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I have to warn you in advance, that if you are at work, are easily offended, or have children nearby, to not read this blog. If you let your children read this, you are a bad parent.
+ Show Spoiler [The Restaurant] +PrologueI've noticed a lot of restaurants and diners are kind of the same these days. You have a very bland 'same old same old' feel when you go to new places. There is the classic "burger and fries" joint that serves, well, burgers and fries, along with a variety of other greasy-ass sandwiches. There's the pizza diner, where you go and wait 20 minutes for a pizza to bake. There's the "Chinese" place, which serves non-authentic not-really-Chinese stuff; same with these so-called "Mexican" places which serve delicious burritos filled with meat and covered in cheese. In the real Mexico, the people just eat beans and rice PLAIN. Sometimes they also will just grab a gila monster off the ground and eat its fat tail. If a rabbit wanders into town, it is fucking done, because they will just swarm that shit and eat it, bones and everything, right on the spot. The same goes for foxes, except for Vicente Fox. Nobody can eat Vicente Fox. Yeah, maybe you live in a big city and are just like "Well, I love pho. I just go the pho place and eat pho twenty-pho seven." and if you're Vietnamese, good for you, but if you're some white-ass honky, then shut the fuck up, you fucking hipster, stop talking and go back to listening to the Rickety Spigots rare B-Side album that only you have because you found the lost mixtape while dumpster diving looking for fedoras. What I'm doing is new and innovative. This isn't some recycled dumbass idea like "Hey, let's take something that already is popular and combine it with something else popular like putting pancakes on pizza and make breakfast pizzas covered in maple syrup" which would be wildly popular in Canada, where they drink 16 Oz of maple syrup per day minimum. I got the idea while eating at this one Mexican joint, where, of course, I ordered some beef enchiladas. You have to keep in mind, this was back in 2004, when it was still cool to order beef enchiladas. But anyhow, one of my non-friends who tagged along with my group of friends ordered something weird on the menu and it wasn't until after he got it that he was like "What the heck is this?" and the waitress just smiles and goes "It's cow-tongue". So the guy didn't want it anymore, because he's a fucking pussy bitch. I mean, he's such a pussy-ass bitch that I can't believe he joined the air force, and if he ever flies, I bet he'll wear some kind of special military diaper because he'll be crapping his pants the whole time. So I go "Let me try that." and tried some of the cow-tongue meat. It was surprisingly quite good. It was tender and juicy. But still, it was tongue. The stigma of eating some meat that wasn't part of the cow that we normally ate was overbearing. I mean, imagine if we never found out it was tongue. It would've been the best thing ever. Also, while we were there, a girl was dared to drink the bowl with the spicy green salsa and she fucking did it. I am convinced to this day that later on, she had the worst diarrhea of her entire life. New RestaurantCafe de la Vagina BBQ, the premiere place for delicious vagina meat! BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY.
HEY KIDS, DO YOU LIKE EATING PUSSY? DO YOU LIKE EATING PUSSY LITERALLY? AT CAFE DE LA VAGINA BBQ, WE OFFER A WIDE VARIETY OF THE FINEST PUSSY-BASED DISHES IN THE WORLD, AND WE ARE WORLD FAMOUS. OUR CUISINE IS FUCKING AWESOME, AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELVES CRAVING PUSSY AFTER TRYING OUR NEW PIG-VAGINA W/ HONEY BBQ SAUCE SERVED WITH A BAKED POTATO THAT IS CUT IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SLIT IN A VULVA.
OR MAYBE YOU'RE IN THE MOOD TO EAT A BEAR'S VAGINA, WE GOT THAT.
RABBIT VAGINA? WE COOK THAT.
ALLIGATOR VAGINA? WE MAKE THAT.
OUR ENTIRE RESTAURANT IS MADE OF MEAT. SO IF YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN, FUCK OFF.
Menu: Our vagina in a potato is a classic dish that combines authentic vagina meat with the obvious double-entendre of using the potato as a symbolic vagina-like object. Sweet potatoes are also available. You don't want to even know what this is, but if you don't eat it, you're a scared little virgin bitch. Perhaps you're a little twinky faggot who wants to get some dick in your mouth. You're in luck! We serve delicious sausages made with authentic dick-meat from various animals, including: Cow, Pig, Bear, Deer, Orca, Blue Whale, Wild Boar, Armadillo, Wolf, and of course, Giraffe. Our "Cunninlinguine" is made with freshly-ground vagina-meat and combined with a rich marinara sauce to create a bold and zesty flavor which will undoubtedly give you the worst diarrhea in recorded history. Enjoy! For desert, we have bacon-pie. ALL OF OUR WAITERS AND WAITRESSES WILL BE DRESSED IN BABY-SUITS. DON'T QUESTION IT, JUST ACCEPT IT. Anyone who asks why will be asked politely to leave the restaurant and if you do not comply, we will call the cops. Sometimes, we'll call the cops even if you don't do anything wrong. So uh, come on down... ...on a vagina! + Show Spoiler + Disclaimer: No animals or babies were harmed in the making of this blog. No restaurant of this kind actually exists, and will not exist in the near-future, as we do not have the technology to facilitate a structure crafted entirely out of meat. I was not coerced into making this blog. I was asked by someone who was so physically intimidating that coercion was not necessary.
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Canada11355 Posts
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8/8 its gr8 m8
Also happy birthday
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Netherlands6175 Posts
hahahahahaha what the fuck nina
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waiter waiter, there's a dick in my soup!
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22271 Posts
is it polite to slurp that cunninlinguine
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will u serve duck vaginas? also does it come in a barrel? happy birthday
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Meet me in Argentina and show me that you can eat the whole Parillada selection (or provide sufficient proof that you have already done so). Only then are you qualified to talk strong shit about eating nonstandard animal parts. Also, if you can't you are a pussy and your restaurant is cannibalism.
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That baby suit is fucking horrifying.
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Cooking vagina was not fun. I got some pig uteri from the Asian supermarket. I tried to stir fry it, and this awful smell just emanated from it. I guess I didn't clean it too well, because the smell just kept coming. So yeah, lesson learned, soak it overnight, probably with some lemon juice or vinegar, and cook it with plenty of rice wine.
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happy coming out of the vagina day
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The TL blog section keeps blowing my mind over and over. And everytime I think "OK, I've seen it all now" comes another blog about vagina-meat. Entertaining read tho !
Happy birthday !
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United States24342 Posts
A man walks into a deli and asks what the special is. The employee says "tongue sandwich." The man responds, "Ew! I don't want to eat anything out of an animal's mouth! I'll have eggs instead."
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5/5 well played
And happy birthday ^^
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This...this is not what I expected...
5/5
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your Country52796 Posts
On October 01 2014 21:55 Epishade wrote: This...this is not what I expected...
5/5 How could you not expect this? It's nina..
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On October 01 2014 22:50 The_Templar wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2014 21:55 Epishade wrote: This...this is not what I expected...
5/5 How could you not expect this? It's nina..
Nina is nose deep in pu$$y
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This wouldn't be some clever scheme to catch your son in the act of eating pussy would it? + Show Spoiler +
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On October 01 2014 16:26 Shock710 wrote: will u serve duck vaginas? also does it come in a barrel? happy birthday
In retrospect, there are so many more jokes I could've done. I actually watched a clip of that Louis C.K. stand-up show a few weeks ago. I thought of way more stuff like
"Try our blueberry waffles"
"We also serve fish. Just fish. But this begs the question: does pussy taste like fish, or does fish taste like pussy?"
"We do not serve any cat meat."
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ahaha I thought the title was more figurative that it is
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On October 01 2014 23:22 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 01 2014 22:50 The_Templar wrote:On October 01 2014 21:55 Epishade wrote: This...this is not what I expected...
5/5 How could you not expect this? It's nina.. Nina is nose deep in pu$$y That isn't very deep
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good luck, running a restaurant is very stressful. i doubt you will have time to post on tl anymore.
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I just go the pho place and eat pho twenty-pho seven. 5/5 just for this pun.
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lol 5/5.
So I was reading this at a Second Cup (that is Canada's Starbucks) and started laughing really loud, like tearing and gasping for air loud. People were staring at me because I was laughing so crazy; a girl near me asked "What's so funny?".
I wasn't sure if I should show her, but I thought "fuck it". She read the disclaimer and continued reading. She was laughing so hard she had to go to the washroom.
ninazerg, you also could have used oysters and mussels. We all know you slurp oysters, and mussels already looks like a vagina, but that might be too obvious.
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your Country52796 Posts
I read this right after I woke up, and I don't dare read it again. I remember it being quite disturbing though...
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If certain extremist actions are committed will I receive 72 vaginas?
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Might need some marketing to make everything go down smoothly.
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hahaha 5/5, go for the pussy salad ^^
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On October 02 2014 09:06 Jett.Jack.Alvir wrote: lol 5/5.
So I was reading this at a Second Cup (that is Canada's Starbucks) and started laughing really loud, like tearing and gasping for air loud. People were staring at me because I was laughing so crazy; a girl near me asked "What's so funny?".
I wasn't sure if I should show her, but I thought "fuck it". She read the disclaimer and continued reading. She was laughing so hard she had to go to the washroom.
ninazerg, you also could have used oysters and mussels. We all know you slurp oysters, and mussels already looks like a vagina, but that might be too obvious.
That is the best thing I could ask for, just putting a bit of joy into a couple of people's day
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22271 Posts
could have added 'suck a geoduck' somewhere in there too
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Something is wrong on the internet.
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You never read a nina blog ? Go read the others
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On October 01 2014 14:18 ninazerg wrote:
New Restaurant
Cafe de la Vagina BBQ, the premiere place for delicious vagina meat! BRING THE WHOLE FAMILY.
HEY KIDS, DO YOU LIKE EATING PUSSY? DO YOU LIKE EATING PUSSY LITERALLY? AT CAFE DE LA VAGINA BBQ, WE OFFER A WIDE VARIETY OF THE FINEST PUSSY-BASED DISHES IN THE WORLD, AND WE ARE WORLD FAMOUS. OUR CUISINE IS FUCKING AWESOME, AND YOU WILL FIND YOURSELVES CRAVING PUSSY AFTER TRYING OUR NEW PIG-VAGINA W/ HONEY BBQ SAUCE SERVED WITH A BAKED POTATO THAT IS CUT IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE A SLIT IN A VULVA.
OR MAYBE YOU'RE IN THE MOOD TO EAT A BEAR'S VAGINA, WE GOT THAT.
RABBIT VAGINA? WE COOK THAT.
ALLIGATOR VAGINA? WE MAKE THAT.
OUR ENTIRE RESTAURANT IS MADE OF MEAT. SO IF YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN, FUCK OFF.
My head sees that mexican dude from that movie From Dusk Till Dawn who advertises the girls in his strip joint.
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This was mindblowing, and hilarious, also I'm hungry..
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