          
Website Feedback
Closed Threads
IRC Updated
irc.quakenet.org #teamliquid
IRC Web Client | | New to Team Liquid? Register here! | | | | |
|
 Beyonder Netherlands. September 02 2007 18:03. Posts 7820 | Profile Blog |
I'm writing this blog entry because I feel that someone might benefit from it. Maybe only a little, yet this would already be worth it. It's a very personal story, but I have no problem sharing it. I've overcome and do not feel shame nor anger...
These days I come across as an educated and hard working nerd. When I tell someone I do not have a high school diploma, they shockingly reply: "You?!" quickly followed by: "I did not expect that at all!" They immedietly assume I was some sort of troublemaker. It was not like that. I was a nice guy, always have been and always will be.
Let me start at the beginning and try to keep a somewhat chronical pace. My parents had their share of childhood problems: my dad lost his parents at a very young age and was forced to take care of himself; my mom had the worst mother possible. Her situation saddens me the most, but I do not wish to go into painful details. Unfortunately, neither of them dealt with it properly. Instead, they rushed into kids and marriage at a young age, trying to push their mental issues away. On top of that my mother had a miscarriage and lost a daughter, my sister, at the age of 1. She is still devastated ‘cause of it; she never quite recovered.
The combination of a bad relationship, lacking any form of communication, and a compulsary intrinsic feeling to not make the same mistakes their parents made, led to horrible situations. My mom always tried too hard and my dad didn’t try at all; he gave up trying to establish a form of communication with my mother; he gave up trying to participate in the supposed great event of raising his kids. Eventually both my mom and dad cracked. My mom once let the gas running in the house. My dad had his suicide letters written and everything planned out. Both of them suffered from post-traumatic stress syndrome for many years and what-not.
I've always been a sensitive person and I can relate to peoples problems well. A dangerous combination for someone stuck in such a home. All these factors combined made me focus me onto the more serious side of life at a young age, neglecting school. I did fine in Elementary School though. I was surely one of the brighter kid in the class, quite dreamy and perhaps not as hard-working as one should be. In Holland we have a different system than overseas: in America you segregate after High School, we already do this after Elementary school. To aid this decision there is a national test, for which you can get 550 points. I scored 546, which is good.
I never did anything in High School and I started getting addicted to the net. Sitting in my room felt a lot better than being under constant stress downstairs. I tried to help other people with their problems as much as I could, both on- and offline. I actually counsilled the parents of a friend of mine how to deal with their kids at the age of 13. Quite strange if I think back at it. I’ve always had a certain ‘gift’ in helping others. I just know how many things should be done, theoretically. Eventually I flunked a year and then dropped out. I could have easilly finished High School if I put a little work into it. I’m smart enough. Thankfully my mother and mentor agreed for me to be pulled out of HS at the age of 16. I was still obligated to go to school, but my mentor realized the situation I was in and that I had to focus on other things first. Thus he reported me sick for the rest of the year. I recently thanked him for that: I am still thoroughly grateful. He still remembered me well and was happy to hear from me.
I have four sisters, and neither of them ever felt safe at home. I can merely concur. I’m the only one who hasn’t had any real therapy. Instead, I counsilled myself after dropping out of High School. I taught myself social skills and dealt with the personal issues I had. I did “nothing” for a year, spending all this time focussing on my mental state. A bit later I got a job as a mailman and continued trying to heal myself.
In the meantime my parents divorced. I moved in with my dad. My mother moved to a new home and got a job working with mentally handicapped people. Quite impressive, having no education at all. I’m still so proud of what she did. Most people would not be so brave as to make that move, losing all certainty at the age of 45 after over 25 years of bad marriage. My dad got really depressed, but recovered eventually. This was for the best, for them and for me. I still remember my mother asking me: How would you feel if I divorced your father? I calmly replied: You should have done this many years ago.
After eighteen months passed, I wanted to go back to school. Not High School, for I had seen enough of that. All the useless things they teach you there. “How am I going to save a life with that?” Instead, I chose a carreer path on a lower educational level. For three years I studied to be an activity guider, working 20 hours a week with mentally handicapped and demented old people. This did me well. I made a difference, learned a trade, and kept on working on myself. It actually took me four years to complete, because I took a sabbatical year to 'complete myself'. I started working out at the gym and tried to make new friends.
I wasn’t necessarily proud of myself upon completing it. The educational level was low, and with all due respect – my fellow classmates were not on my level, which annoyed me to no end. In the meantime I finally found intrinsic motivation to study. For this I have to thank my good friend Jay. He studies Medicine and showed me enough to also want a piece of that life. Thus I decided to try another education, on a higher level. For a year I studied at the elementary teacher education, just like two of my sisters. My grades were good and I passed my first year easily; I never had to redo a test and I scored a 93 and 85 for the two supposed toughest tests of the year. This may have been the highest average, but I’m unsure. I was class president and part of the student counsil. Everything I taught myself, everything I learned, came out during this year. I’m very proud of myself: I set a goal, worked hard, and achieved it.
For the past couple of years my dad has given me a stable home. We live together and finally he has become my father, giving me the opportunity to study. He cooks, cleans, and we get along well. My mother lives a couple of miles away and I still visit her regularly. She still cries whenever I leave her place, but she’s doing well if you compare it to the old days.
As for me? Tomorrow I’m starting another education, hopefully my last. Psychology at the best university for it in the country. Scaringly enough the same University that Strafe goes to. I feel so proud to have made it so far, even if I’ll be significantly older than most of the others in my year. I’m happy and ready to work extraordinarily hard. I have a job next to it which I enjoy, and I’m planning to move out in 6 months. Life is good, but sometimes it takes some hard work. I hope that by studying Psychology I will enable myself to make a difference in the life of others. For that is what I desire most, as futile as it may be on the larger scale.
Do I feel unfortunate? No. Do I feel resentment towards my parents? No. Should anyone experience what I experienced? No. Every child deserves a stable home with loving parents. Do I feel fortunate? YES! All that I had to experience taught me so much and enabled me to become the person that I am today: a caring friendly person who helps others. I even have a group of close friends from High School - we still talk to eachother on a daily basis. If I ever have the tendency to feel sad for myself, I think of all those people stuck in Africa without basic needs. They got it hard. I think of the people who fight in wars and see death firsthand. They got it hard. Not me, not us.
I know many others on the internet and on TeamLiquid have similar experiences. Where life isn’t easy, where one suffers from low self esteem. Work hard and you overcome – I hope that my story helps someone, even if it's only a little.
Vincent
Last edit: 2008-01-14 19:18:32
  |
| | In the face of what is true, even God will hesitate and stop time. |
|
|
 fanta[Rn] Austria. September 02 2007 19:22. Posts 1726 | Profile Blog |
I'm impressed by how you take all that, how you deal around with it and most importantly being able to share it with us. My childhood wasn't necessarily hard, however my father left us for quite some time and my parents divorced after that - I never really had the dad-experiences that other kids have.
Your attitude is truely remarkable and I will try to overcome my lazyness and start to work hard for what I really want. I had it easy, compared to you, so far however at the moment I feel like I throw it all away for nothing. |
|
|
 RebelHeart New Zealand. September 02 2007 20:08. Posts 722 | Profile Blog |
| good on you for being a hard studier... sounds a lot like my dad's life he said he worked real hard 'cos he wanted to get out of the poor lifestyle, although he now says education really has nothing much at all to do with life (but can build good habits) |
| | "Love the Lord your God, and love your neighbour as you love yourself. If you do these things you're doing well" - Phil Joel |
|
|
 Cpt Obvious Germany. September 03 2007 00:09. Posts 3066 | Profile Blog |
Do I feel unfortunate? No. Do I feel resentment towards my parents? No. Should anyone experience what I experienced? No. Every child deserves a stable home with loving parents. Do I feel fortunate? YES! All that I had to experience taught me so much and enabled me to become the person that I am today: a caring friendly person who helps others. I even have a group of close friends from High School - we still talk to eachother on a daily basis. If I ever have the tendency to feel sad for myself, I think of all those people stuck in Africa without basic needs. They got it hard. I think of the people who fight in wars and see death firsthand. They got it hard. Not me, not us.
That is just so awesome. I like your way of thinking and looking at things. Read my latest blog entry, it basically reads like you copied that, though I know you didn't. It was actually the reason for one girl to turn down a relationship offer, because she thought I actually drew strength from the suffering of others, but well, women are maybe just not that good at all that thinking and stuff.
I had absolutely no idea that your life has been this, well, diverse. I've seen similar things, but my parents were not that fucked up, thankfully. I'm glad to hear you're on a good way man. Hopefully we can celebrate our graduation together in a couple of years, you a psychology major and me a PhD in physics 
4/5 for lack of naked women though. |
| | Nobody ever reads signatures of people like me, do they? |
|
|
 backdrOp United States. September 03 2007 00:39. Posts 104 | Profile |
| I've been through the same kind of thing, I lost a loved parent around middle school and it made me end up focusing more on the serious part of life for a lot of my school years. To me it's very motivating to know people like you can can make the most of things and do well |
|
|
| DeadVessel United States. September 03 2007 01:32. Posts 6269 | Profile Blog |
| Bey you're my hero, I'm trying to fix my academic career and get into a good university and seeing that you did it before me gives me inspiration and hope. Thanks. <3 |
|
|
| Wizard Poland. September 03 2007 08:37. Posts 5055 | Profile Blog |
| Good luck with your life man, so far it's very inspirational IMO |
| | sAviOr[gm] ~ want to watch good replays? read my blog: http://www.teamliquid.net/blog/wizard |
|
|
 Masamune Canada. September 03 2007 14:35. Posts 1181 | Profile |
| I don't think I could respond in a post worthy of this blog, so I'll just say 5/5 stars. Excellent and inspirational! |
|
|
 ChezGod Korea (South). September 03 2007 18:26. Posts 295 | Profile | |
| |
|
| Beyonder Netherlands. September 04 2007 03:31. Posts 7820 | Profile Blog |
Thanks for the feedback, both here and on IRC. It is much appreciated.  |
| | In the face of what is true, even God will hesitate and stop time. |
|
|
 EpiK Korea (South). September 08 2007 12:21. Posts 2226 | Profile Blog |
| Very touching story. The world would be a lot better place if it was filled with people like you |
|
|
 minus_human Romania. September 09 2007 02:01. Posts 3165 | Profile Blog |
You seem a very strong person. Congratulations for turning your life around like that, I wish I could be more like you.
Wish I could rate more than a 5/5 for the effort you put. Exceptional. |
| | www.niiFantasy.deviantart.com --- my artistic photography gallery. I was an agnostic with strong inclinations towards atheism, however only until I first watched Ma Jae Yoon play. |
|
|
 Flying_Llama Canada. September 09 2007 05:01. Posts 405 | Profile Blog |
Touching and very inspirational.
GL with your psychology course at university.
|
|
|
 KH1031 United States. September 09 2007 08:12. Posts 750 | Profile Blog |
Good read.
Hope everything turns our well for you.
Beyonder fighting! |
|
|
 Physician  United States. September 09 2007 10:35. Posts 4000 | Profile Blog |
I can't believe I just gave Beyonder a 5/5, or for that matter read through to the end the blog.
"even if I’ll be significantly older than most of the others in my year. I’m happy and not going to screw this up."
you do well not to worry about that.. when u are hanging out with you pals at the ripe old age of 80 years old, believe me, you will chuckle at any 75 year old who says he graduated before you..jeje
"I will enable myself to make a difference in the life of others. For that is what I desire most, as futile as it may be on the larger scale."
nice prose & goalLast edit: 2007-09-09 10:36:46 |
| | ((( Signal to Noise ))) http://tinyurl.com/n5teo3 |
|
|
 Xeofreestyler Belgium. September 09 2007 11:23. Posts 5739 | Profile Blog | |
| | Im the juggernaut, bitch. |
|
|
| minus_human Romania. September 09 2007 22:34. Posts 3165 | Profile Blog |
On September 09 2007 10:35 Physician wrote:
I can't believe I just gave Beyonder a 5/5, or for that matter read through to the end the blog.
"even if I’ll be significantly older than most of the others in my year. I’m happy and not going to screw this up."
you do well not to worry about that.. when u are hanging out with you pals at the ripe old age of 80 years old, believe me, you will chuckle at any 75 year old who says he graduated before you..jeje
LMAO |
| | www.niiFantasy.deviantart.com --- my artistic photography gallery. I was an agnostic with strong inclinations towards atheism, however only until I first watched Ma Jae Yoon play. |
|
|
 rosas Philippines. September 13 2007 00:29. Posts 66 | Profile |
| Good assessment of your life. It’s nice to see someone who does not break down and experience self-pity during what you've gone through. I hope that you find greater insight about what you say is your objective in life ( helping people) in the course you entered. gg gl |
|
|
| | |
|
|
|
 |
|
      
|