i have compiled an exhaustive list of things you can do to make yourself feel better.
1. floss. you don't floss. when you hear people talk about how gross it is to not floss, you suddenly feel self-conscious and pretend agree. have you ever thought that those people might not floss themselves? who the fuck flosses? i mean i do, now, just to feel useful. but before? fuck no. what if nobody in the world flossed, and the entire floss industry makes money off of peoples' vanity? fuck flossing. but still, floss. it feels great, it hurts and it also will probably bleed a surprising amount. even your fingers will hurt. any activity that involves lingering pain, cut circulation and bleeding is by definition very exciting. good job!
2. clothe an animal. this will give you something cute, whimsical and funny to say if an attractive member of the other sex asks. "so what do you do for fun?" "well yesterday i dressed my dog up in a pumpkin costume" [intrigue's note: i actually did this] and insert a mischievous smile [i actually did this]. it will make her laugh and imply that you do interesting things all the time and follow your imagination, when you don't at all. who cares. people don't like other people for who they are, they like other people for who they're perceived to be. enjoy getting laid, a lot.
3. trim your pubes. if you already do, just do it again. it's fun, and you feel different down there for a few days. it's a constant reminder that you look great, girl, have you been working out? yeah i found this new gym, and there's this really cute trainer. his name is dmitri and i fucked him in the parking lot.
thanks for reading, have a great day everybuddy. i hope your children all attend prestigious universities for non-liberal arts degrees and make you proud.