But I met a man this weekend who may not be extremely well known in the entirety of eSports, but I could see that he was passionate about his work. He wasn't some guy who was paid an outrageous some of money for a few hours of broadcasting time over a weekend. I could see his frustration with some parts of the event that didn't turn out as ideal as he wanted to. A lot of people behind the scenes in eSports have negative opinions about me and I was surprised that someone in the somewhat compact World of Tanks community knew about this. He really is one of the few, the good, the clean, and the honest. Since I started venturing into eSports, I have made the acquaintance of some individuals who would say anything to make money. No names.
The bottom line is, what I have learned from this is that I need to make myself in to a person that people can like.
Lately a lot of things have happened to me. I have developed a health condition that is not fatal, but common to have, and can lead to other health complications later in life. At the moment I was diagnosed I thought to myself, "What if this was a condition that could have killed me that I developed instead?" I am not trying to blame this for me being salty lately as when I wrote my last two blogs, but it spoke volumes to me. I have to start eating healthier, exercising more, and just generally be less stressed. In general, just being happier and healthier will make living with this condition better, and I also really need to change my way of thinking.
I have a beautiful girlfriend that supports me doing eSports. She even plays games with me, and I didn't have to explain my work to her when I first met her. I can't think of how many first dates I've had to explain that I teach English during the day, but at night I am a commentator / streamer. Some girls have no clue what that is. She is not one of those girls. Making it better, she wasn't some crazy fan girl that chased me around or liked every single status post I made on facebook. When she showed my stream to her friends, they said, "Oh that guy is BreAKer" (of course, referring to me by my Chinese name, 賓哥). When she came to watch the World of Tanks APAC Asia Season 3 finals, I asked the TeSL production crew to put the cameras on her. She didnt notice because she was playing with her cell phone. When I say that I've never felt this way about any other girl in my life, I mean it.
The event itself surpassed 2,000 concurrent viewers on the English stream on day 2 which is actually much much more than I was expecting, as the regular number of viewers we would obtain for the English stream during the ordinary season would be anywhere from 200-300 concurrent viewers.
Me and her together:
+ Show Spoiler +
(Yes these glasses are fake, they don't have any form of lens in them. It's a fashion statement here in Asia).
The reasons why I was angry was for the longest time I wanted to avoid teaching English in Taiwan, if it was at all possible. But the longer I stayed here, the more and more obvious it became that I was going to have to do this. It was a cold and stark reminder that I am not where I want to be in life at the time, but now I've come to expect it. I was tired of being hungry.
TL;DR - Health issues (not fatal by any means) made me stressed, I met a man who didn't feed me lies, I have a beautiful girlfriend, I'm going to spend the year 2015 making my life in general better.
EDIT: This will be my last blog of the year on teamliquid unless I can do something that is truly productive. As one user said below, this is only inviting negative comments. I have broken myself and i need to be fixed.