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 Klogon US of A. June 07 2007 00:35. Posts 12423 | Profile Blog |
In the animal kingdom, most species will choose the spring time to mate and raise a family. This is a great time to do such activities because the cold, harsh winter months are the farthest away during this time, and thus the young offspring will have time to be well fed during the prosperous summer days. Maybe it is from this primal instinct that we humans derive our association of love with spring time, but after careful analysis, it is clear that instead of being a healthy strategy for our children, conception in the spring is detrimental to the mental health of our young.
First, let us start off with a discussion about Christmas. Christmas, contrary to its original purpose of celebrating the birth of Jesus, has become a commercialized national holiday where Santa Claus reigns supreme. It is not in my goal nor interest to argue for or against this transition into secularism, so let us instead discuss a topic that any rational being will agree upon: Christmas in this country means more to the young and innocent hearts than any one of us conditioned, callous adults could even imagine. The presents, the food, the environment, the lights; they are all expressions of love and warmth for the innocent child. A problem arises, however, when a woman, caught in her raging spring hormones, becomes pregnant in late March, and nine months later during the cold December winter, gives birth to a tiny victim of extremely unfortunate circumstances. Due to variables outside the bounds of its own control, this infant will be cursed to endure a childhood with a birthday so close to Christmas.
“What is wrong with that?” I am often asked. Well, if one had Cheap Korean Parents, this child would never be able to fully experience the vital ingredient to a healthy childhood which we all call “Christmas.” You see, when a child's birthday is so close to Christmas, Cheap Korean Parents (I will now call them CKPs from now on) will only either give a Christmas gift or a birthday gift and then masterfully dodge the request for the other present by saying “That Super Nintendo is your birthday and your Christmas present.”
The problem becomes magnified when a sibling's birthday lays within a few weeks from the child's birthday, but the problem turns especially acute when the sibling's comes within a couple of weeks before the child's own. In cases such as this, CKPs will claim that the Super Nintendo is in fact both of the kids' birthday and Christmas presents, and if a birthday party is absolutely necessary, will begrudgingly throw that party on the earlier birthday then go on the claim the party is for both of the kids, thus completely shafting the second kid. Psychological ramifications are of titanic magnitudes for these poor children and may be the cause of such modern mental illnesses and problems such as Anorexia, out breaks of depression, obesity, teen pregnancy, and terrorism. This abominable phenomenon of near-Christmas birthdays exists today and is clearly difficult to stop, but I believe with the combined efforts of merciful Americans everywhere, this battle can be won.
We, as responsible citizens, need to end this atrocious practice with strict regulation that does not allow conception during the periods of late February until mid May, leaving a one month buffer for anything to possibly go wrong. If regulated correctly, very few children should be born within a 30 day period of Christmas, and thus greatly reducing the misery experienced by children nationwide. So write to your congressmen and tell them of this epidemic that is plaguing millions in our own backyard. These children have no voice or power, so it is our duty as moral and ethical moderators of this society to press adamantly for legislation.
Until that legislation passes, because I happen to be a Cheap Korean Son (which later develops into a CKP through a metamorphic process called a “Wedding”), I have no choice but to have all three of my children's birthdays on December 25th. One party, one present, three kids. Please, for the sake of my children, act now.Last edit: 2007-06-07 00:52:07
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 LySin United States. June 07 2007 00:48. Posts 267 | Profile Blog |
| i laughed my ass on this one. i'm just happy that i didn't experience your burden, but feel sympathy for you. |
| | ҉<3 sc2.org <3 Waxangel <3 Physician <3 MDT҉ |
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 xM(Z Romania. June 07 2007 03:07. Posts 1335 | Profile |
look on the bright side, less bad gifts :d;
i never put emhasis on b.days (or any days for that matter) or gifts;
more freedom, more surprises, less bitchin' , less childhood scars  |
| | And my fury stands ready. I bring all your plans to nought.My bleak heart beats steady. 'Tis you whom I have sought. |
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 azndsh United States. June 07 2007 12:06. Posts 3768 | Profile Blog |
two weeks after christmas here
I totally sympathize |
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 Butigroove Rwanda. June 10 2007 06:27. Posts 967 | Profile Blog |
Jan 19th
Its not just Korean parents  |
| | PLAGUUUUUUUU REEEBOOOOOOOOOOO CHOGULIIIIIIIIIING |
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 ieatkids5 United States. July 08 2007 20:20. Posts 3171 | Profile Blog |
December 14th for me.
Chinese parents.
But they're really nice and offer gifts for both. I also try to be nice and do what your parents do by saying "Just get me this one thing I like and it counts for both my birthday and Christmas." And it goes back and forth. |
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