Why UTSA Will Win CSL Lone Star Clash

Silent12ill

United States355 Posts

March 15 2012 03:43 GMT

Rape Imminent

That's right, U-T-mother-fucking-S-A. Ever seen a great game played by ATRiUS? SilentCF? Reco? Torrent? Kade? Oh, you have? Well then UTSA is in your head, subliminally telling you the truth everyone should know by now: UTSA is the best team in the history of StarCraft.

And this is why they will win this year's CSL.

[1] Gluttony

Hello welcome to our trophy cabinet, we have gold-related casts of anuses belonging to inferior teams.
I meant medals.

Everyone is talking about hungry this, want to win that, yadda yadda eye of the tiger bullshit.

This is not a Disney movie, this is not Mighty Ducks 5 or Rocky 6. This is real fucking life. Where I come from there is a very appropriate expression about real life:

"Fortune shines upon those best prepared."

Tell me, how much preparation goes into a CSL play-off match, a set, a season? How much preparation will the current #1 team go through for the final match? How much did they have to go through to post such dominant results that they had the exclusive luxury of throwing their fans a bone from the throne by fielding aging and amateur players against their long-time rivals, KT(F)?

Answer: A fucking lot.

Now realize that previous to this finals, they have the most CSL gold medals and the most individual league medals. These people clearly know how to prepare and clutch a finals win. These people are GOOD at what they do, which is WINNING.

Like I said, this is real life competition, even if it is battled in a virtual world. The strong succeed, the weak fail and falter and get shat on. And UTSA has been downing Big Macs and laxatives so that as soon as whichever pathetic excuse for a team steps up to the challenge of facing UTSA in the finals, they can unleash a shitstorm of rape and horror. That is assuming the opposing team doesn't realize their obvious pipedream and forfeits. Note how it doesn't matter which team is in question here. NEWS FLASH! In a conventional hierarchy, they would be the jester (UT), dunce (UH), fat and injured guard (LSU) and hopeless ~~pretenders~~paupers (UAH) in the Court of King UTSA. Suckas gonna get their asses beat.

[2] Roster of Champions

"I drop bombs like Hiroshima, bitch suck on my wiener."

I touched upon this earlier, but it needs to be made more evident how retarded strong UTSA's line-up is. Here we go:

*1.*
---Reco---
[image loading]

Multitask. Harass. Micro. Macro. Cockiness. Balls. Handsomeness. Sex. Sex. Sex. Yea.

Everyone knows there are 3 Kings in the pro scene right now. Those 3 Kings are none other than Flash, Jaedong, and Reco. I'm not going to go into why Reco is better than both of them.
Well okay, I will:
That last statement aside, Reco's record tends to go unnoticed when it comes to comparison between the three of them. He only sports a measly 64.26%, compared to Jaedong's 68.64% and Flash's 67.02%. What people don't seem to remember is the fact that Reco won 2 MSLs before Jaedong had his OSL win and before Flash had pubic hair. What people don't seem to remember is that he was just a guy doing his noobie attempt at a dark horse run, up until the moment when he came all over that Thai hooker's face and realized "Wait, I'm fucking Reco." That's when the last bonjwa of BW fell. And he fell at Reco's knees.

Although he has been eliminated from the OSL by some spectacular Queen play, sealing his status as officially cursed by the OSL Gods, he is still an indisputably impenetrable force. #1 ELO Peak anyone?

1 win short of being in a three-way tie for most wins this season, he has a much better winning percentage, and was only denied that title because UTSA decided to send the kids and the Emperor out to play against KT. Reco has been the BEST player in this CSL, hands down. What will he have to bring to the table in the finals? 1 Win, 2 if UTSA decides to play a prank by making it seem like they can lose by dropping a few games for it to come down to ace match, so that Reco can laugh in the face of whatever pathetic opponent stands before him as he attacks him on 5 fronts. Let's see what his chances are by MU:

PvP: No contest.
PvZ: Jaedong, otherwise no contest (Queens included).
PvT: No contest, except Flash or SilentCF, both of which he will not be facing.

1-0 UTSA-ChoboTeam.

*2.*
---SilentCF---
[image loading]

Che Guevara reincarnated and trained to own bitches in StarCraft.

SilentCF is the next hot thing. His TvP is the best. His TvZ was revolutionary. His TvT is... not as good as Flash's but definitely top-tier. SilentCF, fresh off of 2 OSL silvers, this kid has been a consistently dominating force everywhere in the pro scene.

This kid, like Reco and Boxer in his prime, is not just results - it's about the flair. Have you seen his game vs. Stork? His games vs. Reco? His games vs. Jaedong? This kid is a fucking monster when it comes to dropship harass and multitask. In the game vs. Stork, the epic match of dropships between a PvT specialist (even if he is slumping, tell me that game was not high-calibre) and a TvP annihilation machine, he displayed his stellar control, and had the macro to back it up. I don't see any Protoss except Reco, maaaybe Jangbi (if he stops slumping), taking him down. And you know he will probably be playing TvP in the finals. Yea, chalk that one up for UTSA. 2-0.

*3.*
---ARTiUS---
[image loading]

I should just put a picture of a tank steamrolling over the galaxy or some shit.
EDIT: OH.. OH GOD.. OOOH SHIIIIIIII-

ARTiUS... Oooh ARTiUS... OSL silver medalist to JulyZerg, a ZvP guru, Best is a mixed bag of ridiculously strong skills and a few glaring deficiencies. His PvZ... Let's not go there. Oh wait, it doesn't matter anyway, since no one is stupid enough to send him out for PvZ.

His PvP is what the fuck is there even need to talk about his PvP? Yea.

His PvT is also stellar, which is why I made that steamrolling comment there. You think the game is going normally and Best might even be behind at points because he generally doesn't do flashy micro like Stork has at times and Reco does almost daily, then the camera flashes up to the rally point outside his natural and all you hear is surprised Korean "OOOH"s going off from crowd and commentators alike because the screen is just a block of zealots and goons. It's like this kid was locked in the UTSA basement for a few months, with his face chained to a TV playing Reach vs. Oov on Mercury over, and over, and over again. Best then proceeds to stream, no, tsunami the units into the Terran base, often directly and without arbiter assistance. Yea, it's like that.

So once again, who can beat him?

PvP: Stork and Jangbi. Oh wait, they are probably alcoholics and going through anti-depressants like kids through PEZ dispensers. Kal? Maybe. Maybe on that day your predictions will stop sucking, too. Not likely though.
PvZ: Anyone including your D- friend who compstomps. Too bad he won't be playing that.
PvT: Can you think of a Terran in the remaining teams that can reasonably take him down? You can make a case for SkyHigh, and it would be a good one if the CSL finals happened a few months ago.

3-0.

The other wins should be easy to gather after that, even with a relatively stale remainder of the team. Not saying that they are bad - just not as good as these 3. Except TheZerg. TheZerg sucks.

[3] Revolutionism

I know you didn't expect to see this here.

UTSA has Torrent (the first true progamer in existence), Oov, SilentCF, Reco, Midas to a lesser degree... What do all of these have in common? Revolutionism. I know it's not a word. It is now. Because this article is about UTSA. And UTSA has Revolutionism in full flare.

The ability to change the face of the game to extent that these 5 players have is unrivaled, individually and especially in unison. What does this represent? Intelligence. I don't think I need to go into why intelligence is a winning aspect of this game, do I? Just consider the fact that this factors into EVERYTHING - the tailoring of the games, the whole set, the pre-existing abilities and concepts, the depth of their game knowledge, the depth of their ability to prepare counter-strategies before and on the day of the match...

[4] History

-- Silence as all of you share a moment of reverence, fear and respect for the Emperor --

This kind of ties together all of my previous points - it's the essence of the team, the connotation of the mere name of UTSA in the pro scene, the "culture" and the ki and the chakra and the whatever the fuck. It's just what they're made of. They are like the ominous presence in the deep darkness. They are the people who radiate confidence when they enter a room, putting everyone's ego and resolve in the drain.

With the Emperor and the Bonjwa Oov undoubtedly at the helm of the UTSA flagship as master and apprentice, coach and player, the power of the team is undeniable in both pride and support. What I mean by pride is not the hubris which would come naturally to being on this team, I mean the necessity to maintain an image and to perform. You are willing to surrender more for a legacy than you would be if you knew that a loss would be "just another loss." UTSA does not have those. UTSA wins. And UTSA will win this CSL finals.

---

P.S.: Just having fun with Find & replace and seriously this is the first time we are organizing esports for our college and are already having a ton of fun bringing together both League of Legends and Starcraft 2 players together. We just hope to have a lot of fun at our first event, represent our community well and we all wish GLHF to all CSL players and invited pros to the tournament. Also Thank you TeSPA for making such an awesome event time after time. <3

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