"Why not?" - Unk
SAS VS IFU RIVALRY TO BE SETTLED THIS SUNDAY
By NinaZerg, June 6th, 2013
FISH SERVER - What started as a regular, well-mannered tournament with very little intrigue has recently exploded all over the face of the BroodWar scene with the latest confrontation between The International Federation of Untouchables against the short-named sas team. "Sas" means "Eagle", and invokes the Hungarian Eagle Who Carries The Sword, a legendary bird that makes Ho-Oh look like Moltres. And with a prize pool of 1850$, you know someone has way too much extra money on their hands.
Things got heated:
On May 27 2013 01:46 skzlime wrote:
i refuse to have alfio's trash talk in the official channel for next week's gambit finals. if he talks shit again sas will give WO for the remaining games and withdraw from the league. his behaviour is pathetic and inexcusable. i did not save screenshots, but LRM)nOoNe knows exactly what i'm talking about (so does probably everyone else who knows anything about alfio).
i refuse to have alfio's trash talk in the official channel for next week's gambit finals. if he talks shit again sas will give WO for the remaining games and withdraw from the league. his behaviour is pathetic and inexcusable. i did not save screenshots, but LRM)nOoNe knows exactly what i'm talking about (so does probably everyone else who knows anything about alfio).
AlfiO's exact quote was "Excellent work, gentlemen, however, despite your exuberant enthusiasm and talent, my comrades and I have prevailed and will now celebrate by fornicating with your wives, sisters, girlfriends, and other female acquaintances. Ha! I jest, for surely you fellows are unmistakably inclined towards sodomy!"
This sparked many angry feelings in the hearts of the players for sas, who categorically deny any inclination towards sodomy, and maintain they possess a great lust in their hearts for female flesh. Nevertheless, the words had already been flung, like the feces of ireful chimpanzees, and now, a powder-keg has been set off that will fill the finale of this long road of a tournament with strong emotion and powerful desire for gold. As the players grip their mouses and tap nervously at their keyboards, it is clear they will have only one goal in mind: the complete evisceration of the opposing team, and supreme glory as the greatest team in the world.
In short, this is the greatest and most anticipated BroodWar event in the history of StarCraft, and will probably not suck. I know, sometimes, you'll see a boring-ass game where both players are making terrible, terrible decisions while macroing happily, prompting the broadcasters to revel with excitement at any small glitch or unorthodox play that manifests itself. And I don't blame them. Some people are just boring. Sorry.
A metaphor for what is about to happen
What Happened To LRM?
LRM Evolutions, a mix of LRM and iG, has made it to the finals of many, many tournaments as a team to face-off against sas and SJ, but this time, they fell short. SJ has also historically done well as a team, but this season, they ran out of players, so once again, h00ligan will have to destroy his entire desktop and punch through his monitor like Bobby Monaghan.
Here's what happened:
+ Show Spoiler +
I kid, I kid. I joke. But LRM members Pike and TrutaCz left to help form the team Netwars, an all-Polish racist team that doesn't let anyone else but Poles in. This turn of events seriously affected the LRM line-up, and they were forced to pick up baddies like NeMu to play. Also, I heard the guy running LRM is a bit of a jerk, but I can't confirm this.
Interviews
Interview with ifu.must aka LancerX
+ Show Spoiler [Contains LancerX] +
LancerX says: "seriously. come moscow lan, june 22"
NinaZerg: Hi, how are you?
LancerX: like always, killing my life
NZ: Awesome! iFU vs sas final. I want to get your thoughts. Your team is called the International Federation of Untouchables. Has anyone ever touched you?
I have a great pic, that will answer this question.
+ Show Spoiler +
So they can be touched...
LX: maybe in internet we are little bm, but in real life very friendly and peaceful guys
NZ: Nice! Which is more difficult: killing a bear with your hands, or defeating Sziky?
LX: i cant imagine how it feels to kill a bear, so i think sziky is a real beast here
NZ: So you've never killed a bear?
LX: I know there is three symbols of russia is bear, vodka, and putin. I choosed vodka. Other are not inteterstin to me.
NZ: If Putin played against Sziky, who do you think would win?
LX: sziky is good, but putin is tzar, nobody can hurt him, everybody knows this in russia
NZ: What if Putin was very drunk, would Sziky have a chance?
LX: nina, baby) no way putin can lose
NZ: Who is the worst player in sas? Who do you feel would give you the best chance to win against?
LX: very provocative questin) well i remember a guy on fish aka sas.lumix; not sure if he played a single game on gambit. i think its time for him to show up;
OH SHIT LUMIX, LANCER CALLIN' YOU OUT, BETTER STEP UP
NZ: Do you like eagles?
LX: you mean birds?
NZ: Yeah. Eagles are a type of bird. Sometimes they have swords.
LX: show me and can answer
NZ:
LX: looks dangerous) i like powerfull animals
NZ: Yes, they sometimes will swoop down and grab children. They are very large birds.
LX: but no chance vs bear. or mr. putin
NZ: How would a bear fight an eagle?
LX: probably smth like this:
NZ: That's the whole interview, good luck with your games!
LX: incredible... you asked only about putin ;;
Interview with Skzlime, aka Skzlime
+ Show Spoiler [this contains skzlime, read lancerx in…] +
dRaW explains sas:
On November 07 2012 14:47 dRaW wrote:
Hey all we are very focused on sas in-house training and we have a skype group and shuffle strategy plans around non stop to make sure that we will remain on top for next season of gambit cup. Here was some of the in-house strategy planing from last season, enjoy.
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+ Show Spoiler +
+ Show Spoiler +
Hey all we are very focused on sas in-house training and we have a skype group and shuffle strategy plans around non stop to make sure that we will remain on top for next season of gambit cup. Here was some of the in-house strategy planing from last season, enjoy.
+ Show Spoiler +
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The actual interview:
NinaZerg: How are you?
Skzlime: Excellent, thank you. I just woke up to a neighbor ringing the doorbell.
NZ: What are you going to eat for breakfast?
SL: i am having a yogurt with fruit bits currently. very tasty (low fat)
NZ: Are you on a diet?
SL: No, i'm just lazy to have proper breakfast
NZ: Awesome
SL: Unexpected response
NZ: Recently, you beat Sziky in defiler tour.How much did that turn you on?
SL: very much, i'm still tense from it
NZ: What do you mean 'tense', if I may?
SL: i am full of tension and my BW muscles are all flexed and ready for action. What did you think?!
NZ: I thought you might be scared that Sziky will come to your house and stab you. He looks mean.
SL: not really, he lives in another part of the country, and i doubt it would be worth the train ticket. it is relatively expensive compared to how poor Hungary is
NZ: So people in Hungary are too poor to kill each other?
SL: if they live far enough away, i would say yes. This of course means they are more likely to kill each other if they are close.
NZ: Speaking of which, let's talk about Alfio
SL: Please, let's not.
NZ: Well, you recently said you had a hard time dealing with him. How do you feel about him personally?
SL: i had a hard time dealing with my inexplicably revolting anger he aroused. he has a way of annoying the fuck out of you to the max, I think it's a hobby of his.
NZ: If you had to play him, do you think it would affect the way you play?
SL: yes, because nukes
NZ: If you could say anything to him right now, what would it be?
SL: "hi" oh you mean on the internet, or irl?
NZ: Either one.
SL: i'm pretty sure he is much nicer irl but if it's the internet though then "it's a pity you dropped out ot tls alfio, i even bribed organisers to put us together if you advance ro24"
NZ: What did you bribe them with?
SL: Lolis ...with breast implants that glow in the dark. Apparently, it's really big in Croatia right now.
NZ: Does Dsaqwe [sas.locdog, Croatian player] have one?
SL: i don't think so, it's hard to acquire... you can't bribe TLS orga, you need something special (i tried before my match with Michael)
NZ: Now, the national symbol of Hungary is an eagle carrying a sword. Have you ever seen a real eagle carrying a sword?
SL: all eagles carry swords around here it is a way of life
NZ: Awesome. So, how do you feel about bears?
SL: i'm neutral. they seem really nice but then again they would probably kill me on sight. dewalt regularly kill many bear in skype team chat, and on his way to kindergarten too every day, so they are not too scary if you are russian i guess. they also don't carry swords unless they can catch an eagle, but that seldom happens.
NZ: LancerX said a bear would definitely kill an eagle, even if the eagle had a sword. What do you say to that?
SL: there is no way he said that. are you trying to sell me something?
NZ: Those are his words.
SL: no, you just made that up cause you don't have any more questions. what kind of preparation is that? that is like tvt contain on outsider you noob
NZ: Actually, that was the final question. Thank you for interview. ))))
Interview with AlfiO, aka AlfiO
+ Show Spoiler [alfio] +
NinaZerg: How are you?
AlfiO: I'm cool, a bit busy with studying, what about you?
NZ: Well, let's not worry about me, let's talk Gambit Cup
AL: Okay -.-"
NZ: It's for the interview, it's for the fans. The fans love you!
AL: I thought the interview already started, that's why I asked about you, because the fans interested about that.
NZ: No, they want to hear some Alfio talking smack ^^
AL: Okay, by the way I thought that a lot of people just hate me, nice to hear that someone loves me :O
NZ: Recently, Skzlime said that you "annoy the fuck out of him". What happened to make him so angry?
AL: I don't know, I think it's pretty much about him... he was talking in the channel during clan war games that he wanted Gambit Cup to be like the previous season, so he could "all kill iFU" Like he did with LRM ... :cryoc:
NZ: So what did you say to that?
AL: Uhmm... I said to him that he's just in the top 4 on Sayle fake rankings, but he is not necessarily good in general and suddenly ... suddenly this guy got mad ... you know, nerves...
NZ: Who do you think the true top 4 players are?
AL: Well, I'm not sure about how the level changed in the last season... ( I forgot to update Alfipedia) .. There are 3-4 average players that achieve good levels because they practice a lot on Fish. On the other hand there are very few talented players outside of Korea. In the last 2-3 years I've seen really few players with a good attitude for the game... this make me sad.
About the names:
Sziky
dRaW
Szkiiliilmelime
Dsaqwe
NZ: So Skzlime is in the top 4?
AL: I'm joking, I don't really know who the top 4 players are. Sziky is probably the best player, but for 2nd, 3rd and 4th, there's a lot of names. It mostly depends how active the players are... because we have ALWAYS to remember about the ratio of time spent (activeness) to talent.
NZ: All right, fair enough. Recently, Game made some comments about you and your father in the GC thread. What do you think about that?
AL: I don't read teamliquid, who are you talking about? Wait, is it lrmgame, fake A- user with B- skill?
NZ: "AlfiO has admitted in confidence to eOnzErG (who betrayed him) that he is constantly beaten and verbally abused by his father. Thus, he's less susceptible to accepting moralities as truths. In such, he's simply acting out and everyone should be Hands Across America for him.
But seriously, at LRM) vs iFU, AlfiO literally didn't stop BMing for a good 45 minutes. Even dOTY ignored him. I'll repeat that. EVEN DOTY IGNORED HIM. <--- serious sign of too much BM" Quote by Game.
AL: Oh thank you, That's a lot of nice words towards me
First of all, I never talked to eOnzErg about my Dad. Second, Gay-me wants to put discord between iFU players. I was just answering him in the channel during the play-offs, because he said the only reason I beat dOTY is because dOTY cheesed me. I just answered him that my ladder score vs dOTY is 100%... I even won him 3-0 TvP offrace (I can post reps). Not my fault if Game gets mad starts talking TRASH about my Dad... it's like 'now I start talking about his mom when I don't even know her'... wait... uh... maybe
Also, I couldn't bm for 45 minutes because I left the server 5 minutes after my game. But you know, LRMGAME is also known as "the bard" or "the storyteller" like when was "A rank" with random.
[Note: It was actually skzlime who said alfio did the bm for 45 minutes]
NZ: Next - who is the true coach of ifu?
AL: Eon is a nice guy, but the original 'coach' title was coined for me during the clan war iFU vs reps when I killed Tama, Pro7ect, and Gotunk. After that, zerggboy keeping saying that he was original coach and at the end that title coach switch to eonzerg , but I can say he's keeping the honor of the coach, and definitely he deserves this title right now .
NZ: About the TLS; why did you drop out of the tour?
AL: Well, for the same reason I didn't want to play in the playoffs for Gambit Cup, because it's a lot and I don't practice ladder and I feel really out of shape. That's why I told zerggboy to call me only for emergency for playoff if the team is losing . Usually I don't like to lose vs weaker players just cause they practice 24/7 on fish . But up until now, I got lucky and didn't have to play. Hope the team will not need me this Sunday!!! GL IFU yoooom!!!
NZ: So last question: if an eagle and a bear fought each other, who would win?
AL: This is good one.
NZ: I need this question settled once and for all.
AL: Eagle.
NZ: And how would an eagle win?
AL: Is the king of birds
NZ: Bear is king of... uh... bears
AL: He can see in the darkness, so while the bear is sleeping, he would take out the bear's eyes and then the bear would just die 'cuz can't eat lollllllllllllllllll
NZ: Haha, all right. Thanks for your time, grazi.
AL: Thank you :Ninostra:
Hype
+ Show Spoiler [this spoiler contains hype] +
Sponsored by:
The Illuminati
"Ignorant about world affairs and politics? No worries, we'll handle it!"
Thanks to:
All the players, viewers, fans, BroodWar lovers, dRaW for holding a gun to my head and making me write this, nOoNe for organizing, LancerX, Skzlime, AlfiO for interview, L_Master and Sayle for broadcasting, Shiroiusagi for gfx, Stratos for videos.
Disclaimer: This is an independent publication and in no way, shape or form necessarily reflects the views and positions of Gambit Cup, EywaSC Non-Profit, or any of the forementioned parties. I felt like just giving some of the people some props.