|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 23 2015 17:55 LemOn wrote: Eh why even bring that up oO did she tell you she only wants a serious relationship? You're right. Other than the fact that she said she wanted to take it slow after the first date we have not talked anything about a relationship or anything of the sorts.
I just kind of assumed that maybe that was her intention of trying for a relationship. However, if she was a virgin she maybe just wants to get to know the guy before fucking him...
Lets say we do start to have sex etc, and then after two weeks she brings up the relationship topic and I say no, then I'll probably feel like the biggest douchebag on this earth.
Probably going to do what you think though, just keep hanging out if it's fun and see what happens...
|
On November 23 2015 20:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 17:55 LemOn wrote: Eh why even bring that up oO did she tell you she only wants a serious relationship? Probably going to do what you think though, just keep hanging out if it's fun and see what happens... FYI that+sex (sex is important, and foreplay pretty much starts the minute you meet her) is all what dating is besides raising kids, you just make it into some advanced Stephen Hawking rocket science shit. The other stuff just comes naturally
|
I somehow ended up having two dates in Dublin on the same day and I'm not sure how I can juggle them. The issue is that I don't live there, and I'm afraid that girl one will insist on bringing me to the bus. I don't want to outright lie, so I'm not sure how to stay there without her noticing.
|
On November 23 2015 22:35 DickMcFanny wrote: I somehow ended up having two dates in Dublin on the same day and I'm not sure how I can juggle them. The issue is that I don't live there, and I'm afraid that girl one will insist on bringing me to the bus. I don't want to outright lie, so I'm not sure how to stay there without her noticing. Eh, just tell her you're having an appointment with someone later there, what's hard about that?
|
On November 23 2015 22:38 LemOn wrote: Eh, just tell her you're having an appointment with someone later there, what's hard about that? This sounds like a good solution.
On November 23 2015 22:29 LemOn wrote:FYI that+sex (sex is important, and foreplay pretty much starts the minute you meet her) is all what dating is besides raising kids, you just make it into some advanced Stephen Hawking rocket science shit. The other stuff just comes naturally Yeah I probably am... Going to get a bit more active on tinder again. People studying to be a doctor seem to be extremely busy, seems we can meet like once per week, seems I'm slacking with my dating at the moment!
|
On November 23 2015 22:38 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 22:35 DickMcFanny wrote: I somehow ended up having two dates in Dublin on the same day and I'm not sure how I can juggle them. The issue is that I don't live there, and I'm afraid that girl one will insist on bringing me to the bus. I don't want to outright lie, so I'm not sure how to stay there without her noticing. Eh, just tell her you're having an appointment with someone later there, what's hard about that?
Well then she'll insist on bringing me there etc. It's her town and she insists on chaperoning me around.
|
On November 23 2015 23:08 DickMcFanny wrote:Well then she'll insist on bringing me there etc. It's her town and she insists on chaperoning me around. Turn it around on her, take her to her bus/train/taxi/??.
|
On November 23 2015 22:46 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 22:38 LemOn wrote: Eh, just tell her you're having an appointment with someone later there, what's hard about that? This sounds like a good solution. Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 22:29 LemOn wrote:FYI that+sex (sex is important, and foreplay pretty much starts the minute you meet her) is all what dating is besides raising kids, you just make it into some advanced Stephen Hawking rocket science shit. The other stuff just comes naturally Yeah I probably am... Going to get a bit more active on tinder again. People studying to be a doctor seem to be extremely busy, seems we can meet like once per week, seems I'm slacking with my dating at the moment! Once per week is all that's needed at first! She will make time for you if she falls for you, Doctor or not! And I'd say in light of what you mentioned about your preferences etc. issue with being superficial Tinder is just about the worst thing you can get yourself into right now.
|
On November 23 2015 23:11 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 23:08 DickMcFanny wrote:Well then she'll insist on bringing me there etc. It's her town and she insists on chaperoning me around. Turn it around on her, take her to her bus/train/taxi/??.
I'll probably try that, yeah. It's probably the guilt that's making me overthink this.
|
|
On November 23 2015 23:49 Luepert wrote: Is it good if her response to me sending her dank memes is to send me gay anime? It is the best response.
+ Show Spoiler +I have no idea. What is the context..?
|
Yeah I don't know about this girl, maybe Lem0n is right that I'm getting friendzoned. Nothing really happened, we ate some stuff, then watched a movie. I sat down pretty close to her on the bed, hoping for some cuddling and to feel the vibe. After a short while she just kinda migrated away. Then she went to the bathroom and when she came back she sat down a bit away. If she would have moved like 15 cm away she would have practically fallen off.
I most likely won't see her this week so I will try to get some other dates. This is such a weird situation in my opinion.
|
On November 24 2015 06:55 bloodwhore~ wrote: Yeah I don't know about this girl, maybe Lem0n is right that I'm getting friendzoned. Nothing really happened, we ate some stuff, then watched a movie. I sat down pretty close to her on the bed, hoping for some cuddling and to feel the vibe. After a short while she just kinda migrated away. Then she went to the bathroom and when she came back she sat down a bit away. If she would have moved like 15 cm away she would have practically fallen off.
I most likely won't see her this week so I will try to get some other dates. This is such a weird situation in my opinion. ggnore
|
Seriously there's no point, it'll be even more painful. My GF was in a relationship like this with a guy for a year. She really liked him but he friend zoned himself through inaction. She was telling me a story about a really hot day when she hat just short shorts, really tight tank top and they'd wrestle, he pinned her to a couch, and proceeded to bite her belly. She's pretty sure he had a boner, but she was a virgin. And he got nothing, and that went on for a year because both were inexperienced and she started seeing him as a really close friend. And then he told her he loves her but can't see her anymore.
I'd rather shoot myself in the dick. Run, run fast, especially if being around her stops you from approaching other girls in any way.
The first couple days just set the tone for such a long time, just move forward faster next time, move on if you get rejected.
See if you used the time and effort you spent with her you could have chatted to 100 other girls, get 10-20 numbers out of that and meet 3-4 where you'd have really strong chemistry where you don't even have to try and everything goes so easy. And these are pessimistic numbers.
|
On November 24 2015 07:12 LemOn wrote: Seriously there's no point, it'll be even more painful. My GF was in a relationship like this with a guy for a year. She really liked him but he friend zoned himself through inaction. She was telling me a story about a really hot day when she hat just short shorts, really tight tank top and they'd wrestle, he pinned her to a couch, and proceeded to bite her belly. She's pretty sure he had a boner, but she was a virgin. And he got nothing, and that went on for a year because both were inexperienced and she started seeing him as a really close friend.
I'd rather shoot myself in the dick. Run, run fast, especially if being around her stops you from approaching other girls in any way.
The first couple days just set the tone for such a long time, just move forward faster next time, move on if you get rejected. Well it hasn't been like I have been completely inactive. What am I suppose to do when I go for a kiss and she turns her face...?
Yeah that sounds horrible. I won't let it stop me from seeing other girls, most likely will not ask her out again either.
|
Move on that's what you do
|
Went to the club for the first time on the weekend. Some girl was sitting down off to the side so I sat beside her. "Hey I'm WarSame. How's it going?" "I'm blah, I have a boyfriend."... ah cool, glad we got that covered.
|
Move on that's what you do unless it's a german hen party, then you stick around dance with them and inquire about warrior size of her fiancee. Man that was a fun night
|
On November 22 2015 06:53 GreenHorizons wrote:Show nested quote +Unless they're rumored to be doing something insane like selling drugs, joining isis, etc I wouldn't really put selling drugs with joining ISIS unless we're talking being part of the Sinaloa cartel and they do enforcement on the side But Quantic is right about not listening to chatter from a roomie and not getting caught up in what other people may think. yup it was just first dumb examples that could pop into my head but you got the general point
On November 22 2015 17:53 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +I mean validation as you want to hear 'damn your girlfriend is hot' or whatever you want others to say about her. I mean part is you looking for advice too obviously but it's really easy to get wrapped up about what people think about who you like and I've kind of caught that vibe from your posts at times.
again it's totally normal and everyone does it on some level, but you should be aware of it because it's self sabatoging. That really quickly turns into you finding someone you like and find attractive, but ulimately break up with because of insecurity about what others would think because she's too heavy, too tall, wrong religion, etc. Yeah this is probably very true, at least that I want it, I don't think I've dissed anyone because of it though. Show nested quote +as far as Nika, I get that she is your friend. But you also dated her. She can still be a very good friend after that, but I would very much take her comments with a large grain of salt when you're discussing a mutual friend who you dated just after her.
As a general rule of thumb, you usually wanna disregard the 'oh i heard this about so and so' comments when you're dating someone new, if for no other reason than people love to fucking gab and you really wouldn't have a way of verifying that. Unless they're rumored to be doing something insane like selling drugs, joining isis, etc then maybe reconsider No need to worry, I take everything with a grain of salt. Lisa is one of her better friends I think so I doubt she would just go spread horrible rumours about her. It's the first time it has happened and as I said it was after we dated she said those things as well, I have never dated anyone in my social circle or anyone even remotely near my social circle before. Show nested quote +Question is whether you try to mindfully accept that about yourself, get a nice girl and then keep asking yourself "what if I had a 9/10+" every time you wake up next to her and deal with those feelings maturely...
Or just get out of your way to get good with women, bang/date some 9/10+ before you are ready to settle down when you inevitably realize that absolute magazine looks are pretty much irrelevant, but you know you can get them any time you want.
Yeah I think I will have to make a few mistakes like this to get it into my head. It's pretty much impossible to force my brain to like someone.
Nah I don't think you're dissing anyone by doing that. My point was that if that's what you are pursuing, make sure that's what you want, not what you think society makes you think you want. There's a difference.
as far as dating friends, I've done that before too. Some people don't care, other people are 'friends' right up until they view their friend as competition and then all this stuff comes out the wood work. My point is just to always be aware of what you are getting into, and to take any comments about the 2nd woman with a very very large grain of salt. Women say some of the natiest shit about other women. Also while we're on it, don't discoutn the same for friends. Eventually you'll find the one friend who will find any reasons to hate your gf because he wants you to be single too.
On November 22 2015 08:08 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On November 22 2015 05:43 QuanticHawk wrote: I mean validation as you want to hear 'damn your girlfriend is hot' or whatever you want others to say about her. I mean part is you looking for advice too obviously but it's really easy to get wrapped up about what people think about who you like and I've kind of caught that vibe from your posts at times.
again it's totally normal and everyone does it on some level, but you should be aware of it because it's self sabatoging. That really quickly turns into you finding someone you like and find attractive, but ulimately break up with because of insecurity about what others would think because she's too heavy, too tall, wrong religion, etc.
Question is whether you try to mindfully accept that about yourself, get a nice girl and then keep asking yourself "what if I had a 9/10+" every time you wake up next to her and deal with those feelings maturely... Or just get out of your way to get good with women, bang/date some 9/10+ before you are ready to settle down when you inevitably realize that absolute magazine looks are pretty much irrelevant, but you know you can get them any time you want.
I mean if this is what you want go for it. My point is be mindful of the difference between what you truly want vs what you think you want because society tells you. Pursing one will make you happy and the other will not (or will only lead to temporary superficial happiness)
To use an extreme example, I have a friend who used to date super pretty skinny women for a long time. Now he mostly dates bigger girls. Turns out that's his thing and just took a while to be comfortable enough to say it because he was conditioned by society to always chase traditional 10s.
that's not to say that there's something wrong with only finding traditionally pretty women hot, your tastes are your tastes and fuck people who tell you you're bad for that, but my point is to be aware of what is genuinely your taste vs society conditioning
On November 23 2015 20:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 17:55 LemOn wrote: Eh why even bring that up oO did she tell you she only wants a serious relationship? You're right. Other than the fact that she said she wanted to take it slow after the first date we have not talked anything about a relationship or anything of the sorts. I just kind of assumed that maybe that was her intention of trying for a relationship. However, if she was a virgin she maybe just wants to get to know the guy before fucking him... Lets say we do start to have sex etc, and then after two weeks she brings up the relationship topic and I say no, then I'll probably feel like the biggest douchebag on this earth. Probably going to do what you think though, just keep hanging out if it's fun and see what happens...
i would only say anything if she said anything like ' i am def looking for a relationship' to you already. but then again, i generally find anyone that is dead set on having a bf/gf to be odd. i dont get how you can say that after the first few dates when you barely know a stranger. that feels more like any port in a storm kind of deal.
taking it slow is ambiguous enough that i wouldn't take it as that. taking it slow can just mean i am not committing for a whole aka i want to fuck around.
|
i would only say anything if she said anything like ' i am def looking for a relationship' to you already. but then again, i generally find anyone that is dead set on having a bf/gf to be odd. i dont get how you can say that after the first few dates when you barely know a stranger. that feels more like any port in a storm kind of deal.
taking it slow is ambiguous enough that i wouldn't take it as that. taking it slow can just mean i am not committing for a whole aka i want to fuck around.
There is nothing wrong about being upfront about wanting a relationship from the get-go. I wouldn't even be surprised if it was the most common way people get into relationship worldwide, not exactly arranged marriage, even though it includes it, but also just common agreement. And those marriages have a lower rate of divorce, partly because it's also in countries where divorce is not taboo-less yet, but also because it's easier to honour a contract/agreement than keeping your "feelings" (whatever you think that is lol).
Obviously relationship can fail but there is a difference between "hey i will date you for 6 months and then bye bye !" and "i will see you for as long as it works"
This mentality of "hey let's go with the flow, no promises" and avoiding to talk about anything remotely serious is so "trendy" nowadays I just don't get it. It's in the same vein as micro-aggression bullshit going on in the US where people need to be extra careful about anything they say so that they don't somehow offend someone.
|
|
|
|