High school was the best time of my life. I played trumpet and sang in a punk/ska band, had close and treasured friends. There was little drama. I loved my life. I played EQ/DAOC and other games such as Baldur's Gate 2, Fallout 1/2, and Planescape: Torment: These firmly fixed me as a once and forever gamer. I never had a girlfriend, but I truly never desired one. I was legitimately busy and legitimately happy. My entire life was a state of flow.
Since then I have struggled. More and more after the age of 18. But the reasons for this are varied, and it's hard to find a cohesive structure that explains it all.
To be honest, it's quite difficult to find a place to begin writing right now. There isn't a clear casual chain of events, no obvious character development arc that I can straightforwardly relate to any reader. Do I start with myself sprinting outside listening to death metal in 10 degree weather as a substitution for Christ's salvation? It makes a great short story opening, that's for sure! How about the absurd and pathetic crushes I held at 19 through 21, while having the emotional age of 15 year old when it comes to relationships? Or perhaps the utter lack of direction I had in my college life, and subsequently my career that continues to this day in brutal fashion? Or even better, the total psychological disconnect I've had from my family due to rejecting their entire ethos and religious beliefs? Perhaps, finally, the even further disconnect that came from pursuing philosophy and eventually rejecting many beliefs that most people live their lives by without any inspection or debate?
I'm not sure if any of that is really important. The above are troubles, conflicts. If I were in a creative writing course I would be sure to dwell on each of the above points. But I don't really want to. I find them actually less interesting than the things I've loved in my life.
I remember fantasy above all else. I can tell you what games I was playing year by year far easier than I can tell you my courses. Most things in my life are a blur, and my specific memory is not strong. But I remember Leaves of Grass, The Silmarillion, Planescape: Torment, and Brave New World as my formative experiences, more than my broken hearts or my awkward romances. I think my life has more to do with the so called 'entertainment' that I have embarked upon than the actual, visceral experiences I have had. My mind in introspection finds the beautiful, the surreal, and perhaps even truth, while the so-called 'real world'; is simpler, sadder, and disappointing in comparison.
I'm going to finish my beer and go to sleep. I hope I will continue this later, and I hope I can eventually impart something to any readers, despite this thoroughly self-centered introduction. This is only a haphazard introduction. As a hook, I will say that further on, I will talk about my two competitive gaming experiences in depth: Poker, and SC2.