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| Saracen United States. July 16 2010 14:09. Posts 5127 | Profile Blog # |
So I was looking through some old threads when I stumbled upon this. I had entered this writing contest when I was still new to these parts. And lo and behold, I won not a single thing! But the thing is, looking back on my submission two years later, I'm really surprised in that there are relatively few things I would change (I usually am disgusted with my writing when looking at it in retrospect). And a bonus, guess which entry was defenestrate's. It shouldn't be hard.  Anyways, here it is:
One
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
The cross hung loosely around his neck, draped across the blood-encrusted breastplate of his thick metal uniform. Brightly golden, it contrasted sharply with the rusty, dirt-stained standard-issue outfit of his sector.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters.
He grimly surveyed the landscape. It was barren, desolate, devoid of life. The ground weathered a network of cracks and holes; the sky was ashen, downcast.
He stepped forward, one foot irresolutely dragging after the other as monstrous, ragged cliffs loomed up on either side of him.
He stepped forward, listlessly, into the lifeless valley.
He restores my soul.
He struggled through a torrent of memories - they were the guardians of Korhal. They were the defenders of humanity. They had conquered the shadows and liberated nations. But all that filled his thoughts were the penetrating stares of lifeless eyes and the mutilated bodies of fallen comrades, their bones carved into the rocky landscape. And the salty taste of dried blood. And the whites of ribs and thighs thrust by sudden impact through flimsy armor ... And the hellish screams.
He stepped forward, one step closer to salvation.
He guides me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
He walked slowly through the cracked, dried valley floor. And then, he heard it. A hum.
It was like a low buzzing sound, barely perceptible, but deeply penetrating - to the very depths of his bones. He shivered involuntarily; the cross chimed lightly against his armor.
He heard it again, buzzing more urgently, with greater intensity, enveloping his entire being. He shook, the hum vibrating the very core of his body. He clasped his ears, desperately trying to escape the sound.
But it grew ... louder. Louder.
He yelled, screamed, tried to drown out the noise. But still the hum prevailed over his hoarse outbursts.
LOUDER.
And then, far in the distance, he saw It. An amorphous blood-red structure, its tentacles sprawled haphazardly, feeding off the barren landscape. Its veins throbbed incessantly; it seemed to pulsate like a grotesque heart. Could it be the source of the sound? The demonic hum?
Suddenly, it hit him – it wasn't a hum. It was a voice. A deep, soothing voice pleading to him, calling out his name.
"Jim...JIM...."
He looked around wildly, but the voice only grew.
"Jim...JIM...."
He cried out and clutched his throat. He beat his head and slammed the ground. But the voice grew louder still. And harsher, more shrill. And more urgent.
"JIM...JIM...."
He tried to run and hide, tried to escape the damnable chant. But he was rooted in place as the hideous voice consumed his senses. And the voice grew in a head-throbbing crescendo. It was an ear-splitting scream, beat into his skull, rushing loudly through his temporal lobes.
"JIM...JIM...."
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
The cliffs suddenly teemed with a swarm of alien creatures waiting for the floodgate to be lifted. The whole valley seemed to be chanting the hideous keen.
"JIM..."JIM..."
The cross swung wildly around his neck, its chimes lost amidst the tumultuous onslaught of deep, grating alien screams.
"JIM..."JIM..."
His body contorted wildly in painful spasms. He desperately thrust out his hand to grab the last departing slivers of his sanity. And he screamed – the horrendous, deafening scream of one whose soul is torn apart from the body.
And the aliens leapt upon their helpless prey.
"JIM!"
The cross fell and shattered.
Then, there was silence.
For You are with me.
-- Psalm 23Last edit: 2012-02-15 19:18:55
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| rockon1215 United States. July 16 2010 14:18. Posts 590 | Profile # |
How the hell you didn't win anything is beyond me |
| | Flash v Jaedong The finals that is ALWAYS meant to be |
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| xLethargicax United States. July 16 2010 14:25. Posts 464 | Profile Blog # |
| Wow, that is really amazing. Very emotional. I'm a raging atheist who pretty much hates everything religious, but I loved the religion play! You should have won! |
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 flamewheel HANG KANG. July 16 2010 15:17. Posts 21497 | Profile Blog # |
Damn it Saracen, I always feel so inferior after reading your stuff.
2gosu 4me yo. |
| | Clouds are making way for me. | |
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| TheAntZ Bangladesh. July 16 2010 15:25. Posts 5868 | Profile Blog # |
| wow, i thought i was a decent writer, but good god this made me change my mind in a jiffy |
| | 43084 | Honeybadger: "So july, you're in the GSL finals. How do you feel?!" ~ July: "HUNGRY." | |
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| Saracen United States. July 16 2010 15:26. Posts 5127 | Profile Blog # |
On July 16 2010 15:25 TheAntZ wrote:
wow, i thought i was a decent writer, but good god this made me change my mind in a jiffy
I love your Pokemon blog and I'm glad you're back. |
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