I think I spoke about this in one of my first entries, to be honest, I write too much and thus going back to read it makes it very anxious and uncomfortable for me. I never like peering in my own thoughts, they never seem my own and looking back, they seem to make only sense during that time and never again for a very long time.
Let's hope that's true for a lot of recent entries...
In any case, on with the show.
I've always been in a tug-of-war with the world. Either hating its people, myself included, or simply being bedazzled and left bewildered at how such things could be produced. It never became something worth noting until I saw something written from Liquid'Drone who really summed it up in a way I wish I could concisely express:
On June 07 2011 00:25 Liquid`Drone wrote: [...] think about how wonderful it is to think about that what you just saw was created by another human's imagination. think about how wonderful it is that you are a human - and an intelligent human capable of creating stuff other humans will enjoy. think about the fact that the perceptions others have of you do not even matter, because you create your own reality.
In a sense, I guess I am cowardly extending his own words, but yesterday I felt once again in the rut. Completely perplexed as to why I can't get along with other people no matter through what form of communication. It was easier for me to hate, give up and despise those people than to admit my own shortcomings and possible fallacies. As a teenager, I hated everyone and condemned them as superficial socialistic creatures, incapable of seeing qualities that aren't hormonally developing or just physical: an excuse to and stubborn attempt to dissolve any anti-social behavior and problems I had with myself. I see that now, but trying to change that is hard, I'm working on it.
In any case, it was Liquid'Drone's post that made me wonder of this vast world and come to this statement that people can do crazy, ugly and disgusting things. Things we never though could be possible, that no man, with the civilized morals we come to just assume is taught and accepted by all, could achieve a level of repulsiveness and anger. When I read some of these topics in the General section (often sensational and meant to urge an emotion from you), there's always an imprint of my right-hand covering my mouth in surprise. I utter an "Oh my God" in surprise to such cruelties, imbalances of justice and disproportionate levels of condition. I'm not going to give examples, but I assure you that the things that have had light shown upon it are probably not even the darkest of depths this humanity has become estranged with (am I using that word right)?
I cowered to my computer, trying to erase these impending thoughts. I peered over my computer screen to look outside and just felt a calm come over me. An appreciation for the world as it whirled in front of me:
I saw my outside like this again
Looking up, the clouds rolled in, racing like schoolkids around the courtyard. I peered down below to gaze at people just walking. They're all going someplace, somewhere with different intends, but take the same paths at one point or another. The world was moving forward despite the horrid it has endured and I was here on the 18th floor, watching it go for another rollercoaster ride.
A rare shot from my 18th window, I didn't notice it until now
Okay, looks like this won't be short. Sorry folks.
It's amazing how a person can hate another or everyone, but can still enjoy, appreciate and accept their creations. Man, as itself, is an ugly thing yet what it can make it just purely splendid, only to be appreciated by other ugly things. Even now I'm squinting at trying to grasp that. Am I being contradictory here? An ugly thing's creation is appreciated by other ugly things. A relationship is made between two beings by a beauty that surpasses them both. I guess it is actually kind of poetic that an ugly creates something that surpasses his/her own beauty.or maybe I'm trying too hard (a very likely scenario).
Okay fuck it, let's just get to the fucking point. The point being, I want others to list shit that makes them come to tolerate this world, that through all the horrid and terrible events that we read, experience or feel, I want to see a form of (wo)man's achievements that truly makes you bliss.
It can be in the form of anything. No size or worth are equivalent of possible to compare because they invoke a non-general satisfaction us all. For a moment, we're just left with this feeling of acceptance. It's not long and it probably goes unnoticed until we've left it, but just for a moment, I can lean back, take another sip and bask in a time never to be interacted with again with anyone or myself...
Here are my three, I stopped at three because I don't want to go on all day as I've already done so...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7ahIGLNNwo
Watching this movie just left me with a mouth ajar. How did someone think of this? In a sense, it has an Alice in Wonderland feel to it, a surreal notion that something's amiss, but when I first saw this movie, I couldn't grasp it all. The story can easily be summed, but the amount of depth and ideas, themes and statements made in this film had me pining for more daytime as I slipped into bed, unrested and uneased with so many thoughts and need to appreciate. I highly suggest this movie and it will be one of the many movies I feel people can be proud of (if there was ever a time for it).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf8C_fkEXqQ
Ignore the movie if you have seen it. Well... don't, because the movie is truly superb. But ignore it for once, consider song of its own independence, free will and life. Can you name how many emotions this movie goes through? How many sentiments it transitions like one's own day and interactions? Can you feel it step onto a new flight of stairs with each past 30 to 40 seconds as new instruments get introduced, scream and yell for us with life and joy? I get almost get a jouissance from this song (obviously exaggerating) and right at its pinnacle, it starts again (2:30-2:34 about) and resolves itself, as if crawling until its own bed with a loud, beautiful yawn.
It's too endearing...
Perhaps you don't see the beauty of the above and that's okay. You're not less or more of a person and to be honest, I might just be exaggerating, stunned at anything new in discovery like a toddler. The last thing I chose is this bottle (and the drink inside, which I absolutely adore). I don't know why I like it, I'm hoping because it's a connotation of an earlier time (simpler times?) or some bullshit like that. I love the taste though, the additional cane sugar gives it an odd aftertaste, but truly adds a layer of sweetness to an already sweetened drink. The bottle is oversized with an unusual/unique neck and a much rounder top. I like it. I like the weight, the feel and the size. I wrote to them with my appreciation, something I've never done before. It's a product hard to find here in Quebec, so I guess that adds to it, the feeling of finding a hidden treasure that only few can enjoy (or the illusioned few).
That's it for today. I apologize if this came off as pretentious or just utterly stupid. It wasn't my intention, just feeling alone right now.
There are three things wrapped up in that video that make this world livable.
1) Music. The ability to put emotion and thought into a pleasing shape that can be shared across cultures blows my mind and picks me up when I'm down.
2) Relationships. That is my brother singing, and you will not find a cooler guy anywhere. The idea that we can share in each others lives despite being individual creatures holds overwhelming loneliness away. To anyone reading this who feels that loneliness, know that putting effort and time into forming relationships will be one of the most rewarding things you do.
3) Aspirations. This is a little more subtle and requires some other knowledge. My brother is currently in Singapore getting a Doctorate in Linguistics, a dream he has had for a long time. The fact that we are not bound to our position but free and able to move forward is astounding. What else in nature has the freedom of mankind? The opportunity to seize the day that comes with every morning helps me get up.
I know these things are a little less tangible then you were probably looking for, but I feel like they are nonetheless important to recognize as it is by these means we change the world.
There are three things wrapped up in that video that make this world livable.
1) Music. The ability to put emotion and thought into a pleasing shape that can be shared across cultures blows my mind and picks me up when I'm down.
2) Relationships. That is my brother singing, and you will not find a cooler guy anywhere. The idea that we can share in each others lives despite being individual creatures holds overwhelming loneliness away. To anyone reading this who feels that loneliness, know that putting effort and time into forming relationships will be one of the most rewarding things you do.
3) Aspirations. This is a little more subtle and requires some other knowledge. My brother is currently in Singapore getting a Doctorate in Linguistics, a dream he has had for a long time. The fact that we are not bound to our position but free and able to move forward is astounding. What else in nature has the freedom of mankind? The opportunity to seize the day that comes with every morning helps me get up.
I know these things are a little less tangible then you were probably looking for, but I feel like they are nonetheless important to recognize as it is by these means we change the world.
No, they're exactly what I am looking for. I like the strumming of guitars, the sootheness it blends in with beat and sort of lays a backdrop for the voice to insert props of lyrical beauty!
Your brother sings well :3 Though I'm sure he knows this.
I feel you're a good writer but could be much better if you did more with less
as far as your question: art and architecture. I wish I could have that kind of creativity. I dunno if it makes me tolerate so much as it inspires or makes me appreciate it? I dunno.
On June 11 2011 04:58 Hawk wrote: I feel you're a good writer but could be much better if you did more with less
as far as your question: art and architecture. I wish I could have that kind of creativity. I dunno if it makes me tolerate so much as it inspires or makes me appreciate it? I dunno.
Thank you. I'm not looking to improve my writing, just purely to use it as a tool to express myself (no matter how rusted or poor it is). If the blog entry made sense, then I am satisfied. I am trying to shorten my entries however because I realize that saying a lot of nothing punishes the reader. As you can tell, it's not working very well, but I will keep trying.
Do you have any notable pieces or structures you'd like to show? I'm interested!
Wow, the first two urls were the one that sparked the most interest for me.
I like the outside of houses, but I like the most is when a building is plain on the outside, even too generic and on the inside, it is a whirlwind of amazement, consistency and beauty. I actually really like the first one and can't get over it. It's a bit too simple and lacks maybe a bit of carpeting or color, but I'm probably wrong~
Well it's really simple isn't it? It's Team Liquid. People like moktira and all the great folks that put their spare time and make immense efforts for free only to make a few other people happy, it inspires me every day and makes me appreciate myself as the member of the same species. Rarely do you see a place in this world with such a high concentration of awesome people willing to help anyone, entertain them, and embrace them and accept them into the family.
Good god what a long story. And for me, quite personal too. I love this topic with a passion though and I wish more people would think and talk about it.
I'm gonna tell you a bit of my story; please understand if the topic seems to jump around from sentence to sentence... I assure you they are logically connected (even if I don't explain the logic).
I used to think very negatively about the world and life as a whole. I am extremely introverted, but not naturally so IMO. I used to be very social and physically active and all that when I was younger. Even now I sometimes think back on my life and only see a big slew of reasons to not trust other people (and holy fuck the variety of reasons to not trust other people is mind-boggling). This is very sad when it comes down to it, but I do not really blame the people themselves.
I am 22 years old now. If I may be so open, my own ignorance is what saved me from myself; I am lucky to be alive (not gonna elaborate). When I was 12 I was diagnosed with "major depression". It would be a lie to say that a girl or two had nothing to do with it; but that definitely wasn't all of my reasoning. According to the (imo limited) scope of IQ tests, I have always had above-average intelligence (130-140+), even while heavily medicated (~120). When I was younger, the more I learned the more I hated. I believe(d) that most of my problems with the world stemmed from other people. But one of the last things I have ever wanted was to be one of those people who problems often stem from.
I may never be able to fully articulate all of the things that displeases me about how people interact in all of it's contexts. I might not ever even try. If I had to choose one word to describe myself, it would be "perceptive". What I'm saying is that most of the things that made me sad were intangible, so it was always hard to impossible for people to understand my sadness. I cannot blame people for being ignorant, but I certainly blame the people who don't try to change that fact at every opportunity they get.
The more I used to learn, the more I used to hate. That is not true anymore. Now the more I learn, the more I learn that I (and of course everybody else) don't/doesn't know shit. This fascinates me to no end. I have always loved learning, but only recently did I decide that Learning is the virtue that I hold highest (right next to Courtesy, they really go hand-in-hand in my philosophy).
My parents are devout Mormons, but I am not, never have been, and probably never will be a religious person. I am very agnostic. Yet at the same time I consider myself to be deeply "spiritual", whatever that's supposed to mean. I have done basic studying on all major religions. They all have two things in common: (1) they all have some very basic humanistic values that I hold very high (2) they all have a bunch of ridiculously specific stories and ideas about what god, heaven, hell, and all that are. I don't buy into anything that falls under 2's category for a second, but I think religions are overall a good thing because of their fundamental humanistic values. I don't think a single person on this planet really knows who or what God really is or what he's done or what he will do. I don't necessarily believe in a God, but I do think that if he exists then I know pretty much what he would want from me (and I'm sure there are other people out there who have a fairly decent idea of what he would want too). Regardless, I do not think I need him to really choose what is right (not that I or anyone always does or will even if I/they know). It's in my "heart"; it is a part of who I am.
I could try to explain it but it basically comes down to good = enjoying life and bad = not enjoying life, or something that causes such things. Almost everything is both good and both though, so the only way to know what is really good and what is really bad is to actually know everything, which isn't possible.
Anyways I probably sound like I'm rambling at this point. But I have done a LOT of soul-searching over the past 10 years and I have only recently found out who I really am. It seems literally and seriously to be to be of the most utmost importance to say everything I can to help other people at least be aware that there really is a path to what I will call "inner calmness". This brings me to a comment I have about the wording of the title of the OP. I understand that the title is meant more figuratively than literally, but I would argue almost the opposite, except that there can certainly be beauty in what a man makes. It's just that, for obvious reasons, the beauty that man makes is more obvious
So this "inner calmness" thing is really the point of this post, and I wish I could do a better job of explaining it. A common technique that they teach people with stress problems is to take deep breathes. It is a lot like this for me... except that when I'm very stressed, purposely taking a deep breath and really thinking about it doesn't just help me, it literally wipes the whole slate clean in my head and I can truly think clearly. Some of you must be thinking "well he must be living a good life!". On some levels this is true, I have more to be thankful for than the majority of people in history and even the world right now (I do live in a first world country after all..).
But at the same time I'm at the lowest point in my life (worse than I was at when I was 12...). There are more tangible things that bring me down than ever. Yet I'm more mentally healthy and positive than I've ever been. There's not a chance that I'm going to let my circumstances get the better of me. But that's a promise I only need to make to myself.
I used to want to help humanity progress technologically in some way. I wanted to be the next Da Vinci or Tesla or Eddison or Einstein, or whatever. I had/have a burning desire to have my name go down in the history books as someone who changed our lives forever. Maybe I would be the one to make the final breakthrough to warping time and space and reaching the opposite side of the universe or anything along those lines (even less drastic like finding a critical way to support human life in space indefinitely). Something like that.
But then I realized that these great inventions would still be in the hands of humans. And, inevitably, humans that would primarily choose to cause harm. No, I do not want to help us make war on an intergalactic level; I want to help change the mindset of at least the future generations so that when we finally are on an "intergalactic" level, wars and prejudice etc. are a thing of the past. The best way to do this would be to teach people how to achieve "inner calmness", and you can tell by the convoluted nature of this post that I am nowhere near ready to be able to do so.
But what if I could teach everyone this "inner calmness"? Would that not be a lot like all these religions that try to force their beliefs on others? The same thing that created so many wars in the past? I think it would be, so I don't think I can ever do it (it's utterly ridiculous complications aside) simply because it would be immoral and essentially against what I am for anyway. Talk about a paradox. But I still want other people to have access to this "inner calmness" that I have learned/achieved/whatever, or at least be aware of it's possibility. And as far as I know, fully explaining it is outside of the scope of the English language.
If you want help on this "path" that I am explaining, here are some tips I've been thinking about: (1) Realize that you don't know very much at all; and neither does anybody else. (2) Try to learn as much as you can as often as you can. (3) Never hinder another person's enjoyment of life so that you may enjoy life, unless you are simply trying to survive. (4) Always try to do the thing that is the most good for as many people as possible. Good god is this a hard one to do properly. The key word is "try". (5) In your heart, forgive anyone that has ever wronged you. (6) In your heart, apologize to anyone (even animals) that you have ever wronged. If you can, try to express it to them personally (not necessary, but it's nice). (7) Smile and/or laugh whenever it might be appropriate (which is quite often). But don't do it consciously... do whatever it takes to let it come naturally.
Disclaimer: I have no delusions thinking that this "inner calmness" that I have achieved makes me in any way superior to anyone else, or that it is even unique. I just know that this world would be a better place if more people had it (preferably everyone), and that by it's very nature it can only be a good thing (now that I think about it it's the only purely good thing that I really know).
Good god I practically gave you my life story (not really).
Well, if you read nothing else in this post I hope you read this:
Invictus by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.