The Pitchfork Preserver
Twitter At The Speed Of Print
Azubu Employee Assures Family, Friends, Company is Definitely-Not-ScamDavid Campbell, devoted Azubu employee, was seen yesterday gathering his friends and family "just to let them know that Azubu is definitely not a scam". The company, which first began sponsorship of esports leagues and players last year, is "totally real," he assured. The meeting included citing their two business forays with a social media network and streaming platform, which are "absolutely actual things."
When his mother inquired about his duties and responsibilities on a day to day basis, David said his time is largely increasing company synergy, building the brand organically, and managing client relationships. "I'm really busy," he added, "ensuring we are able to grow at this crucial time in our operations."
The assembly concluded with a promise of refreshments, to be revealed at a later date.
Sundance Sends Robot Back In Time To Terminate Event Admin
Following confusion in MLG match times this week, the CEO was reported walking through a luminous ball of pulsating energy with a bionic being discussing taking care of business. Sundance expressed to the media that he is from a time where he "gets it" and that steps need to be taken to prevent 'The Great Reckoning'.
When approached for comment the cyborg declined, saying only that next time he will be available.
HasuObs Victorious After Opponent Dies Of Exhaustion During Nine Day GameThe post-game autopsy revealed Bly's heart failed on day five of the marathon game, though HasuObs continued play for four more days until ESL was notified of Bly's passing. 'I thought I just needed a little more time to complete my composition, I'm sorry to hear of my opponent's passing," HasuObs told reporters in a press conference following the match.
Thorzain commented, "I think Hasuobs attacked a little too early and should have built on top of his lead."
Empire Destroys Alliance Teamhouse With Giant LaserMoon wrongly implicated in complex ploy.
GomTV Announces Six Flags GSLFollowing seasons of HOT6 GSL and Mango Six GSL, today GomTV announced they would be partnering with Six Flags for their next event. Representatives of the national amusement chain told fans to look forward to new booth technology allowing competitors to produce and control troops while enjoying stomach-wrenching undulations of the tilt-a-whirl and flagship 'Mega Wedgie' attractions.
At A Glance
· Stephano Gives Smug Look While Contemplating Next Shenanigan
· Jaedong in Shame Chair After Losing to White Man
· Organ Planning ID Change to Harpsichord
This update brought to you by WaxAngel, HawaiianPig, stuchiu, me, and whoever else I stole ideas from