Tbh this has been my favourite community on the internet since I joined in 2014 . So, here I am. Talking to you...
The story goes like this.
Last year, in July I hit it off with a really great girl that I really liked for a long time. Everything went amazing for two months and we were really happy. It was super fun. But I had a nervous breakdown somewhere mid September due to utter academic faliure. It just happened like a tsunami. Everything in my life crumbled and I couldn't handle it. I began a pattern of extremely self-destructive behavior and it started channeling to her. Everything was still pretty new and she couldn't handle me in that state. Ffs I couldn't handle me in that state.
She called it quits shortly after. I haven't been myself for more then a month before that point so it's quite understandable.
In December she tried to talk to me again but I just kinda used that opportunity to hurt her out of spite. We had no contact after that.
In this time I had managed to sort myself out. Started cleaning my room. I took control over my life and academic work. I made some new friends and am enjoying life.
Then, two weeks ago, she contacts me. We had a nice conversation and everything was fine. We saw each other in person twice (her idea). Nothing ever happened, we just talked. I didn't want to talk about what had happened before, since I didn't want to recall any bad memories. I apologized for being a jerk and she said it was fine and that she forgives me.
She did ask me about my state from last year though, so I told her. No details.
We keep contact now. All our conversations are actually quite fun and interesting and engaging.
I still have feelings for her. I don't know if and how should I even tell her. And I have trouble reading her intentions since I am kind of socially awkward and have never been good at these kinds of stuff.
I don't know what to do really...