Life in Soviet Russia

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Vladimir Stalvernisky waited. Oil lamps above head blinked and sparked out of air. Capitalist pigs were in base. He did not see them, but they were there. Capitalist pigs should be expected everywhere. Warnings to KGB officer Josonsky not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

Vladimir was Kosmonaut soldier for fourteen years. When small, he watched rockets and said to father "Comrade father, I want to be on rockets."

Comrade father say, "NYET! You will be kill by Capitalist pig-dogs!"

He believed him when small. Then older Vladimir stopped. But now in glorious Mir space station base he knew were Capitalists.

"Josonsky here", phone line crackered. "Kill Capitalist pigs!"

Vladimir get palsma rifle and blow up wall section.

"He kill us all!" Capitalist pigs shout.

"I kill him!" Cybercapitalist pig say and fire rocket. Vladimir plasma him and try kill him. Then ceiling section implode and trap them so they could not kill.

"NYET!!!! Must kill Capitalist pigs!" he shouted.

Radio say, "Nyet, Vladimir. You are the Capitalist pigs."

And then Vladimir was a Fascist.

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You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.

No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!

Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.

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