Its funny, looking back. Less than a year and a half ago... I made the decision to go out.
I was nearing the end of my first relationship of 7 years. Sick of reading the pick up material for nearly 4 years and not been able to do anything about it. My relationship was having issues for a long time even before because it was long distance.
Since I lived in a small city, I remember driving an hour to San Diego, not knowing a single person there. I didn’t know where to park, so I found street parking over a mile from the club district. I walked for an hour around and around the club before I got the balls to go in. Scared as hell to approach a single person, I walked and walked inside the club and didn’t want to stand around because I was worried about other people looking at me being by myself looking like a wall flower. I finally got the guts to approach this redhead girl and it lasted about 2 minutes. Looking back, it wasn’t even a harsh blowout. She said “it was a pleasure talking to you”, and turned to her friends. That was my one set of the night and I was depressed. Walked back to my car and drove another hour home. I didn’t go out again till 2 months later, when I signed up to a bootcamp. Even then, I was having trouble smiling and doing “Hi” missions to random people.
Looking back… god I was a little bitch back then. And yes, I am pretty proud of where I have gotten in 1.5 years. And after working for a pick up company….. I realize I don’t even have it that bad. I’m 6 feet tall, and I already work out. I see other guys who have never kissed a girl. There are many guys in the program who have autism, severe physical challenges, and a lot of out of shape guys. Some guys have speech impediments./ stuttering problems. I see these guys go out for over a year, doing weekly field reports, doing their homework, and many are still virgins or never got laid over a year. Its actually pretty depressing. It’s really weird.... for some guys… getting laid is ridiculously easy. For other guys, getting laid seems like harder than moving mountains. I sort of have perspective now because I see the range of guys coming in. I thought I had it bad….but damn….compared to some of these guys, I’m pretty lucky I am me lol.
Yes, I make pick up sound like a chore with this approach machine mentality, but again, I was trained by a guy who used to be a marine. He would have never gotten good if he wasn’t disciplined.
I'm surprised someone with autism even ... thought/wanted/aimed to get laid. Hmm. Again, there are undeniable pros about the whole date coaching thing. It's great if these guys can feel better about themselves. I just hope you're not breeding a whole subpopulation of men who have a warped image of women who draw their entire self worth from being laid or how they are perceived by random women they approach in the street. I realise that's not what it's about, but how can you know what the guys take away from it?
The older i get the more i find myself wondering about the role of modern man in todays society. Not going into detail but I experience it first hand. I understand this whole movement...see where it's coming from, I just don't think organised mass prowling is the answer for what modern man should be.
This is why sociologists think us guys hide at home playing video games... because we don't know how to validate ourselves anymore. It sounds plausible. Take me for instance, I have a good, socially respected job, a gorgeous girlfriend, am generally content, no dark secrets or severe problems/issue, am an alround good citizen by any (bourgeois) definition. Yet, my own mother and sister have a go at me if I don't react to their every whim immediately. You just don't get respect these days anymore as a man for doing all the regular stuff. It's because they brought us up as softies, even if we don't feel we're soft, they regard us as soft. At the same time women don't want us to be like our grandfathers (or fathers if they're over 60 now, like mine). I can't figure this bit out. Is it because the role of woman has changed they expect us to change, or because they can now do what we do, in most cases better than they're just disillusioned with how not-superior men are and think we need to up our game? I When i was younger i used to blame feminism, these bitchy city girls who just get drunk and are bitter because they're being worked too hard in their offices and physically can't take it, but can't yet admit it's too much hassle because they turn 30 get married and decide they want babies after all. I'm coming away from that... the issue isn't feminism, the issue is that men need to re-define themselves.
No wonder i play starcraft, it doesn't lip back at me constantly, or have exorbitant expectations, that are defined by the fact that they cannot be seemingly met.
I think when you get initial success… you do feel like have this new shiny power… and a lot of guys feel validated for it. I know I was. I used to talk to some of my close co workers about my weekend adventures all the time. Yeah, I do brag about it but I think I am slowly heading over the phase. I hardly talk about it outside of pickup forums or this forum, or with my wingmen. Right now… when I meet a woman, I generally truly like her company and are attracted to them. Most of my lays, I try to keep the woman around. Now due to logistical reasons… some get boyfriends, some live far away, so the connection thins out over time… but if I pursued those girls again… most will come back..
The first few months going out, everything was great. Every night, I was happy to even have one good conversation or even one number. Literally, 20 weeks of just solid great feeling of going out. But as soon as I got success…the rollercoaster isn’t going up all the time. When you hit a plateaus or when you hit high points...you won’t always have a high point night after night. Especially when you get laid the night before and the next night gong out, you have a terrible night… it feels like shit. You feel like you should always be getting better and better but its not always like that. Some times, results are circumstantial. Maybe the night before that girl was already into you. So thus, getting the result that night wasn’t hard. But in your mind… you keep thinking; well last night I did it, why can’t I do it tonight? So the high point plus the sudden low point is really a shitty feeling.
To me, I think there are a few phases. I pretty much skipped over the first phase because I got results fairly fast but here they are.
1. If you are terrible, you will have many months in this terrible period of getting no results, and the girls give you negative reactions all the time. You are improving but you can’t tell from the results because you haven’t met this sort of threshold for women to start responding to you positively. A lot of guys quit here because the pain period is too hard to overcome. I would say over 90% of guys drop out here. (for me, this was about 2 months)
2. Once you get out of this, then going out becomes fun. Every night you get slightly better and you can feel it. Some times you get a good conversation, some times you get a number, and some times you get a kiss, this continues to dates and eventually a lay. (for me, this was another 2 months)
3. You get to a stage where you get laid once in a while but it’s usually through dates or lucky circumstances. Up to now, it’s all still straight uphill. (again, for me, this was 2-3 months)
4. Now you read a point where you are getting pretty decent lays, and you lose motivation. You get laid the night before you go out and man…your motivation drops like crazy. A lot of guys quit here as well… they either get girlfriends and are content, or they just go out looking for the easy lays from screening. (This is basically where I am stuck at right now)
5. Well, this is the last phase which takes guys from being "decent" to eventually Guru status. Its really forcing yourself to overcome the lack of motivation by forcing artificial motivation and scarcity. Basically cut off all your regular girls that you are seeing, stop masturbating lol, and doing your homework. At this point….its a major plateau and most people have to consciously identify sticking points and aggressively working on them. Most people aren’t disciplined to continue this path.
While I do understand that you have taken on the role of the thread-priest (with squattin being the the little dwarf that pulls on everyones leg to get attention and me being the wannabe enlightened buddhist who can't stop talking or some crap like that), I find that you should stop overprojecting your values and limiting beliefs onto others as if they were facts. How can an attractive girl that meets a cool guy not hook up with him while ALSO looking or a long term relationship? If a guy does the same it's k, if a girl does it... oh wait, either she wants fun and is a slut or wants a relationship and is a saint, rite? ...
I highly suggest you read up on this topic since it's pretty damn common in todays society and annoying the fuck out of me.
While I appreciate being perceived as a moral person (I am frequently accused of the opposite), I don't mean to sound like I'm projecting my personal morals onto others. I came across a madonna-whore complex blog entry not too long ago, so I have an idea what you're referring to. For anyone interested it's here : http://postmasculine.com/the-madonnawhore-complex
I don't quite get what you're saying in the underlined part. From re-reading my previous post I don't see how I could be interpreted saying women/or men who have one night stands or are more promiscuous are sluts. My curiosity and posting in this thread stemmed from the question if anyone practicing PUA ever had any moral concerns about their doing, in regard to the manipulation/knowledge advantage they have in.. let's just call it dating. And the general feel I get is, yes, questions were asked (everyone answers their own morals questions), and for most the conclusion seems to be it's alright. Women have their tricks too when it comes to seduction, and no ones forcing others to do anything against their own will. I was re-affirming said last point.
kk, it sounded to me as if it was like that since you didn't even consider that a woman could be relaxed about sexual relationships and still be looking for "the one", just like quite a lot of "pickuppers" claim to.
Re the madonna-whore complex ... I see that position all the time, but I somehow doubt it's deeply routed in ones childhood. Part is insecurity of not only males, but also females, moral values from different generations - my mother for instance frequently refers to certain women as sluts. Guys who want to feel better about themselves often call girls sluts or hoes and the like. It's maybe a phase guys go through growing up. I don't personally remember ever referring to girls as a slut for their promiscuity (perceived by me). The only time I ever call someone a slut is in the bedroom when its insinuated to me that it's desired pillow talk.
Really, I don't want to be the thread-priest, give me a different title. I could be the guy who grossly overestimates his decent amount of natural game, perceiving it to be ma-ma-massive.
The whole "she's a slut" has imo, I'm with Mystery there, biological reasonings. A man who spreads his semen and gets multiple women pregnant is a good thing - for some reason he was more able than other men to do so and his genes deserve to multiply themselves. A woman however who sleeps with multiple men is a danger to this "system" since the possibility that you're raising someone elses child is HUGE. That's the evolutionary equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot and having fun while doing so.
However, it is also in the biological interest to get pregnant from multiple men without her provider noticing. That's HER way to secure her genes to move on.
Biological goal of the male: Get as many women pregnant as possible, don't raise someone elses child. Biological goal of the female: Find a provider and then get pregnant from multiple men while still keeping the same provider.
From this perspective calling someone a "slut" is, from man to man, a warning and from women to women (or to men) a way to kill comptetition.
What I do for a living is coaching everything that has to do with communication with oneself or others...
What do you promote yourself as, a communication coach? How'd you do it, over a website?
Website & facebook (though it's kinda tricky selling facebook as something good for everyone =D). Most of it though is meeting people who are like "Hey I know someone..." or sometimes giving short workshops for food & travel cost. We've done quite a lot 2-3h workshops or speeches where people were like WOW WE WANT MORE OF THESE GUYS. I'd actually say this is the most efficient method for us since a lot of people are used to seminars with power point & boring monologues and workshops where people perform fixed exercises.
What we're doing sometimes more resembles a show event than a seminar, but that's our way to keep people focussed and use all those nasty tricks to get information into their brains. =D
Apart from that I do appreciate your concerns that sound like my grandparents on the phone (after like 4 years they stopped, go me <3), but I have to tell you that I have no plans for the future and would never consider saving money. Life insurances are for the insane and who the hell needs a real estate while it's cheap as fuck when you can also pay rent all your life. Also all the skillzzz I've learned so far will enable me to marry multiple rich women and make them pay for the ability to claim that I'm having sex with them~
I don't mind sounding like a grandparent or parent for that matter, they're older and wiser after all. I take that as a compliment. Though, I register your defensive undertone. I wasn't lecturing...just curious about your lifestyle.
While I get the atittude of being critical why our society today is driving by/defined by money, it's also the reality. I'm not interested in making lots of money, or draw personal ambition from it. However, I for one recognise a lot of people do, and money is a necessity in this world of ours. Life insurances aren't for the insane, if you have a wife, or children one day, a pension, a life insurance is something you need to look into in case something ever happens to you, for it's your responsibility to take care of them. I think that principle has survived even the most alternative views of what a man should be.
What I'm trying to say is that I find this type of talk incredibly boring and quite frankly annoying. I'm used to making the same money in a month that some people with bad jobs have to work for a year. Since I shifted away from poker towards more coaching that amount has decreased drastically but I'm still pretty sure that all the "security nets" I've worked on in the past are stronger than what society can provide at this point in time. (And, honestly, you live in switzerland? At least over here in germany I definitly don't believe that the "official" pension will keep me happy when I'm 60+)
It's one thing to ask "Uh... wow, you can make a living that way?" but another thing to ask "Have you thought of x, y and z? Are you sure this is gonna work?" (aka projecting a limiting belief). That's on the same level as asking a 25year old if he packed enough underwear on his business trip. =P
Also there's the whole plan now to have it easier in the future. Why would you pay rent to some guy raking it in, when you can own your own place and pay off something that you own? I know you're not fully serious when you say so, but your good looks and charms won't last forever. When you're 45 even the rich old women won't be so hot on your heals I don't think. I get it, you're young and not concerned with such matters at this stage in your life. But eventually, all your friends get married, have children, talk only about houses and furniture and start regarding you as a drop out. And while you might not be affected, us men, or people in general, determine our status on how others see us, isn't that part of the whole PUA philosophy? Anyway.. I'm stearing off topic now. But I'm sure anyone with a slightly different prolonged lifestyle can confirm that eventually they have felt somewhat isolated because other people around them have become the typical model tax paying citizen.
Not sure if you got it, but I was being pretty sarcastic in that paragrahp. =P ... To make it clear and serious: I think paying rent is stupid, however I'm not gonna buy my own apartement before having 1mil in cash on my account. Also again, bolded part, you're projecting your believes. I have various clients in their mid 30s who basicly have too much money and a mediocre quality of life. In fact, some of those are so desperate that they call a guy where someone said "Ask this guy about it and go to dinner with him. He helped me with something similar and maybe he can help you, too."
Determinating your status by how others see you? Kinda, but not quite. Status is way bigger than "Oh look at this guys clothes." - If I wear no suit coat, no tie and wear a hat at a party where everyone else followed the rule of "black tie" exactly and I'm a) somehow let in and b) able to behave as if nothing is weird at all, that would be a case where the perveiced status can skyrocket instantly. "Who is this guy? Who is he that he got in wearing THAT; - I got asked to change xy before I was let in." - Overdo it and you're a clown, do it right and you're the king of the evening.
The biggest part about conveying status is finding a story (whether real or fake) and conveying it in the most consistent way possible.
You might know full well "you are not your fucking khakis", but your neighbours, your parents, maybe your siblings even and certainly pretty much everyone who looks at you in the street only sees you for your khakis.
I never heard this expression before, but after googling "khakis" I think those might be my favorite pants (so go diaf if you think they're not cool). - If you wear something like that on the street, you might look like a bum. Add a pricey watch and decent shoes and you look like someone who doesn't have to care about shit like that.
If your neighbours laugh about your khakis but their house has half the size of yours and less cars next to it... they won't laugh about your fucking trousers.
...if someone says "lol that guy looks funny" and then that "funny guy" is somehow able to get the promqueen of the evening laughing and giggling (while the intial dude couldn't even look in her direction without being drunk), that's status. And the status, the ability to make beautiful women happy and attracted is what this should be about.
On January 12 2012 06:33 squattincassanova wrote: I think when you get initial success… you do feel like have this new shiny power… and a lot of guys feel validated for it. I know I was. I used to talk to some of my close co workers about my weekend adventures all the time. Yeah, I do brag about it but I think I am slowly heading over the phase. I hardly talk about it outside of pickup forums or this forum, or with my wingmen. Right now… when I meet a woman, I generally truly like her company and are attracted to them. Most of my lays, I try to keep the woman around. Now due to logistical reasons… some get boyfriends, some live far away, so the connection thins out over time… but if I pursued those girls again… most will come back..
The first few months going out, everything was great. Every night, I was happy to even have one good conversation or even one number. Literally, 20 weeks of just solid great feeling of going out. But as soon as I got success…the rollercoaster isn’t going up all the time. When you hit a plateaus or when you hit high points...you won’t always have a high point night after night. Especially when you get laid the night before and the next night gong out, you have a terrible night… it feels like shit. You feel like you should always be getting better and better but its not always like that. Some times, results are circumstantial. Maybe the night before that girl was already into you. So thus, getting the result that night wasn’t hard. But in your mind… you keep thinking; well last night I did it, why can’t I do it tonight? So the high point plus the sudden low point is really a shitty feeling.
To me, I think there are a few phases. I pretty much skipped over the first phase because I got results fairly fast but here they are.
1. If you are terrible, you will have many months in this terrible period of getting no results, and the girls give you negative reactions all the time. You are improving but you can’t tell from the results because you haven’t met this sort of threshold for women to start responding to you positively. A lot of guys quit here because the pain period is too hard to overcome. I would say over 90% of guys drop out here. (for me, this was about 2 months)
2. Once you get out of this, then going out becomes fun. Every night you get slightly better and you can feel it. Some times you get a good conversation, some times you get a number, and some times you get a kiss, this continues to dates and eventually a lay. (for me, this was another 2 months)
3. You get to a stage where you get laid once in a while but it’s usually through dates or lucky circumstances. Up to now, it’s all still straight uphill. (again, for me, this was 2-3 months)
4. Now you read a point where you are getting pretty decent lays, and you lose motivation. You get laid the night before you go out and man…your motivation drops like crazy. A lot of guys quit here as well… they either get girlfriends and are content, or they just go out looking for the easy lays from screening. (This is basically where I am stuck at right now)
5. Well, this is the last phase which takes guys from being "decent" to eventually Guru status. Its really forcing yourself to overcome the lack of motivation by forcing artificial motivation and scarcity. Basically cut off all your regular girls that you are seeing, stop masturbating lol, and doing your homework. At this point….its a major plateau and most people have to consciously identify sticking points and aggressively working on them. Most people aren’t disciplined to continue this path.
Just making a new post for this since, I have to admit (despite all my trashtalking here and there =P) your post quality in here has increased dramtically. The main "Ohgawdthisguyagain..." points are usually when stuff comes off as blatant "GIVE ME APPROVALPLZZZZ", but those seem to get more rare. <3
I agree with those phases (though I think they're not that clear cut). At least around here the new guys who had no prior experience AT ALL were like.. hm... 10% maybe. Most had girlfriends and wanted to learn how to actually get a good one (huehue), some had some kind of sexlife here and there but failed at girls they really liked (like, for me, like 2 times a year some girl thought I was cute, had fun with me and then dumped me once she realized I'm a pussy. =( ...) ... but the REAL hard cases are rather rare imoimo.
However, I saw most people stopping being active after their first 2-3 lays.
Personally, I stopped being aggressive about PU when I felt it was easy. "Easy" for me means I'm maybe not getting the #1 girl in the club, but #5 is still sexy as hell. No need to get the promqueen every night if you get one of her friends on a consistent basis whenever you want it.
Despite this I have to say... relationship is a whole different deal. I can't even imagine how hard it might be for someone who relied heavily on routines and patterns during his "pua career", since there are so many situations that just aren't standard, yet easily solved by a solid frame and self-confidence.
Also, whenever someone here is at the point of trying to get threesomes with "his" girl going without ruining the relationship, I think I can offer a tip or two. I always thought this is hard as fuck (ask a random girl you know if she'd agree to another women in bed while she's in a relationship), but it's basicly all about conveying the right values to her.
Went out with a semi natural 1- 3 set: I open with “what’s up guys, happy new years”. I say you look like a Paula and you look like Cynthia (I dunno, I pulled some random shit out of my ass). I bring in my buddy in right away. I told them where we worked and this was our playground since a lot of co workers hang out here. I asked them what they did for NY, they said they went to Vegas. I told them about my trip in Seattle. They told me they went to XS. I ask them how they know each other. I tried to guess but they answered for me. They told me they work at the hospital. I told them that’s the hospital I got my appendix removed. The 3rd girl told me her name was Ashley. I tell her every Ashley I know has blond hair but she looks Mexican. A lot of this is just back and forth guessing game. They guess Vietnamese for me but then I say, more like dumplings and eggrolls and they got Chinese. Blah blah, I talked about my work since they were all nurses. My wing is barely doing any talking. I tried to qualify them as a group….. I say, this is what 90% of the girls do in Temecula. Either a waitress, a hair stylist, a nanny. I think I am getting more solo with one of the girls. We started talking about her pants and her lip piercing, the stud. I told her I like it when its on the bottom, which she has, and the top looks like a booger. I shake her hand, and her hand was warm and I talk about how I am already not accustomed to the cold after living in Cali. Then my wing transitioned about hospital and he asked her what the craziest thing she’s done. I go into the routine about one is a good girl and one is the bad girl. Since they talked about going to Vegas, I told them when I went to the strip club for my uncles party, I told them the story about how strippers make up all their stories and how she wanted to be a nurse. Anyways, my fucking wing stops talking like he normally does. I call him out in front of the girls… I am like you are supposed to be the wingman, keep talking. They girls laugh at me yelling at him and bounce.
2- 2 set: I know both of these two girls. One is the black girl who is the friend of the Mexican girl I f-closed in August. She knows I was hitting on girls so I was kind of watching myself since I know she would tell on me. Oh and the girl was like… "I know you are fucking my friend. And you aren’t using condoms. Are you guys going to get married? You could make beautiful babies. I heard you are a dirty talker". I am like wtf is this shit. I texted my girl and I go how does your black friend know… since its all true lol. She tells me that she didn’t tell her anything so I guess she’s making it up. A lot of times I was just chilling with them.
3- 2 set: “whats up guys, you look like fun, I had to come meet you. But you look like you were in the middle of an interesting story… like she did this, and then you did that… and then you took a U-turn blah blah blah". Shes talking about her brother and his stories. I kind of just stood there lol listening on their story finding out an entry point to rejoin. As soon as I heard her brother was in the NFL, I interrupt and say…. “wait, your brother is in the NFL, then why are you guys in Temecula?”. So I am kind of into the conversation. Now it’s a 3 person conversation. She answers with her bf in Temecula and his brother went back to Fresno because that’s where the family are. Went on about Fresno and cow tipping and kind of making fun of her. Both their boyfriends were there. They were confident and didn’t really care. Two pretty big guys… didn’t really feel like pushing it. I ejected.
4- I go to my group of new co workers on rotational program. It was their first week. There were some other people sitting around the table. I talk to the girl. She ask my name, I say Jackie Chan. She says I can’t have that name. I am like why not? I say Chan is a very common last name. Shes like quit playing that shit. I ask them how they know each other. I tried to find what her interests were, shes pretty boring. She told me she lived here for 9 years and before, in northern California. She said she just knows these people since she moved here. She said she knew them from high school. She said she doesn’t like school. I am like “I guess you can’t date Asians”. Shes like “I guess not”. I say, you know what they say, “once you go yellow, you ditch that white fellow”. She says she doesn’t date white fellows either. I say, “substitute white for whatever guy you are dating”. LOL I quickly transition out of that shit since it apparently didn’t get a good response. I talk about my work and why I am in Temecula. My friends near me kept talking about work, I told them to talk about something else and talk about work on Monday. I ask her what she does; she says she doesn’t do anything and that shes on unemployment. I kind of made fun of the poorly dressed dude next to her…. It was her best friends husband. OOOPS lol.
5- 3 set: my two friends watch me approach. I open these 3 girls. And the new guy was like how do you fucking do it. I go… "it doesn’t matter what you say. I can fucking talk about salads if I wanted". So I started talking about salads to the 3 girls. They were laughing it up, but this whole time they heard me talking to my friends. Anyways, my friends stall and stopped talking. I look at them and say, you can’t stop talking….keep talking. The girls laughed and left.
6- 3 set: two girls standing there with a dull face. The other one was okay. I go in and said “you guys look like you could use some fun, I came to cheer you up”. Talk about new years and where I went. These chicks look like 12 year olds. Made fun of them. They were spitting out one word responses. I told them that it’s a club and that they need to relax. They said they were cold. I talk a little bit more to the older girl of the three. They said they know each other from high school. I say they still look like they are in high school. I told them I could relate to them and that I didn’t hit puberty till I was 22 and that I was super tiny. I ask them to tell me something interesting… cant find one thing. I say, you are 21, you cant find one thing that’s interesting? She’s like “I have too many”. She said she was really protected. Fuck this plowing. I say sarcastically “you guys are so social, how do you do it?! I can’t keep up with your amazing energy level” then I ejected.
7- 1 set. As soon as I turn around, I open “hi, I just turned around and here you were. I am mike”. Turns out her other friend is next to her, but a black dude was talking to her friend. I guess her nationality, she says she’s part Mexican, Italian, and a whole bunch of other shit. She has a fun personality but she’s chubby. Most Mexican chicks here are kind of chubby. Apparently shes 29, but a lot of girls are conscious about their age. If they are older, they always seem to bring it up. I was in this set for probably 30 to 60 minutes. We talked about a lot of topics. She was very enjoying our conversation but she was looking for her friends, sort of watching them. She had like 3-4 people in the group total. I look over, the black guy was doing really well. I told my girl that the black dude was doing really well. Shes like, actually hes not…. “He tried that shit on me but it didn’t work and hes trying on her”. The guy was kinoing very strong. And but the girl looked compliant. That’s why I thought he was doing really well. I talk to the other girl, but she said she didn’t really like him that much. Perhaps the guy was doing too much pull and not enough push. Funny the other girl was actually getting into me. She has nice lips. Me making fun of the black guy, she actually started liking my humor. We transitioned to the typical where you from what you do type questions. She told me she loves her family, I say most girls like their families. Shes like you don’t like your family? I say I do, but I grew up in a harsh environment and that it was very tough love. The conversation got into 50/50 and I was pretty on fire. Oh before I told them before that I was an ass model. We talked about what their favorite body part on a guy is. One girl says arms, and the other girl says the v-line. They ask me what I like… I say I like everything. She asks boobs or ass. I say can I get both? Shes like sure why not. I say I pretty much cant date asian girls then… I told them I dated more Latina girls. They are like why. I say they are more passionate and more chill and they have a great time anywhere. I say I go hiking times. She says she hikes with her sibling. She says she things she kind of has a nice booty. I say I can’t see, its kind of dark. Then I grab her ass. She screems and goes “wooooo”. I say its not bad… I like it. Shes like btw, I never normally let guys do that but since you are hilarious, its fine. I say, yeah… I am kind of a pervert… but in a non creepy way lol”. Shes like okay! Not sure how to take that. Shes like “are you trying to seduce me right now”. I say, “only if its working”. She tells me I am funny. Anyways, these two set went from a pretty long time. The black dude was somewhat in and out. I observed him and you can tell he wants to pull. That combined with my other black girl watching me….I kind of didn’t go for it. I put my arm around the fatty and the black girl saw me and she started laughing …. bahhhH!!! I kind of stopped, let my wingman get the fatty’s number since I pumped up her buying temperature. In retrospect…I should have gone for the other girl that that black girl was going for. Shes hotter. BUT, I am not sure how the fatty would have responded since most of the time I was talking to her.
My thoughts... getting laid the night before really kills your motivation. Having a friend of a girl you slept with is really annoying and sort of a distraction when you want to keep that girl around long term. Having guys what don't push sets is annoying. Perhaps I should just solo, I feel like I do much better initially just soloing.
Need to work on creating artificial scarcity and artificial motivation.... When another girl I know is around, try to isolate the girl I am with to as far as possible to the other side of the club so my kino is undetected.
1/07/2012 San Diego Gas Lamp District
1- I opened a 3 set. I go “you guys look like a fun… I saw you guys looking at something on the phone”. It was an Asian girl, a Mexican girl, and a white girl. I tell them they are a diverse group and the stupid Asian girl asks me if I have a lighter. I say no… and then she some how finds the lighter… is she stupid? How does she not know she carried one herself? She then yells in excitement that she found one inside of her and then they run off with mad ADD syndrome.
2- 2 set. I open these two girls. With a simple hey wants up, my name is Mike. She tells me her name is Sarah and the other girl is “K”. I go over some routine about how that’s really awesome and that she would totally kick ass in doing Scantron tests since she would save so much time not bubbling her last name. She told me it was her birthday recently. I say, is your birthday wish to find that Fabio. Then I went on a routine about how facebook record relationship statuses and how a lot of people get together before Valentines Day but near spring break is where most people break up. I ask her if her name is spelled with Sarah or Sara. I say all the cool girls spell it with Sara. Shes like no way, its spelled with an “H”. I am like well the ones that know how to cook are the “Saras” reference to Sara Lee. My wing’s set went to do something and my jackass wing goes into my set. He didn’t really take the attention from her but it was annoying. I told him, to keep talking and stalling the girl, and even if she leaves, don’t come to my set, go find another set. Don't fucking 2v1 my set.
3- 2-set. I jump into my other wings set and based on the position, I come from the back…. I try to isolate the girl as much as possible and talk to only one. So this is one of the questions I have...when I come in, should I engage the group, or when I come in, just come in subtly and open the other girl that’s on the side. Since I have more voice projection, I can feel the energy shifting towards me. So I kind of back out and try to only talk to the girl I am talking with and face away from my wings girl. Most of the time, my wings girl usually start gravitating towards me and I don't want to steal his set.
4- I open a 4-5 set. I say “whats up guys, I am mike, nice to meet you”. The brunette girl says “are you buying us drinks”. I say “maybe later”. I sort of ignore her and talk to the blonde next to me. I talk with her about new years. I ask them how they know each other, they are best friends, and then she works with some of the other people. I then tell the blonde, I can tell your friend is the trouble maker. The blonde goes to the girl “he thinks you are trouble maker”. “I imitate her “hi are you going to buy me a drink, and everyone else here’. Shes like if not, you need to leave. She tells me that I’m alright. I say I am mike, she tells me her name is Tatiana. I say tahts a dancers name and I ask her if she a good dancer. She says only on the weekend (opportunity to take it somewhere funny interesting here?). I say she has a hard exterior and that deep down she actually a really cool person. I ask her what her ethnicity. Shes like you got two ethnicities. I say Nigerian to purposefully say it wrong. I say she looks like a Latina. She’s like yeah, but you are too general. Then I say she’s Mexican, and she’s like yeah you got it right. Then I ask her what I am, and she guesses Chinese. I think I am rapport building mode since she came off so hard in the beginning and I talk about how Asians and Mexicans share the same blood. At this point, she walks away from me, through her friends, and to the other side of her friends, using her friends as wall (does this count as walking away? pursue or let it go? Leap into the middle of the set? Walk around re-engage? Pretend it didn't happen? Call her a pussy for being tough at first but then walking away?). Didn’t feel like pushing it and continue walking to the other side of her friends. BUT…. I saw her later on that night, as she walked away… she said “Bye Mike”. I don’t know how to interpret that. Why should would remember my name and say by to me if her body language was completely saying the opposite earlier in the set. I feel like this girl would be fun had the circumstances been different. I know shes got witty banter....
5- I opened a girl on the dance floor. She was dancing. I touch her shoulder, introduced myself… she started bumping and grinding on me almost instantly. She told me her name was Giselle, I miss heard. Anyways, she corrected me and told me it was French. I swear not hearing shit and making the girl repeat just kills the vibe. Shes in dancing ADD mode, but it was very sexual. I go with the flow and I guess I play safe game. Need to learn more dance floor moves. I need to be more aggressive…The mistake I feel like I made was I kept trying to talk on the dance floor and I think that killed myself. I think I should have just shut the fuck up, lead, and take control. She kind of walked off after a few minutes.
6- 6-8 set? Opened a big group by the couch. The hottest girl was obviously drunk, misheard or ignored me and kept on going into dance mode. But the ugly girl next to her started talking to me…its weird how I am semi distracted while I am looking the hot girl in ADD mode trying to find a way to get in and re-engage her, while having a boring conversation with the ugly fatty. Before you know it, one of the hot girl’s guy friends came in and they started dancing…. I ejected from the fatty.
7- 3 set: This was the longest set. It was 2 younger girls, and an older one. I open, and immediately notice the third one engaging in the conversation. This was the set that lasted over an hour. Calling things out has helped me a lot. I tell her immediately that I can tell shes the most social and outgoing of the group and I ask her what she does. She told me she does makeup at MAC. She told me that she did the make up for her two friends. In a joking manner, I asked her if she sold her cousins 50 bucks of items before she did their makeup (MAC does free makeup when girls buy 50$ worth of items), shes like hell yeah, nothing in life is free. I go, except the best ones… she agrees. It turns out they were her younger cousins. They were visiting from Bakersfield and she taking them out. She’s like 30 and the other two girls were like 21. I noticed two guys around them and one of the two other girls is seeing him, and the other guy was just his buddy. I am left soloing the blonde MAC girl. A girl who has a warm personality and is very social…. It is VERY easy for me to hook the set. Again, the girl is conscious of her age, she keeps telling me shes old. Shes 30 max, she told me she got the good stuff since shes a cosmetologist. Later on she told me she had a bf, he doesn’t want to be committed but she wants to stay with him. She also has two kids. She told me that rarely do white or Asian guys approach her, and she was joyfully surprised. Its usually Black guys and Persian guys who approach her. She told me not a lot of Asian guys have balls to do what I did. And she loves my wittiness and humor... mentioned it multiple times. We went on the dance floor danced but in the process, I got interrupted many times by her friends and friends of friends. Nonetheless, she always came back to me. I didn’t feel like pushing it. Didn’t bother getting her number although I am sure I could have. I was the one to eject. I basically said "where were you 5 years ago!?" She was like, "I was waiting for you!!". She told me to come visit her at the UTC MAC store. I told her that would be really creepy, that a random guy she met a club would just magically show up at her work on day. She insisted I did go visit her.... but whatever. We had a 10 second hug, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. Not sure what to think about this set. It was most definitely hooked... especially when a girl tells you multiple times she likes you. But again, she has 2 kids and a boyfriend that she is willing to wait and marry. Shes also baby sitting her other two younger sisters. In a situation like that... keep pushing? Try to hang out with her till the club closes, wait till her two younger cousins are safely home and then try to follow up with her?
I admire your tenacity as a troll. This topic is the 2nd best material that i am aware of up to this date, after - ofcourse- theroundearthsociety forum.
Background story. It was a 3 set. I was in isolation with the Egyptian girl and my friend was with the Mexican girl. And there was a third Persian girl who was hit up by random other guys so it worked out. They were from 1 hour away, so I wasn't able to pull the Egytian girl but I thought I would pull them to Denny's. I told them it wasn't safe to drive and that they should eat to sober up.
Anyways, the Persian chick was the toughest. I was in with my Egyptian girl but I like to joke around. The Persian girl was still a bit drunk at Denny's and I mentioned that a DUI costs around $10,000 and that if she got a ticket, she would never be able to see that guy shes been calling for the last 3 hours. She was literally on her phone 50% of the time at the club. She asks if I would drive her home, I responded, "Do I look like a taxi driver?" She was like "don't worry about it".
My white wingman friend (not a legit PUA, kind of just goes out with me some times) gets all butt hurt emotional and starts calling the girl off. He keeps telling her that I was just being concerned (which I wasn't really wasn't, I was just joking around like my usual self) and that basically she shouldn't be a dick. Then my friend said that she was not pretty enough to act like that and all of a sudden the situation got all awkward. I still want to get a day 2 with the Egyptian girl and I was trying my best to diffuse the situation and tried to make everyone laugh it off. It worked okay I guess. My friend actually ended up leaving the table and went home himself.
But yeah, I gave him a call and told him that he needs to not be so reactive like that. There are plenty of girls who act uncool and you have to keep your composure and act unaffected. You gotta be able to brush off comments, its not big deal. There are plenty of girls to talk to and when you wake up the next day, you won't even remember it.
I asked a co-worker out on a very simple date (a drink in a chill nearby bar). Unfortunately I couldn't do it face to face, because I didn't see her once and I had waited long enough. She refused indirectly, since there was going to be a rave at a club and she was going to be driving, though she said I should come too. I told her I'll see, if I can make it tomorrow and decided not to go and told her I'll contact her next week and see what we can do. She's asked me before what am I doing that weekend and then invited me to go to a party with her.
The reason I didn't go was because I've met her in previous parties unplanned and even though there was some spark between us in work etc. I just have no chance of isolating her or talking to her for anything more than a few minute small talk and partying for 8+ hours just for a small chance of getting a moment with her doesn't sound good. We both move with a group of friends. I can see what Chase means when he says he doesn't do party dates.
At the moment I'm kind of leaning on just moving on. I doubt she's blind enough not to get the meaning behind asking her out for a drink, but on the other hand these parties are kind of a big deal for both me and her, so it might be a genuine reason. For a moment I thought about telling her the truth and saying I just want to meet her alone, but if she's not interested it's gonna create a ton of awkward moments. She's a cool chick, but taking a dive like that considering how little we've interacted seems too much.
In the future I'm just gonna try setting up a real date faster. I probably fucked up this time by not doing it quickly enough. Still, I'm glad I asked her out, my old self would've probably never tried. It also made me view rejection less as a horrible thing. Next up I'm gonna try motivate myself to go out with the goal of cold approaching. I never specifically did that. Usually I just tried talking to some girls while out with my friends. I might also take a shot at online dating. I need to widen up my search more.
Yeah. Don't go direct at work. Its gotta be subtle. Like she can't call u to HR if you invite her to work happy hour or something very low key. But yeah. Attraction falls the longer a girl knows you if you haven't made something happen. She will soon put you in the friend zone. Looking back 90 percent of my lays happened less than a week from first meet. I personally would opt meeting her sooner over something awesome but 2 weeks later.
Welp, got a date today with the same chick I was talking about earlier. After reading about the three-strike rule Mark Manson talks about in Models I just decided to give it another shot. Not like I have anything to lose. She was way more responsive this time and even asked for my phone number. I gotta say that finding the courage to do shit sure feels good.
Sotamursu, in pickup the first 10 seconds is always the hardest. You will only regret the sets you never took the courage to do and you never regret the sets you actually do, even if they don't go as well as you hoped.