Weird Sense of Humour #1

---

On February 29 2012 20:16 taldarimAltar wrote:
lol?

---

---

On February 29 2012 20:52 iTzSnypah wrote:
You write a fable as if you expect 80year old aristocrats to read it. The over-explanation of everything really killed the humor.

---

---

On February 29 2012 20:53 Steel wrote:
Fat people struggling into people dying. I like your kind of humour. Can't say this was incredibly original or hilarious but a solid entry #1. I'll look forward to your next blogs.

---

---

On February 29 2012 20:53 Kenny_oro wrote:


It's weird .. indeed :D

---

---

The brick soared high above the school-field, gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight.

---

---

On February 29 2012 21:30 zalz wrote:


Sometimes a sky is just blue.

It doesn't always have to be:

Azure, ice, cyan, baby.

No offense, but after reading "The shadows of the wind," I want to stab a fork into my neck every time I read some pointless, overt way of describing something very basic.

At other times you are just redundant. Emerald grass? Really? So essentially "green grass." The only time you should point out the grass colour is when you want the audience to focus on the grass or the grass isn't green.

I also don't see the joke, and I have a pretty dark sense of humor. Being weird and random isn't the same as being original.

---

---

On February 29 2012 21:31 Azera wrote:


Oh yeah, I think I meant to juxtapose the colour of the blood to the grass

---

---

On February 29 2012 21:44 zalz wrote:


Then you should have written that the blood was dripping onto the grass, then point out the contrast.

Now you just suddenly reflect on the colour of the grass, in relation to "Charlie" who is on the grass.

And again, grass is green. Calling it emerald isn't particularily enriching to the prose.


If you call green 'emerald' or clouds 'floating cotton', then you are trying to be lyrical. There is a time for that, you shouldn't be doing it all the time.

A lot of writers tend to do it (unpublished authors). They discover shakespearean writing and they think that calling the sun a 'golden orb' is the height of ingenuity. It is like a film student that has just discovered the longshot and proceeds to film a 90 minute longshot.

Things have their place. In your case I would restrict writing like that to only 1 situation:

1) You keep refering to the same object and you don't want to come off as repetitive.

Other than that, there really is no need for it. Right now it is just intrusive. You aren't Shakespeare. That isn't an insult, that is just a fact.

That kind of writing is more suited for poetry, altough even there it is often abused. If you can come up with something more clever than calling grass Emerald, feel free. Like this it is just pseudo-intellectual.

---

---

On February 29 2012 21:44 zalz wrote:


Then you should have written that the blood was dripping onto the grass, then point out the contrast.

Now you just suddenly reflect on the colour of the grass, in relation to "Charlie" who is on the grass.

And again, grass is green. Calling it emerald isn't particularily enriching to the prose.


If you call green 'emerald' or clouds 'floating cotton', then you are trying to be lyrical. There is a time for that, you shouldn't be doing it all the time.

A lot of writers tend to do it (unpublished authors). They discover shakespearean writing and they think that calling the sun a 'golden orb' is the height of ingenuity. It is like a film student that has just discovered the longshot and proceeds to film a 90 minute longshot.

Things have their place. In your case I would restrict writing like that to only 1 situation:

1) You keep refering to the same object and you don't want to come off as repetitive.

Other than that, there really is no need for it. Right now it is just intrusive. You aren't Shakespeare. That isn't an insult, that is just a fact.

That kind of writing is more suited for poetry, altough even there it is often abused. If you can come up with something more clever than calling grass Emerald, feel free. Like this it is just pseudo-intellectual.

---

---

On March 01 2012 00:17 Scarecrow wrote:
"[brick] gliding through the cerulean blue sky and magnolia white clouds with as much grace as an eagle in flight"

Agreed with the above criticism and more. This sentence is a train wreck.

---

---

On March 01 2012 02:15 Osmoses wrote:

While I agree the sentence is not perfect, I don't think it's a train wreck. It just needs more fluidity, it stutters. First stutter is the "and" and the second is the "with". Over-descriptiveness is only a problem when done wrong. When done right it can be a great way to immerse and set tone.

---