About me: I'm in my 2nd year of University and I'm majoring in Japanese and Korean in a Bachelor of Arts. I know I'll probably sound like a dick (which I'm not trying to be) when I say some of the following stuff, but I just want to be as honest as possible to try and describe myself and my situation; I find the subjects quite easy and have gotten straight 7s (max grade in Australia) so far without really much difficulty. With my marks from high school I could've gotten into basically any course straight away (except the precursor to med because you need to have done an external exam for that) and I chose a Bachelor of Arts anyway because I wanted to do translation and interpreting with Korean and/or Japanese.
First year was alright, didn't have to do much and cruised through that pretty happily. You usually do 4 subjects as a full-time student and since I could only do 1 Korean subject in each of the First Year semesters and 2 Japanese subjects, I had some electives and opted to do a maths subject that was like Linear Algebra and Calculus I (a continuation from the advanced maths level at high school) and in second semester I did a Software Engineering subject involving Python.
Now to explain the title of my blog.
So this year I've been able to fill my 4 subject quota with 2 Japanese subjects and 2 Korean subjects, both of which are still quite easy. And this is where I feel the problem is. I go to uni, go to classes, come home, don't study and do whatever. I'll usually study the night before an exam or something and pretty much ace it barring silly slip-ups.
And that just doesn't feel right. I don't want to go to uni to just do some fucking simple subjects that don't challenge me or require me to work hard and graduate with a useless degree. I know all that shit about blah blah do what makes you happy blah blah don't compare yourself to others blah blah, but when I look around at my siblings and friends who are doing things like medicine, engineering, law, architecture, basically most stuff, I feel straight up pathetic.
Even when I'm not doing these comparisons I feel pathetic when I just look at how little I have to try in class. I've told friends and relatives parts of this and the university age ones usually say things like, 'Oh I wish my subjects were that easy, that would be awesome' etc, etc. But think about it for a second, if you went to fucking university during the week and your lectures were like solve 2+2, write a 150 word paragraph or whatever, I can't think of any decent examples right now. The point is, if you went somewhere with the purpose of increasing your knowledge and becoming a smarter person for a few to several years and you often found the content quite easy, wouldn't you be frustrated?
I'm just going to keep repeating myself if I continue writing, so I'll just try to finish up here. I'm trying to think of something to add on to make this a dual degree to give me something hard to do so I don't end up deferring or dropping out. Everyday, to uni, during classes, going home from uni, I just feel straight up pathetic, like I'm wasting my time and I'm a worthless piece of shit studying an Arts degree. If you're wondering, yes, I do have friends in almost all my classes. I have been depressed before, but this doesn't feel like that, this just feels like a huge lack of self-esteem created by me thinking that I'm pathetic, etc.
It may sound stupid, but the only time I really felt "legit" was when I was doing those engineering and programming subjects, I actually had to challenge myself and do work, which frankly felt amazing. Not sure I want to do everything in engineering though, but I'm just not sure.
Thanks to anyone who read that, I just needed to get some stuff off my chest to slow down this spiral that rocketing down. Any suggestions or discussion of similar experiences or basically anything you think that would be relevant or helpful is most certainly welcome. I'm trying to see an Academic Advisor sometime soon, so hopefully something good might come of that.
Addendum: I'm not saying that the Japanese or Korean teachers or departments are bad at all, quite the contrary. The teachers are excellent; they have great materials and make the classes interesting. They are always eager to help students with any questions. The problem lies with me.