It's been almost a year since I wrote my first Team Liquid blog entry... My God has it gotten cold recently. I once claimed surprise when we had winter come, but no snow. Now I dread the tomorrow, the wind icing my cinnamon bum, chill my fingers and color my ears a reddish hue. I took these pictures awhile ago, before the snow came and I feel they really show Montreal in a beautiful dark, yet amazing light.
Real close to my place, just a nice shot I like. Cell phone cameras in the rain are terrible though ):
Before Montreal becomes a snowy shithole
Jolly Snowy Shithole
Tomorrow I have that class from my previous blog entry but things have been a lot better. In fact, two things have occurred: 1. because no one talks in my 300-level course of Sociology, the teacher gives me extra screen time to talk and she enjoys what I say and 2. before the 400-level class, I initiated a chat with a classmate I've recently spoken to. We talked about the material, if it interested him, etc. We somehow got onto the topic of talking to the class and I casually mentioned about my bemusing way of explaining things. Talked about my shame, trouble and ineptitude to connect quite properly in the class. I tipped the whole thing with a somewhat quiet laugh and admittance that it is something I'm working on. He nodded, agreed with his comforting laugh and gave his input; nothing new or that hasn't been said: go slow, breathe and just explain it as pieces and not an entity as a whole. Class went smooth from there, the first explanation got silence and I whispered to another classmate next to me if that made sense at all. The teacher picked up on it, asked the class and they said yes convincingly (and if that wasn't enough, some agreed, reiterated and built on my points). The class went through like that extinguishing any issues I have with the class, it helps that the girl next to me is cute, though slightly overweight. Her form of fashion was nice, casual, in pale and light colors which I enjoyed. You can tell her she tries to emphasize her more redeeming features (smooth skin, outwards lips and wide baby eyes) while also not trying to portray a body proportion that isn't her's (I've seen too many women put on those shiny black tights and wear no pants. Is this an accepted fashion now? To leave nothing to the imagination, to tease sexually-active boys and men?). Really sweet girl, I enjoy her reassurance and company.
Just a sweet song, quaint and quiet. The lyrics are neither heavily poetic, distracting or estranging to the common person. It's just nice, her voice is so docile, a mix between an enthusiastic Jennifer Hudson and a Norah Jones approach. Slow, but on beat. Melodious, but strong in voice, individual instruments (pay attention to the guitar that strings a note from time to time, the piano's layout, etc.
One thing I learned throughout these years of more interaction than usual is that people do, truly, enjoy the truth and its naivety. They enjoy the idea that you are yourself and the admittance of your own flaws without a second motive or nature to it. For me to tell that classmate that not only do I have a flaw that made him uncomfortable (and many others), but that I am working on it paints me as someone you can generally relate to, that you can approach it. If I'm working on it and telling him, that means he has the invitation to provide useful help or contribute to the subject without fear of saying something I might insecurely be offended by. At the same time, I've also learned that people just don't like you for who you are. The more you try to get them to like you, the less they do. It seems like some sort of elementary school logic here, but I'm surprised just how silly the lengths I go to convince people who won't budge either way. Yes, being on their good side would perhaps make where I want to be socially and even business-wise better, but it's not the only way and at the very least, it doesn't make or break any goal I want to keep in view. Not sure why I try so hard, especially with people who are purely influential in a scene, place, area and not at all authoritarian.
This song always confused me, it always starts out like photograph (Kid Rock and Sheryl Crowe I think?). As soon as she opens her mouth, it's just pure awe. Not quite as good as the original, but this rendition of Heart of Mine I think does at least a minimum amount of justice. Her voice is just a bit too soft or not quite hitting the spot, but to be honest; I don't think it matters that much for me.
As the week passed forward, I felt good, on fire even. Been watching a ton of terrible movies, just outright terrible. A lot of just utterly shit, predictable movies that have 0 actual rationale but base themselves on this social looped logic. For example:
When I saw this movie, I literally laughed out loud at just how terrible it was. I think what I can't stand the most about these movies is that even the main character who is meant to represent modest man coming from socially awkward family that we would typically be embarrassed about, just looks too good. I mean, the guy has smooth skin, really white, scrawny, but acts in a well-mannered way and acts like the good guy when other guys are salivating in front of the supposed "10" girl. While I'm not into blonds, I am into curvy figures and I did find her attractive, just not someone I'd date.
Now, keep your eyes in your socket because you're not the only one surprised. When it comes to women, I am immensely picky and oddly value more things than one's sexual attractiveness. I'm a big fan of large breasts and a round toosh, but I am a bigger fan of someone who enjoys restaurant-hunting and knowing her foods. I also enjoy wider hips than seeing a girl's ribcage. I guess that makes things even more unclear nor am I implying that I have to buy a bigger bed because my current one can't hold all the women I keep having over at the condo [the couch is just closer anyways]. I think I should expand on what kind of women I like in another blog at another time [remind me someone, will ya?].
Not for me, even with larger breasts, I don't think I'd find that attractive.
But that isn't the biggest worry, the biggest worry is how the movie is based off the idea that level "5" (level of attractiveness) guys can't obtain women who are level "10". I just can't stand quantifying attractiveness on scales that are ultimately based on personal interest/choice and the fact that it is essentially comparing one person with another. I wish I could remember what study this was that showed men and women often go for people who have similar levels of attractiveness anyways and I guess that's why the premise of the show is somewhat relative to our lives. But at the same time, do they really have to revolve a whole 1 hour and 44 minutes on this viewpoint? Half of the movie is the insecure guy trying to "hold" this majorly attractive girl and then the other half is him trying to make up for his mistakes after listening to his friends put him down (and give him bad advice) for like 50 minutes.
Actually, that's my biggest annoyance of terrible films. Stupid dumbasses who get a hot chick then spend 50 minutes getting mentally pounded by their baffoon friends who have no validity in what their saying (because they're lonely fucks too), yet somehow he follows their advice despite the fact that their record history is shit-poor and further shows that their line of thinking, unsurprisingly, isn't working.
Then again this movie is your exact type of Culture Industry. Standardizing and following standards of culture and viewpoints to further sales. Too many shit movies out, but they're all good in that they invoke emotions and feelings we're already vastly aware of and enjoy feeling. I like watching movies where I know the ending, how the beginning is and how the ride goes. It passes the time and it leaves assured of everything if you fall asleep midway.
Of course, to rely purely on mass-produced shit movies to get through the day would actually be more hurtful than useful. That's why I balance it out with terrific movies, just absolutely great movies. Movies that have no clear goal, no clear sense of streamline story-telling and for sure; no clear indicative of what's going to happen.
5 Centimeters per Second is everything that isn't in the movies we see above. 5 centimeters per second is both unclear and clear in what it makes you want to feel, to know and wanting to feel relieved about. If you watch this film, do not go in to expect anything and don't go in to expect something entirely unexpected to happen either. Just sit through it and enjoy each scene as their own. The dialogue as life-life as it is, is still something to spectate, not to relate. This movie feels short, empty and the beginning is either wrong or the ending is wrong, either one feels distasteful, hurtful even and totally out of place. But the movie is terrific, just quiet and clear and lovely. I'm not saying much about it am I? I love narrative, I love the choice of words and the voice-acting, it's reflective, profound main character is both oblivious but accepting and depressing sometimes later on. But each scene is beautiful, the animation and choice of colors are a bewilderment to the eye, a mural of variation and clarity! Highly suggested film, but not for adventure or drama-seekers, just for admirers of something remotely beautiful, even if misunderstood
Wow... how do I write about anything now that I've gone down this path? The week has yet to really begin and yet I feel like I've written a life's story. I have this acting class that I absolutely adore, I love acting, I love how it feels, how we're loose within the university grounds but outside of the need to be intelligent, civilly kind and estranged from everyone. This acting class is 4 hours in my week of just utter joy with some very awesome people. People I would probably never talk to. The guys are all hot-shot goofs that don't seem to fit within the idea of acting, the women are both silly, giggly, fun and kick-ass. They're both into the class and reserved with their looks, choice of clothing and how they look in front of everyone. This is my third class and boy have we all loosened up. We've played various games such as imitating one another like a mirror, improvising characters and the goal of getting one off the bench (while the other has to try and get the other to not sit on the bench), etc. I'm a terrible actor and I can't act my way out of a paper bag, but that doesn't change just how fun the class is, how enjoyable, lively and without prejudice it is. It's a real relief and really gets me to really know myself. That sounds cliche, eh? Yeah, I suppose it is, I've had the toughest trouble really understanding how I would be feeling. Cooley's theory says we act a certain way in public to attract or ensure positive relationships or viewpoints of ourselves within the other people we interact with and I've always felt that I'm only smiling because this is what is expected at the end of their not-so funny story or after a potentially frank, yet poignant point. Am I sad because of the event or unfortunate circumstances or do I want someone to inquire how I am and get their full attention? This has been haunting me since I've gotten more and more cynical about the daily-doings. For awhile, the answer was: "Who gives a shit, what changes either way?" and when I told a few friends about this, they said they went through a similar phase and still live by the rhetorical question. I've yet to find this answer, but the class really let's me act in ways I've always wanted to live, try. So I suppose this class has its own therapy, but not one with answers. Today we recited the following:
All one winter, In every crowded hall, At every March and Rally, The first thing I'd look for, is your curly head.
One night, last summer, In a crowded room, My heart skipped a beat, It seemed I saw you, Off in the dark corner, You, who were thousand miles away
It sounds peculiar, odd even. She added context, but didn't say who we were talking to, if the person was physically or mentally away, etc. You weren't talking to someone else in the class, just alone, out there in the blank of the stage with no one else watching. You say those lines, thousands of times and for once, just once, you say it with every emotion you muster that you feel is exact for these lines. As you say it, you feel the confidence rise into your voice, your diaphragm give it all it got and you just invoke the words like they were lyrics to a famous song, a chant to some magic power or simply the thoughts of a journal, similar to one like this?
As the activity ends, you feel your body come back to yourself, you grasp your air again and resume feeling your usual self. The mental outline of yourself, acting those lines, still lingers around and it really feels like you just came out of somewhere deep, new, different, pretentiously deep. It's invigorating!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEt1cpywEJY&feature=player_embedded I just found this song, pretty badass
It also doesn't hurt that every end of class, I get to talk to some very friendly and nice women. I'm usually on the bus already before it leaves back to downtown when 4 or 5 of them sit next to me and we just chat about the class, I drop some pop culture lines, we laugh and have a blast. Reminds me of high-school, except I'm not the funny accent french guy, I sound almost witty and cool and all the women talk like they're holding a very expense wine at a cocktail party. It's not sophisticated, but we're not exactly gossiping about the latest details about some bullshit actress no one truly cares about! They always suggest that we go to a bar somewhere after the class, but I typically decline. Not for me and I don't think I have the fuel to socialize as well as I do on the bus or during the classes. Maybe next time, but I don't drink much at all, we'll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPP8w0wMRgQ LOVE HIM, LOVE RAY CHARLES
Overall, the days have gotten better. I had more to say, but this is getting pretty lengthy already. I feel that man itself is ugly and a terrible being but with good intentions. Just uninformed and not very experienced in showing its good intentions. But the art we/they can create. My God. I've tried only a taste of remote-acting and I love it. I've done writing both formal and informal and I just started dicking around with Mixcraft [similar to garageband for Mac, you make songs out of clips of instruments and beats] (it's not very good at all, haha! I just love how you make music with it). When I try and make some terrible beats or instrumentals, the transitions are bad, the timings are wrong and the volumes are all out of whack. But it's fun. It's fun making something when only a handful of clips, a blank page and random tempo. I love how the program works and makes music feel like a puzzle, getting the right piece: instrument, key, rhythm, etc. Everything has to be exactly as I want it, otherwise it doesn't work. It doesn't feel right, doesn't make me feel like I succeeded, achieved.
Below are the two I have. Experiment 1 is done (meaning I have no idea what I can do to fix it/I give up haha) and Experiment 2 leaves me stumped [it doesn't feel done, but I can't figure out what to do after the long solo (where the beat resumes after)].
Next week I intend to ask that old classmate I met on the bus if she wants to go to a cooking class with me. She was a joy to talk to and she has told me how she can't cook (and neither can I on a certain level; beyond making eggs), and so I thought this would be fun. Always wanted to go with someone, hopefully she accepts!
I want to try painting as well. What's the cost on that? Canvas, some basic paints or pastels, brushes, maybe, not sure. Just want to do something with flow, fluidity and rich in color. I love color!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pMM4iwC-ag I also like Queen!
Overall, good days. Really being ambitious; I've also started working with ESFI World in terms of reporting. Great people, great editors and very likeable crew, love them all. I've only been there for about two weeks, but in those 14 days, I've written 17 articles including an interview with itmeJP reading some questions I had for him in an interview (thanks Brent for doing the interview!)! Overall, really like ESFI World and I hope I'm making a good impression on them as they did on me! I miss being a player-manager sometimes though, really want to get back into that. I love getting involved with the players and meeting people, but ESFI World makes missing that hard as well. I want to do both in reality I feel, I have the time for it that I know, just need the chance, I feel. In due time, I tell myself, in due time.
^ Lol, Torte these are starting to get a bit rambly. Not bad, just rambly. As far as the issue with the people in your class, here's the thing good friends need to have things in common. Seems to me like your a big nerd who is trying to form strong friendships with people who have very different interests and personalities. Not saying you shouldn't be nice and friendly a with them, but I've run into this myself with many of my friends from highschool and even many of my college friends; just not enough in common. I spend most of my time watching Sci Fi, playing games, and doing other generally nerd/PC geeky things, can't form a strong friendship with someone who doesn't do those things. ... I'm not explaining this very clearly but hopefully you get my point.
Also Fat Bottemed Girls is also my favorite Queen song, the bass riff is just so good. (Okay Radio Gaga and I Want to Break Free would probably be close seconds or tie)
I like the pics of Montreal too, where do you live in relation to the PICUS tower?
I like the way the walls go out. Gives you an open feeling. Firefly's a good design. People don't appreciate the substance of things. Objects in space. People miss out on what's solid.
Torte de Lini Canada. January 26 2012 03:58. Posts 27345
I've spoilered the more rambly bit in my opinion because it doesn't follow suit of the whole thing. I had more to cover, but they clashed and it would just be too long (longer than it is right now).
I'm not trying to heavily befriend these girls, but I also shouldn't rudely decline invitations and explore what kind of people they are. As for the old classmate, she likes all the same things I do, she's watched the movies I suggested years ago, likes to cook, just can't do it, etc. So she's definitely someone to befriend and get to know. As for my current friends, well we already do everything that is nerd and it's actually a bit pathetically comedic how we treat Civilization V games as Poker tables where we discuss everything and nothing. A bit enjoyable (just long as hell).
No, I like Dilbert. I think the wit, reverse-logic and counterpoints they all make are hilarious (Dogbert is hit and miss sometimes for me). The whole thing is great and relative to so many institutional settings.
The artist, however, thinks too highly of himself. But I suppose if we were to ignore that, he'd make my plaque of fair readings/following.
EdSlyB Portugal. January 26 2012 04:40. Posts 1620
I was skimming your blog until I saw the last music... It's not fair. You made me go back to the beggining and read all...!
♥ Fat bottomed girls
They always suggest that we go to a bar somewhere after the class, but I typically decline. Not for me and I don't think I have the fuel to socialize as well as I do on the bus or during the classes. Maybe next time, but I don't drink much at all, we'll see
Go. You're thinking about it? Why? Don't think, act. Go. And I don't want to hear any more arguments about it. Sheesh!
I like this blog a whole lot Torte. I'm really glad you've made some progress in that class of yours shows that you have really good character. In general people who can realize their own flaws and act upon them have a good future ahead of them.
AND YOU MENTIONED 5 CM PER SECOND OMG! Dude that is one of my most favorite movies if not my absolute favorite. I've watched that movie 4 times, no exaggeration- 4 friggin times. All 4 times I was so immersed and in love with it that my heart literally trembles each time (I've stopped rewatching it because the sensation was too much for me to bear over and over lol). God it's just so damn good, the feelings that well up inside you when you watch is so hard to describe... like you feel for the protagonist so much, and when the events play out (no spoilers keke) you can feel the emotions that he goes through passing through you as if you were there yourself. I don't know if that's a good description, but hell it really gets me going.
Also I heard that originally the director and his wife were the ones who did the voice overs, pretty damn romantic eh?
Last edit: 2012-01-26 05:16:11
Torte de Lini Canada. January 26 2012 05:21. Posts 27345