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Monday. September twentieth. Year 2010. A day that will live in infamy.
'Cause it was my first day at Foothill College in California.
I'm easily intimidated by new experiences, so I was a bit apprehensive at first. Thankfully, it wasn't all that different from high school. With any luck, it'll be fun!
Here's how my day went:
I wake up at 6:30 so that my mother could drive me to school; the class started at 8 AM, but since my sister goes to school in San Francisco (about 2 hours away! X_x), we have to leave earlier than I would have liked. Yes, this does in fact imply that I have no driver's license. I'm a spineless pussy when it comes to driving, so sue me.
+ Show Spoiler +This is me in ten years.
I arrive around 7:10, so I head around to check out where all my classes are. At this point, my anxiety is forgotten, since I'm just thinking about what the classes are like, and how the professors and fellow students are. So, I'm kinda gallivanting around the campus, feeling upbeat and jovial. In fact, this song is playing in my head the whole time: + Show Spoiler + In fact, don't continue reading until you have that playing. I want you guys to feel the kind of mood I was in.
You listening? Good.
No, wait, that one guy doesn't have it playing yet. Turn it on, buddy.
There we go, you're such a reasonable audience.
Anyway, I'm walking around the place, and I run into an old friend of mine from high school... let's call him Carter. Carter shares my sardonic sense of humor, so we get along very well. Now, I'm psyched for class, because I'm anticipating we'll be sharing at least one. I feel like fist-pumping, but doing that without any provocation would be awkward, so I refrain.
But dark times are ahead for me, for in the middle of my little tour, after parting with my friend, I start to feel cramps in my abdominal area. Not a good sign, usually, so I head to one of the restrooms to see if I could... make a deposit, so to speak.
But alas, poor Aeres! Apparently, I am in the throes of that devilish ailment known as constipation. Seems like I'm gonna be holding it in for a bit longer; that shit was backed up like a whore's ass in Vegas. And only slightly more sanitary.
So life starts to suck for me again. You can turn off the music now, the mood is pretty much gone.
I check my watch once the throbbing of my fecal fetus has ceased, and I notice that it's almost 8:00 -- the first class is about to start. Fortunately, it's my favorite subject, history. Specifically, Ancient Egypt. So, I try to ignore my intestinal problems and head on over to (hopefully) enjoy the class.
Again, my hopes are dashed, though. The history professor is just... ugh. She looks like she was born around the time of the subject matter she's teaching, and her attitude is that of a "Three years until retirement..." kind of thing.
+ Show Spoiler +I saw her drive past me. She looked perturbed.
As soon as the student mass trudges into the classroom, she looks up, turns back to her computer, and plays this video on the projector: + Show Spoiler + God, it's horrifying. Not only is it just embarrassing to hear, but I don't learn anything new anyway. Once it's over, she turns to us again and starts launching questions at us that most of us don't understand at all. Since history is my passion, I respond affirmatively with a few of the answers, but before long, Ms. Despicable Crone says I've spoken enough for the class, and I should stay quiet for the rest of the period.
The class is two hours long. Twenty minutes have passed. And I gotta stay quiet and attentive for an hour forty, while trying not to shit my pants accidentally? Fun times, I guess. And to top it off, she threatens to loop that fucking YouTube video if we (and by we, I mean everyone but me) are too reticent about answering her gauntlet of questions.
It's nice that the student body is baller, so it balances out the cunt behind the podium. She lectures about 30 minutes total; it would've been longer, but she keeps getting interrupted every 5 minutes by late students who hover around the doorway. Serves her right, the bitch.
Somehow, though, I make it through. The second and final class for the day is English 1A. I like writing, and I daresay I'm good at it, but my brain, for some reason, refuses to kick into writing gear when presented an assignment about a subject I have no interest in. So, I'm not too happy about this class. However, the class is made awesome by the combination of three things:
First off, the teacher is stellar. She's this bright and happy Polish woman who has such a cool accent. I'm not gonna say the professor was incredibly attractive, but she's definitely not ugly, so that's a plus. Too bad she's wearing the most atrocious scarf I've ever seen! It looks like a boa constrictor wearing zebra stripes. I mean, I'm not exactly Estee Lauder, but come on, this is ridiculous.
+ Show Spoiler +Stop wearing sub-Saharan animals around your neck!
Second, Carter is there. Score!
Third... well, I THOUGHT it was gonna be a three-item list, because I notice the assigned reading text, The Zookeeper's Wife, was about World War II. Again, history buff that I am, I'm a bit more excited. Until I read the summary on the back of the book. Turns out it's a motherfucking love story in the Holocaust. Oh, well, you take what you can get.
By the way, Carter is a friggin' master of misdirection. He asks like 20 different questions pertaining to the syllabus to stall for time, because there's a sort of diagnostic essay that we're supposed to write in class to get a sense of how well we write. Unfortunately for Carter, Ms. Obnoxious Scarf sees through his plan and allows the class to start writing 20 minutes before Carter is allowed to, and since the essay is the ticket out the door, my noble friend has to stay after class for a bit. Like a pro, I get my essay out in record time (although whenever I write, I grip the pen WAAAAAAY too hard, so I have constant hand cramps), and swagger out the door, right to the bathroom.
Sweet relief ensues.
Since my classes are over for the day, and I've been released from the class earlier than expected, I decide to walk home, since I'm out of shape anyway and home is only two or so miles from the campus. Not the wisest decision I've ever made, mostly because I tend to get cold VERY easily. So, I'm wearing black jeans, a black longsleeve shirt, and black fucking Uggs. And I plan to basically climb a 2-mile hill to get home.
I'm an idiot.
Finally, I make it home, after my heroic encounter with this mighty beast: + Show Spoiler + Also, I nearly get hit by a car because the bastard's talking on his cell phone and swerving around like a Hula-Hooper on meth. Oh, and the blisters from the Uggs. I need some decent tennis shoes...
So, yeah, that's my story. All things considered, I'm looking forward to my time at college. Certainly something new.
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Hey man I read your little adventure here and it's actually quite funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope you enjoy your semester. Your writing style is quite good and comical, I like that. Oh... a dude wearing Ugg boots though......?
P.S get a driver's license, you're in college now buddy, you're going to need to get around. Mom giving a ride to school... not a really good look hahehheh =D
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On September 21 2010 05:20 MetalMarine wrote: Hey man I read your little adventure here and it's actually quite funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope you enjoy your semester. Your writing style is quite good and comical, I like that. Oh... a dude wearing Ugg boots though......?
P.S get a driver's license, you're in college now buddy, you're going to need to get around. Mom giving a ride to school... not a really good look hahehheh =D
Yeah, I know about the Uggs. They're warm. >_<
Mom was only driving me the first day. I'm walking once I get some good shoes.
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Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier. Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =)
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On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote: Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier. Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =)
Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P
On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area
... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before.
About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor.
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I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5
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On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5
*moves to Boston*
Thanks for the compliments. =P
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thedeadhaji
39473 Posts
On September 21 2010 05:37 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote: Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier. Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =) Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area ... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before. About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor.
I've taken courses there in the past :O local CC
I've already graduated with a Masters degree so
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On September 21 2010 05:49 thedeadhaji wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote: Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier. Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =) Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area ... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before. About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor. I've taken courses there in the past :O local CC I've already graduated with a Masters degree so
Again, I'm an idiot. I read your "Ask me anything" blog yesterday, so I should've known. Hooray for poor reading comprehension skills.
Still kinda creepy that you know where I live. Oh well, you're a TL hero, so it could be worse!
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On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P
Boston is a shitty place to live, although it is significantly better if you dont own a car so that could work out for ya.
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On September 21 2010 05:54 NukeTheBunnys wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P Boston is a shitty place to live, although it is significantly better if you dont own a car so that could work out for ya.
It was kind of a joke, seeing as how everyone knows where I live now. T_T Besides, it's too cold. I'd rather move to Arizona or somethin'.
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dude why are you wearing uggs??? do they make guy shoes?
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On September 21 2010 06:01 mOnion wrote: dude why are you wearing uggs??? do they make guy shoes?
I know they're feminine, but they fit my feet well and they're warm. I don't think I should be demonized because of my footwear, long as it works for me and I like it. Although, I really do need some good athletic shoes for when I'm walking to/from school every day.
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On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH!walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area
Truer words never spoken. In fact, a friend of mine just ranted to me on the abysmal state of parking there.
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what the hell, you got to start 23 days later than me
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On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P
Now I KNOW where you live! You can't escape TL forever!
On a related note, that was a really entertaining story! Much more interesting than my first day of college which was just a bundle of stress. Keep us updated with your adventures :D
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On September 21 2010 07:08 dudeman001 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P Now I KNOW where you live! You can't escape TL forever! On a related note, that was a really entertaining story! Much more interesting than my first day of college which was just a bundle of stress. Keep us updated with your adventures :D
You sure? I might have been talking about Boston, Ontario. Or Boston, Missouri! You may never know...
Thanks for the praise! Tomorrow is only one class, Statistics, so I'm not sure there's gonna be much to talk about. Who knows, there might be something bloggable. I'm not a fan of math, so maybe I'll write of my struggles with graph paper and derivatives.
It'll be a real tear-jerker, I assure you.
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Just get up and leave lecture if you have to, the vast majority of professors won't care (especially if you do so quietly and aren't in the front row
I don't want to sound weird or creepy, but I'm REALLY curious as to what a guy dresses in when he wears uggs. pics with the whole setup would be much appreciated. That probably sounds both weird and creepy.
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very interesting read. im assuming your college is a small one?
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thedeadhaji
39473 Posts
On September 21 2010 05:53 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:49 thedeadhaji wrote:On September 21 2010 05:37 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote: Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier. Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =) Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area ... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before. About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor. I've taken courses there in the past :O local CC I've already graduated with a Masters degree so Again, I'm an idiot. I read your "Ask me anything" blog yesterday, so I should've known. Hooray for poor reading comprehension skills. Still kinda creepy that you know where I live. Oh well, you're a TL hero, so it could be worse!
hehe well it's not like I can mailbomb you or something (I could probably mailbomb Last Romantic though! LoL)
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thedeadhaji
39473 Posts
On September 21 2010 06:04 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 06:01 mOnion wrote: dude why are you wearing uggs??? do they make guy shoes? I know they're feminine, but they fit my feet well and they're warm. I don't think I should be demonized because of my footwear, long as it works for me and I like it. Although, I really do need some good athletic shoes for when I'm walking to/from school every day.
lol i had to google what uggs were.
I know I can't pull this off, but hey kudos to you if you can ^^
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Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you?
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On September 21 2010 07:43 Elegy wrote: Just get up and leave lecture if you have to, the vast majority of professors won't care (especially if you do so quietly and aren't in the front row
I don't want to sound weird or creepy, but I'm REALLY curious as to what a guy dresses in when he wears uggs. pics with the whole setup would be much appreciated. That probably sounds both weird and creepy.
My standard attire consists of long-sleeve shirts and jeans. I just tuck in the pantsleeves over the boots so that only the main hub of the shoes are visible. I rarely get remarks about it, and whenever I do get asked if they're Uggs, I say they are. Why lie about it?
On September 21 2010 07:52 vectorix108 wrote: very interesting read. im assuming your college is a small one?
It's a community college, so compared to major institutions, yes, it's pretty small. It acts as a sort of nexus for all the high schools in the area, though, so while the school itself is fairly small, the student body is a bit more impressive.
No, Foothill does not have Probes.
On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you?
You're so cute when you're angry.
And for the record, girls do love my Uggs.
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It's pretty acceptable to just walk out of class in the middle of a teachers sentence to go to the bathroom. In fact it's acceptable to just walk out of class and not come back. Most teachers I have don't even care if someones cellphone rings and they get out of class to answer it. Remember in high school when your teachers would bitch that you were only there for you, and if you break rules or whatever you're only hurting yourself? Well now it's actually true. In your situation I think discreetly leaving class for a few minutes was a better decision for you.
Definitely walk or cycle to school. Two miles isn't much at all and you'll gain a lot more freedom than having your mom drive you around.
PhallicAgressor: what an apt name. Whats your problem?
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Hey Hey Pharaoh is stuck in my head now. :C
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On September 21 2010 09:03 Lexpar wrote: It's pretty acceptable to just walk out of class in the middle of a teachers sentence to go to the bathroom. In fact it's acceptable to just walk out of class and not come back. Most teachers I have don't even care if someones cellphone rings and they get out of class to answer it. Remember in high school when your teachers would bitch that you were only there for you, and if you break rules or whatever you're only hurting yourself? Well now it's actually true. In your situation I think discreetly leaving class for a few minutes was a better decision for you.
The problem wasn't that I was afraid to leave class, it's that I physically could not shit. There was no way to fix it until later.
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Hahah fair enough friend!
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United States22883 Posts
On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you? I'd just like to point out that these two insults don't even make sense together. Way to fail at being clever.
OP, I really liked the way you told your story. Did you ever manage to shit? Also, I'm a little shocked at the people talking about using cell phones in classes or leaving in the middle of class. None of my professors would have put up with that crap, nor should they. I liked seeing those terrible students getting reamed by a professor for disrespect.
I guess it depends on how big the class is and how often you do it + if the professor likes you. Hopefully the old bitch doesn't hold a grudge because you answer a lot.
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Ah i remember my first day of university.... That was a week ago :D
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On September 21 2010 09:42 Jibba wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you? I'd just like to point out that these two insults don't even make sense together. Way to fail at being clever. OP, I really liked the way you told your story. Did you ever manage to shit? Also, I'm a little shocked at the people talking about using cell phones in classes or leaving in the middle of class. None of my professors would have put up with that crap, nor should they. I liked seeing those terrible students getting reamed by a professor for disrespect.
Yeah, at the point where I said that sweet relief ensued. The act went something like this:
except I don't shit out my mouth or fall into the toilet. >_>
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On September 21 2010 09:42 Jibba wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you? OP, I really liked the way you told your story. Did you ever manage to shit? Also, I'm a little shocked at the people talking about using cell phones in classes or leaving in the middle of class. None of my professors would have put up with that crap, nor should they. I liked seeing those terrible students getting reamed by a professor for disrespect. I guess it depends on how big the class is and how often you do it + if the professor likes you. Hopefully the old bitch doesn't hold a grudge because you answer a lot.
All the teachers I have so far don't really care if you leave in the middle of the class. They usually give the whole "you are an adult now and you don't have to be here if you don't want to" lecture. Then again, I have some friends who go to different schools telling me that some teachers do get mad if you do leave. It's at a point where they would call you out in front of everybody and embarrassing you or just mark you absent.
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On September 21 2010 08:58 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you? You're so cute when you're angry. And for the record, girls do love my Uggs. loool maybe the girls who have bad eyesight and left their contacts/glasses at home?? i kid. but your footwear description also stood out to me from op and imo uggs is an unattractive footwear choice for both males and females ;p
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lol that was a fun story dude. have a good time in college.
here are some tips: one get a god damn drivers license even if u never drive. FUKIN GET ONE! i hope u at least have a permit. i mean shit u need one eventually. so fuckin get one!!
second: u can ride a bike to school it will be a lot more enjoyable than walking. or get a longboard and impress the girls. but first learn how to ride one. enough times i see these scrublets on boards and these tennis shoes trying to pull off stellar turns with no knee bending and only angling of the ankles. u look like a freakin dumbass!
third: uggs look great! and i'm sure they are comfortable, but fuk i'm sorry to say that you will receive the wrath of society if u wear them as a dude, and probably be called gay. on the upside u stand out?
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On September 21 2010 13:43 Bereft wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 08:58 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 08:10 PhallicAgressor wrote: Your Vagina called, it misses you and wants you to trade back in that lifeless thing you call a dick.
I bet the girls loved your Uggs. What kind of lunch did you mom pack you? You're so cute when you're angry. And for the record, girls do love my Uggs. loool maybe the girls who have bad eyesight and left their contacts/glasses at home?? i kid. but your footwear description also stood out to me from op and imo uggs is an unattractive footwear choice for both males and females ;p
It's not like I'm going out of my way to display them. If you think I have bad taste in shoes, then so be it. They work for me.
If you really are that concerned for me, here's the setup I go with (it's upside down, but whatever): + Show Spoiler + As you can see, they're rather hard to detect, since people don't usually look at feet when they're talking. Really, though, I'm not so shallow as to believe random strangers' rants about my shoes. It's ridiculous.
On September 21 2010 13:43 ulszz wrote: lol that was a fun story dude. have a good time in college.
here are some tips: one get a god damn drivers license even if u never drive. FUKIN GET ONE! i hope u at least have a permit. i mean shit u need one eventually. so fuckin get one!!
second: u can ride a bike to school it will be a lot more enjoyable than walking. or get a longboard and impress the girls. but first learn how to ride one. enough times i see these scrublets on boards and these tennis shoes trying to pull off stellar turns with no knee bending and only angling of the ankles. u look like a freakin dumbass!
third: uggs look great! and i'm sure they are comfortable, but fuk i'm sorry to say that you will receive the wrath of society if u wear them as a dude, and probably be called gay. on the upside u stand out?
1: I'm scared to drive. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid, but I imagine myself being totally nervous all the time if I'm at the wheel, because one wrong move and someone else is hurt or killed. Yes, it's irrational, but that's how I feel right now. Maybe when I get more confident with myself, I'll get that license, but for now, I don't really need it anyway, since most everything I need to do in town is within walking / cycling distance.
2: My brother tried longboarding once. I learned from his mistakes. =)
3: See above image for the setup. People can call me gay if they want; I'm comfortable with my sexuality, and opinionated, uppity kids won't sway me.
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