-=The Probe That Couldn't=-(Because he was a noob

0wNaG3- July 06 2004 20:25. Posts 333

One day, a Protoss base got attacked by the Zerg. The attack was stopped but two lurkers slipped past and burrowed themselves near the mineral line, spiking and destroying 5 probes before the army could kill them off.

The good news was that the Zerg had been destroyed. The bad news, the Protoss were at a loss for probes. Assembly quickly started on five new probes. The fifth probe to be rolled out of the Nexus production line was Peter. Peter opened his metallic eyes and beeped as he was shoved out of the nexus to collect minerals for the Protoss.

Peter did his work diligently, never stopping to beep to the other probes to talk about the weather or to gossip. In fact, Peter gathered in more than 3000 worth of minerals in just one day, more than the average. One day, another Zerg attack came. This time, the Protoss army was ready. It started slaughtering the Zerg attack but the Zerg, seeing that the toss were noobs and didnt have zealots holding there positions at there ramp, ran four zerglings to the mineral line in a last ditch tactic to do some more damage.

Peter's robot mind knew what to do. Zerglings were classified as a yellow threat, not off limits to attack but not recommended either. A nearby zealot was rushing back from the front lines to help the probes but the zerglings had already arrived, and the protoss commander was too retarded to get speed upgrade. Peter beeped to himself "I know I can, I know I can" and swerved to attack the four zerglings.

This act of gosuness encouraged all the probes to attack the zerglings as well. "I know I can, I know I can" Peter beeped as he attacked the zerglings. With the help of three other probes, Peter quickly killed one zergling, which was to retarded to attack with the other three. He turned around and killed another instantly, which was already damaged from the earlier battle, which had not healed for some reason. The third attacked Peter but not for long, five probes quickly ownd it. The fourth one jumped on Peter and continued the attack. Peter tried very hard to fight the zergling off, but was too noobish and only managed to get it down to less than half its health before Peter was just one hit away from dying.

Peter closed his eyes and prepared for his death. Suddenly, blood flew onto his robot body. He opened his eyes and saw that the nearby zealot, had reached the mineral line and destroyed the Zergling just in the nick of time. Peter beeped enthusiastically. "Go back to mining" the commander said telephathically from where ever he was. Peter went back to mining and was doing very well when he heard the voice of the Protoss commander inside his head. "Come here" said the Protoss commander.

The commander was a huge zealot and was in control of the base here. Peter went to him hurredly and beeped. "You are a noob Probe, dont ever try to be a gosu Probe again. We are attacking the Zerg to wipe them out once and for all, you make sure to mine another 3000 minerals in one day, so when my army dies, I can macro and rebuild another." said the Commander telepathically.

Peter beeped and watched as six shuttles flew into view. The Protoss army boarded the shuttles one by one. Peter, wanted to prove how gosu he was, so he jumped onto the same shuttle as the commander sat next to the him, hesitant to leave his side. The shuttles flew to the Zerg base. On the way, the Commander briefed the entire army telepathically. "We are planning to take out the Zerg cerebrate, the Zerg have only one of it and without this cerebrate they would be utterly devastated and unable to grow or create any new threats to us.

The plan is for the High Templars to storm the enemy army and make a hole for our zealots and dragoons to go through. The bulk of our army will head straight for the Hive, quickly destroying it and ending the Zerg presence here. Without the Cerebrate the Zerg will collapse"

A few minutes later, the shuttle slowed down. "GET READY! EN TARO ADUN!" The Commander ordered for the hightemplars to be instantly dropped first down to the ground. Peter quickly looked around just as he landed. They were surrounded by Zerg! The shuttle had dropped them in the middle of a huge ring of Zerg! "YOU HACKER" said the commander angrily "YOU KNEW WE WERE COMING!" The High templars were ownd because the zerg attacked them first.

Peter saw 8 Dark templars land next to him, only 7 ran for the Cerebrate, the other just stood there doing nothing "the commander isnt using a Ktec 6500" thought Peter. Peter and the majority of the Protoss army reached the Cerebrate and started attacking the near by zerg units, giving cover for the Dark templars as they slashed away at it. The cerebrate was down to 300 life, then 200 life, then 50 life. "I know I can, I know I can" said Peter as he attacked the cerebrate with his little laser thingy "Only Dark templars can kill cerebrates you noob" said a Dark tamplar moments before he was ownd by a mutalisk which was then ownd by a dragoon, which was then ownd by a zergling, which then charged towards peter. The Cerebrate was about to die when the Zerg army finally organized and trapped the Protoss owning all the remaining Dark templars.

"FORGET IT, WE'RE ALL GOING TO GET OWND IF WE DON'T GET OUT OF HERE!" messaged the Commander. The shuttles came back in and picked up the Protoss army. A nearby shuttle beeped for Peter. "HEY PROBE, MOVE IT, LETS GO" said the Protoss Commander as the Zerg army approached ever nearer.

The Cerebrate was so close to dying! "I know I can, I know I can" Peter beeped, and kept attacking the Cerebrate diligently. "You NOOB, MOVE!". The shuttle was now just seconds away from being overran by the Zerg. "Goddamn it" sighed the Commander as the shuttle lifted off the ground and flew away, just moments before before being destroyed.

Peter, not even noticing, continued to attack the Cerebrate. "I know I can, I know I can". The zergling reached peter and started owning him. Peter didn't even notice and kept attacking. "I know I can, I know I can". The zergling ripped part after part of Peter's body and was about to strike the last blow when suddenly, a huge burst of blood, guts, and muscle tissue flew everywhere, the zergling had died. But then a hydralisk spine hit peter and he exploded and died.

The End

Last edit: 2004-07-06 20:34:40

AKA: frEeLoSS

dsh United States. July 06 2004 20:30. Posts 879

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wow, u must have been bored...

Talith United States. July 06 2004 20:30. Posts 1102

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lmao, nice

http://www.facebook.com/tothecosmos

0wNaG3- July 06 2004 20:31. Posts 333

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On July 06 2004 20:30 dsh wrote:
wow, u must have been bored...

Im waiting for my email from gamerluxury @_@

AKA: frEeLoSS

NHV.SquaLL Spain. July 06 2004 20:37. Posts 47

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Thx Ownag3, when I started to read I thought wtf is this? but I couldn't stop of reading even the final. Good job, the story is very nice^^

Ack1027 United States. July 06 2004 20:39. Posts 6129

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That was pure art~

[ TL's #1 Boxer fan since '04 ]

FakeSteve[TPR] Valhalla. July 06 2004 20:42. Posts 16536

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Timmy the Lurker is way better than this shit

Resident League of Legends & Street Fighter guru - " I know alot of words including tabernacle." - FuDDx ~~~ vrok, newest FakeSteve Fan Club member (55)!

0wNaG3- July 06 2004 20:43. Posts 333

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I never read timmy the lurker. I read the lame Thomas the probe though. :/

AKA: frEeLoSS

Suicide United States. July 06 2004 20:44. Posts 469

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Replace Protoss with Terran, Probe with SCV/Nuke Silo, and maybe you can explain what happened to me in this game. No I didn't edit the picture. That would take far to much work and considering my best image editing software is paint... forget that.

Life drags on

Ack1027 United States. July 06 2004 20:45. Posts 6129

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Holy shit wtf!!!!

[ TL's #1 Boxer fan since '04 ]