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| [UoN]Sentinel United States. May 07 2012 09:17. Posts 2726 | Profile Blog # |
Hi guys, posted this in the confessions thread, kinda drifted off a little bit while confessing funny/embarassing things from my life. So I decided to tell the full story and move to blogs.
I'm looking at a pretty attractive girl. We hit it off really great, but it kinda petered out after a while. I just started losing interest after a few months and it ended pretty soon after that. No big whup, this happened before, give it a few months, get a rebound girl, everything goes swimmingly, life goes on. About six months later, I realized that holy shit I still loved this girl. This never happened before.
So now it's May 6, 2011. 9:14 PM. I'm at a party with her. My friends are giving me advice, her friends are giving me advice, and this whole time I'm just assuming she said yes. From my perspective (and our friends') we were boyfriend and girlfriend in everything but name.
And then she said no. And that hit me off balance like Mike Tyson wielding an iron hammer. Half of me went into remission, the other half didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't sleep that night. The only thing that kept me alive was TSL3, watching ThorZain inch closer to victory.
It saved me, and the next day at least I could start talking to people again (and look my parents in the eye) without collapsing into a blubbering mess. I spent the rest of May slowly recovering. Every three days or so I'd still have dreams about her, but otherwise I thought I was fine.
A short while later I was diagnosed with clinical depression. They gave me some pills to help deal with it, but I stopped taking them because I realized that I liked the feeling, it gave me an inferiority complex where I would do anything, anything at all in my power to elevate myself in life, strive to reach new heights, only stopped every night just before I go to sleep by the little voice in my head telling me that I would never get there, only if I went back after her...
She found another guy. Okay, she didn't but in my psychotic mind she did. Now we're in what, July now? Summer was grateful to me, learned how to take my mind off of things, namely by exercising and playing SC2 which I got July 18th, just 10 days before the one-year celebration.
The friendship between us kinda stabilized by the end of summer, it was no longer awkward for us to hug each other or talk about the good old days. I ended up coming out of that depression myself, after five long months of headaches and overachieving. I became as much of a player as you can get as a highschool nerd, which isn't much, but definitely impressed people. Back then I wanted to go into computer science and had a maxed-out Blood Elf Paladin. In some way that inferiority complex really did come back to help me.
I think the last time I saw her was in March of this year. And that really helped me forget about everything, bad and good.
So now, it's May 4, 2012. I'm at another party, the same exact place, with nearly the same exact people. I'm still that nerd-player mix with maybe a bit more badassery thrown in compared to the year before. I'm loving life. 9:14 PM, that time that I memorized 364 days ago, comes, and I'm standing in the exact same place, a lakeside deck, far from the lights and life of the party. The same exact place I was when I received the blow.
I break down in tears at that moment. Everything and anything comes rushing into my head, regret, tragedy, grief, and... acceptance. Yes, acceptance.
And I have a revelation there. And I smile. I genuinely smile for the first time in almost a year.
Because I realize that I'm far too young to be losing the fun of life over a single problem. Because I realize that there will be others who I can love more, and love me more. And because I realize that all my overachieving, every single badass/impossible/brave/stupid thing I have done to make me forget her and the depression I was going through, wasn't because of her after all.
It was all because of me.Last edit: 2012-07-09 09:07:54
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| | One day I'll get around to writing my 17-minute epic. Also, exploring heavy metal. || Seize the day! |
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| Juliette United States. May 07 2012 09:22. Posts 4948 | Profile Blog # |
welcome back 
i took a whole summer off recovering from relationship problems once, came back to school, saw the person, said fuck it and walked past them.
so congrats ^^ |
| | http://mycliquehardmycupcold.tumblr.com/ |
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| prplhz Denmark. May 07 2012 09:32. Posts 3951 | Profile Blog # |
| most interesting girl blog i've read! |
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| FlaShFTW United States. May 07 2012 09:41. Posts 4963 | Profile Blog # |
badass girl blog imo.
very nice. |
| | Never Surrender. Never GG. Always Fighting. BW4LYF. Woo Jung Ho Never Forget. |
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| Snaiil Sweden. May 07 2012 09:52. Posts 300 | Profile Blog # |
| Best girl blog on TL without a doubt. |
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| Antimatterz United States. May 07 2012 10:28. Posts 998 | Profile # |
Wow an actually interesting girl blog!
5/5 |
| | It's not a witchhunt if you have KR: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=371282#1 "HotBid [11:45 AM]: i dunno i kinda like the big muta shooting smaller mutas out" |
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| 3FFA United States. May 07 2012 10:58. Posts 2668 | Profile Blog # |
Very well written. Thanks for throwing me out of my current girl slump.  |
| | I no longer expect the best in people. Sadly, I am beginning to expect much worse. |
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| [UoN]Sentinel United States. May 07 2012 11:18. Posts 2726 | Profile Blog # |
| Thanks for all your responses guys :D first girl blog I ever wrote, and semi-rushed because my comp shut down and I wanted to get it finished by the one-year anniversary. |
| | One day I'll get around to writing my 17-minute epic. Also, exploring heavy metal. || Seize the day! |
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| Bigtony United States. May 07 2012 11:33. Posts 893 | Profile Blog # |
Everytime there's a girl blog involving teenagers I try to come in and say "just walk away bro, you're too young for this shit. Grow up and come back later. Just be friends for now."
But you:
Because I realize that I'm far too young to be losing the fun of life over a single problem. Because I realize that there will be others who I can love more, and love me more. And because I realize that all my overachieving, every single badass/impossible/brave/stupid thing I have done to make me forget her and the depression I was going through, wasn't because of her after all.
It was all because of me.
Already came to this revelation on your own. LIKE A BOSS. A+ dude, glad to hear you made it through this tough time.
As a warning (while acknowledging that this story turned out well) - Be careful about discontinuing medication if it has been prescribed to you though. If you don't like the way it makes you feel, definitely consult with a professional first about a lower dose, different med, or some non-medication options. I am not a fan of emotion suppression or mind altering drugs either, but just make sure someone is checking up on you so that you don't hurt yourself!*
* - I'm not a medical professional, just a concerned bro.
Last edit: 2012-05-07 11:36:41 |
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| nosliw United States. May 07 2012 11:34. Posts 1829 | Profile Blog # | |
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| Carson Canada. May 07 2012 11:38. Posts 820 | Profile # |
On May 07 2012 09:32 prplhz wrote:
most interesting girl blog i've read!
I quoted for truth!
Haha, girl blogs, why do I read them? That said, this one was well-written |
| | "You have to remember something: Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn." Arnold Schwarzenegger |
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| Azera May 07 2012 11:39. Posts 3410 | Profile Blog # |
| Best girl blog ever with actual emotion-inducing content.. 5/5 |
| | Trudge comfortably | Check out some glorious music made by TLers - http://bit.ly/QXYhdb , by intrigue. http://bit.ly/RTjpOR , by ohsea.toc. | |
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| unichan United States. May 07 2012 11:43. Posts 2989 | Profile Blog # |
aww
On May 07 2012 09:17 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
And because I realize that all my overachieving, every single badass/impossible/brave/stupid thing I have done to make me forget her and the depression I was going through, wasn't because of her after all.
It was all because of me.
This part actually helped me realize something about someone. I felt the same way about this person - that if it weren't for them, I wouldn't have done certain things that allowed me to be where I am today. But now I realize that that's not true at all.  |
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| Funnytoss Taiwan. May 07 2012 11:59. Posts 1340 | Profile Blog # |
| The first worthwhile Girl Blog I've read on TL! Very well done, good sir, glad to see you've grown from your experiences. |
| | AIV_Funnytoss and sGs.Funnytoss on iCCup |
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| Kuja United States. May 07 2012 12:30. Posts 1743 | Profile Blog # |
| Empirical truth is a wonderful thing, best of luck! Also, as other have said, best girl blog ive ever read on TL. |
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| Gprime Canada. May 07 2012 12:37. Posts 196 | Profile Blog # |
you just made me proud of myself 
well done bud. and as far as the blog 5/5
have a great year |
| | diablo 3 killed my skill. |
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| Alpino Brazil. May 07 2012 13:21. Posts 2585 | Profile # |
| I guess SC2 helped us both get over girls, Sentinel. (and in my case gain some weight as well). Hope you'll find that someone who'll love you more. |
| | no gods/ no masters/ no borders/ no wars |
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| DyEnasTy United States. May 07 2012 13:55. Posts 3421 | Profile Blog # |
ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME. Finally a girl blog where everyone who reads blogs on TL isnt telling the blogger Dont do it man she isnt worth it. That applies to guys blogging about "FwB's should I?" and the "She crushed my heart but I want her back" to the "I like this girl. She is good to me and treats me so awesome, but she has a hot friend who is a ho should I sleep with her?"
5/5 man. Glad to see a TL'er show some maturity.Last edit: 2012-05-07 13:56:13 |
| | Much better to die an awesome Terran than to live as a magic wielding fairy or a mindless sac of biological goop. -Manifesto7 |
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| [UoN]Sentinel United States. May 07 2012 18:54. Posts 2726 | Profile Blog # |
On May 07 2012 13:21 Alpino wrote:
I guess SC2 helped us both get over girls, Sentinel. (and in my case gain some weight as well). Hope you'll find that someone who'll love you more.
Now I'm curious. What's your story? I'd be delighted to read it if you're willing to share
And I think I might have already, but only time will tell how that works out.
As a warning (while acknowledging that this story turned out well) - Be careful about discontinuing medication if it has been prescribed to you though. If you don't like the way it makes you feel, definitely consult with a professional first about a lower dose, different med, or some non-medication options. I am not a fan of emotion suppression or mind altering drugs either, but just make sure someone is checking up on you so that you don't hurt yourself!*
This is pretty logical, and definitely great advice, it's just that at the time I thought that the effects of the depression were actually the only consoling emotions I had, and I didn't want to lose them.Last edit: 2012-05-07 18:57:35 |
| | One day I'll get around to writing my 17-minute epic. Also, exploring heavy metal. || Seize the day! |
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