - the foreign eSports scene is growing bigger than ever, the photo threads are always appreciated. Cover some foreign events, meet some of the new people that have joined the scene.
Or don't. But then i'd suggest leaving Korea and getting a job somewhere with colleagues that speak your language and are about your age. If that's teaching or something else, doesn't matter so much. The friend i was talking about has an impressive alma mater yet was more happy at a job that required more or less no qualifications but still attracted people who were a lot smarter than in Uni.
Meh, i dunno. You're good at writing, you're good at photography, you're established in Korea. Every foreign organization should be drooling over the opportunity of having you do coverage. No offense to CSN but professional is not the word i'd use to describe their content and they still get by. If you wanted to i'm sure you'd be able to as well.
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I completely agree with you on everything. I have very few real life friends and of them I only like about 2. I would also like to submit that this is why the internet is so fantastic. It is a great meeting ground for people with similar interests and ideas. That is why you would be accepted here on TL and not in a room full of your piers.
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Hey! You sound like you're having a tough time. I don't have much to offer you but you should always feel confident in yourself; no one wants to be around someone who accepts their isolation. Just go out and stop worrying too much. There's people that can accept you and there's always those that won't. Don't be bummed out just because a particular group of people because there's much more in the world than just them.
tl;dr Just do what you love and be proud of it.
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Didn't I already give you advice before?
Sounds like you didn't use it and just procrastinated about it instead. ._.
Anyway, I'll be sure to give you a ring when my travel plans to Korea get sorted out.
This whole you against the world mentality has got to stop eventually. Everyone has their own quirks and you are no different me lady.
On November 28 2011 00:57 lilsusie wrote: Stop automatically thinking that they will hate you, maybe those looks of "disgust and confusion" were actually not that.
Decent advice,
Improv can be a great tool in these scenarios. Stop yourself from self-criticism; stop projecting images onto others. Instead try telling yourself, "Yes, let's!" You'll soon find yourself having more opportunities.
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I think it's just something you have to push through. I'm not exactly the smoothest socializer myself, two things I've found: 1. A lot of it is over-thinking/paranoia, people don't really spend that much attention and time effort judging you. 2. Some awkwardness is natural. Even among good friends, there are weird quirks and clashing personalities. At the start, there is nothing else but initial judgements and awkwardness, but as you push through and build on the positives they become proportionally less significant.
You obviously have a lot to offer, based off how much you've connected on and impacted TL. Not all relations will work, but don't doubt yourself
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as someone said before, change is almost 100% about conditioning yourself, just like when working a muscle. when you go to the gym and you try to bench 100 lbs on the first day, you'll likely get crushed (unless you got a chest like AHNOLD). if you really struggle with approaching strangers (i can relate), then consider that to be your 100 lbs. bench press. try something a little easier and work your way up to that long awaited goal of not only talking to a stranger, but making them into a friend.
you say you lost contact with your old friends, but have you tried contacting them at all recently? they might not approach you first, but does that mean that they don't want to hear from you? i mean, if you don't contact them, and they don't contact you, who's to say that you're both not in the same boat?
what i'm basically saying is to break out of your comfort zone, even if its a teeny tiny bit. i'm sure you will often be surprised how different the outcome will be compared to the way you imagined it. confidence isn't something that you are or aren't born with. all you have to do is be aware that you're struggling with it and take the appropriate steps toward change.
i'm in a similar boat, so i know where you're coming from. this is all stuff that i've forced myself to think about in the past and as of late, because i also feel out of place most of the time.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
Thanks for all the advice and comments. I had a chat via skype to a friend who lifted my spirits. I'm working out a list of goals right now, and have decided to go to Barcraft Seoul on the 3rd to have another crack at socializing. I'll reply to the pms I got tonight. I'll also reply to the questions people left after work.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined.
First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though).
Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..."
So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is).
All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how.
The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter.
Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence.
For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially.
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Don't know if it will help but of the few times I met you in Korea, never had I felt that you were weird or awkward at all.
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Canada5154 Posts
If the TL community ever achieves just one thing... if all it ever does is finally solve your chronic self-esteem issues, I will deem it a resounding success.
Honestly, hun, for as long as I've been a part of this site (relatively not that long, to be fair), I've seen you contribute great things and show everyone how much of a genuinely good person you are.
The problem rests in your ability to share that with others in person. And that, quite frankly, is rooted in your self-esteem problems.
I honestly don't know what hasn't been said on the matter over the years. Everyone's offered all sorts of advice on the issue. I can't imagine what else there is to say in terms of helping you feel better about yourself, but at some point it has to come from within.
You need to feel that you're damned worth knowing. If so many people on the internet can see it from just a glimpse of what you provide us, what makes you think you personally can't? If that means meeting more people from TL or of like-mind from the internet to help you realize that, then so be it. Going to Barcraft is a great idea, but I urge you to go into it with the most positive mindset you can.
I genuinely can't wait for the day where TL gets to see a more self-assured NeverGG. She deserves it.
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I think you're gong to have to change the way you think about situations. I"m a psychology student and a lot of the behaviors you are describing are similar to a mild case of depression. Without knowing more about your situation I'd just reccomend as rekrul stated above trying to view situations more optimistically. This is a big step and a very hard cognitive aspect to accomplish, but you can do it slowly with some determination.
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Guys we can sit here and keep talking about it all we want, but HP nailed. It's comes from within and of course it's a form of depression.
Many people go through it.
Anyway, we've said that all that needs to be said.
Definitely need to have a look at her wardrobe and someone needs to take her shopping for clothing she can feel comfortable in (if you don't love it; don't buy it). That would be a good first baby-step. (Pretty sure I said that months ago too -.-)
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On November 27 2011 19:06 RedJustice wrote:+ Show Spoiler +I personally can identify with that feeling a lot (being some kind of hermit/feeling undeserving of others/like you won't find people irl who share you interests and appreciate you). I moved 14 times between 0-17 years old. I was a really smart kid and often did my own thing outside of the classwork. My family was poor and I wore funny clothes and never had the same kind of food in my box lunch as everyone else. Other kids ignored me. Even now at university I feel a large disconnect from many people here who come from a very different life than my own. I have difficulty identifying with them in any way. Don't feel like you are strange for having this problem-- there are many people in your position. On to the more important issue though-- your perception of yourself. Judging yourself as valuable based on your appearance is doomed to failure; you will get old. Instead you need to judge yourself based on the things under your control, like your decision making. If part of the reason you have difficulty making good friends is because you make poor choices, then of course that is something you need to work on! However if the reason you are having difficulty finding friends is only because you are different then that is ok! Someone worth being friends with may not always share you interests, but they will always value them because of YOU. These people who reacted with disgust are not worth your time. Those that react with confusion though, consider trying to let them get to know you more. If you have a lot of niche interests it make take time for someone to understand you. Finally consider that everything worthwhile requires risk to attain. Imo it is better to risk failure by trying than to not bother and accept an 100% chance of failing. Be courageous! Your 'chance' has not passed. Every time of our life is equally valuable and holds opportunities. Pursue the relationships you desire, and pursue qualities that you feel confident offering to others.
This is a good post Redjustice. I'm same age as you NeverGG, with similar lack of life experience and confidence. Don't know what else to say but chin up and value yourself. No amount of external praise and validation will make up for lack of self respect.
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Calgary25938 Posts
On November 28 2011 17:24 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined. First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though). Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..." So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is). All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how. The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter. Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence. For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially. tl;dr: Pretend you're confident until it's true. Pretend you're happy until it's true. Pretend you aren't needy until it's true.
"Pretend until it's true" has helped me out a lot, especially with confidence. Sure, be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Be the one that makes people excited and intrigued by your passion, not pushed away.
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Chill,
The difference is you put yourself out there in those scenarios. Pretend confidence is a load of rubbish. You had it in you the entire time you just didn't think you did.
That's how I would model it anyway.
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On November 29 2011 06:46 StarStruck wrote: Chill,
The difference is you put yourself out there in those scenarios. Pretend confidence is a load of rubbish. You had it in you the entire time you just didn't think you did.
That's how I would model it anyway. That 'having it in you the entire time' really means 'you were able to play the pretend confidence well for a good amount of time'.
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I think there are 3 points that you should keep in mind. Some of these have already been said, but it's still good to reiterate.
- A lot of what you think you see in others is you projecting (not necessarily projecting yourself onto others). You believe they must be thinking something and only look for signs that verify your belief and disregard things that disprove it. I know sometimes I'm not thinking about a speech but about what I ate before and how it's not sitting right. And in a lot of speech-listening situations, everyone eats the same hors d'oeuvres.
- People don't care about strangers. That's normal and it applies to your audience too. You know this is true because if something bad happens to someone you know, you feel it much more strongly than if it happened to someone you didn't know.
- People care about people they know. It's that simple. They don't care because they expect to gain anything from that person (although there may be people who consciously think in that way), but because of the simply fact that they know the person. You know this is true because of the same something-bad-happens idea from above. It's also natural to want to be a positive contributor to relationships, and it's the sincerity of this desire that keeps them alive (contrast this with someone who only seeks to gain from relationships and how many people you think will want to maintain a relationship with such a person).
There are many ways you can wrap this up, but my suggestion is not to worry too much about what strangers think (most probably aren't thinking about you at all) and that people gain intrinsically from interacting with others and getting to know other people even if they gain no material advantage. You must convince yourself that these ideas are true and remind yourself whenever necessary.
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On November 29 2011 07:02 Badjas wrote:Show nested quote +On November 29 2011 06:46 StarStruck wrote: Chill,
The difference is you put yourself out there in those scenarios. Pretend confidence is a load of rubbish. You had it in you the entire time you just didn't think you did.
That's how I would model it anyway. That 'having it in you the entire time' really means 'you were able to play the pretend confidence well for a good amount of time'.
It's all about perspective,
I try to avoid using negatives. The confidence is there. How you see things are entirely different from the next person. There was a blog not to long ago about the power of words. How you word things can have a great impact on not only yourself but others as well.
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I'm not an expert on this or anything but I also have issues with talking to people and I barely have any friends, even since school. Now I'm about to graduate college and the world looks big and scary, but I've learned over the years that I am just 1 out of 6.5 billion people and deep down the way I see the world is only 1 out of 6.5 billion ways to see it. Every looks at the world through their own eyes and ears, so even if I seem awkward or weird someone else might think I'm funny or even charming. The most important thing is to be unique, conformity is way overrated. That way people will remember you better too.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 29 2011 06:28 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On November 28 2011 17:24 Rekrul wrote:On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined. First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though). Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..." So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is). All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how. The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter. Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence. For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially. tl;dr: Pretend you're confident until it's true. Pretend you're happy until it's true. Pretend you aren't needy until it's true. "Pretend until it's true" has helped me out a lot, especially with confidence. Sure, be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Be the one that makes people excited and intrigued by your passion, not pushed away.
LOL ye, fake it until you make it
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Canada5154 Posts
On November 29 2011 11:15 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +On November 29 2011 06:28 Chill wrote:On November 28 2011 17:24 Rekrul wrote:On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined. First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though). Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..." So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is). All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how. The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter. Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence. For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially. tl;dr: Pretend you're confident until it's true. Pretend you're happy until it's true. Pretend you aren't needy until it's true. "Pretend until it's true" has helped me out a lot, especially with confidence. Sure, be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Be the one that makes people excited and intrigued by your passion, not pushed away. LOL ye, fake it until you make it
Word. Pretty sure it's the best way to convince yourself of anything.
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I just wanted to say I really love all the work you've done for TL over the years, your photos were always one of my favorite things to look for on here.
Don't really have any advice to offer you unfortunately, but you kind of sound a lot like me except you actually have skills that are of value to society and you talk to people sometimes :p
Good luck.
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Do not let the negative opinion of others get you down. Look at the things you have done in your life for this community as a start. You have done things that others will only dream about. You lived a dream of many. That takes great strength to get up and just do what you want.
You have helped people here for, to my knowledge, nothing in return. The pictures you have posted on TL have been truly amazing art. You have a natural ability to capture just the right moment that you are looking for. A moment that truly translates something to the viewer.
I have not had the opportunity to really have a talk with you but you have always struck me as a very interesting person with amazing talents and have shown a drive to do things you want. You seem to lack confidence in yourself. From what I have seen you have no reason to feel that way. I do believe if you find a way to truly be confident with yourself and change your mindset that you can find friends and date you will do just fine. Although people from TL may not be around you all the time, anytime you travel people are always around to get together.
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On November 29 2011 12:42 HawaiianPig wrote:Show nested quote +On November 29 2011 11:15 Rekrul wrote:On November 29 2011 06:28 Chill wrote:On November 28 2011 17:24 Rekrul wrote:On November 27 2011 18:41 NeverGG wrote: Something which happened recently made me feel quite isolated. I stood up in front of a couple of hundred strangers (around the same age as me give or take a few years either way.) to speak about a personal experience of mine in SK. I mentioned how eSports has helped me to connect and communicate with others (even though I lack social skills and have no self-esteem at all.) Instead of people accepting this I noticed looks of disgust and/or confusion from the others in the audience (especially my fellow women.) Instead of sitting down feeling happy to have shared it only reminded me that since I backed away from my old group of friends a couple of years back I've felt like I am some kind of hermit.
What you happened to you during your speech is two things combined. First is It's partially in your head. Due to having lacking self-esteem as you stated you automatically only see/assume the worst. This is the biggest perpetually defeating quality of people severely lacking confidence in my opinion. Due to it it's very hard for them ever to end up being in a situation or them doing something that really gives them a sense of accomplishment, a job well done, or progress made. Much like you gathering the courage to step up in front of a bunch of people and speak about a passion of yours that is unknown to most despite you being anti-social. It should have been a positive day but your mind made it negative. If anything the looks could have possibly been true, for reasons I'll state in the next reason, but they were at least mostly in your head. Due to this instead of building positive re-enforcement for doing something that was somewhat brave for you, you end up feeling down and end up here on TL blogs. That's why it takes a major influential person/people to dig someone like this out of the rut of lacking confidence, because they simply can't do it on their own (hopefully TL.netters are helping you though). Now I'm assuming here because you gave limited information on what you said, but I'll assume you mentioned or implied that you struggle socializing etc. and that e-sports has helped you try to bridge the gap of not being able to connect to people in your speech. It's people's natural reaction to simply not give a fuck when they see someone socially awkward. Now if your speech talked about some illness you conquered, or injury, or fucked up past with emotional trauma and how e-sports got you back in the groove then people might have respected it. But when it's just blandish "I have trouble connecting and this helped me," you really can't expect good reactions. The super nice people will think "awww poor thing," the assholes will think "oh god what a loser," and most people will just think "zzzz boring..." So while I think it was in your head somewhat, at the same time it was probably partially true (if my assumptions about your speech are true that is). All the replies so far in this thread are 100% true and you know them all to be true. Sometimes for some people it's just really hard to dig yourself out of a hole even if you know exactly how. The best things you can do is exercise to feel better about yourself and your looks, and continually put yourself in situations where you are forced to socialize with people. Try to take a different approach though. Fight your needy habits and never attempt to prove or legitimize yourself to people. Just keep conversations simple, be happy, attempt to relate to people but don't force it, and try to never let people brushing you off bother you because they simply do not matter. Remember, all it takes is finding and becoming active friends with one person that understands you and will actually make time for you (talking about someone IRL, online friends can help but you need them IRL). Once you have that one person it will be so much easier to meet more and more people and grow your social confidence. For now you have to do the annoying part of digging yourself out of the bottom of the hole, and that is forcing yourself into these social situations and bracing yourself for all the negative things your subconscious is going to throw your way during these situations. It's hard to get confidence going but when you do it will grow exponentially. tl;dr: Pretend you're confident until it's true. Pretend you're happy until it's true. Pretend you aren't needy until it's true. "Pretend until it's true" has helped me out a lot, especially with confidence. Sure, be yourself, but be the best version of yourself. Be the one that makes people excited and intrigued by your passion, not pushed away. LOL ye, fake it until you make it Word. Pretty sure it's the best way to convince yourself of anything.
With enough time, your brain will make the subtle changes to its neural net until the confidence is real. If you decide to go this route, which is sort of like self administered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Ultimately, with anything that you want or enjoy doing, if it is REALLY important to you, it won't matter what other people think. Does it really matter if some other nimrods can't see what you see? And in the long run, people who may not necessarily be interested in what you like or like to do may actually still be attracted by that passion that you have for it, and grow to appreciate it over time.
If you hold your breath for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, right towards the end of it...ALL you can think about is breathing in some air again. Literally nothing/nobody else matters as much. A chance to breath again or a chance to get a billion dollars instead of some air? You NEED to breath in that air. Someone holding a hand over your nose and mouth trying to keep you from getting that breath? You punch them in the baby-maker so you can breath in that air. It boils down to whether "eSports and its community" or "having everyday people like what you like" is closer to that primal desire for air.
P.S. Your photos are consistently amazing.
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I'm quite shy IRL but I sort of forced myself to be social at university, it actually felt really good. I hope you make great friends and happiness!
Addendum 1: If there was an island for TL people, I'd move there. Wouldn't that be amazing.
Addendum 2: That is the longest Rekrul comment I've seen in my time.
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I don't know if it helps, but I'm in Seoul currently (but only for another month (maybe more in the future if I come back to teach English)). Before arriving, I was hoping that some people at my school would be interested in going to Starcraft events, but it took a while to actually find some that did. Most people seem to just like partying here and that's not really my scene. They made jokes about me going to Starcraft every day and I did it alone, but it worked out. Through going to the games every day (I'm really really into it >___>), I've met a bunch of really cool people and some that even go to my school. I won't actually be at barcraft on the 3rd because going to the finals is just something I gotta do in person, but perhaps I'll run into you at future barcrafts. And I know user Symmetry will be at barcraft, he's a nice guy. If there are more like him, you'll be in good company there.
So tl;dr, just keep doing what you like to do and eventually you'll meet people who like those things also. The universe seems to have a way of working itself out like that.
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