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 Shiverfish Canada. July 05 2009 06:04. Posts 46 | Profile Blog |
This is the third chapter of my recent life experience, the first two being “Almost Nearly Gone” and “Subway Drains” (my blogs don’t get much attention, so I’ll have to advertise).
Here’s a quick recap of what has been happening. I was growing very discontent with my job and overall life situation, to which I was committed for eight months. My ability to maintain relationships was challenged. However, what I determined to weigh heaviest on my mind was my unrealized desire for a girl.
I had become so distraught that I eventually decided to resolve my inner conflict. I asked her out for dinner in “Almost Nearly Gone”, to which she accepted. I intended to confess my thoughts to her at that encounter, but the words didn’t come out.
Subsequently, after another painful wait, we met up again in “Subway Drains”. I dropped the very random line out of nowhere. The next day I tried to call her and clarify the meaning of what I said. She was unavailable. I tried again the day after, and that night she returned my call.
I told her the whole story and how I truly felt. Somehow my confession induced her to near tears, as I could hear her voice choking and cracking. “Let’s just be friends,” was the line that came through.
So after all that, what do I feel now? Surprisingly, the rejection was not that hurtful. I had been fully anticipating this reaction, I suppose. I am not blindly obsessed – I think I am able to read at least some hints of attraction, and I had already guessed my level of interest was not mutual. The only reason I was so direct was that I desperately needed closure.
But you know what? I am very proud of myself for what I did. My life motto is “no regrets”. I took the ultimate leap and made my intentions clear. There will be no more second guessing or doubts or blind assumptions. I will not regret missing this chance for the rest of my life, wondering what if. This was the first time I had attempted anything like this.
But where does that leave me now? Strangely, I’m still pretty down. I guess it might take some time to recover. I was kind of expecting a rush of liberation, but that has not come. More troubling, though, is how to find someone else that measures up to this person’s standards.
I have a fetish for quality. I am extremely selective in my tastes. At restaurants, I am the last one to decide what to order, after exhaustively combing through menu and consulting my taste for the day. I will not settle for anything less.
This seems to be problematic then. After the slight tease of this quality, it will be difficult to find an appropriate replacement. I would probably be unwilling to settle for any compromise, now that my sights have been set so highly. Hmph. I am worried that shall become my next struggle.
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 IntoTheWow Argentina. July 05 2009 07:01. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
Yeah, you did the right thing I think : ]
Even if it leaves you down right now, it will be one question you won't be asking yourself in the future.
good luck |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 ZeeTemplar United States. July 05 2009 09:03. Posts 427 | Profile Blog |
interesting read. keep your head up man
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 R3condite Korea (South). July 05 2009 09:55. Posts 1536 | Profile |
| u'll find some1... eventually |
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| Neverborn United States. July 05 2009 11:18. Posts 208 | Profile Blog |
| I'd get on my soapbox, but I don't really know anything about you. How old are you? Have you ever been in a serious relationship for an extended period of time? What are some of your short and long-term goals? |
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