For me, this me holding my own intervention for my life. I just gotta get it out there. I don't know any other way
Long story short: holy crap i am screwed up.
Totally bombed my first two quarters of college. You'd think I'd learn from the first quarter that college is not high school, that getting by without studying does not make you smart.
And, you'd think that I learned some self-restraint from my parents growing up, but repeatedly going crazy one night and waking up the next morning realizing im screwed tomorrow, shows I have not learned anything at all.
I don't know the value of money. I ditch class to sleep longer and I don't like walking to classes that are more than a 10 minute walk.
I don't go to the gym cause video games are easier and just right there.
I don't understand the value of hard work after I've been getting by so easily.
And sometimes, indifference becomes my life. I just stare at my messy closet and my computer screen for some answer to come up, to tell me to fix my life, to get on top of my shit.
I look at everyone else, and I see some people exactly like me, and then I see that most people understand why they go to college. I thought I knew it too, but apparently I don't.
How can you explain the meaning of hard work to a person like me who has had it easy his entire life? How can you bring a person that has been living the dream down to reality?
How can you cure a person of indifference?
It's almost like living in a paradox for me...I've had so many good friends, two parents that support and care for me, and am blessed with a good life.
Yet somehow, I manage to ruin all of that.
As pointless as this seems, I'm going to promise to...to...
Fuck I don't even know who to promise to fix my life to. Myself? Like that has worked in the past. The internet? They don't care for me. My parents and friends? I am not their responsibility any longer.
Whatever. I'm just going to make this public. To God, to TL, to my friends, and to my brothers.
I am not going to sit idly by and see my life become ruined by my selfish needs. I swear, I will find something to live for. Not a video game, maybe a person, maybe a God, but most definitely not myself. I just need to find that answer. My reason for existance.
/end emo rant.