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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco.
how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with?
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On September 01 2017 00:52 B.I.G. wrote: Well consider me educated. I honestly didn't expect it to be this abnormal amongst young adults living in Western countries. Or as Waffelz said, I might be guilty of projecting too much.
it's not that abnormal. consider that you are having this discussion on a gaming forum
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On September 01 2017 02:43 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco. how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with?
Do you know everyone you meet? Admittedly I don't know whether the old lady I helped out of the bus earlier today have had 50+ sexual partners. But I would also contest whether or not I actually know her.
Short answer though: 1. I know the number of sexual partners of all my friends because I grew up with them and we actually talk together 2. I know the rough number of partners and types of sex practiced by people I meet through my profession (so yes, I ask a large proportion of all the people I meet).
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On September 01 2017 02:48 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 00:52 B.I.G. wrote: Well consider me educated. I honestly didn't expect it to be this abnormal amongst young adults living in Western countries. Or as Waffelz said, I might be guilty of projecting too much. it's not that abnormal. consider that you are having this discussion on a gaming forum
How would you know? Have you monitored every living human for their average number of sex partners?
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On September 01 2017 03:12 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 02:48 IgnE wrote:On September 01 2017 00:52 B.I.G. wrote: Well consider me educated. I honestly didn't expect it to be this abnormal amongst young adults living in Western countries. Or as Waffelz said, I might be guilty of projecting too much. it's not that abnormal. consider that you are having this discussion on a gaming forum How would you know? Have you monitored every living human for their average number of sex partners?
i appreciate what you are trying to do here but thats not how it works in this instance. i know because i know of multiple counter examples. hence my qualified "not that abnormal" rather than presenting a box and whiskers chart for you
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On September 01 2017 03:15 IgnE wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 03:12 Ghostcom wrote:On September 01 2017 02:48 IgnE wrote:On September 01 2017 00:52 B.I.G. wrote: Well consider me educated. I honestly didn't expect it to be this abnormal amongst young adults living in Western countries. Or as Waffelz said, I might be guilty of projecting too much. it's not that abnormal. consider that you are having this discussion on a gaming forum How would you know? Have you monitored every living human for their average number of sex partners? i appreciate what you are trying to do here but thats not how it works in this instance. i know because i know of multiple counter examples. hence my qualified "not that abnormal" rather than presenting a box and whiskers chart for you
Just to be precise here: Your "qualified" "not that abnormal" relies on personal experience just like everyone else here? So in fact your statement is about as qualified as that of everyone else? consider that your sample is not representative.
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it doesn't to be representative. you were the one claiming the strong norm "i dont know anyone with a legit 50+ partners and i lived in san francisco [hence i met some pretty outrageous people]!"
im just saying, nah, not that abnormal. know multiple people with roughly 50 partners in their late 20s and early 30s. and i dont even live in san francisco.
wheres tmagpie to tell us about his friends w 200 partners each
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I love anecdotes when talking statistics, keep 'em coming bois. Let’s just agree that we either define "average"/"normal"/"abnormal" to mean something subjective, completely removed from the mathematical / statistical term, or we should start to put out actual trustworthy statistics. Or we just move on. I feel like we are at a dead end and it can only go downhill from here.
I also love when the gamer stereotype comes up in gaming forums... "You see, we are in a gaming forum, so naturally most people here fit the cliché. Not me though, I am an individual"
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I'm fine with moving on, but just for the reference:
I don't consider the people I've met outrageous. I consider some of them rather promiscuous, but therein lies no judgement. You do you etc.
Also: QFT
On September 01 2017 03:32 waffelz wrote: I also love when the gamer stereotype comes up in gaming forums... "You see, we are in a gaming forum, so naturally most people here fit the cliché. Not me though, I am an individual"
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On September 01 2017 03:11 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 02:43 IgnE wrote:On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco. how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with? Do you know everyone you meet? Admittedly I don't know whether the old lady I helped out of the bus earlier today have had 50+ sexual partners. But I would also contest whether or not I actually know her. Short answer though: 1. I know the number of sexual partners of all my friends because I grew up with them and we actually talk together 2. I know the rough number of partners and types of sex practiced by people I meet through my profession (so yes, I ask a large proportion of all the people I meet). Number 2: wait, what?
I mean, I roughly know what my work friends are into, but that would be item (1), although we didn't grow up together. But I have absolutely no clue about the sex life of my general work-related acquaintances, nor do I have any interest in it either. It just seems like a really strange conversation for a workplace (unless you work in porn, I guess?)
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On September 01 2017 18:56 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 03:11 Ghostcom wrote:On September 01 2017 02:43 IgnE wrote:On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco. how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with? Do you know everyone you meet? Admittedly I don't know whether the old lady I helped out of the bus earlier today have had 50+ sexual partners. But I would also contest whether or not I actually know her. Short answer though: 1. I know the number of sexual partners of all my friends because I grew up with them and we actually talk together 2. I know the rough number of partners and types of sex practiced by people I meet through my profession (so yes, I ask a large proportion of all the people I meet). Number 2: wait, what? I mean, I roughly know what my work friends are into, but that would be item (1), although we didn't grow up together. But I have absolutely no clue about the sex life of my general work-related acquaintances, nor do I have any interest in it either. It just seems like a really strange conversation for a workplace (unless you work in porn, I guess?)
He didn't talk about his colleagues, I think. And in a lot of medical fields this information is asked for.
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On September 01 2017 18:56 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 03:11 Ghostcom wrote:On September 01 2017 02:43 IgnE wrote:On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco. how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with? Do you know everyone you meet? Admittedly I don't know whether the old lady I helped out of the bus earlier today have had 50+ sexual partners. But I would also contest whether or not I actually know her. Short answer though: 1. I know the number of sexual partners of all my friends because I grew up with them and we actually talk together 2. I know the rough number of partners and types of sex practiced by people I meet through my profession (so yes, I ask a large proportion of all the people I meet). Number 2: wait, what? I mean, I roughly know what my work friends are into, but that would be item (1), although we didn't grow up together. But I have absolutely no clue about the sex life of my general work-related acquaintances, nor do I have any interest in it either. It just seems like a really strange conversation for a workplace (unless you work in porn, I guess?)
I'm a doctor and I was talking about my patients
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On September 01 2017 19:14 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 18:56 Acrofales wrote:On September 01 2017 03:11 Ghostcom wrote:On September 01 2017 02:43 IgnE wrote:On August 31 2017 19:00 Ghostcom wrote: I know literally no one who has legitimately had 50-100 sexual partners. And I've lived in The Castro in San Francisco. how would you know? are you asking everyone you meet how many people they've slept with? Do you know everyone you meet? Admittedly I don't know whether the old lady I helped out of the bus earlier today have had 50+ sexual partners. But I would also contest whether or not I actually know her. Short answer though: 1. I know the number of sexual partners of all my friends because I grew up with them and we actually talk together 2. I know the rough number of partners and types of sex practiced by people I meet through my profession (so yes, I ask a large proportion of all the people I meet). Number 2: wait, what? I mean, I roughly know what my work friends are into, but that would be item (1), although we didn't grow up together. But I have absolutely no clue about the sex life of my general work-related acquaintances, nor do I have any interest in it either. It just seems like a really strange conversation for a workplace (unless you work in porn, I guess?) I'm a doctor and I was talking about my patients Ah. /facepalm
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On September 01 2017 19:14 Ghostcom wrote:I'm a doctor and I was talking about my patients
...you can't have a doctor’s degree in voyeurism Ghostcom, what you are talking about is being a convicted felon. And actually, it is 'victims', not 'patients'.
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So my new fuckbuddy is still talking to her ex. Her ex was very much in love and still is. I told her that she should do him a favor and just cut him off. She was like "Yeah but it's hard.". I told her that it was just a matter of time before he breaks down and begs her to come back and she told me that he already does it almost every day.
I won't nag on her to stop talking since I doubt it will help. However, it isn't just me that thinks it's morally wrong to keep contact in this kind of situation?
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On September 01 2017 19:55 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2017 19:14 Ghostcom wrote:I'm a doctor and I was talking about my patients ...you can't have a doctor’s degree in voyeurism Ghostcom, what you are talking about is being a convicted felon. And actually, it is 'victims', not 'patients'.
I'm most certainly not convicted...
On September 01 2017 20:28 bloodwhore~ wrote: So my new fuckbuddy is still talking to her ex. Her ex was very much in love and still is. I told her that she should do him a favor and just cut him off. She was like "Yeah but it's hard.". I told her that it was just a matter of time before he breaks down and begs her to come back and she told me that he already does it almost every day.
I won't nag on her to stop talking since I doubt it will help. However, it isn't just me that thinks it's morally wrong to keep contact in this kind of situation?
It is 100% morally wrong in this kind of situation imo. Stringing people along is never okay.
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People have the hardest time cutting people off man. My girlfriend has two other friends that are/were in the shittiest relationships. One is being emotionally abused more or less and the other (she finally cut the knot) was with someone extremely childish and a tad unfaithful. It was insane how long I had/have to hear stories about these issues without them being able to make a decision about moving on. I don't want to say that love is blind, per se, but I do want to say that emotional attachment is something people crave and losing it is often more difficult for people than being stuck in a failing relationship.
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Being able to understand people's hesitation cutting those ties doesn't make holding onto them less morally questionable if you're on the safe side of the relationship.
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I guess, but it does add more nuance into why people don't just cut contact entirely. There's a history, there's emotional investment, there's power, there's vindication, there's baggage. Maybe she's a cunt, maybe he was a cunt, who knows. It also kind of shows how mature someone is IF they understand the situation AND they have completely cut with their past AND aren't willing to act on it responsibly.
I don't think begging exes even slightly belong in the conversations of fuckbuddies. It makes the entire deal more complex than it needs to be.
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Am I the only one who feels that this thread should be limited to the problems of the TL'ers posting here?
I always feel like it is rather strange, arrogant and certainly not doing people justice by talking about them unasked on such rather personal matters. But it is a rather common occurence here, it feels, to talk about what people should do who aren't even present in this thread or how they are doing it wrong.
And in the end people are as they are. And especially when it was already tried if they would change, and it was clear that they won't, imho this should be considered as fixed part of their personality. So asking "Is she wrong to do that" "What should she do(even though she didnt ask me this question and already made clear what she is doing)" feels useless and out of place. So this leaves "What should I do, given that she is as described." because thats what the person posting here can actually affect.
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