GF Problems
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kOre
Canada3642 Posts
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BuGzlToOnl
United States5918 Posts
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Pengu1n
United States552 Posts
btw whats a shisha? | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
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Slaughter
United States20250 Posts
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brian
United States9531 Posts
but yeah, its controlling. she's allowed to go out for a drink with people. its a social thing. its like catching up. obviously i would not like it if she did it every weekend. | ||
Pengu1n
United States552 Posts
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plated.rawr
Norway1675 Posts
In any case, if you're not feeling comfortable about it, talk to her about it. | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
But to go with 1 other person of the opposite sex? Isn't that like ... against some guy code or some shit? | ||
Snet
United States3573 Posts
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bN`
Slovenia504 Posts
Btw, you shouldn't let her go and if you don't approve of it just let her know that you don't. In the end it's her decision anyway. P.S.: Shisha = like a water pipe right? Edit: nice ninja op edit dude :> | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
@ Gene - Not something she does every weekend, but frequent enough to make me pissed off. @ plated.rawr - It's not an old friend, and I tried talking to her about it, but it always leads into a fight. | ||
Zalfor
United States1035 Posts
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micronesia
United States24343 Posts
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kOre
Canada3642 Posts
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Augury
United States758 Posts
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CaucasianAsian
Korea (South)11558 Posts
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Steelflight-Rx
United States1389 Posts
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Chef
10810 Posts
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Elvin_vn
Vietnam2038 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:07 kOre wrote: @ micro: She doesn't care, because she knows it's not going to happen. ur controlling | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
The dude tried to do some shit with his gf KNOWING she was taken.. and asks again anyways? Your gf is trouble (from this very limited point of view). Going out drinking and enjoying a hookah with 1 other guy, a guy who tried to seduce her anyways.. is no good. | ||
BBS
Germany204 Posts
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
1) Punch this kid in the head 2) Drop her 3) Punch this kid in the head, then drop her most important question for framing. How old are you? | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
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anderoo
Canada1876 Posts
sure you'll solve the problem short term by punching the kid in the head, but it's not like there are only 2 guys in th whole world who are going to try to fuck your gf edit: and if she's not gonna tell them to fuck off then ditch her | ||
NiTenIchiRyu
United Kingdom273 Posts
Shisha is just another term for hookah and that's basically smoking tobacco through a water pipe so it's not even remotely related to weed. | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:24 NiTenIchiRyu wrote: shisha (kind of like weed) Shisha is just another term for hookah and that's basically smoking tobacco through a water pipe so it's not even remotely related to weed. Okay well yeah I never really did have any idea what it was. | ||
Xeofreestyler
Belgium6733 Posts
I'd say go with Sean Connery's advice. | ||
lovelyrose
Canada160 Posts
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kOre
Canada3642 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:23 anderoo wrote: I'd go with option 3 personally sure you'll solve the problem short term by punching the kid in the head, but it's not like there are only 2 guys in th whole world who are going to try to fuck your gf edit: and if she's not gonna tell them to fuck off then ditch her Guess since there won't be just 2, I'll have to punch every kid in the head lol On July 20 2009 02:24 lovelyrose wrote: if you have to stop your g/f from cheating, what's the point? She isn't, she's just really clueless. | ||
MiniRoman
Canada3953 Posts
And if you punch the kid in the head for wanting to hang out with your gf she'll just think you're crazy and not want to be with you. Just let it go. | ||
anderoo
Canada1876 Posts
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kOre
Canada3642 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:25 MiniRoman wrote: Do you not smoke/drink? Forbiding her to not do something she wants to will piss her off. I made a new friend when I had a gf and she had a bf and we chilled and got high and drank and shit alone. My gf at the time didn't care, her bf didn't care. Neither of us did anything besides hang out. It's just fun to drink and smoke ~~ I don't really smoke because it's bad for your health (I breakdance so I can't do that shit) and drinking I can handle my alcohol pretty well while she can't so I would rather she drink when I'm with her because of what could happen. The dude tried to do some shit with his gf KNOWING she was taken.. and asks again anyways? | ||
brian
United States9531 Posts
your girlfriend has friends right? are you trying to say there should be rules as to when and how she spends time with them? Its just a matter of whether or not your girlfriend is trustworthy, like it or not. I'm the most jealous BF on the planet. I was pissed off one night just because she was out at 5 am. She was with a good girlfriend of hers. Any good reason? no. It's entirely irrational. just something you have to come to terms with. also, turns out she is now my ex and not trustworthy. | ||
brian
United States9531 Posts
I would call out the dude. On July 20 2009 02:27 kOre wrote: I don't really smoke because it's bad for your health (I breakdance so I can't do that shit) and drinking I can handle my alcohol pretty well while she can't so I would rather she drink when I'm with her because of what could happen. she's old enough to take care of herself. are you sure you dont mean you'd prefer she drink with you because you want to keep an eye on her? (asking for introspection purposes) | ||
MrHoon
10183 Posts
How clueless could a person be? I don't know how old your girlfriend is but I highly doubt a girl could be that 'clueless' | ||
Hammy
France828 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:10 Steelflight-Rx wrote: shisha is a type of tobacco product that you smoke out of a hookah That really depends on the dialect. Yes, in egypt shisha is the tobacco, but in north africa shisha is the hookah itself (also called arguilé or narguilé in the middle east, which is probably the place where it's most anchored in the culture). I guess I wanted to clarify that because i've got one running in my hands right now :s edit: kay : ) someone else corrected that before me | ||
Zinfandel
Canada115 Posts
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SK.Testie
Canada11084 Posts
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Jayme
United States5866 Posts
Is the concept of trust foreign now? Like when I get into a relationship with someone at this point you should really really like said person and give them the benefit of the doubt in most situations. What the hell is the point of a relationship if you don't have just about near unconditional trust in them to "allow" them to go somewhere on their own... Then again I don't bother to get into a relationship just to be in one, I actually have to give a shit about the other person. | ||
Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
Have any of her friends flirted with you in the past? This is the solution. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:48 Jayme wrote: Everytime I read threads like this I get confused. Is the concept of trust foreign now? Like when I get into a relationship with someone at this point you should really really like said person and give them the benefit of the doubt in most situations. What the hell is the point of a relationship if you don't have just about near unconditional trust in them to "allow" them to go somewhere on their own... Then again I don't bother to get into a relationship just to be in one, I actually have to give a shit about the other person. Maybe he trusts her but not the guy. Maybe her "cluelessness" makes for problems he'd rather (shouldn't) deal with. Trusting someone is fine.. but trusting someone who puts themselves in reckless situations is bad. It isn't like this is some great friend who is being purely platonic.. he has a history of faggotry. I love tl.net's over emphasized sense of macho. "MY WOMAN DOES WHATEVER CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY blah blah blah" | ||
ZpuX
Sweden1230 Posts
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vlaric
United States412 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:51 {88}iNcontroL wrote: Maybe he trusts her but not the guy. Maybe her "cluelessness" makes for problems he'd rather (shouldn't) deal with. Trusting someone is fine.. but trusting someone who puts themselves in reckless situations is bad. It isn't like this is some great friend who is being purely platonic.. he has a history of faggotry. I love tl.net's over emphasized sense of macho. "MY WOMAN DOES WHATEVER CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY blah blah blah" LOL | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
Why? They continue to hit on her and try shit even though they know she is already taken. Yet, she won't let me do anything about it because they are her "friends". Takes all I have to restrain myself from going all psycho-im-going-to-fucking-shoot-you on them. What I mean by "clueless" is that she keeps telling me nothing is going to happen even when she is drunk/high. But I know that when these guys see an opportunity they are going to take it. | ||
SirNeb
United States243 Posts
What I'm hearing are actually these questions: "Can I trust my gf?" or "Why am I so insecured?" | ||
Olorin.SVK
Slovakia136 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:10 Chef wrote: If you don't trust her the relationship is already over. This. Really. If you think she can do whatever with that guy, there is something wrong. I know it feels kinda unconfortable for you, but you just have to trust her. Also talk about it with her if it is that big of a deal for you. | ||
piratebay
United States399 Posts
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piratebay
United States399 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:02 piratebay wrote: return the favor. find a girl to go hang out with alone. *edit* whichever mod that said bang her best friends, do this. | ||
PaeZ
Mexico1627 Posts
And guys he clearly has a reason to feel bad about this, specially if she is going to get drunk and smoke ALONE with another guy whose testosterone will kick in and try to hit on her. | ||
Smu
Serbia164 Posts
It's very important for a relationship that she feels for you. That's not something you can talk over. If she isn't all over you and caring from the start, you can't change that about her. She either doesn't care about you very much to begin with or is just a heartless bitch in general. Avoid like the plague. | ||
DivinO
United States4796 Posts
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Vilda
Sweden111 Posts
You might not trust the guy, but it takes two to tango. If you really do trust her one guy wouldn't really matter, would he? lol. | ||
Chef
10810 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:54 kOre wrote: I trust her, I don't trust the guys that she is with. Why? They continue to hit on her and try shit even though they know she is already taken. Yet, she won't let me do anything about it because they are her "friends". Takes all I have to restrain myself from going all psycho-im-going-to-fucking-shoot-you on them. What I mean by "clueless" is that she keeps telling me nothing is going to happen even when she is drunk/high. But I know that when these guys see an opportunity they are going to take it. You don't trust her not to reject his advances or leave if he starts pawing her. "Trust" is more than just a word. Unless you're afraid of him raping her, than it's not really your point. And if you think she's so dumb she won't notice he's feeling her up, maybe that's a reason not to trust her either. Honestly, it sounds like you must be going out with a 15 year old. If you're so desperate to be in a relationship, fine, tell her you don't want her to go. Your relationship will never get any deeper than it is right now and you can expect it to end within a year. If you're not desperate, you might as well dump her now or learn to trust her. | ||
KinosJourney2
Sweden1811 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:48 Kennigit wrote: Just tell her "if you can't show me some respect by NOT going out with a guy who is clearly interested in you then we obviously have way bigger issues here.,,, Your call." if she goes, dump her immediately - then fuck one of her friends as SOON as possible. The last part is key because you don't want to be seen as the needy boyfriend who couldn't handle her going out with other guys but rather the asshole who got mad and then was like ROLFOLROLOLRFOLOLOL BRB FUCKING YOU FRIEND! Have any of her friends flirted with you in the past? This is the solution. Lol, this is made of win. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
rofl You guys are so fucking manly! I Envy the cock sizes around here. /barf | ||
Vilda
Sweden111 Posts
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unknown.sam
Philippines2701 Posts
on the one hand i feel that telling your gf to stop hanging out w/ someone (esp a penis) would be unfair (i wouldn't wanna be told to stop hanging out w/ any of my friends) but on the other hand the guy has been known to put a few moves on your gf. i guess me trying to be a rational bf would say to lessen the amount of time they hang out. if she keeps insisting that nothing will happen bla bla then you'll just have to work around it if you think she's worth all that trouble..but if you really can't hack it, there's always the easy way out. | ||
Gliche
United States811 Posts
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Orlandu
China2450 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote: Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust. The guy has a legit reason to be concerned. Maybe he's overreacting, maybe he's not. We don't know all the details or all the sides, but it sounds like he's got a good reason to at least be concerned. I don't think this is an issue of him trusting the girl or not. This is him being uncomfortable with a situation that clearly smells. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if the girl is completely trustworthy and loyal, that doesn't mean that something bad can't happen. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote: Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern. If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust. | ||
Gliche
United States811 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote: Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. wtf? i would not want to be your bf | ||
MiniRoman
Canada3953 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote: It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern. If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust. RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Guys hit on girls, my gf would tell me to flirt when I would go to bars and shit just for the fun of it. She got hit on all the time just part of life. You can't go around curbstomping people, go lift some weights while you rage about your girl with a friend thats a guy ~~ | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
She hangs with guys all the time.. cause they are good guys who don't need to hit on her to have a good time. When we go to bars or parties or w/e she gets hit on.. they get the message and realize I am more trouble than it is worth. Life goes on. I'm offering my advice because I don't think a guy should sit and tolerate his girl getting hit on.. or much worse: Pursuing a guy who perpetually hits on her. You can blather about rage or weightlifting all you like.. doesn't change the fact that in the real world people need to have respect or they will get fucking demolished. Physically or in some other fashion. | ||
Chef
10810 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:40 {88}iNcontroL wrote: you guys would all seriously be ok with your gf saying "sup going for drinks and a smoke with that dude that hit on me the other day" rofl You guys are so fucking manly! I Envy the cock sizes around here. /barf No, I just wouldn't go out with a girl like that "KBYE, don't come back" There's no way I'd trust a girl like that. But then it depends what you consider 'hitting on.' Some people think "I like your hair" is synonymous with "nice tits, lemme feel." | ||
Zinfandel
Canada115 Posts
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starflash
190 Posts
ur gf has issues definately (not being rude i hope) | ||
starflash
190 Posts
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starflash
190 Posts
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BalliSLife
1339 Posts
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Dazed.
Canada3301 Posts
On July 20 2009 01:34 kOre wrote: Its not controlling to not want her to go. A bit suspicious and jealous? Sure. But it sounds warranted in this case. But its not controlling to be against it; if however, you were extremely adamant and actually tried to stop her from going, rather than suggesting she not go, that would be controlling. Is it controlling of me if I don't want my girlfriend to go drinking or shisha with just 1 other guy? Here's some information on our relationship. - She doesn't consider the people as REALLY REALLY old friends. - The one guy tried to like "do shit" last time they went shisha but I was there to stop it. - She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends. - I would never do this kind of shit to her. - Isn't there some sort of "guy code" that pretty much tells the guy not to even ask the girl this stuff? EDIT: Yeah I edited the OP so that it has more info. Thanks for the title change. | ||
MutaDoom
Canada1163 Posts
On July 20 2009 04:40 BalliSLife wrote: let her drink or whatever, as long as at the end of the night she's going home with you then who gives a crap, it's not like anything will happen between them in public. You'd be ok with your gf doing something in private? -.- Inc, I agree with you. I wouldn't be very happy at all with this situation. | ||
beetlelisk
Poland2276 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:38 Chef wrote: You don't trust her not to reject his advances or leave if he starts pawing her. "Trust" is more than just a word. Unless you're afraid of him raping her, than it's not really your point. And if you think she's so dumb she won't notice he's feeling her up, maybe that's a reason not to trust her either. Honestly, it sounds like you must be going out with a 15 year old. If you're so desperate to be in a relationship, fine, tell her you don't want her to go. Your relationship will never get any deeper than it is right now and you can expect it to end within a year. If you're not desperate, you might as well dump her now or learn to trust her. IMO QFT and I have 2 questions: 1) How do you know she's going to meet this guy? She told you that? If I understand this right they are going to smoke... flavoured tobacco. zomg zomg 2) Do you know any other girl close enough to tell her about this situation (starting with what she's going to do and what you know about that guy) to ask her to act like she's hitting on you and you respond to that in friendly manner when your gf is around? See her reaction then ask when is she going to meet with that penis then ask her how she felt. Then tell her both what really happened. She should be impressed that you can go that far just to make her understand how you feel! edit: Try to remember how you met each other and how started to be together. Was she easy to be picked up lol? | ||
Jin
Canada439 Posts
if she is certain nothing will happen then let her go if she's a cheater it won't matter if she let her or not let her, it will happen eventually, better to have it happen before marriage and kids | ||
PaeZ
Mexico1627 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote: This isn't even all about trust. You can trust someone but still be uncomfortable with a situation. It's one thing to trust someone, it's another thing for that person to knowingly put themselves into potentially harmful situations. Even if nothing is going to happen, it clearly makes at least one person uncomfortable, and generally speaking, if you're in a relationship you should be considerate of the other person's feelings and what makes them uncomfortable. It may not always be reasonable (that's another issue of its own), but telling or expecting them to just "deal with it" is completely uncalled for and pretty disrespectful. Any girl that ever tried that on me would get dumped so fast it's not even funny. If something's bothering your significant other, you don't just ignore it or do things that will make it worse, whether it's unreasonable or not. Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust. The guy has a legit reason to be concerned. Maybe he's overreacting, maybe he's not. We don't know all the details or all the sides, but it sounds like he's got a good reason to at least be concerned. I don't think this is an issue of him trusting the girl or not. This is him being uncomfortable with a situation that clearly smells. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if the girl is completely trustworthy and loyal, that doesn't mean that something bad can't happen. This post along with Incontrol's are pretty much the TRUTH. I would still advice that you talk with your girlfriend and try to work this out, if she just ignores you and doesnt give a fuck about what you feel then thats the basis for ending this relationship asap and then do what Kennigit said . | ||
Vilda
Sweden111 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote: It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern. If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust. But that's the point. Who are you to decide who she hangs out with just because you're dating her? You can want her to stop hanging out with someone, sure, but would you actually order her around like that? If my bf asked me not to, and put it in different words of course I'd consider what he's saying, and I doubt I'd keep hanging out with the guy, at least not without telling him to back off. I'd never do anything to hurt a bf or anyone else I know and care about. However, the bottom line is that I'm a person free to do whatever I want. If he thinks that me not doing what he tells me to do is disrespectful I'm not sure I'd be able to stay in the relationship. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
he didn't decide who she can hang out with. He is discussing who he wants her to hang out with. Who SHE wants/decides to hang out with is what we are discussing.. Stay on topic please. | ||
Vilda
Sweden111 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote: Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust. If the case would be my bf telling me not to do something I really want to do, just because he doesn't want me to, how respectful is that towards me? It'd make me terribly uncomfortable and upset if someone that I love and trust fully would tell me that he didn't want me to hang out with one of my friends. Deciding things for me - or trying to - is something I find highly disrespectful as well. Trust is indeed built up, but the guy says he trusts her already, if there was an issue with him trusting her I'd tell him to dump her as well, but if he really does trust her, then there is no reason not to let her go. And in my opinion he isn't the one deciding whether she gets to go or not in the first place. | ||
hazelynut
United States2195 Posts
On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she's thinking three things: 1. I like the attention 2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous 3. I want to keep my options open There's no reason that she would rather hang out with these types of acquaintances over her boyfriend except for at least 1&2 or 1&3. She's either playing mindgames with you because she IS interested in you (and girls nearly always feel the stupid urge to make their bf jealous), or she's not as interested as you think and wants to see what other guys are like. No girl would come out and admit these motives to anyone, but these are three pretty common responses for females in general. | ||
Vilda
Sweden111 Posts
If he's just uncomfortable about the situation that's fine, and he if he doesn't want her to go that's on him. But if he acted on it I'd find it controlling, and if he did it to me, it wouldn't be ok. | ||
beetlelisk
Poland2276 Posts
On July 20 2009 05:15 hazelynut wrote: Judging from the OP's information, I can guess (fairly accurately) at what's going on in her mind. On a conscious level, she's telling herself, "I want to hang out with my friends because it's fun! I don't see why my boyfriend is controlling me, it's just having some fun." On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she may be thinking three things: 1. I like the attention 2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous 3. I want to keep my options open There's no reason that she would rather hang out with these types of acquaintances over her boyfriend except for at least 1&2 or 1&3. She's either playing mindgames with you because she IS interested in you (and girls nearly always feel the stupid urge to make their bf jealous), or she's not as interested as you think and wants to see what other guys are like. No girl would come out and admit these motives to anyone, but these are three pretty common responses for females in general. sorry but fixed? | ||
Exteray
United States1094 Posts
On July 20 2009 01:43 Slaughter)BiO wrote: Me and my ex-fiance both decided that we wouldn't be comfortable with that situation unless it was someone we both knew pretty well. Like what was said above you both need to decide what the boundaries are for that kind of thing. I agree. I feel like if it's someone that both of you know pretty well and someone you can trust then it's okay, otherwise what you are doing would only be natural. | ||
danl9rm
United States3111 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:20 Kennigit wrote: Options 1) Punch this kid in the head 2) Drop her 3) Punch this kid in the head, then drop her most important question for framing. How old are you? quoted for truth. anyone saying differently has little to offer. honestly. choice #2 is the best one. if she can't see the problem with this then she is trying to make you jealous. i've no doubt she will deny that; if you see through her games then her plan is foiled. seriously, drop her. this is exactly the kind of girl you want to stay away from. no, dude, you're not controlling. that is.. purely from the limited information you've given. added: if she won't respect you in this situation, there's little chance of it happening elsewhere. and no, the vice versa argument doesn't work. (if you won't respect her in this situation...) it doesn't work because she's the one wanting to do something you're not comfortable(and shouldn't be) with. | ||
plated.rawr
Norway1675 Posts
On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she may be thinking three things: 1. I like the attention 2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous 3. I want to keep my options open Especially this part, where you say - She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends. If letting her friends hit on her is more important to her than having her boyfriend feel comfortable and trusting with her, then she's just trash, and will most probably cheat on you whenever the best opportunity presents itself. She obviously doesn't respect you at all. edit: cheat on, not with. Damn english and its ambiguous wording. | ||
chaoser
United States5541 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:10 Chef wrote: If you don't trust her the relationship is already over. this. sure you might be uncomfortable but whether you "let" her or not, if she's going out with the intent and purpose of cheating on you, why would you want to still be in that relationship? if presented the chance to cheat and she takes it right away, what does that tell you about her and your relationship together? let her go, if she cheats, you find out early. if she doesn't she thinks you are trusting and you get points. | ||
Orlandu
China2450 Posts
On July 20 2009 05:10 Vilda wrote: If the case would be my bf telling me not to do something I really want to do, just because he doesn't want me to, how respectful is that towards me? It'd make me terribly uncomfortable and upset if someone that I love and trust fully would tell me that he didn't want me to hang out with one of my friends. Deciding things for me - or trying to - is something I find highly disrespectful as well. Trust is indeed built up, but the guy says he trusts her already, if there was an issue with him trusting her I'd tell him to dump her as well, but if he really does trust her, then there is no reason not to let her go. And in my opinion he isn't the one deciding whether she gets to go or not in the first place. If your boyfriend told you not to do something just because he didn't want you to, then yes, that would be disrespectful. But that's not what we're talking about at all. In the discussion at hand there's a very legit reason for concern that delves far deeper than him simply "not wanting her to." As someone else pointed out, if the girlfriend is consciously choosing to hang out with guys that hit on her over spending time with her boyfriend or doing something else, ESPECIALLY when she knows that it makes him uncomfortable, then there's something wrong there. That is a very legit complaint and is in no way equivalent to him simply not wanting her to hang out with friends that happen to be guys. We seem to be in agreement that respect is important. What I don't think that you're understanding is how what the girl is doing actually is disrespectful. This isn't about trust. I'll reiterate what I said before: you can trust someone and still feel uncomfortable about situations. Just because you trust someone doesn't mean that they're not in a bad situation. In cases like these it doesn't matter how much the guy trusts the girl or not, they're still in a bad situation. Even if the girl would never ever eeeeeever cheat on the guy, there's still something to be said about the situation and the people involved. It's not always a simple issue that can be simplified to a girl hanging out with a friend that happens to be a guy. | ||
StRyKeR
United States1739 Posts
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brian
United States9531 Posts
you dont ask politely for your girlfriend to stop hanging out with someone trying to seduce her. | ||
CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
this is a date, unless you know the dude pretty well and trust him. - She doesn't consider the people as REALLY REALLY old friends. what? - The one guy tried to like "do shit" last time they went shisha but I was there to stop it. Do shit? You mean kiss/hug/sex? or fight? What do you mean. Either way it sounds obvious. - She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends. Just tell the dudes that she is your GF, and you protect your belongings with your life. - I would never do this kind of shit to her. You obviously have trust/insecurity issues about your women. If you are confident in your relationship neither of you should really care who the other hangs out with. - Isn't there some sort of "guy code" that pretty much tells the guy not to even ask the girl this stuff? lol, yea, tell him to fuck off, she's taken. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
<3 | ||
lilsusie
3861 Posts
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zaMNal
Mongolia384 Posts
On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote: Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either.. no wonder you DON'T have a guy, haha | ||
brian
United States9531 Posts
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Tom Phoenix
1114 Posts
On July 20 2009 02:51 {88}iNcontroL wrote: Maybe he trusts her but not the guy. Maybe her "cluelessness" makes for problems he'd rather (shouldn't) deal with. Trusting someone is fine.. but trusting someone who puts themselves in reckless situations is bad. It isn't like this is some great friend who is being purely platonic.. he has a history of faggotry. I love tl.net's over emphasized sense of macho. "MY WOMAN DOES WHATEVER CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY blah blah blah" Since when was that macho? Macho sounds more like: "SHE IS MY WOMAN! YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT HER AND I WILL BUST YOUR HEAD IN blah blah blah" | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On July 20 2009 12:48 Gene wrote: a girl hanging out with her friend is not a date.. a girl going to a bar to have drinks and smoke hookah with a guy is a date.. unless they are completely platonic and have no other intentions. | ||
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
On July 20 2009 12:51 Tom Phoenix wrote: Since when was that macho? Macho sounds more like: "SHE IS MY WOMAN! YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT HER AND I WILL BUST YOUR HEAD IN blah blah blah" We can argue the levels of machoism if you like.. but my post was saying that it is simply hilarious when I have met a pretty good sample of the TL.net population.. notably unmacho imo. | ||
beetlelisk
Poland2276 Posts
What about my acting proposal >.< this would make her motives IF SHE HAS ANY more than clear? like gg no re kthxbai? + Show Spoiler [my proposal how to solve this smelly s…] + 2) Do you know any other girl close enough to tell her about this situation (starting with what she's going to do and what you know about that guy) to ask her to act like she's hitting on you and you respond to that in friendly manner when your gf is around? See her reaction then ask when is she going to meet with that penis then ask her how she felt. Then tell her both what really happened. She should be impressed that you can go that far just to make her understand how you feel! edit: Try to remember how you met each other and how started to be together. Was she easy to be picked up lol? edit omg | | / | ||
Arnic
81 Posts
Now, if you say to her: "I don't want you going out and spending an evening with that asshat of a guy because he hit on you last time, he's a douche and you should tell him to fuck off". You are being controlling. You're explicitly telling her what she should or shouldn't do. You're creating fences around a person to keep them where you want them and although that person may not leap over to check out the grass on the other side, they might begin to feel hemmed in, unhappy and untrusted. But, if you say to her: "Hey, it makes me feel worried that you're going to be spending an evening with someone who doesn't respect the fact that you're in a relationship. Is there a chance that you could see him and take some of your other friends along with you when you go?" It's a bit armchair-psychological but you're removing the controlling words (I don't want you to..) or anything that seems overly agressive and replacing them with words which show care and concern, you'd also be offering a reasonable compromise by asking if she could take other friends along. People tend to respond better when they can really understand how you feel and why as well as how their actions would affect you. You can try to ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed, most people will automatically say "Oh, I'd be OK with that". Fair enough, some people would be alright with it but then again, some will reply without actually putting themselves into that situation so they can empathize with how you're feeling. Say to her: "So, we go out for a night with our friends and there's a girl who flirts with me in front of you. She completely ignores the fact that we're together and she keeps doing it even though I'm not encouraging her in any way. How would you feel if I said I was going to be spending an evening alone with that girl?" If she thinks about it and still says she'd be genuinely OK with you doing that and you believe her, accept it. Do not try and set that situation up to test her, that's a manipulative and stupid idea which is likely to backfire and create a shitload of unwanted drama. It'd be a great world if there was a code of chivalry which all gentlemen adhered to when it comes to other people's girlfriends but unfortunately, there will always be people who don't give a shit. I don't know how well you know this other guy but any agression towards him from you is likely to make things worse. However tempting it is to give him a good kicking, he's not done enough to deserve that and if you go steaming in with fists ready in defence of your lady's honour, you'll come off looking like you're insecure about something and need a fight to prove your worth. It could be that he flirts with a lot of girls, he could be the type of guy who does it to all his female friends. I've known guys who do that and they do it more when girls have their boyfriends around, it's like some kind of primal territory test. Be a better guy than him and don't respond with instinct. This kind of thing is easy to blow out of proportion, especially when you're worried, you don't know how to react or what to say and it's making you think emotionally rather than logically. There is a tendancy to think along dramatic lines when relationships reach these types of hurdles ie: "If she doesn't agree with me on this, fuck her, it's over". No matter who you date, you'll never be able to be with them at all times, making sure that everything they do works out well or that everyone they hang out with treats them in a way you're happy with. Trust is an absolute requirement in a decent relationship and if you genuinely trust your girlfriend not to cheat on you, as you've said you do, then stop worrying, let her off your mental leash and let her do the things she wants to do. As BalliSLife said, they're going to be in a public place and it's a social thing. It's not like they're going to be totally alone with no one around, you could always ask to meet her afterwards, maybe go to get food or something. At the end of the day, if you really want to make a stand over this, it's up to you but consider the possible consequences. If you try talking to her and she continually fails to understand your concerns or to listen to you reasonably, if you are unable to find a compromise or if you have doubts about her trustworthiness then you'll need to make some kind of decision about how or if you'll continue things with her but keep in mind that this situation is a common one and you may run into it again. I didn't mean for this to be so longwinded, I hope it makes sense and that you manage to get things sorted out with your girlfriend in a way which makes you happy. | ||
beetlelisk
Poland2276 Posts
still reading btw edit: ahahah my mom told me info in OP is lacking and utter bs, not worth talking about O.O yehe no-lives in 5page 2kviews thread | ||
kOre
Canada3642 Posts
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Arnic
81 Posts
beetlelisk - Twice as long as half it's length. | ||
beetlelisk
Poland2276 Posts
On July 20 2009 13:35 Arnic wrote: People tend to respond better when they can really understand how you feel and why as well as how their actions would affect you. You can try to ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed, most people will automatically say "Oh, I'd be OK with that". Fair enough, some people would be alright with it but then again, some will reply without actually putting themselves into that situation so they can empathize with how you're feeling. Say to her: "So, we go out for a night with our friends and there's a girl who flirts with me in front of you. She completely ignores the fact that we're together and she keeps doing it even though I'm not encouraging her in any way. How would you feel if I said I was going to be spending an evening alone with that girl?" See? Arnic you are backing up my idea without even reading it If she thinks about it and still says she'd be genuinely OK with you doing that and you believe her, accept it. Do not try and set that situation up to test her, that's a manipulative and stupid idea which is likely to backfire and create a shitload of unwanted drama. Yeah, how have you started those conversations that "only lead to fight" kOre? This kind of thing is easy to blow out of proportion, especially when you're worried, you don't know how to react or what to say and it's making you think emotionally rather than logically. There is a tendancy to think along dramatic lines when relationships reach these types of hurdles ie: "If she doesn't agree with me on this, fuck her, it's over". No matter who you date, you'll never be able to be with them at all times, making sure that everything they do works out well or that everyone they hang out with treats them in a way you're happy with. Trust is an absolute requirement in a decent relationship and if you genuinely trust your girlfriend not to cheat on you, as you've said you do, then stop worrying, let her off your mental leash and let her do the things she wants to do. As BalliSLife said, they're going to be in a public place and it's a social thing. It's not like they're going to be totally alone with no one around, you could always ask to meet her afterwards, maybe go to get food or something. At the end of the day, if you really want to make a stand over this, it's up to you but consider the possible consequences. If you try talking to her and she continually fails to understand your concerns or to listen to you reasonably, if you are unable to find a compromise or if you have doubts about her trustworthiness then you'll need to make some kind of decision about how or if you'll continue things with her but keep in mind that this situation is a common one and you may run into it again. Couldn't put it better. I didn't mean for this to be so longwinded, I hope it makes sense and that you manage to get things sorted out with your girlfriend in a way which makes you happy. :D On July 20 2009 13:58 Arnic wrote: kOre - Glad to hear it, she sounds like a keeper in that case. Hope it all works out for you. beetlelisk - Twice as long as half it's length. kk:D waiting for Inc's response ;P | ||
Arnic
81 Posts
See? Arnic you are backing up my idea without even reading it Do not fear, I read it. I just think there's a big difference between explaining a scenario to someone and actually acting it out with a punk'd style "HAHA! This was all a setup to teach you a valuable lesson about emotions!" afterwards. I'm not disagreeing with your reasoning because that's completely sound and I'm with you on that, but I don't really think the method itself would work out the way it's intended. Although I wouldn't mind watching it being acted out and seeing how it went down | ||
OhThatDang
United States4685 Posts
and if she stops hanging out with them shell use it against you to her friends or whenever you argue saying you are controlling and shit relationships can be fun! | ||
Licmyobelisk
Philippines3682 Posts
Anyway, good for you that she decided to still chose you between all his guy friends. I suggest try to be friend the dude that's trying to hit on her, then if he makes a fucked up move like "so, you'll be my friend because I'm hitting on your girl?" then you can use that as an advantage to fuck him up. | ||
GoSu
Korea (South)1773 Posts
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