Do you have it? It's bullshit. Your life becomes a miserable quest for reassurance. It never stops.
Once upon a time I had an irrational fear of HIV - stupidly irrational. I started making up scenarios in my head: that time I had a lip wound I washed my hands at the gym. What if someone lost some blood on the faucet and it went to my mouth? This kind of stuff it's nightmare fuel because anything can make you panic. I postponed a test for years, then I had to due it for immigration. When the result came clear, it was one of the happiest moment of my life. Even if I KNEW it was clear. It had to be - I always had safe sex with girls I knew, no hookers, no needle drugs.
Last issue happened yesterday. I have this small lump where the trap muscle joints to the neck. As far as I remember, I've always been having it. I don't remember if I had it checked in the past and the doctor said it was just how my body was. Dunno what happened, yesterday I randomly touched it and I started to panic. This led to a rabbit-hole of google symptoms which basically lead to cancer or lymphona. Fuck off. I know that the first rule is don't google symptoms because even weezing means you have lung cancer.
This lump never gave me any problems - any at all. No pain, no discomfort, no problems in lifting and doing sports, no fever, blood exams, chest x-ray two years ago and everything is fine. I called the doctor but he won't be free until Tuesday morning. Now imagine what happened - I've been touching it non stop for a day and the area is now red. Which makes you google other symptoms. FUCK. Now I feel my neck is strange...I know that it's anxiety/Self-awareness but I cannot rationalize it.
I hope you never feel this.