Around 4 weeks ago I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with a bladder fistula. For those that don't know I have crohn's disease, and these are somewhat common with it. It's basically a hole connecting your bladder/intestine. I also had a severely inflammed intestine. They could either do the surgery then and there or wait a week and let a new drug (remicade) attempt to heal everything. They chose the non-surgical option (mistake IMO) .
After a week I think it was Saturday, I felt extremely sick had a fever and my stomach just didn't feel right. I contemplated going to the er, and finally went. I had a cat scan done and apparently my intestine had rolled over on itself and had an obstruction along with the fistula. They decided to rush me straight into surgery to remove 8 inches of intestine, repair the fistula, and take out my appendix.
I woke up from the surgery, all I remember was waking up and saying ow ow ow like a kid, I was still pretty out of it, they gave me a pain shot but it wasn't enough so they hooked me up to a....not sure what it's called a self-administering machine where you could push a button to inject yourself with pain meds every so often. The doc then later came in and said surgery went great, to walk around some when possible and left.
So that's what I did, the next few days went great. They eventually took me off the pain machine, and I was doing fine. Two days later however took a really bad turn for the worse. I am talking pain. I do not have a low pain tolerance. Crohn's disease is a very painful disease at times. I was a 10/10 on the painscale. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life, and I do NOT EVER want to experience anything like that again. The doc came in that morning and asked how I was doing. I told him horrible. He asked me how bad It hurt, I said it's the worst pain I have ever felt in my life (it was). He said that's a cop out answer (this pissed me off quite a bit). Thankfully I had my mother there at the time, she was starting to cry and wouldn't look at him, because she knows when I say something hurts, it hurts. We finally convinced him to give me another ct scan and 2 mg of hydromorphone until the results came back. It turns out I had 4 huge infected abscesses. The presnisone I was taking at the time was covering up the fever I would have had otherwise. I'm sure the dr just thought I was being a wuss from the pain of surgery.
So I had surgery #2. It was also a success. They put me on a shotgun of antibiotics and pain meds, I could have the IV hydromorphone as needed and things were looking up again.
The next few weeks was one of the worst experiences of my life. It has changed my personality and have come to realize you can't be as passive and as willful to agree as I am.
I want to start out to say if you have ANYONE you love or care about in the hospital, who are in a condition where they are not able to speak for themselves or take care of themselves either STAY WITH THEM or CHECK ON THEM VERY FREQUENTLY. If I didn't have my mother there I would have died. I am very appreciative for the sacrifices she took to help me.
I don't know if it's because the nurses have long hours, or if they just hire bad people or what. The amount of pain I was in was horrible. Pain is relative, but I don't think I am a pussy. Just to give you an idea how big these pockets of infection were, 1000 ml drained from one area out of my stomach not even through the tube, but around it. That was one of the most disgusting experiences I have seen, the smell was horrible!
I was basically reliant on the shots every 2 hours, or I would be in extreme pain. They seem to last 1hour /30 mins, so the last 30 mins wasn't pleasant, but manageable knowing pain relief could come soon.
Some nurses were just incompetent. I'd call them, ask for pain meds, they said they would be on there way, one time it took OVER AN HOUR, yes I timed them because when you are in a so much pain, watching the clock is literally all you can do. Another time I called asking for pain meds and my bladder catheter emptied ( I am currently unable to get up by myself at this time and had a bladder fistula so my bladder should not be expanding right now) First time I called the front desk, they said someone was on the way...waited 30 mins, nothing. Called the secondary nurse, said she was on her way....waited 20 minutes...nothing (later found out SHE WENT ON HER LUNCH BREAK BEFORE COMING TO MY ROOM AND COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT ME) at this point my bladder felt like it was going to explode, called my RN nurse.....15 minutes...nothing, so I started yelling hello outside my room, my RN nurse called me and said shed be right there. It took 45 minutes, to get any help my bladder felt like it was going to explode, and was in a ton of pain.
These things happened when my mom happened to not be there, which is why I reinstate DO NOT LEAVE ANYONE YOU LOVE OR CARE ABOUT IN THE HOSPITAL ALONE, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE THEY ARE NOT GETTING THE QUALITY OF CARE YOU THINK THEY ARE.
With the bad nurses I had to fight for pain medication. They *almost refused to give me the iv morphone. The pain pills just did not work. My stomach wasn't digesting still, I was vomiting some, pills just didn't work, yet they kept saying here try these first before trying the IV pain meds. If I had one super power at the time, it would be to transfer the amount of pain I was in to them, just for a few seconds, just to show them what it felt like.
There seemed to be about 50% good nurses and 50% bad ones. The good ones were fantastic, and I would be 100% fine alone in the hospital with them. The other half however, I would be scared shitless to be left there alone with them.
Unfortunately I developed two more infected abscesses which they did not do surgery for, and instead were able to put 2 (annoying) drains through me and just them them drain into bags. I still currently have one, and I had the other one pulled yesterday.
From this situation I realized you have more power at the hospital than I originally thought. It's my body, I know what I need pain wise, and now know you can ask for it. You have to be assertive and demand what you want, if you don't want the pill you tell them you don't want it and ask for what works. If I could do the entire thing over I think I would have had a more pleasant experience. But there really are some shitty nurses working at the hospital. And if I ever have a loved one in one, I am going to be by their side the entire time.
I am back home now, the pain has decreased quite a bit, and it's not bothering me near as much anymore which is good. I seem to be making a full recovery stomachwise and that's good news. I actually ate a really juicey apple (haven't been able to for 4 years) and it was delicious.
That's about all the hospital stuff I'm going to go into.
I'm going to talk more about what happened Monday.
My match was vs qxc Monday.
Ever 3-4 days ago I have been experiencing panic attacks, and severe anxiety issues. I have felt like I was going to die, the racing heart, sweating, and shaking. It's partly because of the hospital experience I believe but there's another reason. I don't think I ever accepted I had crohn's disease. I just....kinda ignored it saying I'll be fine, but this hospital visit changed that. It's a serious disease which can really effect your quality of life.
I'm also a little worried about this feeling/pressure i have on my eye, I'm not sure if it's dryness or what. I've been to 3 eye drs, and they all say my eye is "healthy" but something isn't right, and nausea and lightheartedness are accompanying it. I'm afraid it's not going to get figured out, and that's where the majority of my anxiety attacks are coming from. I see a neurologist soon, and if he doesn't have any ideas either I don't know what I am going to do. I'm starting to think it's all in my head and I'm crazy, but it can't be....
I am just extremely stressed out at the moment. I was not even able to get online to proxy gate him 3 times. And I know that is not what anyone wants to see.
I was given some anxiety meds to help calm me down and they are working a decent amount for now and will hopefully even me out until I get some stuff figured out. Having to drop 2 of my 3 classes really bumbed me out since I was 2 weeks away from getting straight A's.
Anyways as you can see, I was not in any shape to play a scheduled match vs qxc.
I'm a bit worried about my stream now as well since I've been gone for such a long time. I hope to still have support and people who will watch and enjoy my stream.
I apologize to everyone who was wanting to watch it, I apologize to blizzard who helped reschedule it, and apologize to WCS who also helped in rescheduling it.
I also thank my fans, and although I don't reply to many of you, I promise you I read each one and it does mean a lot to me.