Valentines day is coming, and I have a feeling. I feel that I'm going to make a decision that's really important, and upon making this decision, there is no turning back. If you've read my previous blogs, you'll know that I'm currently involved with my ex-girlfriend, a girl who, as stupid and cliche as it sounds, was my one true love. She's involved with another man too, a wealthy horse dentist, and she just can't decided whether she wants me, or she wants him. One day she's going to have to make a decision, do I really want to be there if she doesn't choose me? Here's a brief summary:
We broke up a few months ago, then we 'made-up', but made up I mean she got back together with me, so that she could hurt me enough to rid me and make me want to leave her, which happened just before Christmas. We fucked on Christmas, and it was really good, but all of a sudden, she started avoiding me, and avoiding my touch, like a plague. She said, "Don't you think that it's disgusting that I'm touching other men, and you as well?"
I replied, "You aren't seeing anyone else right?"
She lied. Then she found her new person of interest on New Years Eve, barely weeks after our break up and told me that she's doing this, 'turned over a new leaf' good girl thing, and she wants to be completely dedicated to him. Then just before my birthday we were intimate again, and she revealed to me that she was lying all this while, and she's been fucking people all this while. You see she partied a lot, and she lied about her partying to me, and she lied about not seeing others. Of course some of you would say, she's not accountable to me, which is true, but if I knew the truth, I would have walked out of her life immediately never spoken a word to her.
From the 26th, one day after we fucked on Christmas, till sometime before the 25th, she had sex with 15 guys. I know some of them personally, one of them happens to be a friend. I don't know how I feel about it. The break up affected me very badly. Here I was crying every night, contemplating suicide, telling myself that she's going through the same thing. Well at least I know what she really did every night. Now we're just going out on 'dates', having sex, and enjoying each other's company, as she loves to put it. She's going to spend Valentines with the other guy, but she was kind enough to allow me to have a 'illegal' valentines date with her on March. How kind.
Nothing I can do for this girl, is ever good enough. If I fetch her from work, its never good enough because I don't do a 2 hour journey to see her to her doorstep. If I do that, its never good enough because the other guy has a car and does it all the time. There's always some other guy out there, that treats his girl, better than me. Sometimes when I want to do nice stuff for her, or when I've done nice stuff for her, she throws it right in my face and tells me, she doesn't want it, it's too much. And next week Monday, the new guy, who she's met for like what, a month, is going to buy her a pair of Louboutin shoes, that's like $500 dollar shoes.
I'm involved with another, woman. She's a 33 year old, blonde lady that I met at a night club. I walked up to her, talked to her, got her phone number and went on a date. Boy oh boy you should have seen the look on her face when I turned up at her doorstep. The nightclub was really dark and she actually believed that I was, above 25. Now, with better lighting, it was pretty obvious I was barely 20. Still, the date went well, we watched Crazy Stupid Love, had drinks, went to her room and attempted to have sex. My meds fucked with my erection, so I went to her house the next day, and I slept over, and we fucked. She's, really, really nice to me, she fetches me home after our dates, she says really nice stuff about me and she's actually a mature female, I mean mentally.
I just had an argument with my ex, because she posted some dumb as shit tweet about how every is born bi-sexual, and our sexual preferences are either by choice, or molded by society. I responded with the tweet, 'What nonsense are you spouting?' And she started ranting about how I always have some comment about her life, and I should stop telling her how to lead her life, and I don't care about her.
That's right, shit like this happens all the time, she gets angry when I correct her pronunciation; Lettuce is pronounced, let-tuse. Nostril is pronounced, Nose-thrill. Everything is a fucking government conspiracy. Its okay for her to flirt with me and grab my genitals at any moment, but when I do the same, its incredibly chauvinistic. She asks me casually if I want to eat brownies, I say no, and all of a sudden I'm an asshole who doesn't eat anything she bakes for me on twitter. A pastor embezzling $50 million from a church is totally fine because he did nothing wrong, and people who do a million good things, and do one little small thing should be forgiven. Paris Hilton is a good example of a woman.
This blonde lady seems crazy about me, and she seems good for me too, she cares about me, and really likes me a lot. The only thing that kind of bothers me, is that I'm probably going to have to keep the relationship a secret, because my conservative Asian family is probably not going to take to kindly to a 33 year old, white, female in my life. And am I a bad person for having thoughts about her being infertile? While we were having sex, she revealed this little tid-bit of information to me. Cancer took it away, a long time ago. She's better now. She makes a lot of money, so I don't have to worry about buying her really expensive gifts, or paying for all of the meals, so that's good too.
All in all, I'm at a very confusing point in my life, my exams are coming up in 2 weeks and I haven't touched my books. I have to go to have a medical check up for my mandatory enlistment in the army, so that's cool too. My ex-girlfriend is coming over now, and she's bitching about how she doesn't understand why she cares about me so much, when I don't care about her at all. I just wish life had a restart button.