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| MonkSEA Australia. May 27 2012 03:46. Posts 1161 | Profile Blog # |
I've been dating this girl for about a month now. Only just recently she's been saying 'I love you' and beforehand I knew it was hard for her to say this.
Now here's the problem, I come home last night to her saying she wants to break up with me because she is stressed with a numerous amount of things, and doesn't want to be committed to anyone. Just wants company.
I didn't know how to act from this, I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want to be committed which makes little to no sense with me because the logical course for me if I were in her shoes was just to see if she can support me while I am down.
I'm seeing her again tonight to talk over it, because I was just so shocked and was just refusing to take such an excuse, so tonight I want to apologize for stressing her when I kept trying to fight for the relationship.
How should I go about this whole thing? I'm still pretty torn up about it and I really don't want this to end. I have really bad trust issues with girls because every relationship I've had has ended with the girl cheating on me, and she knows my trust issues are pretty bad.. But I took a gamble and believed and trusted her, now I feel kind of betrayed.
Any ways, should I keep fighting for our relationship or should I let it go as she wants? She still wants to be friends, and she said that she doesn't know if I wait it out that she still wants to be with me. This thing has torn me up pretty badly.
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| See.Blue United States. May 27 2012 03:50. Posts 2294 | Profile Blog # |
Just walk away if thats what she wants. Don't be a doormat. None of this just friends shit.
Edit: Tell her you're willing to keep dating her but if not she shouldn't expect you to stick around.
Edit 2: Just read your last paragraph. She's not gonna take you back, I'd move on.Last edit: 2012-05-27 03:52:59 |
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| reneg United States. May 27 2012 04:05. Posts 677 | Profile # |
On May 27 2012 03:50 See.Blue wrote:
Just walk away if thats what she wants. Don't be a doormat. None of this just friends shit.
Edit: Tell her you're willing to keep dating her but if not she shouldn't expect you to stick around.
Edit 2: Just read your last paragraph. She's not gonna take you back, I'd move on.
exactly this. don't let her get a hook in you, and just keep you around "just in case no one better comes along" or something like that.
Get out & meet & date more people. if it's not working out, it's not working out. |
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| Ryps Romania. May 27 2012 04:15. Posts 2525 | Profile Blog # |
Why would he walk away when he said he loves her ? thats terrible advice.
Try to talk it over and see whats wrong, if its something that cant be fixed try to move on (I wouldnt try to be friends with someone I like, too painful), but if you really like her you SHOULD fight.Last edit: 2012-05-27 04:16:46 |
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| DyEnasTy United States. May 27 2012 04:26. Posts 3421 | Profile Blog # |
You've only been dating a month and there are already "I love you" and breakups being thrown around?
Can I guess that your teenagers? |
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| CyDe United States. May 27 2012 04:31. Posts 999 | Profile Blog # |
I mean, one thing you have to keep in mind is that even if you "win" the so-called fight for your relationship, it's not going to be what she really wants. You know what I mean? Like, let's say you convince her to stay with you (which is hard as fuck in and of itself), then she probably won't be happy. You can't really convince people want they want, especially, not so sound sexist, a girl. Fighting for the relationship probably won't really accomplish anything, because she won't be happy deep down inside.
And yeah, trying to stay friends afterward, where 'she might get back together with you' will just suck for you. Really. I'm sorry to say it and I know it will be hard, but you probably should walk away, or, if you can do it, stop thinking of her as a girl; instead think of her as a friend. Hard, maybe impossible, but probably your best bet. |
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| Chimpalimp United States. May 27 2012 04:46. Posts 1018 | Profile # |
This is what really caught my eye, "apologize for stressing her." You really don't want to be a push over and treat everything as being your fault, when its really not your fault. If her life is going in dismay and the first thing she wants to do is remove close ties with you, its really not a good sign. Don't try to appologize your way through keeping the relationship alive. Man up and do what is right, not what will keep a relationship alive that she apparently doesn't want.
See.Blue put it best,
On May 27 2012 03:50 See.Blue wrote:
Just walk away if thats what she wants. Don't be a doormat. None of this just friends shit.
Edit: Tell her you're willing to keep dating her but if not she shouldn't expect you to stick around.
Edit 2: Just read your last paragraph. She's not gonna take you back, I'd move on.
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| jcroisdale United States. May 27 2012 04:48. Posts 1304 | Profile Blog # |
On May 27 2012 04:15 Ryps wrote:
Why would he walk away when he said he loves her ? thats terrible advice.
Try to talk it over and see whats wrong, if its something that cant be fixed try to move on (I wouldnt try to be friends with someone I like, too painful), but if you really like her you SHOULD fight.
Ummm They have been dating for a month, its obvious neither actually know what loves is. (no offense) As people said drop her and move on you guys moved way to quick and anyone who has more then a few relationships will tell you the same thing. |
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| Vaporeon Canada. May 27 2012 04:49. Posts 33 | Profile # |
| If she's adamant, let her go. I spent 3 years dealing with this stuff with a girl. You can only fight so hard for someone that doesn't want you. It's not worth the stress. |
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| MonkSEA Australia. May 27 2012 05:05. Posts 1161 | Profile Blog # |
On May 27 2012 04:26 DyEnasTy wrote:
You've only been dating a month and there are already "I love you" and breakups being thrown around?
Can I guess that your teenagers?
On May 27 2012 04:48 jcroisdale wrote:
Show nested quote +On May 27 2012 04:15 Ryps wrote:
Why would he walk away when he said he loves her ? thats terrible advice.
Try to talk it over and see whats wrong, if its something that cant be fixed try to move on (I wouldnt try to be friends with someone I like, too painful), but if you really like her you SHOULD fight.
Ummm They have been dating for a month, its obvious neither actually know what loves is. (no offense) As people said drop her and move on you guys moved way to quick and anyone who has more then a few relationships will tell you the same thing.
We've known each other for about 6 months, and I only just asked her out when I knew I for sure liked her. Sorry, I probably should of mentioned that.
Also we're in our 20's.
Thanks for the advice, everyone is pretty much saying forget about her. I'll see tonight if she is up for a relationship still and if not then I'll walk away. I think it'll be too painful to be around someone I love, and apparently they love me with just breaking up. |
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| Flonomenalz Nigeria. May 27 2012 05:17. Posts 2863 | Profile # |
Eh, love is a tricky issue.
You have people that go the standard old route and say you need to be with a person for X amount of time for "love" to truly develop, but as always, there are exceptions, quite a few people fall in love and stay that way in a short period of time, and make it last.
However, considering her fickleness and sudden twist in her "love" for you, I highly doubt she loves you, so I'd walk away. |
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| StRyKeR United States. May 27 2012 05:22. Posts 1613 | Profile Blog # |
Definitely do not apologize. From the way you describe it, you have a caretaker personality drawn to girls who tend to be narcissistic (they cheat on you, they just take while you give, they create random drama). I know, I barely know you and that's a huge generalization, so take from it what you will.
You did nothing wrong. You do not want to set up a dynamic where you're automatically the reason the relationship is not working out. A relationship takes two.
I like the fact that you're thinking of just breaking off contact. That will be healthier.
I recently got out of a situation myself. She basically liked me first, but I didn't act on it. She moved on and found someone else, but then I got interested in her. I just confronted her about it at some point, if there was something between us, and she unequivocally said "no". We then agreed to not contact each other. For some time, I denied to myself that she didn't really want me. I kept thinking, she's just going through some things, after time she will come around and give me that fateful last minute call.
Now that it's been about a week, it dawned on me that she really didn't want to be together. Here are some things she had said: "My friend kept telling me to stop seeing you in case you were led on." "Why don't I just not contact you?" "Since you're my friend..." Very clear in retrospect.
If I were you, I'd honestly ask myself whether she actually wants to be together or not. Is she just fishing for attention, for you to grovel? Maybe she was hinting at this for a while, but you just refused to believe it. You'll have feelings of abandonment, rejection, etc. All of these negative feelings that caused sinking feelings in my heart every time I thought about them. Time heals all though. Eventually, I thought of things less, and guess what, she never called me to take me back, so it was better for both of us. A desperate and needy guy is not attractive.
In my situation, there definitely were things I could have done. It was like losing an SC2 game because of some dumb cheese and if I were to replay the relationship I could easily win. But as in SC2, it's your pride talking, saying "If only..." Learn what you can and move on. If she's honest and down to earth enough, she might tell you an actual reason.
Last edit: 2012-05-27 05:26:58 |
| | Ars longa, vita brevis, principia aeturna. |
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| See.Blue United States. May 27 2012 07:23. Posts 2294 | Profile Blog # |
| You can be in your 20s all you like. It's not love if you've known each other for six months. |
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| freelander Hungary. May 27 2012 08:10. Posts 3953 | Profile Blog # |
On May 27 2012 04:26 DyEnasTy wrote:
You've only been dating a month and there are already "I love you" and breakups being thrown around?
Can I guess that your teenagers?
this lol
User was warned for this post |
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| askTeivospy May 27 2012 08:28. Posts 1495 | Profile Blog # |
don't emasculate yourself by fighting for what is pointless
fyi niether of you are in love with each other, 1 month relationship |
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| DONTPANIC United States. May 27 2012 09:13. Posts 337 | Profile Blog # |
| I hope it's not too late!!! You should just say "No problem". And stay friends. Relationships come snd go. Friendships last longer. If you love her and want her around then back way way off. You may or may not make out by chance when you're "friends". |
| | The universe is big. Really big. |
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| Autofire2 Pakistan. May 27 2012 09:29. Posts 268 | Profile Blog # |
Yeah dude you'll hate yourself if you grovel. I grovelled with my first gf and never again, and I can't tell you how important that is. We were teenagers and in puppy love etc., my first serious relationship and I just couldn't understand why after 7 months of telling me she loved me she would stab me in the heart like that.
I learned a damn good lesson back then: don't be bitter, don't mistrust all women BUT you sure as HELL don't put up with someone treating you with ANYTHING less than the respect you give them. Ever, ever, ever.
Maybe you think its white-knightish to be like "well its never the girls fault", or you get a secret kick out of the idea of being the poetic "pining" type but seriously, in the real world, it doesn't work. You don't give up your self respect for anyone, that's just unattractive and masochistic.
Women are just people. And like people, they can be wonderful or they can be shitty or, and this is the worst, they can be shitty while seeming wonderful because your hormones are confusing lust with something more profound.
Give it a year, you won't even remember why you gave a damn, however real it feels now. |
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| r.Evo Germany. May 27 2012 13:05. Posts 5231 | Profile # |
1) Please ignore the "being friends is fine!!!11"-crew. Being friends isn't fine if you want to have sex with the girl.
2) Walking away? If you wanted to do that you wouldn't post here.
3) Talking shit over with her? No. You don't talk about whether a relationship makes sense or not. Don't bring logic into an emotional matter. If you do that, you've already lost.
Edit: 4) Anyone who says "It's not your fault at all!" is lying and didn't get over shit like this himself. Yes, there are two people who belong to a relationship. However, both are equally responsible for their actions and reactions. Her "not being into you anymore" is a reaction to something you changed after the first week or so. It's not her being a horrible person.
(I might sound hostile in the points below here and there, don't take it the wrong way. Only way I see to help you here quickly is to shake up the way you think about relationships and gurls, I wouldn't post if I didn't want to help you ♥)
I didn't know how to act from this, I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want to be committed which makes little to no sense with me because the logical course for me if I were in her shoes was just to see if she can support me while I am down.
I'm seeing her again tonight to talk over it, because I was just so shocked and was just refusing to take such an excuse, so tonight I want to apologize for stressing her when I kept trying to fight for the relationship.
I'll translate this one by one:
I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want to be committed which makes little to no sense with me
She doesn't want to "not be committed" to you. She's lying to protect your feelings. It's highly likely that she does this with only good intent for you.
the logical course for me if I were in her shoes was just to see if she can support me while I am down
Relationships don't work on a logical basis. They, especially in the beginning, work around very basic instincs and principles. You can employ logic when you have to decide a break up with a 12 year old child in the middle, but not after a month of dating while you're in your 20s.
I'm seeing her again tonight to talk over it, because I was just so shocked and was just refusing to take such an excuse, so tonight I want to apologize for stressing her when I kept trying to fight for the relationship.
You want to apologize to her for not being attractive to her anymore? If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, go ahead.
Here's the deal:
-Apparently she was into you for whatever reasons. You're most likely a cool cat and made her all tingly inside for whatever reasons.
-For SOME reason the whole tingly sparkly feeling isn't there for her anymore.
-To get your relationship back on track you have to spark attraction. You're on the way to becoming one giant pussy and, based on the infos you've given us so far, I'm pretty sure you're scared shitload of losing her. That however, even though it is your main problem which you should work on in the long run, isn't something that's quickly fixable.
If you want to have a quick fix which will get your relationship back on track, here's what will most likely work:
Escalate sexually. Be a damn man. Don't be the whiney pussy that begs her to stay around you for whatever reason. Be a man, have a penis, show her that you love putting it inside her. You're scared shitless, she knows that you are and she also knows she doesn't want a man who is scared shitless because of his own problems. Bring out that inner caveman and enjoy it.
In the long run you have to work on becoming a more self-confident and secure person. Either that, or you'll relive this exact story again and again - and I'm willing to bet that this isn't the first time you're on the "losing" end of an emotonal relationship. If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
gl~Last edit: 2012-05-27 13:08:07 |
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| MysteryMeat1 United States. May 27 2012 14:27. Posts 1229 | Profile Blog # |
On May 27 2012 13:05 r.Evo wrote:1) Please ignore the "being friends is fine!!!11"-crew. Being friends isn't fine if you want to have sex with the girl. 2) Walking away? If you wanted to do that you wouldn't post here. 3) Talking shit over with her? No. You don't talk about whether a relationship makes sense or not. Don't bring logic into an emotional matter. If you do that, you've already lost. Edit: 4) Anyone who says "It's not your fault at all!" is lying and didn't get over shit like this himself. Yes, there are two people who belong to a relationship. However, both are equally responsible for their actions and reactions. Her "not being into you anymore" is a reaction to something you changed after the first week or so. It's not her being a horrible person. (I might sound hostile in the points below here and there, don't take it the wrong way. Only way I see to help you here quickly is to shake up the way you think about relationships and gurls, I wouldn't post if I didn't want to help you ♥)
Show nested quote +I didn't know how to act from this, I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want to be committed which makes little to no sense with me because the logical course for me if I were in her shoes was just to see if she can support me while I am down.
I'm seeing her again tonight to talk over it, because I was just so shocked and was just refusing to take such an excuse, so tonight I want to apologize for stressing her when I kept trying to fight for the relationship.
I'll translate this one by one:
Show nested quote +I love her, she loves me, but she doesn't want to be committed which makes little to no sense with me
She doesn't want to "not be committed" to you. She's lying to protect your feelings. It's highly likely that she does this with only good intent for you.
Show nested quote +the logical course for me if I were in her shoes was just to see if she can support me while I am down
Relationships don't work on a logical basis. They, especially in the beginning, work around very basic instincs and principles. You can employ logic when you have to decide a break up with a 12 year old child in the middle, but not after a month of dating while you're in your 20s.
Show nested quote +I'm seeing her again tonight to talk over it, because I was just so shocked and was just refusing to take such an excuse, so tonight I want to apologize for stressing her when I kept trying to fight for the relationship.
You want to apologize to her for not being attractive to her anymore? If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, go ahead. Here's the deal: -Apparently she was into you for whatever reasons. You're most likely a cool cat and made her all tingly inside for whatever reasons. -For SOME reason the whole tingly sparkly feeling isn't there for her anymore. -To get your relationship back on track you have to spark attraction. You're on the way to becoming one giant pussy and, based on the infos you've given us so far, I'm pretty sure you're scared shitload of losing her. That however, even though it is your main problem which you should work on in the long run, isn't something that's quickly fixable. If you want to have a quick fix which will get your relationship back on track, here's what will most likely work:Escalate sexually. Be a damn man. Don't be the whiney pussy that begs her to stay around you for whatever reason. Be a man, have a penis, show her that you love putting it inside her. You're scared shitless, she knows that you are and she also knows she doesn't want a man who is scared shitless because of his own problems. Bring out that inner caveman and enjoy it. In the long run you have to work on becoming a more self-confident and secure person. Either that, or you'll relive this exact story again and again - and I'm willing to bet that this isn't the first time you're on the "losing" end of an emotonal relationship. If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got. gl~
exactly this
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| FractalsOnFire Australia. May 27 2012 14:58. Posts 1300 | Profile Blog # |
On May 27 2012 05:22 StRyKeR wrote:
Definitely do not apologize. From the way you describe it, you have a caretaker personality drawn to girls who tend to be narcissistic (they cheat on you, they just take while you give, they create random drama). I know, I barely know you and that's a huge generalization, so take from it what you will..
Ahahaha my thoughts exactly. |
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