Edit: read the post below if you want the same story with paragraphs and no wall of text.
So basically I'm fucking bored tonight, couldn't sleep decently for 2-3 weeks already and I'm so desperate in this moment there's nothing left to do other than this. I'll just share a couple out of my many incredibly weird and awkward stories with girls and some random thoughts on my sentimental (?) life. Before saying anything I think I should specify I never had a relationship in my life and overall it's safe to say I've never had a single experience that ended well with any girl. Everything just goes to shit over and over and now that I'm 25 if I think from an outside perspective it's actually really fun, both looking back and in the present at how awkwardly I still handle my stuff :D First story is from when I was in high school. When the 3rd year started I just lost half of my weight (used to be fat before that, after the diet I just obtained a normal body) and I felt it was time to start thinking about hitting on some girls. There was a really nice girl in my school who I really liked and since I was really shy I was day by day trying to gather enough courage to speak to her and ask for a date. I had the feeling she also liked me because she commented on me being good looking in front of other people and seemed to somehow always end up around me during the breaks. On a side note, during school breaks I used to be around my friends and sometimes when I was annoyed I would just lean on a wall, close my eyes and listen to music. There was this super annoying guy who liked to tease people touching them all the time with the tip of his fingers and I fucking HATED him. I was constantly punching, pushing and slapping him whenever he did this and he still never stopped. Back to the story, I was already prepared at every possible situation with the girl I liked and in my mind everything was perfect and I felt the moment was close to make a move. I also talked to a friend of her and she told me I should go for it. One day though the annoying guy really pissed me off and I went alone to listen music. I closed my eyes and started thinking at my own stuff. Then I felt somebody touching me, and since I was 100% sure it was the fucking annoying guy my reaction was to hit as viciously as I could in front of me. It turned out that it was not him. It was the girl, who saw me alone and thought it would be a good move to surprise me with a hug. Afterwards she was on the floor and when I realized what I did I completely panicked, and instead of giving an explaination I just walked away as fast as I could. I never had the chance to tell her the reason and that was probably the most retarded thing that ever happened in my life :D I really wanted to hit on that girl but not that way. Second story is from when I visited Cheng Du in China for WCG2009. I was competing to represent Italy in SCBW and I was there with my best friend and another one of my closest friends I met through eSports. The latter even won the grand final for a mobile game called Wise Stars against a french guy using a bug in front of thousands of people and was standing during the medal winners ceremony next to Stork LOL. Anyway when we arrived we were like 15 italian people including two managers. In our group I was probably the only person able to communicate in english and so I had to translate everything and I helped handling all the modules and the hotel stuff for everybody. There was this cute 21yo chinese girl there working with the volunteers from university who was studying english. After I spoke to her the first time she seemed quite excited and hyperactive and everybody was saying she was interested in me. Before I go ahead with the story I would like to specify that the 6 years between this and the first story were obviously filled with other super awkward/stupidly handled moments and stories and I somehow grew up from a shy teenager into a (still very awkward) super straight forward blunt tactless guy. So basically the first night we were in China she helped us getting money even though the banks were closed, we rode a cab together and she left me her phone number telling me that she would help me for whatever I needed. I told her I would invite her to dinner the next night, then she said she might be busy with the work at WCG but she would have tried to come. The next night we were called by our manager saying he was in an amazing place with a german friend who speaks chinese and he was waiting for us to eat hot pot somewhere in Cheng Du. I was excited for the tournament and everything and completely forgot about what I told the girl the night before. So we go out to get a cab and reach our manager and she's right there staring at me. She comes and asks about supper and I had to tell her we couldn't go together because we were supposed to go somewhere else. I'll never forget the look of sadness/disappointment on her face in that moment. Left me with a sick bad feeling for hours. Anyway afterwards I thought my chances with her were over, she must have thought I was a dbag (and well in that case she might have been right) and lost interest in me. I was obviously wrong because the next day she came together with a girl friend of her saying she had to take pictures to "prove to his english professor she was doing her job". I was outside my room having fun with my friends and she also gave me as a present the weirdest fruit I've ever seen. I think it was like something between a lemon, a pumpkin and a watermelon but I'm not sure right now. So we took the pictures and she only wanted to take pics with me. Afterwards she gave me a piece of paper with a number written on it saying it was her room number and that I should have visited her for anything I wanted. Then she left saying she was waiting for me. When she left my friends started going crazy saying that I totally nailed it and they kept telling me stupid shit for the next 30 minutes like "you totally have to fuck her like this and that" "she will remember this shit for the rest of her life" "just go there and make her feel how italians do it" and other retarded stuff along these lines. I was just having too much fun shit talking with them and didn't care enough to just take a shower right away and go to her room. After 30 minutes I was about to go to the shower when somebody calls my room. My two friends were there and they are both HORRIBLE at english but my best friend still answers the phone. The other one felt something was going to happen and instantly took his camera and started recording. It was her and I told him to say SHOWER SHOWER but instead he just said in broken english with italian accent something like "Carlo here talk him" and gave the phone to me. Then I obviously had to do something wrong and told her right away "Ok I'll take a shower, come to your room and fuck you". I was way too direct and she started to shy away while I kept insisting on this and in the meantime my friends were catching where the conversation was going and they were like WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT. So I was confused and just told her "Why do you tell me to come to your room if you don't want to fuck?" she waited for around 10 seconds then replied "I... don't know" then I got pissed and said "k bye" and put down the phone. My best friend spent the next hour insulting me really hard while the other guy left the camera to record everything and took his chance to eat the lemon/grape/whatevermelon she gave to me earlier. I saw her friend the day after and she told me the poor girl cried and that I was an asshole. I honestly didn't mean it to be so bad for her but that was just my standard reaction to the situation. Anyway one of my douche friends still has the videos and reminds me of them from time to time. Looking back I guess it was an huge epic fail but at the same time I am amazed at how bad I handled that and still think of it as something incredibly epic and fun. I guess if my friends weren't there it would have gone differently. I still think it was better like this than just do everything in a boring right way and get laid. I just felt really bad for her when I realized I was at fault and now she probably thinks italian guys are douchebags. I was honestly just bad at handling the situation and I really hate hurting other people, but it seems that I just can't avoid these kind of things to happen.
So these were my two girl stories tonight. I actually had worse and more awkward things happening with other girls in other occasions, especially lately, but I've already written too much and I guess I shouldn't taint my public image more than I just did (lol). I'm actually a very sensitive person and I always hope for things to work out well, but it seems my personality is strongly against it. Even if I suck with girls though at least I can play Starcraft. Too bad I didn't pick zerg.
So basically I'm fucking bored tonight, couldn't sleep decently for 2-3 weeks already and I'm so desperate in this moment there's nothing left to do other than this. I'll just share a couple out of my many incredibly weird and awkward stories with girls and some random thoughts on my sentimental (?) life.
Before saying anything I think I should specify I never had a relationship in my life and overall it's safe to say I've never had a single experience that ended well with any girl. Everything just goes to shit over and over and now that I'm 25 if I think from an outside perspective it's actually really fun, both looking back and in the present at how awkwardly I still handle my stuff :D
First story is from when I was in high school. When the 3rd year started I just lost half of my weight (used to be fat before that, after the diet I just obtained a normal body) and I felt it was time to start thinking about hitting on some girls. There was a really nice girl in my school who I really liked and since I was really shy I was day by day trying to gather enough courage to speak to her and ask for a date. I had the feeling she also liked me because she commented on me being good looking in front of other people and seemed to somehow always end up around me during the breaks.
On a side note, during school breaks I used to be around my friends and sometimes when I was annoyed I would just lean on a wall, close my eyes and listen to music. There was this super annoying guy who liked to tease people touching them all the time with the tip of his fingers and I fucking HATED him. I was constantly punching, pushing and slapping him whenever he did this and he still never stopped.
Back to the story, I was already prepared at every possible situation with the girl I liked and in my mind everything was perfect and I felt the moment was close to make a move. I also talked to a friend of her and she told me I should go for it. One day though the annoying guy really pissed me off and I went alone to listen music. I closed my eyes and started thinking at my own stuff. Then I felt somebody touching me, and since I was 100% sure it was the fucking annoying guy my reaction was to hit as viciously as I could in front of me. It turned out that it was not him. It was the girl, who saw me alone and thought it would be a good move to surprise me with a hug. Afterwards she was on the floor and when I realized what I did I completely panicked, and instead of giving an explaination I just walked away as fast as I could. I never had the chance to tell her the reason and that was probably the most retarded thing that ever happened in my life :D I really wanted to hit on that girl but not that way.
Second story is from when I visited Cheng Du in China for WCG2009. I was competing to represent Italy in SCBW and I was there with my best friend and another one of my closest friends I met through eSports. The latter even won the grand final for a mobile game called Wise Stars against a french guy using a bug in front of thousands of people and was standing during the medal winners ceremony next to Stork LOL. Anyway when we arrived we were like 15 italian people including two managers. In our group I was probably the only person able to communicate in english and so I had to translate everything and I helped handling all the modules and the hotel stuff for everybody. There was this cute 21yo chinese girl there working with the volunteers from university who was studying english. After I spoke to her the first time she seemed quite excited and hyperactive and everybody was saying she was interested in me.
Before I go ahead with the story I would like to specify that the 6 years between this and the first story were obviously filled with other super awkward/stupidly handled moments and stories and I somehow grew up from a shy teenager into a (still very awkward) super straight forward blunt tactless guy.
So basically the first night we were in China she helped us getting money even though the banks were closed, we rode a cab together and she left me her phone number telling me that she would help me for whatever I needed. I told her I would invite her to dinner the next night, then she said she might be busy with the work at WCG but she would have tried to come. The next night we were called by our manager saying he was in an amazing place with a german friend who speaks chinese and he was waiting for us to eat hot pot somewhere in Cheng Du. I was excited for the tournament and everything and completely forgot about what I told the girl the night before. So we go out to get a cab and reach our manager and she's right there staring at me. She comes and asks about supper and I had to tell her we couldn't go together because we were supposed to go somewhere else. I'll never forget the look of sadness/disappointment on her face in that moment. Left me with a sick bad feeling for hours. Anyway afterwards I thought my chances with her were over, she must have thought I was a dbag (and well in that case she might have been right) and lost interest in me. I was obviously wrong because the next day she came together with a girl friend of her saying she had to take pictures to "prove to his english professor she was doing her job". I was outside my room having fun with my friends and she also gave me as a present the weirdest fruit I've ever seen. I think it was like something between a lemon, a pumpkin and a watermelon but I'm not sure right now. So we took the pictures and she only wanted to take pics with me.
Afterwards she gave me a piece of paper with a number written on it saying it was her room number and that I should have visited her for anything I wanted. Then she left saying she was waiting for me. When she left my friends started going crazy saying that I totally nailed it and they kept telling me stupid shit for the next 30 minutes like "you totally have to fuck her like this and that" "she will remember this shit for the rest of her life" "just go there and make her feel how italians do it" and other retarded stuff along these lines. I was just having too much fun shit talking with them and didn't care enough to just take a shower right away and go to her room. After 30 minutes I was about to go to the shower when somebody calls my room. My two friends were there and they are both HORRIBLE at english but my best friend still answers the phone. The other one felt something was going to happen and instantly took his camera and started recording. It was her and I told him to say SHOWER SHOWER but instead he just said in broken english with italian accent something like "Carlo here talk him" and gave the phone to me. Then I obviously had to do something wrong and told her right away "Ok I'll take a shower, come to your room and fuck you". I was way too direct and she started to shy away while I kept insisting on this and in the meantime my friends were catching where the conversation was going and they were like WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU IDIOT. So I was confused and just told her "Why do you tell me to come to your room if you don't want to fuck?" she waited for around 10 seconds then replied "I... don't know" then I got pissed and said "k bye" and put down the phone.
My best friend spent the next hour insulting me really hard while the other guy left the camera to record everything and took his chance to eat the lemon/grape/whatevermelon she gave to me earlier. I saw her friend the day after and she told me the poor girl cried and that I was an asshole. I honestly didn't mean it to be so bad for her but that was just my standard reaction to the situation. Anyway one of my douche friends still has the videos and reminds me of them from time to time. Looking back I guess it was an huge epic fail but at the same time I am amazed at how bad I handled that and still think of it as something incredibly epic and fun. I guess if my friends weren't there it would have gone differently. I still think it was better like this than just do everything in a boring right way and get laid. I just felt really bad for her when I realized I was at fault and now she probably thinks italian guys are douchebags. I was honestly just bad at handling the situation and I really hate hurting other people, but it seems that I just can't avoid these kind of things to happen.
So these were my two girl stories tonight. I actually had worse and more awkward things happening with other girls in other occasions, especially lately, but I've already written too much and I guess I shouldn't taint my public image more than I just did (lol). I'm actually a very sensitive person and I always hope for things to work out well, but it seems my personality is strongly against it. Even if I suck with girls though at least I can play Starcraft. Too bad I didn't pick zerg.
Last edit: 2012-08-07 15:41:30
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FlaShFTW United States. August 07 2012 15:38. Posts 4957
I think you need to use the fact that you look exactly like Vince Vaughn more. It cant hurt !
See my profile for things I've written. Samsung's Shine has developed a sick new tactic called "Pick a building you don't want the other guy to have, right click it with everything you own, then run away"
[sc1f]eonzerg Spain. August 07 2012 15:52. Posts 1487
Then I felt somebody touching me, and since I was 100% sure it was the fucking annoying guy my reaction was to hit as viciously as I could in front of me. It turned out that it was not him. It was the girl, who saw me alone and thought it would be a good move to surprise me with a hug. Afterwards she was on the floor and when I realized what I did I completely panicked, and instead of giving an explaination I just walked away as fast as I could. I never had the chance to tell her the reason and that was probably the most retarded thing that ever happened in my life :D I really wanted to hit on that girl but not that way.
but LOL this is a big LOL. poor girl T_T
Bagration United States. August 07 2012 15:58. Posts 10752
Cloud, impressing the ladies by either punching them or telling them they should fuck him, you sir are one classy motherfucker. Almost as classy as Torte for putting your wall of text into paragraph form , WP TDL, WP.
Seriously though cloud. these are funny, I'd love enjoy seeing more haha.
User was warned for too many mimes.
MassHysteria United States. August 07 2012 16:18. Posts 2188
Not sure, not sure. This sounds really reaaaally awkward. But there was also a little bit of luck. This girl talked to you after you failed the first time, she must have been really nice and friendly. If someone did somethin' like this to me, I'd slap him around the world. But all in all you just need a girl understanding your weird behaviour. But'll find a girl at some point in ur life.
-insert kitschy quote here-
Pandemona England. August 07 2012 18:15. Posts 9446
Oh cloud how i love you <3 Your so funny xD But still, missing out on a night of "italian passion" with a chinese uni student, wow dog, you dropped the ball xD
The first girl story was ouch mode xD Poor girl just wanted to give you a hug, and pow you dropped the haymaker on her
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lol anyway 5/5, gave me a good chuckle 
, WP TDL, WP. 
