I made a team competitively at first with the guys from ROOT thinking that would be my first foray into competitive gaming. Things happened, aka we never practiced/played together (a large portion of it being my fault) and I was jaded with the whole process. Then I decided to make a team with my best friends, Mikey, EGM, Lust, and Inphinity. The entire process lost me a friend, made me closer with another and ultimately gave me a good understanding of what was necessary to commit to a competitive team. Dedication, hard work, commitment, and above all learning to swallow your pride. I've never really been able to do that, but this was honestly the first step in that process at least. Shortly after I made turtle masters with EGM, Niqua, Fake Hailo, and Smulgullig. We played in the Defense 3(?) did reasonable well and I had a blast. From that moment on I was hooked, I wanted to play competitively for so long but never got any offers or anything. I figured if I kept streaming maybe something would come along but it never did, and so I started realizing that maybe I wasn't cut out for it or I wasn't as good as I thought I was. Sometime in May, Kurtis (aui_2000) visited and when prompted he told me I should go for it so I waited for the opportunity to arise.
At TI3, I was going to the restroom and saw Febby from FXO and approached him and said hi. As a joke I said let me come to Korea, started walking away then he said I'll think about it. We sat down had a talk and eventually things progressed to the point of me actually on the verge of joining. Things happened / fell apart but it got me thinking more about Korea. I approached another team, they said yes, and that was that. I'm still not sure what I've gotten myself into, but I think of it more as a chance to play competitively, see my family, and above all else force myself to commit to something. I've always half assed everything so I figure by actually going to Korea I'd have to make it or break it. I always envied EE (pun intended) for what he was able to accomplish and even though this is on a much smaller scale, I want to give it a shot. I'm seen by a lot of people as this awful player / pubstar / worst person NA and I want to at least change that public perception. Korea isn't the best scene but its a start, and I don't want to burden my mom by having to take up space anymore.
I'm still not sure if this is the right decision, mainly I made it because it seemed like something to do. I felt stagnant, that I wasn't really going anywhere with DotA, and I was just being lazy. I'm scared shitless and I had my going away party last night, saw my best friends and then when everyone left I just cried for like 5 minutes because I won't be able to see them for a full year again. Its not easy being friends with someone like me as I speak loudly, I talk obnoxiously too much, and I'm way too boastful so for me to have friends like that show up just to see me off meant a lot to me. Dota's been the biggest part of my life for so long, its given me the only friends I've ever had, the confidence to talk to other people, and make risks like flying halfway across the world to do something I'd only ever dreamed of. Maybe I'm just being a pussy and I'm too scared to move on with my life / get a real career or go to law school like I had originally planned, but DotA just feels like its too big a part of my life for me to quit now. It might lead to me being flat broke with no options available, but for a game thats given me so much I've contributed so little. Maybe by going to Korea and having some success I can inspire someone else to take up what I have. I'm not saying just go and stream and you'll have a ton of viewers, but for someone like me that can barely talk without having anxiety (yeah it still happens, I've just gotten better at hiding it) I think anyone could do what I could have.
Anyways this blog didn't really have any sort of point whatsoever, I just wanted a medium to get out some loose thoughts and maybe give some people insight into my life. I'll try and update my blog once I get to Korea if anyones interested in the process / what I'm going through.
Shoutout to Coryn for being the best girlfriend possible and supporting me through my move. I wouldn't have the courage of strength to do it without you.
Shoutout to Purge for being the best kind of friend possible. Lunch dates / gay chicken will be sorely missed.
Shoutout to EGM for being the bestest friend a guy could have and inspiring me that if an idiot like you could win TI3 I can maybe win some money off koreans.
Shoutout to the BTS crew, Jarrett, David, David, and David. Without your generosity I couldn't have made it in the business. I remember thinking I would have helped with the TI3 qualifiers for a sandwich and I ended up making way more money then I should have. Thanks for taking care of me when I couldn't look out for myself haha
Thanks to everyone who's ever supported me in any way shape or form. I've got an ever growing list of people that send me kind messages, donate, purchase my coaching, send me nice tweets etc. It honestly lets me know that I'm on the right path.