I am very terrified, I was diagnosed Bi-Polar, I didn't want to believe the Doctors so they listened to me and prescribed me a medicine called BuSpar or Buspirone, treats anxiety and also has anti depressant qualities, it is said to take weeks before it actually starts to work properly, the doctors didn't even tell me this.
The side effects of this medication was worse than the one the same doctor prescribed me 2-3 years prior, before i started traveling around, which was a medication called Depakote, I took both medications for less than a week and then threw them away, because ALL of the negative side effects would happen to me, No sleep, having terribly negative thoughts people wouldn't want to have nightmares about, sometimes I become afraid to sleep because I worry I won't wake up, because I have insomnia that bad at times.
Benzodiazepines (Xanax / klonopin) are the only thing that make me feel like a normal person, like I am actually MYSELF, right now I am having another terrible anxiety / panic attack and they are very scary, I sometimes feel like I cannot get any help b/c I have no insurance and owe so much for hospital bills because of previous health issues (Cluster headaches)
I am so scared and trying to get my brain / mental stable, no I do not do drugs, I smoke weed and occasionally have a few drinks, because it is the only thing that relaxes me (the weed), and I was previously living in California so it wasn't a big deal
So at this point I am actually terrified of having to admit myself into a mental hospital to get myself figured out, but I don't trust doctors, and I know these medications completely alter your DNA / personality, and you have less rights / control in those mental facilities than in jail, I am too afraid of being kept in a box like an animal fed pills till THEY (THE DOCTORS) think they have figured me out, when I was taking benzos that i got prescribed from the ER, I was able to work flawlessly even overtime, I am now one of the top advisors that work for Apple, but boom once the benzos were gone I am not very stable. I feel very alone, no friends really, I work from home, so all I do is stare at these 4 walls all day.
I am scared I will have to admit myself into a mental hospital, I am looking and praying for alternatives to balance myself besides finding benzos on the street....
Please pray for me.
God bless TL