- 4 years high school
- 2 years sitting around/studying for college entry exams
- 4 years of college
- 3 years working
- 1 year mandatory military service
I'm nearing the end of the last year I mentioned above. I'm thinking about where to go from here. It seems I was always obligated to do what I did until today. Finally in my life, in a couple months, I will be free to do whatever I want, steer my life wherever I wish.
When you feel you don't have much choice, you also feel you are not much responsible. You are just doing whatever you have to. Yes you can do it better or worse (study harder in college), but that often doesn't matter much.
Now I will be free but I will be responsible too. What should I do to not feel my life wasted when I get older? Should I chase my dreams now that I have better means and maturity to realize them?
My dreams became less attractive as I see the truth about them. I always thought I'd be a scientist because I like to learn how things work and how I can improve them. But the endless hours of grinding to please your thesis supervisor, writing reports that have to be in certain format even certain font size, being almost forced to research a subject you are not interested in.. doesnt feel worth my hard earned freedom.
Sure I can go back to 9-6 work. It is sometimes fun but often the most effective life waster.
I'm planning not doing anything for a while and just think. I will probably get bored and depressed then eventually go back to work