| UmbraaeternuS Chile. February 25 2012 00:19. Posts 440 | Profile Blog # |
Hello TL.
I want to share with you another of my medical tales.
I was attending my medical consult today. The last patient of the day was a 9 years old girl who came with her mother, who was a lady about 30 years old.
-So what brings you to my consult?
-Well, my daughter has been having these weird episodes of blackouts and spasms back home for the last month, and it has me so worried. I think it might be epilepsy, so I brought her right away...
So I calm the mom down, and begin taking up the little girl's medical history. Remarkabely healthy, all her vaccinations up to date, no family history of epilepsy, nothing. Then I asked a few more questions regarding the so-called spasms, while the little girl payed a lot of attention to what her mother and I were talking about, and randomly smiling.
-Tell me a little more about those spasms she has... Any specific thing that detonates them? How many times a day/week does she have them? Does she fully recover consciousness after the black-outs you describe or is she a little sleepy and disoriented afterwards? Does she lose control of her sphincters?
-Well... It always happens like this. She likes to sit on the arm of this big couch we have on our living room, like riding it, so she begins rocking back and forth and after a while she turns red, sweaty and suddenly she begins grunting and has these spasms, then blacks out for a few seconds in the couch... And no, she does not lose control of her sphincters...
... I begun looking at the mother in disbelief. What was going on was so obvious!! I put on my best poker-face, gather all my power to not burst into laughter (the whole situation was so damn funny) and ask the little girl:
-So how do you feel, honey? Have you felt ill the last few days?
-No mister Doctor, I feel wonderful! But I feel so much better after playing horsie in the couch! It feels so good I want to do it again and again! I don't want mommy to be worried, I feel fine!....
Her mother looks at her with her mouth gaping open... Then looks at me.
You can imagine the rest of the chatter. I had to break her still-in-denial-and-so-damn-naive mother the news... Still with my best poker face.
Her little girl had discovered the big O'.
God, was that awkward... I don't want that to ever happen again.Last edit: 2012-02-25 00:23:51
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| | therealwinters - Skype / @Umbraaeternu5 - Twitter // SC2 Smurf: Pink Spider (say hi if we bump in ladder :3) |
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| Masq Canada. February 25 2012 00:23. Posts 1496 | Profile Blog # |
....
i dont know what to say |
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| scDeluX Canada. February 25 2012 00:25. Posts 1246 | Profile Blog # |
| LOL that must have been a funny day at the office |
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| MisterD Germany. February 25 2012 00:25. Posts 1338 | Profile Blog # |
| LOL i so want to know what the mom did when you told her. |
| | Gold isn't everything in life... you need wood, too! |
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| KoBlades Austria. February 25 2012 00:30. Posts 248 | Profile # |
| hahahahaha how awesome is that? great story! 5* ^^ |
| | "What do you know about fear?" -"Everything." |
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| Gatsbi United States. February 25 2012 00:33. Posts 1130 | Profile # |
| LOL wow dude. That had to be extremely awkward hahaha |
| | "IF WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW IS MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE KNOWN. THEN YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN ANYTHINIG YET." - Rev Kojo Smith |
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| hai2u February 25 2012 00:39. Posts 598 | Profile # |
| lmao pls share with us how you explained it to the mom afterwards and her response =D. |
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| Ph4ZeD United Kingdom. February 25 2012 00:40. Posts 620 | Profile # |
| Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless? |
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| N3rV[Green] United States. February 25 2012 00:42. Posts 1827 | Profile Blog # |
| so that part in one episode of House has actually happened to doctors before? Holy shiet. |
| | Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong. |
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| PassiveAce United States. February 25 2012 00:42. Posts 4326 | Profile Blog # |
| hahahahaha thats SO funny. I would love to know the mothers response. |
| | "I'm gonna wring your pants" || Official FireboltGamer (1 of around 9) |
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| wo1fwood United States. February 25 2012 00:43. Posts 2246 | Profile Blog # | |
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| Jedclark United Kingdom. February 25 2012 00:45. Posts 844 | Profile Blog # |
LOL.
5/5
What did the mother say afterwards? |
| | "They make it so scrubnubs can PM me. They make it so I can't ignore scrubnubs!" - "I'm gonna show you how great I am." MKP fan since GSL Open Season 2 #hipsternerd |
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| forgottendreams United States. February 25 2012 00:46. Posts 1748 | Profile # | |
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| FractalsOnFire Australia. February 25 2012 00:48. Posts 1294 | Profile Blog # |
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS!!!
Oh man the look on that mother's face would've been priceless! |
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| Chaves Brazil. February 25 2012 00:52. Posts 312 | Profile Blog # |
| LOL'D HARD - what to say hmm? maybe the mom should ride the horse and stay cool kkkkk |
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| nooboon February 25 2012 00:53. Posts 1599 | Profile Blog # |
Oh gawd, please if tell us what happened after. This is too funny.
On February 25 2012 00:40 Ph4ZeD wrote:
Epic story, and wow how did that daughter come into the world if the mother is that clueless?
In the "heat" of the moment the mother's first thought would have been, "OMG what is wrong with my daughter?" and not "oh my daughter is having an orgasm at nine".
Last edit: 2012-02-25 00:53:21 |
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| UmbraaeternuS Chile. February 25 2012 00:56. Posts 440 | Profile Blog # |
So, for those of you who want to know the rest of the dialogue, I went on and performed a full neurological examination, which of course was normal, and then the most awkward chat of my life begun like so:
-Ok madam, like I said before, there's nothing to be worried about. Your daughter does not have epilepsy. Her neurological examination is normal and the... behavior she's presenting is not consistent with epilepsy either.
-Oh God, that's a relief! But what do you mean when you say "behavior" like that?... Is... is it what I think it is?...
-What do you think is going on, madam? (my poker-face suddenly morphed into a major, epic trollface)
-Well... My little girl is just 9... she can't be... you know... masturbating?
-I hate to break the news like this, but your little girl IS masturbating, and the grunts and spasms she is presenting are probably just... you know... orgasms.
The little girl then asks "mommy, what's an orgasms?"
All of the sudden I couldn't hold on anymore and chuckle a little, the mom laughs too afterwards, her cheeks bright red/purple/"WTFrainbow"
-Oh... my... *lady covers her mouth with her hands, girl gives her the "did I do something wrong" look*
*awkward silence*
-Madam, don't be ashamed, this it's perfectly normal. You know masturbation is a very normal and natural thing, even in children; you just have to give her "the talk" and recommend her she does that in private, if she decides to continuate with it. Don't punish her because of this, just explain what needs to be explained.
-But... orgasms? Are you sure, doctor?
-Madam, orgasms are a physiological thing, children can have them. And I assure you, she's having them, and that's why she's engaging in this repetitive behavior with the couch... Just give her "the talk" and don't worry so much, she's going to be fine.
She then apologized for the awkward moment, thanked me and took her little girl home saying:
"Oh, honey, we're sooo gonna have a long mother-to-daughter conversation when we get home..."
I closed the door and laughed like there's no tomorrow, thinking "daaamn, I've SO got to post this on my TL blog when I get home"...
LOL.
Thank you for reading. 
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| | therealwinters - Skype / @Umbraaeternu5 - Twitter // SC2 Smurf: Pink Spider (say hi if we bump in ladder :3) |
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 Erasme France. February 25 2012 01:03. Posts 4060 | Profile Blog # |
AHAHAHAHAHA
Little girls aren't pure anymore LOL |
| | 'Reading all your blogs make me feel warm inside, it's like I know you already and I hope you would like to know me too' |
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| Newbistic China. February 25 2012 01:07. Posts 2911 | Profile Blog # |
| Aren't you violating some kind of doctor-patient confidentiality thingamajig? |
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| Integra Sweden. February 25 2012 01:07. Posts 4911 | Profile Blog # |
Girls matures faster than boys so ya... and the story was hilarious btw  |
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