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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 29 2017 23:27 LemOn wrote: What do you think about that btw guys Is that a red flag? I agree with Farva
Morever, on the odd case a person is vegan simply for the nutritional aspect, they are also horribly misguided.
In what aspect do you think they are misguided?
What is iifym?
If it fits your macros. Basically eat whatever as long as you get your required proteins/carbs/fats.
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Netherlands6175 Posts
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On April 25 2017 01:11 LemOn wrote: Lol Waffelz where'd that come from :D He seems like a cool guy, I don't see anything wrong with him being friends with my gf, checking pulse on ribcage was innocent enough however dumb it sounds to me
I didn't say he's attracted to her just that that eventually happens in my experience, as long as he doesn't act on it it's all good. I think there's not an awesome girl in the world that wouldn't have guys swarming around her and guy friends that are attracted to her at some point etc. I studied human anamoty and physiology for a year. I cant, for the life of me, figure out what fucking blood vessel around the ribcage he is feeling for roflmao. He is a fucking genius for getting to feel up your gf roflmao.
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There are medical reasons to listen to someone's chest, they're just breath sounds rather than a pulse (and you usually do the back but the front can do). Had to do it for a practical lab during pharmacy school. Here's a vid.
That said, that honestly sounds like it comes straight out of a girlfriend cuckolding porn story.
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Well yeah at first i thought she was trolling for a long time Then told her how dumb that sounds, and you know, that I don't like that (lol) And then that I have to tell all the men there's girls that'll believe that :D
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Next he'll he rubbing your girl's nipples to check hydration levels or something
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he could just be feeling her heart pulse directly . . . not a blood vessel . . . it kind of makes sense
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shape of a boob might give a hint of the condition
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Iifym sounds like a fairly normal approach to dieting. Isn'tthat basically just the food pyramid idea that dieticians have been advocating, with minor changes, since the 70s or so?
My girlfriend is mostly vegetarian (mostly because she just doesn't like the taste) and has some other restrictions that can make meal planning challenging every now and then. But it's not something I can't work around and it works fine. If she was judgemental about what I ate, that would be a completely different story. I don't think a relationship with a vegan would last long. Either because she'd be sad about me unrepentantly murdering cows and octopuses for their yummy insides, or because I'd go on one of my rants about how dumb veganism is... whichever one came first :p
/Off topic rant
And for almost nobody is vegan a more healthy diet. Even if you're lactose intolerant and have a host of food allergies to other animal products, it's still better to get your proteins and minerals from the few things you can eat without swelling up like a balloon. If you're not doing it for ideological reasons, then have some cheese, eggs, fish, meat, or poultry instead of a handful of dietary supplement pills with every forkful of tofu.
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Right now, put your hand on your own chest under your pec. You should be able to feel a heartbeat unless you're overweight.
If you have an SO available you can also go try it with a boob in the way. You know, for science.
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What exactly is a balanced vegan diet missing but vitamin B12?
If you're stumbling over dietary choices in your relationship I think you should ponder about respect a little more. Arguments fueled by missionary zeal from either side are not healthy anyways. A reasonable discussion would be something else.
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Currently dating a vegetarian. thankfully she isn't judgmental.I can agree i don't think i could date someone who was vegan/vegetarian that become preachy about their views. Same goes for religion too. Vegan might be too much as well, cause damn do i like splitting ice creams, and i like my breakfast foods (eggs in particular).
She made dinner for me recently, said i could bring some meat to put on the meal if I wanted. I declined, not because i thought it would offend her if i did, but because i wanted to enjoy a meal that she made.
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Open question: how do others here in a stable relationship organize your finances? I earn significantly more than my significant other. When we were not strapped for money, we had a rather laissez-faire attitude towards our finances.. and we probably should have been paying more attention. But now we're back in Europe and probably long-term, and kinda looking at buying a house and generally more future-oriented. Was kinda wondering how others are juggling household expenses, saving for the future and free spending money.
What we just came up with is for each to put aside a proportional amount for household and savings. And the rest is free spending for each of us (includes many joint leisure expenses that I usually pay for, like meals in restaurants, but also individual expenses like books and games, gym membership, etc). I worry that because her salary is lower, even if all is proportional (and thus "fair"), she's still left with less money for free spending. On the other hand, I pay for most of our joint leisure activities and doubt that will change, so her free spending money should be good (we calculated our expenses and savings based on past months, and took our spending patterns into account).
How do other couples do this?
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So...first post on this forum since who knows when. Must be at least 5 years, if not more. Good to see this community still hasn't changed much and is basically still a place for civil discussion. Worth a lot in today's general online environment...
With that out of the way:
So, I've been with my ex for a little over 6 years, then we decided to end it not too recently (close to 2 months now, actually). We had some really good times, some bad ones, but in general we fit really well, except for a few things...which, ultimately, proved too much in the end. I'm still not completely over it (even though I initiated the break-up), not sure if I ever will, but it was the right decision, we both agreed on that.
Tried out Tinder myself for the first time (I only heard the name so far), had a few matches, had a few good talks, had a few bad ones, had some abrupt disappearences (y'know, when the other party just stops replying for some reason – comes with the culture of the app I guess, but I can't wrap my head around it), and now I'm meeting this girl Wednesday.
We seem to have a lot in common (interest, worldview, etc.) so things are looking up. Or, rather, were looking up until yesterday, when she met someone at a party and they hit it off pretty well (her words – extra points for honesty though, seriously, rare in my experience [my ex was like this as well, that's why it lasted as long as it did, I despise dishonesty]).
So now she's confused, not sure if it's even worth it to meet (she doesn't like to lead guys on, or have a competition for her, whatever, wants to focus on one person [her words...just like myself, so again, damnit]). We talked a little, and it seems we will meet anyway and see what happens...I mean, obviously I'm going into it without expectation even if this little sidetrack didn't happen, but still would've liked to see something develop, which seems a bit harder now. Oh well, Wednesday will decide
Not sure why I wrote all ^ here. Just needed to vent anonimously I think.
P.s.: just my 0.02, and obviously this is no gospel: do not settle, guys / girls, ever. Do not give up anything for your S/O. Obviously compromises are fine, but if you really want to do something that's about you, and your partner just can't let it slide, don't give in. You will end up unhappy and it won't be worth it in the long run, no matter how worthy your sacrifice may seem at first. You will always feel something is missing, and one day you will realize what it is: it's not about tailoring yourself so that your partner accepts you – it's about BEING yourself in the first place, and them liking who you really are. Only way to be truly happy imho.
/rant
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On May 01 2017 05:59 Naib wrote:So...first post on this forum since who knows when. Must be at least 5 years, if not more. Good to see this community still hasn't changed much and is basically still a place for civil discussion. Worth a lot in today's general online environment... With that out of the way: So, I've been with my ex for a little over 6 years, then we decided to end it not too recently (close to 2 months now, actually). We had some really good times, some bad ones, but in general we fit really well, except for a few things...which, ultimately, proved too much in the end. I'm still not completely over it (even though I initiated the break-up), not sure if I ever will, but it was the right decision, we both agreed on that. Tried out Tinder myself for the first time (I only heard the name so far), had a few matches, had a few good talks, had a few bad ones, had some abrupt disappearences (y'know, when the other party just stops replying for some reason – comes with the culture of the app I guess, but I can't wrap my head around it), and now I'm meeting this girl Wednesday. We seem to have a lot in common (interest, worldview, etc.) so things are looking up. Or, rather, were looking up until yesterday, when she met someone at a party and they hit it off pretty well (her words – extra points for honesty though, seriously, rare in my experience [my ex was like this as well, that's why it lasted as long as it did, I despise dishonesty]). So now she's confused, not sure if it's even worth it to meet (she doesn't like to lead guys on, or have a competition for her, whatever, wants to focus on one person [her words...just like myself, so again, damnit]). We talked a little, and it seems we will meet anyway and see what happens...I mean, obviously I'm going into it without expectation even if this little sidetrack didn't happen, but still would've liked to see something develop, which seems a bit harder now. Oh well, Wednesday will decide Not sure why I wrote all ^ here. Just needed to vent anonimously I think. P.s.: just my 0.02, and obviously this is no gospel: do not settle, guys / girls, ever. Do not give up anything for your S/O. Obviously compromises are fine, but if you really want to do something that's about you, and your partner just can't let it slide, don't give in. You will end up unhappy and it won't be worth it in the long run, no matter how worthy your sacrifice may seem at first. You will always feel something is missing, and one day you will realize what it is: it's not about tailoring yourself so that your partner accepts you – it's about BEING yourself in the first place, and them liking who you really are. Only way to be truly happy imho./rant i dunno. i feel the topic of the last paragraph is something that shouldnt be spoken in absolutes. how do you define compromise? people draw lines in different places and there are some cases where a compromise means just more than "ehh...i dont really wanna but ok". if you or your partner had something in plans for yourselves but carrying that plan out would potentially jeopardise the relationship, saying you should always do what you wanted for yourself is bad advice. a very common example of this is deciding to raise a child. typically when a child is born the mother invests more time into looking after the child and a common regret women have down the line is they "gave up their dreams/aspirations for the family". its a perfectly understandable sacrifice they made but it may have been necessary for the family. how could you speak in absolutes for scenarios like this and say the individual should always pursue what they wanted for themselves?
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women can have it all if they never compromise
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@evilfatsh1t I think you might have missed my point. If you make, as you say a sacrifice for raising a child, that's a common goal (and ideally imo it shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to sacrifice herself, but that's beside the point). I will try to give you a personal example. I've been for the most part of my adult life a poker player (a pretty succesful one even, by our country's standards). I like the game, I love the freedom, I like my job, wouldn't really give it up for anything at this point. Obviously, down the line the goal is to never have to play a hand again unless I want to, but I'm not there yet. Working on it super hard though. My ex could never understand this. For all our similarities, this was a huge difference between us, slowly driving a wedge inbetween, no matter how hard we tried working it out. It added extra daily pressure to an already pretty stressful line of work, and that never helps, easy to see why. If I just gave up poker and pursued something else, sure, it would've made her happy, but I would've been miserable (even if I did find something else I enjoy this much), and would have resented her for it every day.
These kinds of things are what I meant. Take pride in who you are and just find somebody who loves you the way you are. I guess it sounds pretty individualistic (maybe I am), but as I've said in the previous post, this is the conclusion I came to after a lot of soul-searching.
It's just me though – no guarantee it will work for everybody (hence the disclaimer). Fwiw, I am obviously not very happy atm (It has been 6 years and I had hoped it would be for life), but I know that now I have a chance for happiness. Because I am in tune with myself for the first time in my life, and that means the rest will work itself out.
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On May 01 2017 02:12 Acrofales wrote: Open question: how do others here in a stable relationship organize your finances? I earn significantly more than my significant other. When we were not strapped for money, we had a rather laissez-faire attitude towards our finances.. and we probably should have been paying more attention. But now we're back in Europe and probably long-term, and kinda looking at buying a house and generally more future-oriented. Was kinda wondering how others are juggling household expenses, saving for the future and free spending money.
What we just came up with is for each to put aside a proportional amount for household and savings. And the rest is free spending for each of us (includes many joint leisure expenses that I usually pay for, like meals in restaurants, but also individual expenses like books and games, gym membership, etc). I worry that because her salary is lower, even if all is proportional (and thus "fair"), she's still left with less money for free spending. On the other hand, I pay for most of our joint leisure activities and doubt that will change, so her free spending money should be good (we calculated our expenses and savings based on past months, and took our spending patterns into account).
How do other couples do this? I don't think this will be much help, but between my girlfriend and I, we commingle finances generally but still keep separate accounts. We have the good luck of having our purchase desires line up pretty evenly across the two of us, so we don't have much problem with someone spending too much or on things that one of us really doesn't want. We're also quite long term and both poor law students, so our eye is on eventual marriage/family starting and we don't have much between us. That said, I'll report back in a few years once I start making some actual money
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On May 01 2017 02:12 Acrofales wrote: Open question: how do others here in a stable relationship organize your finances? I earn significantly more than my significant other. When we were not strapped for money, we had a rather laissez-faire attitude towards our finances.. and we probably should have been paying more attention. But now we're back in Europe and probably long-term, and kinda looking at buying a house and generally more future-oriented. Was kinda wondering how others are juggling household expenses, saving for the future and free spending money.
What we just came up with is for each to put aside a proportional amount for household and savings. And the rest is free spending for each of us (includes many joint leisure expenses that I usually pay for, like meals in restaurants, but also individual expenses like books and games, gym membership, etc). I worry that because her salary is lower, even if all is proportional (and thus "fair"), she's still left with less money for free spending. On the other hand, I pay for most of our joint leisure activities and doubt that will change, so her free spending money should be good (we calculated our expenses and savings based on past months, and took our spending patterns into account).
How do other couples do this?
I think it largely depends on how far along the commitment road you are. For me it goes something like:
Step 1: Initial dating: By and large 50:50 split although if I invite out for dinner I'll pay. Step 2: Moving in together (renting): Share household costs proportionally (although in all likelihood 50:50 as Danish girls are rather insistent - luckily we earn the same). Slowly transition towards step 3: Step 3: Married/children/buying real estate: Fully shared economy and equal "free use" amount regardless of income.
EDIT: I realize this is not a one-size fits all. I also realize that some might buy apartment or house at step 2, however I think at that point you have to be fairly certain that you are long-term compatible and thus can fairly quickly move on to fully shared economy.
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+ Show Spoiler +This is more a rant than anything else so feel free to just skip it. I just have to vent a bit about my frustration with dating. You hear everywhere that university is one of the best phases in your life in terms of dating, which is probably true. It just hasn’t really worked for me so far though and realize I am getting a bit anxious because of it, because I feel like my chances will only get worse. The good part about this is, it led to me trying to change things up for a little over a year now, the bad pat is that it only made me realized how screwed I am. My biggest problem is, that I only seem to be really attracted to features you usually only discover after knowing someone for a bit and me in general not really relating to anyone unless there is some special reason for it or they really amaze me. I am now 27, attending university in a field with very few women, currently doing my bachelor thesis. Probably will go for my master degree right after this, so at least I got 2 more semesters. My hobbies also are either not really a great way to meet women: gaming, reading, extensive discussions about complex topics (which actually isn’t that bad for meeting women, more like being bad in general for meeting other people. It seems like there aren’t all that many people who enjoy discussions), I draw a little bit, am generally creative and I enjoy programming and everything around computers. The only expectation is probably that work out on a regular basis, though I am not enjoying it at all, I just need it to relieve stress. I also haven’t really seen women at the gym I go to since it is not really a casual one. So casually meeting girls on campus/through my hobby’s isn’t really working, but I already realized that during my first year. At first I tried to replace one of my hobbies with something else I might also enjoy but with a less male dominated audience, but wasn’t successful. I didn’t really manage to pick something up that didn’t made me miss the time I was missing out on my other hobby. I also tried to work out less/cut it completely but soon had to realize that this doesn’t really work. I don’t drink alcohol and don’t see the point in going out just to drink/eat something with friends but I tried it anyways. For a while I joined different friends/people I know, whenever they were going out over the weekend, which made me meet more people but overall it wasn’t successful. It is just something I can’t really relate to and even though I occasionally enjoyed it, overall I always had the distinct feeling of rather doing something else. I also often had great trouble connecting with other people I met that way. This might sound a bit condescending but while talking to them, a good chunk just made me feel like they just more or less where there because they didn’t really what else they could do. Which is a major turn off for me in every regard: people that don’t seem able to do something that is truly worthwhile (to them) with their time. I still occasionally join them, because you never know and also because they keep insisting. At least I am entertaining I guess. I also went to a bunch of events from faculties that have more women in it, but also without any real success. I even tried just randomly striking up conversations which proved to be rather difficult. Not in terms of opening the actual conversation, but rather choosing the other person. I really don’t care that much about appearance, or at least I believe so. So I just followed a simple routine, checking out if someone sticks out as somewhat special, either by their behaviour or how they dress/ the people they are with. If there is no one left that seems obviously interesting, just remove everything that repels you from the list and go by opportunity. This is probably the “casual dating” approach. My gripe with it is that of course people tend not to be totally open towards strangers. In the end I didn’t had any real success, I got some new friends but that’s it. One of my biggest annoyances was when I met someone that actually had some interesting hobbies or something like that, but they didn’t told me about it until very much later, at which time I already had written them off/already got bored. Or they get bored, since they got some expectations themselves and expected more than hanging out for a bit. I often read in here that it is important to get physical relatively fast and after my experiences I feel the same, at least when dealing with random hook-ups/causal dating. I tried it for a bit and definitely got better results in terms of it was much more often me who decided that it won’t lead to anything, but at the same time I wasn’t really comfortable with it. It didn’t have to force myself to do anything, but it was rather a case of not having anything against it then actually wanting it. So I ditched this attempt as well. The last thing I tried was dating apps where of course my more reserved approach in terms of physical contact got even more hindering, but overall it wasn’t a much worse experience than my other attempts. Though the competition is much higher, and even though I am pretty fit, my face is probably just average and I also don’t dress in any striking fashion. Previously I mostly banked on my character and charm which doesn’t really work if your supposed match never matches with you because there are simply physically more attractive people out there. Plus the expectations with those dating apps are often much different. Also I don’t really enjoy spending time with people that are very dependent on validation form outside and my experience so far told me that you seem more likely to meet people like that on these apps. This is also the only approach that I stopped pretty fast. While it was much easier and more efficient, it also seemed to yield the worst results and I felt like it was affecting my general attitude in a bad way. At this point I am trying to come to some form of conclusion to make this at least a bit constructive. I feel like my anxiousness isn’t all that unjustified, I will probably not be able to meet that much people that easy after university which I can spend lots of time in a casual fashion. Later on, university gets replaced by work and dating your colleagues seems like a bad idea. If everything goes smoothly, I will also be 29 then, and the fact that I really would like to have children makes me feel a bit more pressured as well. One big problem is that I am probably too picky but I don’t really know what to do about this. It’s not like I am dismissing people because of a certain trait, I am just rarely interested in someone. You could say it is hard to persuade me that you are worthwhile to pursue. The problem with being attracted to really awesome people is probably that they are really awesome so they have a lot of options to choose and there is a lot of competition. I am possibly just fishing way out of my league. Going at this from a perspective of “look, you are not really that awesome, so why don’t you just settle for something like X, it is probably the best you can do anyways” doesn’t seem very healthy though, plus it seem completely alien to me since as I said, I am not rating people and have a lower limit but idk. And with growing age, the chances that awesome people are still single only get smaller. Not really a helpful thought. I accepted that dating is a numbers game, to somewhat ensure success, you basically have to try a lot, but given my lack of success and discomfort with this approach makes this difficult as well. I know that there isn’t really anything bad about dating multiple women at once or multiple women in rapid succession, as long as you are open about it, but I never really felt comfortable while doing so. I felt like the person you are dating or semi-dating deserves more than you split attention. Idk, probably a bit too much idealism on my part but unfortunately something I not really seem able to change. The pool of people I get in contact with on a regular basis won’t grow so there isn’t really another alternative to casual dating, as long as I want to increase my chances. I guess I just have to ignore my discontent on this. Though this still leaves the problem that so far I never had any real motivation to pursue someone when coming from this angle. I probably try harder to replace one of my hobbies with something more social that I enjoy. As I said, I already tried though due to being very limited financially and timewise due to having to work while attending university, this was mostly limited to semester breaks, and even then there were a lot of financial limitations. At least that’s something that should improve after I finished my studies and therefore something that I should keep in mind. Going out more/socialize more: I don’t really like going out for the sake of it, though I was able to convince one of the groups I go out with to add a place with board games etc. to our regular locations. It is at least something that I enjoy most of the time and where I am able to meet people that seem more to my taste. Quite a lot of them have beards though, but it’s a start . Other than that I could probably try to propose other social activities / do some on my own. Not really having anything particular in my mind though, with lots of stuff like this it is a bit unfortunate that doing them solo doesn’t work quite as well. Like the board game place, sure you can go there on your own and usually find a group where you can join in but overall it is much better if you are with a group of people and then just merge with another group. Meeting more people with similar interests: This is pretty hard since most of my interests are not that social. The most social thing is probably gaming and programming, which both are meh in terms of dating / meeting people in general, at least when it comes to gaming. Programming works quite well for that, but only for a very special group. I also would like to add, that I am not depending on a relationship, even though it might appear otherwise due to my rant. I have a lot of stuff that I enjoy on my own or with friends but I would also really like to have a family at some point. And I also greatly enjoyed whenever I was in a relationship, which should always be the norm, but I was really enjoying every bit of it and it felt just natural to me. I know that I am really good at and feeling really well in the role of a partner and I greatly enjoy the feeling of supporting someone to excel. So far I was in 3 relationships which lasted over a year and which I would describe as serious and I take some pride in the way those ex-girlfriends speak about me/our relationship up to this day. It is not that I need a relationship to be happy, but I have come to realize that being in a relationship brings out some of my best qualities while also giving me some happiness that I so far wasn’t able to get anywhere else. To me it just seems like something really worth to achieve. And at the same time it greatly frustrates me, that most of the things my female friends complain about in terms of relationships/partners is stuff that I seem to be able to fulfil so seemingly without much effort. That and the annoying cliché of having a reputation of giving the best relationship advice in my group while also being single, even though this might be a bit exaggerated. Working on my fear of running out of time is currently probably the easiest and most realistic thing to do and avoiding to become desperate. In the long run I either have to find a way where I naturally come in contact with other people on a regular basis without any expectations or intentions and otherwise find a way to change some circumstances that made the attempts described above ineffective. And I guess while not having any success, at least it make me understand my perception of attraction in a better way and what definitely doesn’t work for me. So yeah, rants over.
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