Stork: Gee, I hope I do well and put up good results!
MJ Bot: HUMANS ARE OBSOLETE; ERADICATION PROTOCOL BEGUN.
In the history of StarCraft, it has long been said that an AI could not hope to compete with a professional gamer. However, the hopeful minds of aspiring programmers were encouraged by Deep Blue, an IBM-developed supercomputer which played against Gary Kasperov, a former world Chess Champion. Deep Blue was able to compete effectively and defeat Kasperov, opening the door for the possibility of a machine uprising. Kasperov himself accused the machine of cheating and demanded a re, to which IBM replied, "no re". A mere year after this algorithm-based upset over the best strategic minds of man (we have no idea how Deep Blue would fare against a woman. Likely, very poorly, since computers are flustered by the allure of the fairer sex.) StarCraft was released to the public. The race was on: could leading software and artificial intelligence engineers release a solution to the ingenuity of the human mind, or would the reign of flesh over circuitry continue uncontested? As the decades passed, the answer seemed to be a stiff "no", even stiffer than a Hollywood executive around a breathing organism with an orifice.
Tonight, however, that answer has changed. That answer was changed from a "no" to a "yes". Engineers at the University of New Mexico (I'm guessing. I have no idea.) were attempting to create a fuck-bot that they could sell to the Japanese when they accidentally created MJ Bot, a hulking, muscular super-computer with 100,000 apm. It could also shoot a particle beam out of its eye that could destroy a small mammal instantly from 10 meters away. The engineers had solved the mystery of Hardy's paradox by spreading lactose-free sour cream on a chihuahua's belly. Don't get mad -- the little guy enjoyed it.
But you all are familiar with the prelude to this monumental event, so fast-forward a couple days, and MJ faces off against Song Byung Goo, known as "Stork" among non-Koreans. As one of the best StarCraft players in the world, Stork would provide MJ with an ample challenge... or so it seemed. Every AI deployed in the past couldn't make it past D- on iccup, but this was different. This was MJ Bot.
Game 1: Circuit Breaker
MJ spawned in the bottom right as Terran, with Stork spawning in the top right as Protoss. The crowd gasped as MJ went for a 9 CC. It was the most unconventional build they had ever seen. Stork pulled all his probes for a probe rush, not knowing that MJ would have two command centers worth of SCVs, and would smash Stork's face right into the goddamn pavement with those gundam fusion cutters. After losing 5 probes, Stork backed off, but it was too fucking late because MJ had like 40 SCVs coming all over Stork's main, just killing everything. Stork left the game with no gg.
Game 2: Fighting Spirit
MJ spawned in the middle of the map somehow. Stork spawned in the bottom left, and was confused when his probe found nothing in all positions. He typed "?" to which MJ replied "kpop is trash cuck", then proceeded to fucking dominate Stork in a manner that can only be described in grotesque sexual euphemisms. Once again, it was like MJ was literally slamming Stork down onto the hood of a car right in front of all his homeboys. MJ looked into the audience and gave them the finger! I couldn't believe it. This was really happening. 40 ghosts just walked up and locked down every unit Stork ever had made and the nukes just poured out of the sky as if Kim Jong Un had just done 5 lines of cocaine right off Dennis Rodman's face. Stork once again left with no gg, and the crowd began to boo him. An audience member even threw a rotten tomato at Stork's booth, just to let him know that he was no longer certified fresh.
Game 3: Neo Electric Circuit
This game was absolute devastation for Stork. The crowd was now booing very loudly, and had brought guillotines into the arena. They would not be necessary, as MJ Bot literally ripped off Stork's head and shit directly into the stump, but figuratively. This game, MJ picked Zerg because he said Stork wasn't worthy to play his main. Stork slammed his fist down on his keyboard, then slammed his headphones down on his keyboard. Stork's booth-girl left and went over to MJ's booth. It was pandamonium, a rare substance only found in pandas and on Jupiter's moon of Io. MJ's fingers moved so fast that it was melting his keyboard, but he didn't even give a shit, because he was a complete gangster, so he was like fuck it. Jesus Christ what a legendary match. All of those ensnared dark archons never stood a chance.
In that moment with a 3-0 win over Stork, I knew that I had made the correct decision to bet my house, my belongings, and all my money on MJ, who was the 1,000,000 to 1 underdog just an hour before. I had even bet to become Faust's sex-slave, so thank God and Jesus and The Holy Spirit for helping MJ to win and become the first AI to defeat a fucking progamer and set the stage for every Hollywood movie about robots taking over the world to become real. I hope you enjoyed this series as much I did. Have a very Spooky Halloween.
Edit: This did not go quite as I had envisioned.