So I was in my bed minding my own business around like 9:30am this morning, contemplating skipping my writing seminar like I always do, when I suddenly hear "HONKKKKKKK HONKKKKKK." from 2 stories down. To be honest I haven't heard honks like this monster's honks since I lived in Ontario, and I haven't even seen a goose since I moved to Boulder. Anyways, naturally I was like "wtf a goose in the midwest? shouldn't they be migrating back up to Alberta by now?" So I lean out my window and yell SHHHHHHH at the monster, I mean doesn't it understand that I need peace and quiet to concentrate? It actually looked up at me, looked me directly in the eye, and let out a long honk, a honk of honks in fact. I was like "oh fuck is this goose for real? he is really bming me like this?" Luckily my roommate was out so that he didn't have to bear witness to my obscenities.
Fast forward like 10 minutes of me rushing to get ready because this goose had to bm me and distract me. I rushed out the door into the blinding sunlight, naturally turning my head and recoiling at terror to the solar assault on my eyes. After a second or two, my eyes adjusted and I brought my view forward once more, ready to bear the horrors of the outside world. The goose of geese was blocking my path, it must have been up to my navel with it's beak (and I'm 6'5"!)
OMG HACKS
This started to play in my head..
"Go away, I need to get to writing!" The monster steps one foot closer
"I mean it, get out of here!" Monster cocks its head like a confused German Shepard
(Hmm, maybe I just need to be aggressive.. Most animals back down to that, right?) Another step forward
(Alright that's it, I'll be super late if I don't get going now!) *Throws backpack to the ground, puts face towards the Goose* "HONKKKKKKK (in my best imitation of its honk)"
Monster steps backwards once (alright, it worked!)
It let out a shrill honk the likes of God has never heard, and charges me.
"OH FUCK!" *Reaches for the door into the dorm, but I realize that it's been a long time since it locked behind me*
Pecks me twice on each leg, then once in the groin. *I, a fully grown/gym toned male, collapse to the ground in pain and despair.*
The monster lets out a victorious honk, over head, and leaves to go find other prey.
*The door opens behind me*, two cute blondes come out side, giggle, and say "Wow, he really took you to town didn't he!"
Pride hurt, I rose up and staggered off to my writing seminar. What a terrible way to start of a day.
It left us speechless, quite speechless I tell you, and we have not stopped talking of it since.
ClockToweR United States. March 15 2011 15:31. Posts 61
I have had similar situations with ducks around here when I feed them. They go apeshit, its like a mob t.t
"Practice, practice, practice. And when you're not practicing you should be practicing. It's the only way to get better. The only way." I run the Smix Fanclub!
5/5 I really have to ask. is this for real ? I dont know how in USA but this happened really often here. Its like 3rd most usually way to die in Slovakia.
Endymion United States. March 15 2011 15:43. Posts 2477
On March 15 2011 15:42 NIIINO wrote: 5/5 I really have to ask. is this for real ? I dont know how in USA but this happened really often here. Its like 3rd most usually way to die in Slovakia.
Oh it's real alright, geese are more deadly than T3 Z apparently when enraged.
It left us speechless, quite speechless I tell you, and we have not stopped talking of it since.
Myrmidon United States. March 15 2011 15:47. Posts 8487
If you don't know, Geese Howard is a longtime SNK fighting game villian. Voice samples (I think) and announcer in the above should be from Capcom vs. SNK 2, though of course he appears in many games. Geese is first char on P2 side here:
hazelynut United States. March 15 2011 15:49. Posts 1999
Not quite as bad as your situation, but I too have been attacked by a horrible goose monster and because of this I have determined 100% of geese are bm.
Last edit: 2011-03-15 16:02:17
AcrossFiveJulys United States. March 15 2011 16:20. Posts 3593
Haha, playing the battle music in addition to reading this post made me lol. Appreciate the read mate, was hilarious haha. You should of gotten those girl's numbers
[TA]eccentric Australia. March 15 2011 16:59. Posts 55
Geese are viscious man. Unfortunate you had to experience it first hand. I always give them plenty of room when they're waddling around campus. They're probably the most bm creatures on the planet.
Store
![[image loading]](http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/103/e/a/Big_Goose_by_Adrian_Foley.jpg)
Pervect March 15 2011 16:02. Posts 1280
