you can't stay angry forever, or so i'm told

I had this gigantic writeup for my top albums of 2012, but I accidentally deleted and I don't really care to write it up again. Nonetheless, here are my top 10 albums of 2012, by papa boes:




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Some of my recent menswear inspo for you guys, straight from my tumblr:



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Self-loathing is apparent in my blogs. If you've read my previous submissions, you'll know that I struggle with depression on and off throughout the year. Once again, I've been in a hole that I canot seem to climb out of. I've been thinking about going back to a therapist, but then I say fuck that because I am too proud and I always let it get the best of me. Lately the root of my depression seems to be my lack of intimacy and relationships. I haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 6 years now. Last year, for a few reasons, I decided to change myself for the better and start dressing nice (which I addressed in my last blog.) With this change came a noticeable difference when it came to the responses of the opposite sex; but just because you sleep with a girl for a night doesn't mean you'll see her the next day. For a while there I just said fuck it, who gives a fuck about them. I was reveling in this new-found situation that I had never experienced(h4h4 humble brag w0w,) and I feel that it overtook me for awhile. I mistook this for happiness, and shortly after realized I can't fill this piece of shit heart even temporarily.

There are days when I wonder if even I were to be in a relationship, would I even care? I'm so brainwashed from growing up watching Disney that I have this shitty idea of love that I fear even the smallest bit of affection. I used to be that guy that always complained about being friendzoned - I would befriend the girl with the shitty boyfriend and then complain that I wouldn't get any when they broke up and she cried on my shoulder. I was beta as fuck. Honestly I still am. I give this facade of confidence and appear brash albeit I turn into this piece of shit the next morning who fumbles over their words when they leave. Who have I become?

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My taste in women.


Jennifer Lawrence just needs to get in my bed already. Fuck.

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My parents home at the moment. 4000ft/1220m above sea level. I love winter.

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New haircut. Some of my recent fits.


my head is c0ld h4h4


Thrifted blazer, J.Crew, Merona, Topman, Allen Edmonds

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Grandpa Jack.

My grandfather passed away this year. This absolutely destroyed me, and is probably why I've been in another hole of depression lately. It wasn't that much of a surprise that he passed away, as over the last year he was in a home because of his disease and was fading quick. It was the thought of the reason why that broke me down. My grandfather had Alzheimer's disease, and for the last 6 or 7 years he went from being my grandfather to someone who never knew me. The first two years weren't so bad, as he would only forget that he had read the paper 5 hours earlier and he knew it. The last 2 years were incredibly disheartening. He officially didn't recognize who I was this spring, and referred to me as young man(which, may I add, was in the most polite form he could have greeted me. I blame his Marines training.) This broke my heart, and I wept for days. I don't cry. I haven't cried since I was a kid.

My grandfather was a badass. He served in the Marines when he was younger, and then was a trucker for the rest of his life. When his wife asked him to quit drinking and smoking, he quit cold turkey and never thought about it again. I never had a father figure growing up, and he filled the role easily. He taught me how to start up a chainsaw. He threw a football with me while I wore my 49er's Jerry Rice jersey. He taught me how to be a man (something I still haven't figured out to this day.) We had a memorial for him behind my parents house, where he was buried next to his plethora of dogs he had through the years, whom were his best friends. RIP Grandpa Jack.

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MLG Anaheim.


담배 with my hoonie woonie(thx roogah)

Events are always an unforgettable experience. You meet your friends, you watch pro-games, you drink. This year I finally met my best friend MrHoon. It's been years in the making, and the stars aligned and the best bromance of all time was formed. I met so many great friends this year, you all know who you are. From crashing some 14 year old girl's birthday party at a bowling alley, drunken Linkin Park songs, abandoned Patron bottles, watching Suppy rise to the occasion at WCS (he's not your average wolf), l0l stephano, to unreal kbbq, Anaheim still rings in my heart. Have some pictures:

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Random shit

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bye2u

Last edit: 2013-01-05 23:46:57

Last edit: 2013-01-05 23:26:02

Last edit: 2013-01-06 00:21:27