iNcontroL   USA. November 28 2009 09:09. Posts 28417 | Profile Blog # |
About a week ago I contracted the H1N1 virus.
Sucks right? Coughing, fever, headache, chills, aches.. everything pretty much. Fortunately it happened on a weekend when I could lay in bed and sleep it off. I drank water, slept, ate some and rinsed and repeated. Eventually the virus was defeated for the most part..
But that pesky swine flute left me a present:
This cough.
Now normally it isn't a big deal, I sound like a 'smoker but that isn't a big deal.
Unfortunately I did something to myself. There is no evidence of this or declaratory moment when I can say "oh that is what/when it happened!" but afaik I was lying belly down on my bed playing Assassin's Creed 2 when something quite normal happens for a guy.. because of the position of my laying and perhaps the contact with the bed I had a boner. Not a rager. Nothing in the game made me sprung. Just, filled with blood in a certain part of my body. Now I theorize that it was at this time that I then had a coughing fit. In fact, I suspect, I coughed so hard that I literally elevated myself off the bed and smashed down on said boner and perhaps caused some damage. Did it hurt? Not that I can remember.
But later that day and for the next week.. my cock feels like someone has an iron grip around the shaft and is holding it like a vice. I'm not talking GI Jane MAYBE semi-erotic grip I'm talking Richard Kiel going green grip. So much so that even the friction of my pants feels like a rug burn on my head (THAT one). The pain comes, goes and I live on figuring it will pass.
Now, being as how my dong is in pain I became worried that perhaps not all functions were going to participate in my daily routine normally. Being the scientist that I am (I swear it) I did an experiment. Without the details (sorry bears) I tested the firing capabilities of my double gauge going with the white shells as oppose to the typical green shells I was sad to find it wasn't ok. Nothing came out. I finished the deed... I KNOW I DID. But nothing fired. Alarm. Shock. Fear. These are the emotions a man feels when his johnson refuses to discharge visibly.
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted. I was relieved. Happy. Ecstatic. The feelings a man feels when IT WORKS.
Since then it has continued to perform lacklusterly for the private audience. Pessimism. Doubt. Anxiety. These are the feelings of a man who has inconsistent results in his pants.
What did I do? Is my rod no longer attracted to me? Did I anger some unseen masturbation god? Am I doomed to always need a hand from someone? This is hard ly the time to s cream but I cannot cum pletely deny that I am in fact scared.
Anyways, wish me luck. And non painful boners.
  |
| |
|
 Racenilatr United States. November 28 2009 09:14. Posts 2756 | Profile Blog # | |
|
|
| Athos United States. November 28 2009 09:16. Posts 2464 | Profile Blog # |
| Um, so does your dick hurt or are you not ejaculating....not sure what's going on here. Either way, see a doctor or take a break from sexual activity. |
|
|
| Pika Chu Romania. November 28 2009 09:16. Posts 2498 | Profile Blog # |
| Rofl.... don't know what kind of replies you expect for that but i laughed. I'm sure you're fine and just freaking out over something stupid (hopefully... maybe go see a doctor if it continues). |
| | They first ignore you. After they laugh at you. Next they will fight you. In the end you will win. |
|
|
| AoN.DimSum United States. November 28 2009 09:17. Posts 2821 | Profile Blog # |
Try your other hand?
Good luck  |
| | by my idol krokkis : "U better hope Finland wont have WCG next year and that I wont gain shitloads of skill, cause then I will wash ur mouth with soap, little man." |
|
|
| Gann1 United States. November 28 2009 09:18. Posts 1572 | Profile # |
great title
good luck with your sensitive member! |
| | I drop suckas like Plinko |
|
|
| Yizuo Germany. November 28 2009 09:18. Posts 1537 | Profile # |
love the title  |
|
|
|
 SonuvBob Administrator November 28 2009 09:20. | Profile Blog # |
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.
Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent. |
| |
|
| FragKrag United States. November 28 2009 09:20. Posts 11076 | Profile Blog # |
hahahaha
good luck incontrol!_! |
| | *TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper | |
|
|
| VeirenT United States. November 28 2009 09:20. Posts 181 | Profile # |
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
What did I do? Is my rod no longer attracted to me? Did I anger some unseen masturbation god? Am I doomed to always need a hand from someone? This is hard ly the time to s cream but I cannot cum pletely deny that I am in fact scared.
hahaha so punny
|
|
|
| d3_crescentia United States. November 28 2009 09:21. Posts 3716 | Profile Blog # | |
| | once, not long ago, there was a moon here |
|
|
| VorcePA United States. November 28 2009 09:23. Posts 1099 | Profile Blog # |
On November 28 2009 09:20 SonuvBob wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.
Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent.
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH SuhNAYAP! |
| |
|
| ghostWriter United States. November 28 2009 09:25. Posts 3302 | Profile Blog # |
On November 28 2009 09:20 SonuvBob wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.
Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent.
LOL |
| |
|
 IntoTheWow is awesome. November 28 2009 09:29. Posts 31041 | Profile Blog # |
| SOME THINGS JUST CANNOT BE UNHEARD |
| |
|
| geegee1 United States. November 28 2009 09:32. Posts 618 | Profile Blog # |
| machine post really explains it all actually. you became a alien. its ok |
| |
|
| Mastermind Canada. November 28 2009 09:33. Posts 7092 | Profile Blog # | |
|
|
| Etherone Canada. November 28 2009 09:38. Posts 1894 | Profile Blog # |
| lolol all an excuse to get laid, and it worked gj |
|
|
| Julmust Sweden. November 28 2009 09:44. Posts 2163 | Profile Blog # |
haha oh god that had me laughing trough the entire read :D
also on a serious sidenote: men can "finish the deed" without shooting off the white guys, it's usually something you need to practise to accomplice (and it's awesome) but sometimes it just happen in nature. lucky/unlucky coincidence imo. |
| | <@R1CH> i don't do impractical C, sorry | |
|
|
| aqui Germany. November 28 2009 09:51. Posts 1017 | Profile Blog # |
| I would go see a doctor. Not that there is any permanent damage or something. |
|
|
| 1 2 3 4 Next All |
|
|
|
Store
