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 ReTr0[p.S] United States. November 01 2005 18:32. Posts 1202 | Profile |
geez i dont know you --v
"shooting bows"
Akakka wtf is that!Last edit: 2005-11-01 18:33:55 |
| | Quotes are a waste of time |
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 FrozenArbiter Sweden. November 01 2005 18:42. Posts 26836 | Profile Blog |
On November 01 2005 18:26 IntoTheWow wrote:i got another one, but its pretty sick.  and this is sick enought.
POST. |
| | tell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey |
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 IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:51. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
Jessie could never understand why, but she was extremely fascinated by Penis...
She was just 7, but already found herself masturbating with phallic objects.
Ever since she caught a glimpse of her father taking a piss, she knew that penis was her delicacy.
Granted, she was unable to bring herself to orgasm, the dumb little bitch, but it felt so good.
After so long, she decided fake plastic objects and wooden chair legs just weren't doing it for her. She needed something real. But who was crazy enough to fill her with what she needed?
Jessie sat, pouting, watching ABC Family with her mother. Full House began playing.
"That's it!" Jessie squealed.
Bob Saget. He was around little girls all the time. He had to have fucked at least one, she thought.
Thusly Jessie began her quest to find Mr.Fage-erm, Saget.
It didn't take long. He was found at the local Kids' Country daycare center. How did she get there?
She took a fucking bus.
"Hello Mr.Saget!" Jessie said happily.
"Why hello there little girl, what's your name?"
"The best fuck you've had in years."
"What?"
"Let's cut to the chase mister, I wanna get fucked, you're a fucking pedophile. So let's go to the changing room and get this over with, capiche'?"
"Now listen you, don't sass me like that. When I was Mr.Tanner my girls never gave me any backtalk. I think I'll have to give you a spanking."
Bob picked her up and carried her to the changing room.
"Nice lead, Bob. Now, how 'bout you tear me up?"
Quickly, Saget pulled her pants off, and slid his hands into her panties, slowly pulling them down off her legs.
After taking out his own genitalia, he lined up his less-than-average-sized penis with Jessie's tiny hole and plunged in.
Too bad Jessie was so small. It tore her in half. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:51. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
"OH SHIT!" Saget yelled. "This is Ashley Olson all over again!"
*flashback!*
Little Ashley Olson had recently turned seven. And for a birthday present, Bob had the best idea. He'd tear her cherry open. But...he didn't think he'd tear her entire body open. Miscalculation.
"Ashley, dear, would you please come to my dressing room. There's a scene I'd like to discuss."
They thought nothing of this. Saget was such a nice man. No-one thought he'd aspire to fuck the little girl.
"Miss Olson, there's a scene we need to rehearse. It's in an upcoming episode - Michelle Gets Laid."
"What's get laid mean, Mr.Bobby?" she asked innocently.
"Well...how bout I show you? I promise it'll feel good."
"Okay! That sounds fun!"
The little girl had no idea...
Bob slid her little pink shirt off her head. "Mr.Bobby, what're you doing!?"
"Well, this is how you get laid."
"O-okay..."
After that, he unzipped and pulled off her cute skirt. And finally, he slid off the white cotton panties covering her tiny virgin vagina.
"W-what's going on...? You're looking at my private parts..."
"Just go along with it, Ashley. It's how it's done.."
"Okay, Mr.Bobby...I trust you..."
Saget disrobed, and prepared to enter her. He thrust in...
Too bad Ashley was so small. It tore her in half.
"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!" he yelled. "I fucked up!"
He had to find a way to take care of this. So, he went to talk to his good friend, Mr. T.
"Mr. T, I killed a little girl while fucking her. What do I do, man?"
"I PITY DA FOO' WHO FIRGIT DA LUBE!"
"Seriously T, how can I not spend the rest of my life taking it in the ass from big burly men named Molly?"
"CLONIN' DAWG! I PITY DA FOO' WHO DON' GET TO DA CHOPPA!...AND TAKE IT TO DA LAB!!"
"Excellent idea, Mr. T!"
In the dead of night, Bob crept up into Mary-Kate Olson's room and kidnapped her.
But then, the predators attacked!
"OH SHIT! GET TO DA CHOPPA!"
Cradling the girl in his arms, Saget dashed to the helicopter, already slowly hovering in the air, blades spinning furiously.
They just barely made it.
Dr. Eyepatch's Lab - 2:54 am
"Dr. Eyepatch! Dr. Eyepatch!"
The large TV at the center of the room turned on. "Ah...Mr.Faget. What can I d-d-do for you?"
"Erm...Saget, Doctor. Please, I need you to clone this little girl."
"For a p-p-price, Mr. F-f-faget."
"Okay, okay...I'll blow the dog later. Please, just do this for me."
Thusly the day was saved. Except for in the present. Cause Bob stilled had a dead little girl enveloping his penis. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:52. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
"Goddamn, I gotta get this off - but, it's still so tight..."
Forgetting about the entrails sliding off the changing table, he continued to fuck the little dead Jessie, not noticing the woman walking in.
"Oh...oh my god....what the hell are you doing to her!?"
"Ah...wait, it's not what it -"
Quickly the woman pulled out her cell and dialed 911.
Bob was able to kill her by suffocating her inside Jessie's torn-up stomach, but not before she got the police ready.
"Bloody hell...it's time to strap up in this bitch. SAGETEERS! GO!"
Suddenly, Joey, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and Becky appeared.
"GIRTH!"
"NIGER!"
"GRINNED!"
"littler girls are HOTTER!"
"FART!"
In a blinding flash of light, Bob was encased in a suit of Mjolner armor, and in his hands were two submachine guns.
"Thanks, guys. There's a vibrator in your cookie jars later."
He emerged on the roof as the police arrived. "You Five-0 motherfuckers won't take me alive! DIE!"
He lobbed a grenade down, sending a squad car flying into the nearby 7/11.
Bullets shot upward at the pedophile actor, but they barely scratched his armor.
"It's no use, sir! He's a master! A fucking chief with weapons!"
"Keep shooting! My son plays XBox! He has no health once you knock his shields down!"
"Yes, sir!"
The squad continued firing, being picked off one by one by the rain of bullets.
"Shitshitshit!" A cop yelled, struggling to escape the bulletstorm behind him, slowly closing the gap.
"If I can just make it behind that - agh!"
Shots erupted out his chest, blood flying in every direction.
"That's it..." The sheriff said grimly. "You're goin' down. CALL IN THE CARRIERS!"
"The carriers!?" Saget exclaimed. "Oh, shit!"
Even he was no match for carriers. But he had to try.
He quickly switched to his rocket launcher and fired at the incoming stampede of carriers.
"Instant win" they all chattered coldly, again and again.
"Instant win" "Instant win" Instant win"
The sound kept getting closer.
Saget leapt from the roof as the building exploded.
"No fall damage! HAH!"
He landed, quickly switching to his shotgun and firing into the crowd of police.
The police were all dead. He was safe...wasn't he?
"Weren't expecting me, were you...Danny?"
He turned.
"A...Ashley!?"
"I'm not Ashley. I'm just....just Mary-Kate...I know what happened. You tried to erase my memory. But I checked Dr.Eyepatch's files when I began to suspect. And it's true, isn't it!? I'm just a clone!"
"Ashley, wait, I-"
"Shut up, Bob! Just shut up! I'm tired of all the lies! I don't have a past! Those memories are lies! I don't have a past! But...you don't have a future!"
She pulled out a rocket launcher.
"You fool! At point blank range!? You'll kill us both!!"
"No...I'll only kill you. I was never alive to begin with."
She fired. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:52. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
Epilogue (Because every good story needs one)
The mayor sat at his desk, reviewing the day's report.
"Horrendous," he remarked. "In our beautiful city? Just horrendous. But, what can you expect form retired sitcom stars? They lived out a life on TV. Maybe they're still stuck in that life? Without real consequences? What kind of mindset are they put in? Will we ever know?"
The speaker on his desk blared forth with the voice of a secretary. "Sir, your 5 o'clock is here."
"Ah, my daughter? Send her in."
The mayor's daughter, Becky, was a mere 9 years old, but oh so cute. She had just returned from school.
"Becky, how was school?"
"Fine, daddy. How was work?"
"Very boring without you. I'm extremely hard, baby."
"Daddy, I had mexican for lunch..."
"If you have to fart, fine. But I swear to god, if you shit on my dick..."
"I know daddy, 40 lashes of your dick on my cheek."
"Good. Take those pants off."
The End |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 KOFgokuon United States. November 01 2005 18:57. Posts 8011 | Profile Blog |
| where the hell do you get this stuff haha |
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 Ha.cK United States. November 01 2005 19:03. Posts 263 | Profile | |
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 PaeZ Mexico. November 01 2005 19:49. Posts 1503 | Profile | |
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 rpf289 United States. November 01 2005 19:51. Posts 3524 | Profile |
Worst smut ever. I've read better.
p.s. I wish I lived in Argentina. |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 19:57. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog | |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 SS-guy United States. November 01 2005 19:59. Posts 1427 | Profile |
| lol here it started raining at 5oclock and didnt stop til 12 so no trick or treaters were outside at all... |
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 OverTheUnder United States. November 01 2005 20:03. Posts 2871 | Profile Blog |
"SAGETEERS! GO!"
hahahahahahaha
you fucking ruleT_T |
| | Honor would be taking it up the ass and curing all diseases, damn how stupid can people get. -baal http://puertoricanbw.ytmnd.com/ |
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 Refrain[FriZ] Canada. November 01 2005 20:13. Posts 4334 | Profile |
HOLLY MOTHERFUCKER
WRITE MORE
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 20:28. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
Last one is not mine. Im not sick enought to write that with that formatting  |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 kimseongchan Korea (South). November 01 2005 20:47. Posts 733 | Profile |
| omg.. most random/perverted stuff i read.. cept maybe the stuff on asstr.org i read a year or two ago |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 20:53. Posts 25193 | Profile Blog |
Okay, so my cousin is almost 17, but lives in Hong Kong, so no bootay for me usually...
BUT, I got her email and started talking to her on MSN not long ago, and we really hit it off. About two weeks ago, her and her family finally hopped on a flight here to see the rest of the family, since it had been about 4 years since they last saw each other.
Things were going good, and I managed to take her out a few nights, and last night... we were on the sofa in my house, watching a movie, talking a bit, pretty normal stuff. Eventually the conversation turns to sex and we both admit we aren't virgins, and there's a silence. Suddenly she gets this look in her eye and pushes me back onto the sofa, gets on top....and then she did the mash...
.
.
.
She did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
She did the mash
It caught on in a flash
She did the mash
She did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 Sfydjklm November 01 2005 21:00. Posts 5029 | Profile Blog |
Hahaha good shit=)
She probably had AIDS!:O
OMG more stories=D <3Last edit: 2005-11-01 21:02:45 |
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| camooT United States. November 01 2005 21:05. Posts 1354 | Profile | |
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| OppositeDay United States. November 01 2005 21:09. Posts 51 | Profile | |
| | Live for something.. Or die for nothing |
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