 IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 14:08. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
This is 100% real. Sorry if it's a wall of text...
My parents are away somewhere, and I'm alone at my house giving out the candy. Not many comeby, I'd say it's a bit less than average this time of year. I was multitasking during that time too: playing video games, watching the movies, eating dinner and candies.
So at around 8:30PM, my door bell rang. Well, obviously it was gonna be people who wanted candy. So I got off the couch, and slowly got to the door. I opened the door, and behold, I saw two three hot girls. I didn't know any of them.
One was dressed as a dark angel, similar to Jessica Alba's "Dark Angel". She has brunette hair, a nice tan, nice breasts and was very cute. Fucking hot. The other, looked like a typical blond, a bit cute I guess. She was dressed up as a bunny. The last one wasn't really dressed, but did have a weird hair style. Can't remember much about that last girl, but that's not important.
From the looks of them, they looked like they were around 14-16 years old. So I asked them old they were. The cute brunette responded "We're all 15 years old" (I'm 17 by the way). So then I asked them, "Aren't you girls a bit too old for trick or treating?". They all giggled. The blond then responded "We're just having some fun and want candy". Then quickly after, the brunette said to me in the sweetest, most cutest voice "You're kind of cute. I would like to give you a trick of treat of my own".
I was stunned. I don't know what she was gonna do...I was predicting that she'd flash her tits. She then told her friends that she'll meet them back at the blond's house, as my house was the last one (done for halloween).
She then steps into my house, giggles, and starts trying to touch my cock with her hands. I was wearing jeans at that time. I asked her "Do you know me?". She just said "It doesn't matter". She then asked if anyone was home, and I told her that my parents won't be here until 11. She starts touching my cock again, and slowly pulls down on my jeans after unbuttoning the button. My erection started just before she pull them down.
She began sucking on it, very hard. She also commented on my cock. I was thinking to myself "A hot chick sucking my cock, can it get any better?". Oh man, I can still feel it now, so good. I did have some pre-cum, and she swallowed it. She absolutely enjoyed my cock. I still can't believe this happened...
After awhile, I told her I was about to come. She told me to direct it in her mouth (NOT a facial like in porn movies). So I did, and it went directly to her throat. She swallowed it all. She still continued to lick my whole dick, and made it nice.
I asked her for my phone number, and then she gave it to me. I told her we should hang out sometime, as she doesn't live far away from here. Right before she was leaving, she said "Happy Halloween". Then archers. Thousands of them. Out of no where, appearing all over the porch, doorway and house. They start shooting bows at me and her, and I carry her to safety outside. But I was wrong. Ninjas. Thousands of them. They start shooting their stars at us. One hit her right in her cunt, and I had to pull it out of her. She was in pain. I was still carrying her out to safety. I screamed for help but no one was outside. I didn't know what to do.
I quickly ran into a sewer that had an open lid. Me and her were both wet. I ran all the way in the end, then ninja mutant ninja turtles. Only four of them. They were actually nice, gave me some pizza, and soon enough they killed all of the enemies.
So then I came back home, exhausted and tired as hell. But I can say that was the greatest night of my life. Next time I'll call her and hopefully we'll do some more intense sexual stuff.
So overall, a nice halloween.
SUMMARY: Please read it...Last edit: 2005-11-02 19:16:01 |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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 Locked United States. November 01 2005 14:10. Posts 4005 | Profile | |
| | UMS map pack http://teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=50442 |
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 OppositeDay United States. November 01 2005 14:11. Posts 51 | Profile |
| dude wtf kind of acid are you on |
| | Live for something.. Or die for nothing |
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| OppositeDay United States. November 01 2005 14:12. Posts 51 | Profile |
| but that shit sounds cool as hell.. never happened to me.. normally i get alot of my ass as a result of drunk dialing lol |
| | Live for something.. Or die for nothing |
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 AK-Nemesis November 01 2005 14:12. Posts 2005 | Profile |
| we figured out who wrote the wolf bashing story on the confession thread |
| | Nemesis has left the building~ |
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 Yarertz Djibouti. November 01 2005 14:13. Posts 1891 | Profile | |
| | StarCraft : 26.IX.2001 - 8.XII.2004 (1167 days) R.I.P [`] |
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 decafchicken United States. November 01 2005 14:13. Posts 10392 | Profile Blog |
| That kind of story cant be made up. I also love how you spent like 8 paragraphs on a blow job, and 1 1/2 on a fight vs 0193874 archers and a bunch of ninjas fighting. |
| | how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? |
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 SuperJongMan Jamaica. November 01 2005 14:18. Posts 9999 | Profile |
| I went to a lingerie/suit party. Bring a date, girls in lingerie, guys in suits.. many people on ex... it was scandalously erotic... perfect for halloween! |
| | POWER OVERWHELMING ! ! ! KRUU~ KRUU~ |
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| dronebabo Japan. November 01 2005 14:22. Posts 9999 | Profile Blog |
| intothewow is from argentina :[ |
| | When a flat chested girl hugs you, she's holding you closer to her heart. |
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 Hot_Bid Braavos. November 01 2005 14:23. Posts 22075 | Profile Blog |
| when ze virgins read this story they went on a jealousy roller coaster ride |
| | Remember Shinhan3 • Coach Cho's kids are still hungry. But not for food. • (–_–) |
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 8880 November 01 2005 14:29. Posts 131 | Profile | |
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 Refrain[FriZ] Canada. November 01 2005 14:29. Posts 4334 | Profile | |
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| 3threal[EoC] Canada. November 01 2005 14:32. Posts 388 | Profile | |
| | Id hit anything with an ass as big as that dress. - quote decafchicken |
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 AcrossFiveJulys United States. November 01 2005 14:32. Posts 1405 | Profile Blog |
| lol... seemed like a cool story until the archers and ninjas... |
| | burn your wings and grow them back |
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 Meta United States. November 01 2005 14:33. Posts 3925 | Profile Blog |
| and now you have herpes! <3 |
| | Your thought merely reflects surface meaning of an action, you need to thinking deeper, think all possible reasons. - ilovehnk |
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| Bastard Korea (South). November 01 2005 14:36. Posts 19 | Profile |
| you asked her for telphone number, dude WTF ? |
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| Manit0u Poland. November 01 2005 14:38. Posts 3868 | Profile Blog |
"I asked her for my phone number"
"ninja mutant ninja turtles"
My favourite parts  Last edit: 2005-11-01 14:39:54 |
| | The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. - Howard Phillips Lovecraft |
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 Unforgiven_ve Venezuela. November 01 2005 14:46. Posts 1043 | Profile Blog | |
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 ubergamer15 United States. November 01 2005 14:49. Posts 645 | Profile |
| Omg. This thread is art. Sexy and hilarious. |
| | An optimist sees the glass half-full. A pessimist sees the glass half-empty. An engineer sees a waste of half a glass. |
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| ubergamer15 United States. November 01 2005 14:50. Posts 645 | Profile |
On November 01 2005 14:13 decafchicken wrote:
That kind of story cant be made up. I also love how you spent like 8 paragraphs on a blow job, and 1 1/2 on a fight vs 0193874 archers and a bunch of ninjas fighting.
Indeed. He knows what's important. |
| | An optimist sees the glass half-full. A pessimist sees the glass half-empty. An engineer sees a waste of half a glass. |
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 Eatme Switzerland. November 01 2005 14:56. Posts 2829 | Profile Blog |
The "I asked her for my phone number" part totally gave it away.
O and the best thing about living in an apartment is that no meddling kids come around for candy.Last edit: 2005-11-01 14:59:04 |
| | One burger with extra everything. |
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| OctoPuSs Canada. November 01 2005 14:57. Posts 5206 | Profile Blog |
tell me the ninjas were doing backflips??
please O_O ! |
| | Depression is just a sarcastic state of mind |
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 Pro.NT_Knight Australia. November 01 2005 15:01. Posts 539 | Profile |
ROFL thats one of the funniest stories ive read in a while, i love how it just randomly changes from this chick to archers and ninja's.... haha.. and a ninja star hit her cunt LMAO..... haha.... im in tears.  Last edit: 2005-11-01 15:03:17 |
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 lightman United States. November 01 2005 15:08. Posts 604 | Profile |
| Forgive my ignorance, but isn't Halloween an American celebration ? Why would they celebrate it in Argentina (nothing against it though) |
| | Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, and a green #4 card from the game UNO, against an AAA KK flop and his rival holding AK |
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| HeavenS Colombia. November 01 2005 15:09. Posts 1168 | Profile |
| i was like...what a lucky son of a bitch, but then when you started describing the blowjob i was like....no way lmao I CALL BULLSHIT! The archers and ninjas were HILARIOUS! And the Mutant ninja turtles gave you PIZZA ROFL.. BUT YOU SHUDA FUCKED HER! BJS GET BORING! Last edit: 2005-11-01 15:09:53 |
| | Im cooler than the other side of the pillow. |
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| mr2hot4u15 United States. November 01 2005 15:21. Posts 210 | Profile | |
| | And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuuurious anger |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 15:22. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
Bonus:
Every summer, we take a trip to a national landmark by car. This year, it was to yellowstone. My sister and I always sit in the back seat watching DVDs, while my parents sit up front driving and reading maps.
Anyways, we had just finished a 19 hour day on rthe road, and the hotel we were staying at only had one room left. It was a room with two beds and no bathroom. My parents took one bed, and made me and my sister take the other.
Seeing as I hadn't jacked off since we left home (2 days), I was really horny. Well, I would have just used the bathroom, but there wasn't one. So I waited until it was really late and I was sure everybody was asleep, then pulled out my throbbing cock. My sister has her back to me, and I got what seemed to be a good idea. After making sure she was asleep, I gently moved my hands around her body and began to gently caress her smooth breasts. Moving my hands downward, I slowly felt her pussy, and discovered it was wet. I started rubbing it gently, my cock about to explode from horniness. Then my sister moved. I quickly withdrew my hands and pretened to be asleep. I suddenly felt my sister's warm butt gently nudging my cock. I was suprised by this, but she continued nudging it until I was sure that she wanted it. I gently slid my cock into her tight anus, and she started moaning quietly. Then she pulled away and faced me, her face begging pleasure. I slowly guided my cock to her waiting pussy, and then...
Ninjas. Thousands of them. They dropped down from nowhere, and one instantly broke my sisters neck. Another dispatched both of my parents with one graceful swing of the sword. I lept out of bed, my enraged penis held firmly in my hands. I took a swing at one, and sliced him open from shoulder to stomach. His entrails poured out, covering me with blood. I took out another ninja, and another. I engaged in a fierce battle, my wang clashing with their swords. After hours of fighting, I had finally beaten them. The walls of the room were soaked with blood, and I looked down sadly at my sister. In the process of fighting, a sword I had knocked out of a ninja's hands had sliced her in half. I could see her exposed vagina, still open and waiting. I picked up that half of her body and began to fuck it. I moved it faster and faster, until I came. The force at which it left my body blew her pussy in half, leaving me with a severed leg in each hand. I rang for room service, checked out, and disappeared into the night... |
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| mr2hot4u15 United States. November 01 2005 15:26. Posts 210 | Profile | |
| | And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuuurious anger |
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| Pro.NT_Knight Australia. November 01 2005 15:27. Posts 539 | Profile |
On November 01 2005 15:22 IntoTheWow wrote: I engaged in a fierce battle, my wang clashing with their swords.
wtf .. lmao .. baaahahaha ur insane. |
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| whatever Mexico. November 01 2005 15:29. Posts 637 | Profile | |
| | Time is always on my side |
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| HeavenS Colombia. November 01 2005 15:29. Posts 1168 | Profile |
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
..................................................................................................your crazy.Last edit: 2005-11-01 15:29:54 |
| | Im cooler than the other side of the pillow. |
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| HeavenS Colombia. November 01 2005 15:34. Posts 1168 | Profile |
| wow...that second story....wow |
| | Im cooler than the other side of the pillow. |
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| Raging.BuLL Brazil. November 01 2005 15:39. Posts 101 | Profile |
does argentina even have halloween?
all of a sudden this thread lost its fun ! haha |
| | Why do today that which can be done tomorrow |
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 QuietIdiot November 01 2005 15:46. Posts 6999 | Profile Blog |
You should be a writer for Family Guy :O or South Park  Last edit: 2005-11-01 15:47:08 |
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 Konni Germany. November 01 2005 15:47. Posts 2678 | Profile Blog |
| <3 sooo funny especially the second one haha |
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| Starparty Sweden. November 01 2005 16:04. Posts 1383 | Profile |
...I slowly guided my cock to her waiting pussy, and then...
Ninjas. Thousands of them. They dropped down from nowhere, and one instantly broke my sisters neck. Another dispatched both of my parents with one graceful swing of the sword. I lept out of bed, my enraged penis held firmly in my hands. I took a swing at one, and sliced him open from shoulder to stomach. His entrails poured out, covering me with blood...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHA |
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| Fayth[pG] Canada. November 01 2005 16:21. Posts 1093 | Profile |
On November 01 2005 14:23 Hot_Bid wrote:
when ze virgins read this story they went on a jealousy roller coaster ride
HAHAHAHA |
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| Zorglub1 Denmark. November 01 2005 16:30. Posts 532 | Profile |
| I want some of that dope!!!!!!!! |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:26. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
i got another one, but its pretty sick.  and this is sick enought. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| QuietIdiot November 01 2005 18:29. Posts 6999 | Profile Blog |
rofl I can only imagine what your parents think of you  PM the sick one plz :D |
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| ReTr0[p.S] United States. November 01 2005 18:32. Posts 1202 | Profile |
geez i dont know you --v
"shooting bows"
Akakka wtf is that!Last edit: 2005-11-01 18:33:55 |
| | Quotes are a waste of time |
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 FrozenArbiter Sweden. November 01 2005 18:42. Posts 26834 | Profile Blog |
On November 01 2005 18:26 IntoTheWow wrote:i got another one, but its pretty sick. and this is sick enought.
POST. |
| | tell the guy that interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terrans variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes - Stimey |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:51. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
Jessie could never understand why, but she was extremely fascinated by Penis...
She was just 7, but already found herself masturbating with phallic objects.
Ever since she caught a glimpse of her father taking a piss, she knew that penis was her delicacy.
Granted, she was unable to bring herself to orgasm, the dumb little bitch, but it felt so good.
After so long, she decided fake plastic objects and wooden chair legs just weren't doing it for her. She needed something real. But who was crazy enough to fill her with what she needed?
Jessie sat, pouting, watching ABC Family with her mother. Full House began playing.
"That's it!" Jessie squealed.
Bob Saget. He was around little girls all the time. He had to have fucked at least one, she thought.
Thusly Jessie began her quest to find Mr.Fage-erm, Saget.
It didn't take long. He was found at the local Kids' Country daycare center. How did she get there?
She took a fucking bus.
"Hello Mr.Saget!" Jessie said happily.
"Why hello there little girl, what's your name?"
"The best fuck you've had in years."
"What?"
"Let's cut to the chase mister, I wanna get fucked, you're a fucking pedophile. So let's go to the changing room and get this over with, capiche'?"
"Now listen you, don't sass me like that. When I was Mr.Tanner my girls never gave me any backtalk. I think I'll have to give you a spanking."
Bob picked her up and carried her to the changing room.
"Nice lead, Bob. Now, how 'bout you tear me up?"
Quickly, Saget pulled her pants off, and slid his hands into her panties, slowly pulling them down off her legs.
After taking out his own genitalia, he lined up his less-than-average-sized penis with Jessie's tiny hole and plunged in.
Too bad Jessie was so small. It tore her in half. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:51. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
"OH SHIT!" Saget yelled. "This is Ashley Olson all over again!"
*flashback!*
Little Ashley Olson had recently turned seven. And for a birthday present, Bob had the best idea. He'd tear her cherry open. But...he didn't think he'd tear her entire body open. Miscalculation.
"Ashley, dear, would you please come to my dressing room. There's a scene I'd like to discuss."
They thought nothing of this. Saget was such a nice man. No-one thought he'd aspire to fuck the little girl.
"Miss Olson, there's a scene we need to rehearse. It's in an upcoming episode - Michelle Gets Laid."
"What's get laid mean, Mr.Bobby?" she asked innocently.
"Well...how bout I show you? I promise it'll feel good."
"Okay! That sounds fun!"
The little girl had no idea...
Bob slid her little pink shirt off her head. "Mr.Bobby, what're you doing!?"
"Well, this is how you get laid."
"O-okay..."
After that, he unzipped and pulled off her cute skirt. And finally, he slid off the white cotton panties covering her tiny virgin vagina.
"W-what's going on...? You're looking at my private parts..."
"Just go along with it, Ashley. It's how it's done.."
"Okay, Mr.Bobby...I trust you..."
Saget disrobed, and prepared to enter her. He thrust in...
Too bad Ashley was so small. It tore her in half.
"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!" he yelled. "I fucked up!"
He had to find a way to take care of this. So, he went to talk to his good friend, Mr. T.
"Mr. T, I killed a little girl while fucking her. What do I do, man?"
"I PITY DA FOO' WHO FIRGIT DA LUBE!"
"Seriously T, how can I not spend the rest of my life taking it in the ass from big burly men named Molly?"
"CLONIN' DAWG! I PITY DA FOO' WHO DON' GET TO DA CHOPPA!...AND TAKE IT TO DA LAB!!"
"Excellent idea, Mr. T!"
In the dead of night, Bob crept up into Mary-Kate Olson's room and kidnapped her.
But then, the predators attacked!
"OH SHIT! GET TO DA CHOPPA!"
Cradling the girl in his arms, Saget dashed to the helicopter, already slowly hovering in the air, blades spinning furiously.
They just barely made it.
Dr. Eyepatch's Lab - 2:54 am
"Dr. Eyepatch! Dr. Eyepatch!"
The large TV at the center of the room turned on. "Ah...Mr.Faget. What can I d-d-do for you?"
"Erm...Saget, Doctor. Please, I need you to clone this little girl."
"For a p-p-price, Mr. F-f-faget."
"Okay, okay...I'll blow the dog later. Please, just do this for me."
Thusly the day was saved. Except for in the present. Cause Bob stilled had a dead little girl enveloping his penis. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:52. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
"Goddamn, I gotta get this off - but, it's still so tight..."
Forgetting about the entrails sliding off the changing table, he continued to fuck the little dead Jessie, not noticing the woman walking in.
"Oh...oh my god....what the hell are you doing to her!?"
"Ah...wait, it's not what it -"
Quickly the woman pulled out her cell and dialed 911.
Bob was able to kill her by suffocating her inside Jessie's torn-up stomach, but not before she got the police ready.
"Bloody hell...it's time to strap up in this bitch. SAGETEERS! GO!"
Suddenly, Joey, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and Becky appeared.
"GIRTH!"
"NIGER!"
"GRINNED!"
"littler girls are HOTTER!"
"FART!"
In a blinding flash of light, Bob was encased in a suit of Mjolner armor, and in his hands were two submachine guns.
"Thanks, guys. There's a vibrator in your cookie jars later."
He emerged on the roof as the police arrived. "You Five-0 motherfuckers won't take me alive! DIE!"
He lobbed a grenade down, sending a squad car flying into the nearby 7/11.
Bullets shot upward at the pedophile actor, but they barely scratched his armor.
"It's no use, sir! He's a master! A fucking chief with weapons!"
"Keep shooting! My son plays XBox! He has no health once you knock his shields down!"
"Yes, sir!"
The squad continued firing, being picked off one by one by the rain of bullets.
"Shitshitshit!" A cop yelled, struggling to escape the bulletstorm behind him, slowly closing the gap.
"If I can just make it behind that - agh!"
Shots erupted out his chest, blood flying in every direction.
"That's it..." The sheriff said grimly. "You're goin' down. CALL IN THE CARRIERS!"
"The carriers!?" Saget exclaimed. "Oh, shit!"
Even he was no match for carriers. But he had to try.
He quickly switched to his rocket launcher and fired at the incoming stampede of carriers.
"Instant win" they all chattered coldly, again and again.
"Instant win" "Instant win" Instant win"
The sound kept getting closer.
Saget leapt from the roof as the building exploded.
"No fall damage! HAH!"
He landed, quickly switching to his shotgun and firing into the crowd of police.
The police were all dead. He was safe...wasn't he?
"Weren't expecting me, were you...Danny?"
He turned.
"A...Ashley!?"
"I'm not Ashley. I'm just....just Mary-Kate...I know what happened. You tried to erase my memory. But I checked Dr.Eyepatch's files when I began to suspect. And it's true, isn't it!? I'm just a clone!"
"Ashley, wait, I-"
"Shut up, Bob! Just shut up! I'm tired of all the lies! I don't have a past! Those memories are lies! I don't have a past! But...you don't have a future!"
She pulled out a rocket launcher.
"You fool! At point blank range!? You'll kill us both!!"
"No...I'll only kill you. I was never alive to begin with."
She fired. |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 18:52. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
Epilogue (Because every good story needs one)
The mayor sat at his desk, reviewing the day's report.
"Horrendous," he remarked. "In our beautiful city? Just horrendous. But, what can you expect form retired sitcom stars? They lived out a life on TV. Maybe they're still stuck in that life? Without real consequences? What kind of mindset are they put in? Will we ever know?"
The speaker on his desk blared forth with the voice of a secretary. "Sir, your 5 o'clock is here."
"Ah, my daughter? Send her in."
The mayor's daughter, Becky, was a mere 9 years old, but oh so cute. She had just returned from school.
"Becky, how was school?"
"Fine, daddy. How was work?"
"Very boring without you. I'm extremely hard, baby."
"Daddy, I had mexican for lunch..."
"If you have to fart, fine. But I swear to god, if you shit on my dick..."
"I know daddy, 40 lashes of your dick on my cheek."
"Good. Take those pants off."
The End |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| KOFgokuon United States. November 01 2005 18:57. Posts 8007 | Profile Blog |
| where the hell do you get this stuff haha |
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 Ha.cK United States. November 01 2005 19:03. Posts 263 | Profile | |
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| PaeZ Mexico. November 01 2005 19:49. Posts 1503 | Profile | |
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| rpf289 United States. November 01 2005 19:51. Posts 3524 | Profile |
Worst smut ever. I've read better.
p.s. I wish I lived in Argentina. |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 19:57. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog | |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| SS-guy United States. November 01 2005 19:59. Posts 1427 | Profile |
| lol here it started raining at 5oclock and didnt stop til 12 so no trick or treaters were outside at all... |
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| OverTheUnder United States. November 01 2005 20:03. Posts 2871 | Profile Blog |
"SAGETEERS! GO!"
hahahahahahaha
you fucking ruleT_T |
| | Honor would be taking it up the ass and curing all diseases, damn how stupid can people get. -baal http://puertoricanbw.ytmnd.com/ |
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| Refrain[FriZ] Canada. November 01 2005 20:13. Posts 4334 | Profile |
HOLLY MOTHERFUCKER
WRITE MORE
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 20:28. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
| Last one is not mine. Im not sick enought to write that with that formatting |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| kimseongchan Korea (South). November 01 2005 20:47. Posts 733 | Profile |
| omg.. most random/perverted stuff i read.. cept maybe the stuff on asstr.org i read a year or two ago |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 01 2005 20:53. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
Okay, so my cousin is almost 17, but lives in Hong Kong, so no bootay for me usually...
BUT, I got her email and started talking to her on MSN not long ago, and we really hit it off. About two weeks ago, her and her family finally hopped on a flight here to see the rest of the family, since it had been about 4 years since they last saw each other.
Things were going good, and I managed to take her out a few nights, and last night... we were on the sofa in my house, watching a movie, talking a bit, pretty normal stuff. Eventually the conversation turns to sex and we both admit we aren't virgins, and there's a silence. Suddenly she gets this look in her eye and pushes me back onto the sofa, gets on top....and then she did the mash...
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She did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
She did the mash
It caught on in a flash
She did the mash
She did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| Sfydjklm November 01 2005 21:00. Posts 5029 | Profile Blog |
Hahaha good shit=)
She probably had AIDS!:O
OMG more stories=D <3Last edit: 2005-11-01 21:02:45 |
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| camooT United States. November 01 2005 21:05. Posts 1354 | Profile | |
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| OppositeDay United States. November 01 2005 21:09. Posts 51 | Profile | |
| | Live for something.. Or die for nothing |
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 exalted United States. November 01 2005 21:12. Posts 3278 | Profile Blog |
Looks like we have a Real Ultimate Power fan here. Totally sweet and/or cool.
After reading this story, I headbutt my dog Francis so hard that we both screamed. |
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| 12345 November 01 2005 21:16. Posts 209 | Profile | |
| | you can put on your pants now |
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| Pro.NT_Knight Australia. November 02 2005 17:16. Posts 539 | Profile |
rofl these stories are hilarious haha
stupid but funny shit |
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 HeadBangaa United States. November 02 2005 17:27. Posts 6471 | Profile Blog |
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin |
| | www.CampaignForLiberty.com |
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| Hot_Bid Braavos. November 02 2005 17:39. Posts 22075 | Profile Blog |
On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it |
| | Remember Shinhan3 • Coach Cho's kids are still hungry. But not for food. • (–_–) |
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| NewbSaibot November 02 2005 18:05. Posts 3849 | Profile |
| buzz bunny called, he wants his hat back |
| | I went to the chippy last night and only orderd chips because I knew I could get fish from her bushy plate. |
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| Gene United States. November 02 2005 18:08. Posts 2845 | Profile Blog |
| lmao edit i forgot to read rest of thread. Last edit: 2005-11-02 18:53:16 |
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| boongee United States. November 02 2005 18:42. Posts 962 | Profile |
the whole "ninjas. thousands of them" thing has been around forever -_-
I wrote similar stories over a year ago |
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| RiSE United States. November 02 2005 18:46. Posts 3182 | Profile |
| What do they feed you people in Argentina? |
| | heavy hand upon the land, feel it's weight inside you |
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| dronebabo Japan. November 02 2005 19:07. Posts 9999 | Profile Blog | |
| | When a flat chested girl hugs you, she's holding you closer to her heart. |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 02 2005 19:11. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
On November 02 2005 19:07 dronebabo wrote:
chanchan and meat
I get Keyras for dinner  |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| Refrain[FriZ] Canada. November 02 2005 19:13. Posts 4334 | Profile |
On November 02 2005 19:11 IntoTheWow wrote:I get Keyras for dinner
get your head out from between her legs and post more along the lines of your first few stories |
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| decafchicken United States. November 02 2005 19:23. Posts 10392 | Profile Blog |
On November 02 2005 19:13 Refrain[FriZ] wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 02 2005 19:11 IntoTheWow wrote:
On November 02 2005 19:07 dronebabo wrote:
chanchan and meat
I get Keyras for dinner
get your head out from between her legs and post more along the lines of your first few stories
His head is probably stuck in her massive ass ;(
MORE STORIES NOW. |
| | how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? |
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| inc Sweden. November 02 2005 19:28. Posts 885 | Profile |
| hahaha best story ever, i was like "omg what a lucky fucktard" then suddanly archers came and i started laughing like a motherfuck |
| | i savour every bit of the numerous gifts life is offering me, having no worries, goals or regrets, constantly trading time for pleasure |
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| BigshoT United States. November 02 2005 19:31. Posts 171 | Profile |
| Someone needs to go outside and visit something I like the call the sun. |
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| dronebabo Japan. November 02 2005 19:33. Posts 9999 | Profile Blog |
On November 02 2005 19:31 BigshoT wrote:
Someone needs to go outside and visit something I like the call the sun.
yeah! no one can be as cool and popular as you can, bigshot.Last edit: 2005-11-02 19:33:28 |
| | When a flat chested girl hugs you, she's holding you closer to her heart. |
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 baal November 02 2005 19:52. Posts 10329 | Profile |
On November 02 2005 17:39 Hot_Bid wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it
virgin |
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| decafchicken United States. November 03 2005 16:25. Posts 10392 | Profile Blog |
On November 02 2005 19:52 baal wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 02 2005 17:39 Hot_Bid wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it
virgin
woman |
| | how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? |
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| nonpuz United States. November 03 2005 16:47. Posts 176 | Profile |
Heh, I'm sorry to have to tell you this......the "trick" she was talking about giving you was not the blowjob, she had oral herpies and now you have herpies as well....nice job sleeping with someone you dont even know.
This is a well known scam a group of girls get together and take out their slutty friend (who obviously has to have herpies) and she goes around sucking guys off in order to transfer the disease, hahah.....you got fucked bigtime buddy. |
| | Bis zum Kollaps, NICHT VIEL ZEIT! |
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 sdpgposd United Kingdom. November 03 2005 16:51. Posts 1460 | Profile |
On November 03 2005 16:47 nonpuz wrote:
Heh, I'm sorry to have to tell you this......the "trick" she was talking about giving you was not the blowjob, she had oral herpies and now you have herpies as well....nice job sleeping with someone you dont even know.
This is a well known scam a group of girls get together and take out their slutty friend (who obviously has to have herpies) and she goes around sucking guys off in order to transfer the disease, hahah.....you got fucked bigtime buddy.
LMAO |
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| nonpuz United States. November 03 2005 16:54. Posts 176 | Profile | |
| | Bis zum Kollaps, NICHT VIEL ZEIT! |
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 FakeSteve[TPR] Valhalla. November 03 2005 17:08. Posts 13395 | Profile Blog |
| haha IntoTheWow where did you get this stuff |
| | FINAL SCORE 0-4 I AM A NEWBIE. Practicing every day to be as good at terran as Manifesto7 [TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR THIS SPACE PM ME] ~~~ vrok, newest FakeSteve Fan Club member (55)! |
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| ubergamer15 United States. November 03 2005 18:36. Posts 645 | Profile |
On November 03 2005 17:08 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
haha IntoTheWow where did you get this stuff
I'd love to know that also |
| | An optimist sees the glass half-full. A pessimist sees the glass half-empty. An engineer sees a waste of half a glass. |
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| BlaCha Poland. November 04 2005 06:01. Posts 617 | Profile | |
| | Of course, fucking of course. |
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| -DaJ- Switzerland. November 04 2005 06:34. Posts 529 | Profile | |
| | Dear God, my brilliance is becoming a bit of a burden. |
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| Hot_Bid Braavos. November 04 2005 06:59. Posts 22075 | Profile Blog |
On November 03 2005 16:47 nonpuz wrote:
Heh, I'm sorry to have to tell you this......the "trick" she was talking about giving you was not the blowjob, she had oral herpies and now you have herpies as well....nice job sleeping with someone you dont even know.
This is a well known scam a group of girls get together and take out their slutty friend (who obviously has to have herpies) and she goes around sucking guys off in order to transfer the disease, hahah.....you got fucked bigtime buddy.
hahhah someone's jealous!!! |
| | Remember Shinhan3 • Coach Cho's kids are still hungry. But not for food. • (–_–) |
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 OneOther Streets of Seoul. November 04 2005 09:36. Posts 8505 | Profile Blog | |
| | sMi.Frozen ll DerivAtives |
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| baal November 04 2005 09:52. Posts 10329 | Profile |
On November 03 2005 16:25 decafchicken wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 02 2005 19:52 baal wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:39 Hot_Bid wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it
virgin
woman
virgin |
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| Hot_Bid Braavos. November 04 2005 09:57. Posts 22075 | Profile Blog |
| baal i dont know what donkey cross the border taco hat cut a hole in the chain link fence escape to the united states bj technique those mexican girls use |
| | Remember Shinhan3 • Coach Cho's kids are still hungry. But not for food. • (–_–) |
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| LUEigi Canada. November 04 2005 10:54. Posts 148 | Profile | |
| | I lost my quote in a boating accident. |
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| IntoTheWow Argentina. November 04 2005 11:02. Posts 25188 | Profile Blog |
On November 04 2005 10:54 LUEigi wrote:
LOL HE MUST BE FROM LUE
TILT t.t |
| | TeamLiquid CJ Entusman #1 (PM to become an Entusman) • Newest member: asl-ninja |
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| drc Finland. November 04 2005 11:05. Posts 250 | Profile |
Good to hear thta you had fun. but halloween is just BS. for us, outside america, not for you of course.
And eh, btw, where did you copy that story?
you pedo? diee!Last edit: 2005-11-04 11:06:59 |
| | I have two holes in my wall, from losing in quake 3 and broodwar... I really got a problem. (c) SkY |
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| baal November 04 2005 12:02. Posts 10329 | Profile |
On November 04 2005 09:57 Hot_Bid wrote:baal i dont know what donkey cross the border taco hat cut a hole in the chain link fence escape to the united states bj technique those mexican girls use
lol i read that 3 times and i couldnt understand what it meant hehe. |
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| gulii Sweden. November 04 2005 13:22. Posts 2591 | Profile |
So wierd ! The same thing happend to earlier today ...oud !
Last edit: 2005-11-04 13:23:12 |
| | There are no roadbumps, just very ugly people. |
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 RelaxGuy United States. November 04 2005 13:32. Posts 110 | Profile |
| 15 years old = bad blow job. Very few girls are naturals at this, and usually takes hours to teach them the right way. I too was attacked by ninjas on halloween, but a 15 yr old giving a good bj makes this story completely false. |
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| decafchicken United States. November 04 2005 14:34. Posts 10392 | Profile Blog |
On November 04 2005 13:32 RelaxGuy wrote:
15 years old = bad blow job. Very few girls are naturals at this, and usually takes hours to teach them the right way. I too was attacked by ninjas on halloween, but a 15 yr old giving a good bj makes this story completely false.
hahahahaha |
| | how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? |
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 hasublack Finland. November 04 2005 14:36. Posts 73 | Profile |
Last edit: 2005-11-04 14:36:34 |
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| hasublack Finland. November 04 2005 14:36. Posts 73 | Profile |
| the girl must be GAUGE <3 |
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| MotU November 04 2005 14:57. Posts 36 | Profile | |
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| MotU November 04 2005 14:59. Posts 36 | Profile |
On November 03 2005 17:08 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
haha IntoTheWow where did you get this stuff
From other websites, it was one of the least original things ever, except the sex with your sister, because I don't know why he would think of that unless he is Argentinian or something =p |
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| mr2hot4u15 United States. November 04 2005 15:59. Posts 210 | Profile | |
| | And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuuurious anger |
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| alphaentity United States. November 04 2005 16:31. Posts 513 | Profile |
Dude, I think these stories are too pornographic in nature. Isn't that not allowed in TL.net?
If I wanted to read smut, I'd go elsewhere.Last edit: 2005-11-04 16:31:50 |
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| Fayth[pG] Canada. November 04 2005 16:42. Posts 1093 | Profile |
On November 04 2005 15:59 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 04 2005 09:52 baal wrote:
On November 03 2005 16:25 decafchicken wrote:
On November 02 2005 19:52 baal wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:39 Hot_Bid wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it
virgin
woman
virgin
maybe you guys have never gotten really good head.
virgin |
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| QuietIdiot November 04 2005 16:44. Posts 6999 | Profile Blog |
On November 04 2005 16:42 Fayth[pG] wrote:
Show nested quote +On November 04 2005 15:59 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
On November 04 2005 09:52 baal wrote:
On November 03 2005 16:25 decafchicken wrote:
On November 02 2005 19:52 baal wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:39 Hot_Bid wrote:
On November 02 2005 17:27 HeadBangaa wrote:
On November 01 2005 15:21 mr2hot4u15 wrote:
BJ>fuck
virgin
uh, i'd agree with him... maybe you just haven't had anyone good at it
virgin
woman
virgin
maybe you guys have never gotten really good head.
virgin
Prove it. |
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| Konni Germany. November 04 2005 17:00. Posts 2678 | Profile Blog | |
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| decafchicken United States. November 04 2005 18:57. Posts 10392 | Profile Blog |
On November 04 2005 16:31 alphaentity wrote:
Dude, I think these stories are too pornographic in nature. Isn't that not allowed in TL.net?
If I wanted to read smut, I'd go elsewhere.
Complaints:1
Approvals and encore requests: Too many to count |
| | how reasonable is it to eat off wood instead of your tummy? |
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| collegeBored United States. November 04 2005 19:46. Posts 1403 | Profile |
On November 04 2005 16:31 alphaentity wrote:
Dude, I think these stories are too pornographic in nature. Isn't that not allowed in TL.net?
If I wanted to read smut, I'd go elsewhere.
pussy |
| | The stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget, the wise forgive but never forget. |
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| Gene United States. November 04 2005 20:15. Posts 2845 | Profile Blog |
On November 04 2005 16:31 alphaentity wrote:
Dude, I think these stories are too pornographic in nature. Isn't that not allowed in TL.net?
If I wanted to read smut, I'd go elsewhere.
to read all that you must have put a lot of effort in to reading something you didnt want to. |
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