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Active: 1477 users

The Pitchfork Preserver, May 5

Blogs > heyoka
Post a Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next All
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Temple of EE-Sama22449 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-08 21:51:55
May 06 2013 00:21 GMT
#1
The Pitchfork Preserver

Twitter At The Speed Of Print


Azubu Employee Assures Family, Friends, Company is Definitely-Not-Scam

David Campbell, devoted Azubu employee, was seen yesterday gathering his friends and family "just to let them know that Azubu is definitely not a scam". The company, which first began sponsorship of esports leagues and players last year, is "totally real," he assured. The meeting included citing their two business forays with a social media network and streaming platform, which are "absolutely actual things."

When his mother inquired about his duties and responsibilities on a day to day basis, David said his time is largely increasing company synergy, building the brand organically, and managing client relationships. "I'm really busy," he added, "ensuring we are able to grow at this crucial time in our operations."

The assembly concluded with a promise of refreshments, to be revealed at a later date.



Sundance Sends Robot Back In Time To Terminate Event Admin

Following confusion in MLG match times this week, the CEO was reported walking through a luminous ball of pulsating energy with a bionic being discussing taking care of business. Sundance expressed to the media that he is from a time where he "gets it" and that steps need to be taken to prevent 'The Great Reckoning'.

When approached for comment the cyborg declined, saying only that next time he will be available.

HasuObs Victorious After Opponent Dies Of Exhaustion During Nine Day Game

The post-game autopsy revealed Bly's heart failed on day five of the marathon game, though HasuObs continued play for four more days until ESL was notified of Bly's passing. 'I thought I just needed a little more time to complete my composition, I'm sorry to hear of my opponent's passing," HasuObs told reporters in a press conference following the match.

Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."

Empire Destroys Alliance Teamhouse With Giant Laser

(Z)Moon wrongly implicated in complex ploy.


GomTV Announces Six Flags GSL

Following seasons of HOT6 GSL and Mango Six GSL, today GomTV announced they would be partnering with Six Flags for their next event. Representatives of the national amusement chain told fans to look forward to new booth technology allowing competitors to produce and control troops while enjoying stomach-wrenching undulations of the tilt-a-whirl and flagship 'Mega Wedgie' attractions.


At A Glance

· Stephano Gives Smug Look While Contemplating Next Shenanigan

· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man

· Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord




This update brought to you by WaxAngel, HawaiianPig, stuchiu, me, and whoever else I stole ideas from


****
@RealHeyoka | DreamHack Head of StarCraft
Myles
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States5160 Posts
May 06 2013 00:23 GMT
#2
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Too good. I lost it there.
Moderator
StarVe
Profile Joined June 2011
Germany12271 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 00:29:46
May 06 2013 00:25 GMT
#3
Haha, funny stuff, good job.

Like a StarCraft Onion or something.

"At a Glance" definitely the best section.
SunsetSC2
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia129 Posts
May 06 2013 00:25 GMT
#4
This is art. More, please
*pew* *laser shield* || @Sunset_SC2
TL+ Member
shz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Germany2491 Posts
May 06 2013 00:29 GMT
#5
Oh god. Haha.
Liquipedia
fenrysk
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States358 Posts
May 06 2013 00:32 GMT
#6
5/5 i lost it at Six Flags GSL. brilliant.
http://fenrysk-art.deviantart.com
pPingu
Profile Joined September 2011
Switzerland2881 Posts
May 06 2013 00:38 GMT
#7
So that's what Goody has been trying to do for years...
Firebolt145
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Lalalaland21000 Posts
May 06 2013 00:45 GMT
#8
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."


Ahahahahahaha gold
Moderator
slowbacontron
Profile Joined October 2012
United States7722 Posts
May 06 2013 00:45 GMT
#9
Amazing!

2/5, barely mentioned heyoka.
jjakji fan
leo23
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States3062 Posts
May 06 2013 01:19 GMT
#10
very good I like it 5/5
banelings
Jaaaaasper
Profile Blog Joined April 2012
United States5664 Posts
May 06 2013 01:21 GMT
#11
5/5 This must continue!
The t-zain line was gold
Hey do you want to hear a joke? Chinese production value. | I thought he had a aegis- Ayesee | When did 7ing mad last have a good game, 2012?
StarStruck
Profile Joined April 2010
24035 Posts
May 06 2013 01:23 GMT
#12
Wax is on top of it. Good to know. Stealing ideas since 2002.
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6505 Posts
May 06 2013 01:26 GMT
#13
Fuckin' brilliant.
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
WalkinDead
Profile Blog Joined February 2013
88 Posts
May 06 2013 01:30 GMT
#14
jaedong in shame chair! haha right along with Bisu (not including his pvz)
Waxangel
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
United States26321 Posts
May 06 2013 01:30 GMT
#15
fu, I wanted to write the Bly-hasuobs piece
AdministratorHey HP can you redo everything youve ever done because i have a small complaint?
Dodgin
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Canada38830 Posts
May 06 2013 01:40 GMT
#16
this is the most ESPORTS thing I have seen in recent time
Ben...
Profile Joined January 2011
Canada2529 Posts
May 06 2013 01:49 GMT
#17
This is so good.
"Cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide" -Tastosis
tree.hugger
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Philadelphia, PA10040 Posts
May 06 2013 01:57 GMT
#18
Definitely not a scam.
ModeratorEffOrt, Snow, GuMiho, and Team Liquid
shizaep
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada1499 Posts
May 06 2013 02:01 GMT
#19
You should start printing these
Well Played!
You mean I just write stuff here and other people can see it?
turdburgler
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
England5491 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-06 02:16:52
May 06 2013 02:16 GMT
#20
everyone hating on azubu, when there are so many more bad businesses in esports that we know so much about to hate on.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next All
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