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Learning to forgive myself

Forum Index > Blogs
 
 Dalguno   United States. September 05 2011 11:05. Posts 2298
Profile Blog # 
I've always been very hard on myself. I expect a lot from myself, which leads me to not be able to let it off easy when I mess up. Whether it be a missed shot in a basketball game that leads to a loss, not getting to bed as early as I think I should, or being unkind to someone, I have a hard time moving on. My personality is very forgiving towards other people; I've never had a hard time shrugging off someone screwing me over or something like that- it's in fact very easy for me to do. But for some reason, my personality won't let me forgive myself for anything I do.

What follows is just a personal rant and sort of self-discussion to get my mind straight, because I'm just not thinking right right now. If it doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry. I'm not really writing this for everyone to read, but more for myself. That said, input can help me. I'm ready to be happy, and sick of saying that.

+ Show Spoiler +

*****
"I'm gonna keep making drones cause I'm a baller, and ballers make drones." -Snute
Old Post

  supaplex   United States. September 05 2011 11:11. Posts 75Profile # 
From what Ive read you love yourself too much which overcompensates for w/e you wanted to forgive. No need to go through the trouble.
Old Post

 
 wonderwall   New Zealand. September 05 2011 11:17. Posts 666
Profile Blog # 
Skimmed through it. Seek professional help.
Old Post

 
 pyaar   United States. September 05 2011 11:24. Posts 423
Profile Blog # 
You stopped eating grains completely? I'm by no means an authority on nutrition, but don't you need to get at least some grain into your diet? Complex carbohydrates or some stuff like that.
Old Post

 
 Bibbit   Canada. September 05 2011 11:38. Posts 4511
Profile Blog # 
Dalgunoooooo, I had no idea you had problems like this.

Unfortunately (or probably fortunately I guess), I can't really relate too much so I can't really try to help. However, I make motivational paragraph.

+ Show Spoiler [MOTIVATION] +

On one final note, even though I know you said that you want to do this on your own without the help of a professional or anything, keep in mind that there is a point where it becomes a necessity. If you end up failing (which you better not, else I tell Catz you have cooties), you really have to seek out help. Health trumps pride 100% of the time, thats why prostate exams exist.

Ok I'm done.
See my profile for things I've written. Samsung's Shine has developed a sick new tactic called "Pick a building you don't want the other guy to have, right click it with everything you own, then run away"
Old Post

 
 Dalguno   United States. September 05 2011 11:44. Posts 2298
Profile Blog # 

On September 05 2011 11:38 Bibbit wrote:
Dalgunoooooo, I had no idea you had problems like this.

Unfortunately (or probably fortunately I guess), I can't really relate too much so I can't really try to help. However, I make motivational paragraph.

+ Show Spoiler [MOTIVATION] +

On one final note, even though I know you said that you want to do this on your own without the help of a professional or anything, keep in mind that there is a point where it becomes a necessity. If you end up failing (which you better not, else I tell Catz you have cooties), you really have to seek out help. Health trumps pride 100% of the time, thats why prostate exams exist.

Ok I'm done.


Have I ever told you you're my favorite?

I'll take this to heart <3
"I'm gonna keep making drones cause I'm a baller, and ballers make drones." -Snute
Old Post

 
 GigaFlop   United States. September 05 2011 11:59. Posts 1143
Profile Blog # 
Honestly, I kind of feel the same way. I eventually felt obligated to eat as often as possible at home, because the kitchen was so close. However, now that I'm in college as of last wednesday, I havent been eating enough. I don't know why, but I just am not hungry enough to go to the buffet-like cafeteria literally 10 feet from the exit of my dorm hall, which is only 5 feet from my room. I have 4 bags of potato chips, too, that my momma left with me, but I haven't gotten into them yet. I ate the most calories today than I have this week, too. I had a smallish piece of grilled chicken with bacon on a bun for lunch, two gummy worms and water for breakfast, two glasses of iced tea, and just now, a glass of caffeine-free coke. However, my roomate says that I'll eventually adjust to life here.

I think I don't eat enough because of my weight. I weighed 275 lbs two days before move-in, and my medically ideal weight is around 214 lbs. I was scared to death of the 'freshman 15' that my uncle mentioned. That, and my parents told me that if I got too fat here, they would pull me out of this 45k/year school and put me into a state school to 'better watch me'. However, I noticed for the first time that I look ridiculous in 2XL shirts, and that I can seriously get down to L shirts if I work out and eat right while I'm here. Right now, 2xl is too droopy on me, and I thought that xl was just 'unflattering' on me. As it turns out, seeing some cute chick made me realize that I look like a fatass in 2xl shirts, especially compared to xl shirts :D

Overall, I guess one thing to do is to change the location of your computer. It seriously changed what my brain thought about regarding food and such. I used to empty half a bag of chips into a small bowl for myself, and now, I look at them over in the food-crate I have and don't feel like getting them. I think it also has to do with propping my door open and letting people see me as they pass by.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ "Shift-Q oftentimes makes a capital Q" - Day[9] || iNcontrol - Alligator from heaven = ^
Old Post

 
 Sephy90   United States. September 05 2011 12:42. Posts 1687
Profile Blog # 
You wrote this for yourself? Good! Doing stuff like this when you're feeling this extreme could be of some help I guess. I'm the exact opposite of how you are. I'm extremely less forgiving but I highly believe I do it correctly. There is no way I'm going to let people treat me like shit slide, and that alone is very disrespectful to myself. If I do something wrong, yeah I beat myself up just like everyone else but I forgive myself because you know what it keeps me happy and being so angry at myself is just plain dumb.

I'd rather not touch this type of subject since it seems so delicate but would suggest professional help. Even now reading that you want to do this on your own is that pride talking. If you really feel like you can do it, then do it but if you fail? SEEK that help don't be ashamed. Pride is nothing more than a weakness to a human being IMO.
"So I turned the lights off at night and practiced by myself"
Old Post

 
 AoN.DimSum   United States. September 05 2011 12:59. Posts 2807
Profile Blog # 

On September 05 2011 11:24 pyaar wrote:
You stopped eating grains completely? I'm by no means an authority on nutrition, but don't you need to get at least some grain into your diet? Complex carbohydrates or some stuff like that.


Grains are very bad for you. It irritates your gut which causes diseases like autoimmune.

Dalguno check out the health and fitness thread and ask about nutrition in there! It might help to write down a set plan on what to eat. What helps is to increase your protein and fat intake so you don't have to eat so much carbs. I always feel less hungry when I do that and my energy is a lot better.
by my idol krokkis : "U better hope Finland wont have WCG next year and that I wont gain shitloads of skill, cause then I will wash ur mouth with soap, little man."
Old Post

 
 Ingenol   United States. September 05 2011 13:43. Posts 1228
Profile Blog # 
Pretty good book on binge eating disorder: link. It's cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) based and is a bit dry, but it's pretty good. It's two parts, the first one defines binge eating and bulimia and the second presents a six-step program for eliminating it.

One thing they stress is that all-or-nothing thinking is extremely common among those with binge eating disorders, and indeed I can hear it in your post that you are prone to this. It's important to recognize that if you fuck up and eat a candy bar, the entire day ISN'T lost and you can stop yourself before you eat everything in sight. That's been a big problem for me.

The book does try to stress that you shouldn't restrict foods, but as it's a little old I tend to not agree with this information and try to avoid grains because as you know they're not good for you.

Also, 1600 kcal isn't nearly enough--your BMR is probably well above that and doesn't factor in any movement or exercise, so eat a little bit more so you don't starve.
Old Post

 
 ROOTCatZ   Peru. September 05 2011 16:19. Posts 1004
Profile Blog # 
go cade you can do it!!! love you bro <3!
www.root-gaming.com
Old Post

 
 Jonoman92   United States. September 05 2011 16:24. Posts 7411
Profile Blog # 
gl man, your username reminds me of delgado which means thin in Spanish >.<
Old Post

 
 god_forbids   United States. September 05 2011 18:46. Posts 111
Profile # 
Congratulations, you're human! :D We all have a little voice in our head that doubts us, calls us names, puts us down, negates everything positive that we try to do, and tells use we're worthless. This little voice grabs at any negative thought that randomly passes through your head and rams it home for good measure. But you know what? You can beat it. YOU are in control of your thoughts, and therefore your emotions.

Here's how it works. You label what the voice tells you. That's your BULLY. The BULLY sucks ass, and when you hear him you tell him to go take a fucking hike. We don't need the BULLY to make us better, that's our job. How do we know what the BULLY sounds like? Well:

my personality won't let me forgive myself for anything I do.


"How could you screw up when you were doing so well?"


if I forgive myself, it'll just lead to complacency. How else am I going to step up?


If I just forget and condone what's happened, I'll just stay in the same rut.

You know what's worse than being in the same rut? Self-flagellation. Don't think that you are a failure if you can't make it to October 4th without eating "crap". Take this one day at a time, or hell, 4 hours at a time, or whatever. Set your mini goals and enjoy the triumph when you pass each one. When (not if) you fail, you put aside that 4 hour period on the fail side and look at the huge list of checks on the success side and you move on.

Now go forth and prosper.
Junkka: "I prepared this" Protoss hwaiting!!!
Old Post

  Shakespeare   September 05 2011 19:36. Posts 32Profile # 
Your story made me think of this article I read in the news a while back, pretty heartbreaking:

+ Show Spoiler +
Last edit: 2011-09-05 19:36:59
Old Post

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